by Stacy Monson
Memories danced in the firelight. She and Dad had had wonderful, in-depth talks beside a campfire and spent just as much time enjoying comfortable silence together. She’d been secretly glad her sisters and mother didn’t enjoy camping. One trip together had convinced them all that it would not be a family activity.
She lightly stroked Lula. When it was just her and Dad, she could let her guard down, not worry about choosing the right words or if she wore the right clothes. She was confident and comfortable outdoors, far less so inside with crowds of people. Or even a handful of people. She knew who she was out here.
Or she had. Tears blurred the flames into a swirling kaleidoscope. Her life—past, present and future—was a question mark. She had no guarantees about what she’d discover on this journey; perhaps not even the truth. But she’d search until she turned over every rock, followed every lead, and ran out of questions.
She slid down in the chair and closed her eyes, a hand resting on Lula’s warm back. At least she wasn’t completely alone.
~ 14 ~
The rising sun chased Mikayla and Lula west across the flat expanse of North Dakota. With the new medication, her companion stood bright-eyed in the passenger seat, eagerly watching the scenery pass. There was nothing to stop them now other than an occasional leg stretch and potty break. Nothing to slow their progress as they hurtled toward the unknown. The plains gave way to green-topped bluffs, breaking up the scenery if not Mikayla’s circling thoughts.
The surprise of the bluffs was not unlike the surprise of her mother’s revelation. From the familiar plains of her life had come unexpected and immovable rock formations. Where she’d once been able to see miles into her future, she now couldn’t see past the next curve of the highway.
Her emotions had done the same, from the steadiness of doing daily life the way she’d done it for years to rising and falling with the uncertainty of what lay ahead. Though she tried to see this as an adventure, a deep longing for the past kept her throat knotted. Lula whined and Mikayla pulled off the highway for a break.
Lula did her business in a daintily efficient process, then happily darted this way and that along the path to explore new scents and unfamiliar items, always stopping to check Mikayla’s whereabouts. They wandered a path of Teddy Roosevelt National Park, photographing the breathtaking expanse of river, rocks, and forests, pausing for Mikayla to read the informational signage. Perhaps she should have become an environmental scientist to study areas like this, how best to protect them, how the ecosystems worked together. With a new life to map out, that might be an option.
Back at the main entrance, they settled on a patch of grass and nibbled crackers and cheese. With a deep sigh, Mikayla rested her elbows on her knees. She didn’t want to be on this trip, didn’t want to be driven by emotions. She just wanted life to go back to the way it was before she found out who she was. And wasn’t.
Lula climbed into her lap and licked her chin as if in sympathy, and Mikayla pulled her into a hug, nuzzling her sweet face. “Okay, Lu. Let’s get a move-on.” She eyed storm clouds darkening the western horizon. “I’d like to get to Billings before the rain hits.”
When the Montana state sign appeared, she cheered. Progress. If she had to do this, at least she’d do it as fast as possible. Clouds stacked higher, thicker and darker in the endless sky as she headed into a vast expanse of brown. Lots of brown. Even the bluffs and expanding hills were now brown.
A bang followed by the abrupt tilt of the jeep toward the right made her clutch the steering wheel as she fought to keep the car from veering off the asphalt. She slowed to a stop and sat still, waiting for her pounding heart to slow as well.
Ordering Lula to stay, she climbed out and rounded the front, discovering a gaping wound in the tire. Great. This couldn’t have happened at the rest stop? Or near an exit? Or not at all? The highway sign indicated the next exit was five miles ahead.
She lifted her face and hands toward the darkening sky. “Really? Isn’t it enough that I’m even out here?”
A distant rumble of thunder was the response.
“Fine. Fine!” she yelled. “I can fix this.”
Changing a tire wasn’t on the long list of things Dad had taught her, but dogged determination was. She could figure this out. Muttering about her mother’s indiscretion leaving her stranded, she stood at the back of the jeep and fiddled with the spare tire carrier until it swung open, then pulled out her phone to search how to change a flat. Not much reception in the middle of nowhere. A long minute later, with thunder rumbