by Stacy Monson
“About?” She hadn’t planned to divulge more details than necessary.
“About her…indiscretion.”
“Huh.” Hadn’t thought of describing herself that way. It went along with accident, unwanted, unexpected, mistake.
Sara’s fingers closed around her forearm. “Mikayla, don’t go there. I know what you’re thinking. You’ve never had a good poker face.”
Mikayla stood and moved to the window. “So everyone tells me. What was my face saying?”
“That you’re a mistake.”
Along with Lindy, Sara had always been able to read her. “Well, I am. Not in a crybaby way, but as fact. I hardly think they meant their little rendezvous to end up in a pregnancy.”
“Probably not,” Sara conceded, “but that doesn’t make you, Mikayla Gordon, a mistake. You are exactly who God meant you to be.”
God had obviously been busy elsewhere when their tryst happened, or He’d have stopped it. Fodder for another discussion. “Regardless, I need to get some information from your records.” When Sara was quiet, she added, “Please.”
“Can you stay a couple days or are you heading out right away?”
A deep longing stole her breath. Once she left here, she’d be on her own. “I’ll hang around a day or two, if that’s okay.”
“Right answer.” Sara leaned forward and hugged Mikayla warmly. “I’m happy you’re here.”
“Me too,” Mikayla whispered.
~ 12 ~
After her first restful sleep in weeks, Mikayla perched across the desk from Sara, both willing her to find the information and hoping she didn’t. If there was none to be found, her search would already be at an end. That might be okay. But then she’d live the rest of her life with a question mark stamped on her true identity.
Lula trotted daintily into the room and stood at Mikayla’s feet with bright eyes and a wagging tail. Unable to resist, Mikayla swept her onto her lap.
“Mom would still be using paper for all of our records if I let her,” Sara muttered, frowning at the computer screen. “Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to get all of the old info entered. Looks like…hmm.” She lifted a crooked frown to Mikayla. “We’ll need to dig into the file cabinets. I haven’t gone back farther than twenty years.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
“Sadly, no. With HIPPA laws the way they are, I shouldn’t be sharing any of his information, but…” She shrugged, unhooking a packed keyring from her belt loop. She unlocked the side door and motioned for Mikayla to follow. The smaller room held a copier, four tall file cabinets, and shelves of marketing materials. “I’m swearing you to secrecy as to where you got your information.” She threw a mock frown over her shoulder. “I’ll disavow ever knowing you. And these files will self-destruct.”
Mikayla laughed, then locked her lips and tossed the imaginary key behind her. “Mum’s the word.” Lula licked her cheek.
Sara fingered through the top two drawers crammed full of manila folders, then pulled a chair closer and started on the third drawer. “Speaking of mums, how are things with yours?”
Bile instantly stung Mikayla’s throat. “It will be fine…eventually. Maybe.” If she could disavow her mother, she would. There was still no way to process what she’d learned in the past week or decide which was worse—seeing her mother for what she truly was or fearing Dad would never speak to her again.
Sara paused to offer a sad smile. “It’s rough when we find out our parents aren’t who we thought they were. Or maybe it’s just discovering they’re like us—people who made some poor decisions along the way.”
“This wasn’t just a poor decision.”
“True.” She rested her arms across the open drawer. “But I suspect there’s more to the story than you know.”
“Did your mother tell you anything?”
“Nope. Just that you were coming for information and why. I don’t think she knew more than that.”
Mikayla pursed her lips and looked away.
“Why don’t you ask her for details? She’d love a visit.”
“No way will I leave without seeing her.” She needed to do that before hitting the road. If anyone could corroborate, or disprove, Mom’s story, it would be Aunt Cindy. “I’ll stop by on my way out of town.”
Sara turned back to the folders. “Okay, let’s find the information. It’s gotta be here somewhere.”
Mikayla stood at the window soaking in the warm comfort of the small dog in her arms and the sun on her face. She forced her attention to the beauty of the resort, her gaze following the chair lift lines. She’d hiked up there with Dad on nearly every visit.
The fond smile faded and she shivered. While she willingly took on challenges that involved water, hills, even rocks, she’d never mastered a paralyzing fear of heights. Her mother and sisters had tried bribing her to take the lift, but Dad firmly stated it wasn’t something she needed to “get over.” His acceptance allowed her to wave happily from the ground as her family sailed upward, skis dangling as they waved back.
“Got it!”
The triumphant words pulled her from the memories, and she hurried to Sara’s side. “What does it say?”
Sara’s dark eyes swept over the information, then she looked up. “His real name is Walter Kenneth Johnson. Looks like he went by Kenny.”
Kenny Johnson. The man who’d wrecked her life before it even began. The hand stroking Lula’s silky head trembled.
“Mikayla? You okay?”
“Sure. Fine.” She pushed her shoulders back. “Does it say why he left?”
“Let’s see…voluntary termination. Seasonal hire. Says he was heading back to the ski circuit in Jackson Hole.”
“A ski bum.” Wouldn’t he be disappointed to find out she’d never skied down a hill bigger than what was on a cross-country course.
“Mom’s comments are ‘excellent employee, solid work ethic, personable. Definite rehire.’ But he never came back.” She flipped through the few papers. “Oh. Here’s a photo.” She held it out. “Remember you’re sworn to secrecy.”
Mikayla reached for it, nausea bringing sweat to her hairline. Lula snuggled under her chin as if in support. The wallet-sized photo revealed a tanned and smiling young man, blond curls, sunglasses perched on his head. Leaning against the corral fencing, he looked strong, healthy, and carefree.
“Cute guy,” Sara commented. “I’ll make a copy of it.” She moved to the copier, allowing Mikayla a moment to scramble for control.
“Remember,” Sara said when she turned back, offering a paper folded in half, “you didn’t get this from me.”
“Get what?” The feeble joke was the best she could manage as she folded the paper again and stuffed it into her back pocket. “Thanks, Sara. I think I’ll go for a walk.”
Sara gave her a quick hug. “This will all work out, Mikayla. I know it.”
One way or another.
Weaving through the guests visiting and milling in the foyer, she set Lula down and filled one of the coffee cups stacked beside the pot at the front desk, then went out into the glaring sunshine. Now that she knew that man’s name, she could begin the search in earnest. She should be energized, anxious to hit the road. Without completing this mission, she couldn’t go forward with life. Yet…
She hadn’t allowed space in her quiet moments to consider how she might react to her findings. What if the medical history she uncovered suggested it would be risky to have children? And once she got the answers she wanted, then what? Going back to the magazine wasn’t an option. Reconciling with her mother didn’t seem remotely possible. The thought of facing Dad stopped her breath.
A group of guests gathered beside the corral, getting instructions from the trail guide. Another cluster of five appeared ready for a hike with drawstring backpacks and caps from the resort. The sunny morning hummed with conversation and activity. Just the way Aunt Cindy liked it.
Mikayla headed toward a familiar trail that wound in
to the woods. Lula trotted behind her, darting after squirrels then returning to stay just behind Mikayla. That the tiny dog had her back made her smile, and she drew a deep breath of coffee and pine, dirt and fresh air. Maybe she should sign on here, help Sara while Aunt Cindy was laid up. Sara would no doubt welcome the suggestion; she looked exhausted.
Birds scolded from high branches. No. She’d just be putting off what she had to do. Regardless of what happened afterward, she needed these answers to begin rebuilding her life. The foundation had been shattered. Hiding out in the UP wouldn’t restart her life, and it wasn’t how Dad had raised her.
“Look up and forward,” he’d often said when they were hiking. “Know where you’re going, even if it’s just two steps ahead.”
She lifted her trembling chin. She had no clue where she was going but she’d do it for him.
After supper that evening, she answered Lindy’s call, assuring her she was perfectly fine as she ached to tell her everything. Under a black sky sprinkled with stars, she sat with Sara beside the fire sharing childhood memories, then finally crawled into bed with Lula curled at her feet. It was hours before the questions quieted enough for her to sleep.
~ 13 ~
Aunt Cindy’s face lit with a bright smile as Mikayla greeted her from the doorway Monday morning. The familiar face had more wrinkles than two years ago, but her hair was just as dark, and her eyes still twinkled with laughter. She lifted her arms in welcome. “Hello, darling girl! Come in, come in.”
Mikayla strode to her bedside, grateful for the warm hug. When she straightened, she put her hands on her hips. “Now what is this all about?”
A heavy sigh. “I know. I can’t believe I was so dumb.”
“At least you’re on the mend.” Mikayla pulled a chair close to the bed. “I hope you’re behaving and doing what they say.”
“Of course. Most of the time.” Familiar mischief colored her smiling assurance. “I’m trying anyway.”
Mikayla wagged a finger at her. “If you want to get back to work, you’ll have to do better than that. Although I’m sure it’s made you crazy already being cooped up here.”
She nodded. “You know me well. So, tell me what’s happening in the world. How’s your job at the magazine?”
Mikayla shared an overview of the demise of her job, and the dream that remained on her heart to share her love of the outdoors. Aunt Cindy had been an early influence when they’d visited, encouraging her to explore the resort with Sara. Mikayla had envied Sara and James growing up free to roam such beautiful countryside.
“Well, just because that magazine doesn’t recognize the value your idea has,” Aunt Cindy declared, “doesn’t mean another one won’t. I don’t want to hear that you’ve given up such a wonderful dream.”
Pursuing it would have to take a back seat to her search for her elusive bio dad, at least until she ran out of leads.
“I’m sorry you’re going through that,” she added, “on top of what you learned from your mother.”
Mikayla pressed her lips together against a surge of humiliation.
“You know, your mother has been my best friend my whole life. But for all we’ve been through, I’ll admit I was shocked when she called and told me what was happening. She didn’t share all the details; only what the DNA results said.” She released a long sigh, gazing sadly out the window. “It’s completely out of character for her.”
Mikayla would have agreed before the DNA results. Maybe it’s more in character than she ever let on.
Cindy turned back. “I hope you don’t mind that I told Sara. I hoped that would make it easier for you than having to explain it when you got here.”
Mikayla shrugged. Everyone would know eventually anyway. “That was fine. What do you remember about…him?”
“A hard worker. Nice guy. Nothing stands out.”
“And he and Mom…”
“Were friendly, nothing more. That’s why I was so surprised by her news.” She shook her head slowly, her gaze distant. “The only thing I really remember is how sad she was when she and Maggie got here. She wouldn’t talk about what was happening, only that she had a decision to make. Kenny made her laugh. He was one of those perpetually cheerful guys people were drawn to.”
“She was drawn to him, all right,” Mikayla muttered.
“Honey, I’m sure there wasn’t anything like that going on.”
“Seriously?”
Pink filled Aunt Cindy’s cheeks. “Well, something happened, of course. But whatever it was, it didn’t go on the whole summer.”
Which was worse—being the product of a one-night stand or a full-fledged affair? She snorted. Like it mattered.
“Sara told me you have his name and a general idea where you’re going. I understand you’re angry and hurt, Mikayla. I would be too. But keep your expectations low. I love you like my own, and I don’t want you hurt any more than you are.”
That wasn’t possible. “I have zero expectations. I probably won’t be able to find him.”
“If you do?”
“I’ll tell him what I think of him. Then…” She shrugged. “Maybe I’ll head back here.”
A brisk knock at the door interrupted, and a young woman in blue entered with a smile. “Hello, Cynthia. Time for some PT fun.”
Mikayla stood and slid her chair back to the wall. “I’m going to hit the road. You’re sure you’re okay with Lula going with me?” After a weekend roaming the resort with Lula at her heels, Sara had suggested she take her along as her guard dog. The image made them laugh while the idea of not being totally alone took root.
Aunt Cindy nodded. “I know she’s making Sara crazy, and it could be months before I get home, which makes me crazy.” She lifted her arms and Mikayla bent into the hug. “Be safe, sweetheart.”
“I will.” Mikayla breathed in her familiar floral fragrance, then straightened and forced a smile. “I’m just going on a little adventure.”
Aunt Cindy kept hold of her hands. “I know you can’t right now, honey, but give your mom a chance to explain. There’s more to this than we know.” Her fingers tightened around Mikayla’s. “Don’t forget how much your parents love you. Both of them.”
Jaw clenched, Mikayla blinked the burn from her eyes. “You take care. And do what they tell you so you can get out of here.”
She left the hospital with a knot in her throat and an ache in her heart. Lula greeted her with excited yips as she climbed into the jeep. “All right, little girl,” she said, letting the sadness slide away. “Let’s do this.”
She pulled onto the highway and settled into the flow of traffic, glancing at where Lula rode shotgun, looking out the window. The perked ears with long hair fluttering in the breeze, the teeny quivering nose, and black eyes shiny with curiosity made Mikayla smile. The comfort she found with this high-spirited dog was a surprise since they’d never had pets when she was young.
She’d always wanted a dog, but Maggie’s allergies had nixed that early on. She’d dreamed of a fearless German shepherd, or a big, solid lab to hunt with. Even a happy golden retriever as a hiking companion. She’d have laughed at the idea of a…whatever Sara had called Lula. Some kind of Chihuahua and Papi-something. Now she was just grateful to have “someone” to talk to during the long miles ahead.
Three hours later she made yet another stop to clean up Lula’s mess, then texted Sara while the dog daintily lapped water. Does Lula get car sick?
Sara’s response came quickly. Oh no! I mean yes. Shoot.
What do I do?
Forgot to send pills with u. Sorry.
Mikayla pinched the bridge of her nose and breathed deeply. To turn around now would mean a wasted day of travel. She hadn’t thought about the consequences of traveling with an animal. Didn’t even know they got car sick. Her phone pinged with another message.
Vet will call prescription to wherever is closest. Where are u now?
She checked the map on her phone. 1 hour to Duluth
/> K. Will send name of vet to go to. Really sorry!
Mikayla leaned back against the tree trunk with a sigh and ran her hand over Lula. “Poor thing,” she said. “I guess now I know to ask questions. I’ll just have to figure out what questions before we get to the vet. Think you can handle another hour?”
Lula trotted behind her to the jeep, seemingly unfazed by her constant retching of the past few hours. For a moment Mikayla stood debating where to put the dog. The last episode had narrowly missed her lap, so holding her was no longer an option.
She pulled a ragged towel from her camping gear and bunched it into a nest on the passenger-side floor. Lula climbed in, circled three times and curled into a ball, nose tucked under her feathery tail. Mikayla patted her head, then climbed behind the wheel and prayed the miles to Duluth passed without incident.
The animal hospital Sara sent her to provided a quick check on Lula and a prescription. The technician ooh’d and aah’d over the dog, who reveled in the attention with licks and nonstop wagging. Mikayla smiled with a strange sense of maternal pride for a dog that wasn’t hers. But she was for this trip, and Mikayla would take the very best care of her she could, knowing nothing about caring for a dog.
When she admitted that to the tech, she received several pamphlets on the health and wellbeing of a dog, a bag of treats, and a tiny brush with instructions on how to care for the fly-away hair. Mikayla mentioned they’d be doing a lot of hiking, so the tech suggested a front carrier as well.
Back on the road, Lula curled in her nest on the floor, Mikayla sat straighter behind the wheel. Armed with a little information and some equipment, she felt better prepared to care for her sweet companion. She could do this.
They covered another one hundred and fifty miles before the sun angled downward. Just past Fargo, Mikayla followed the GPS to a campground not far off the freeway. She’d take advantage of every opportunity to be outside on these beautiful summer evenings.
Once the tent was up and the coffee pot heating over a glowing fire, she wrapped her favorite old blanket around her shoulders and settled into a chair, Lula snuggled in her lap. This was where she was happiest, where she could admire the splash of stars in a black sky and the hoot of an owl and feel part of something far bigger than herself.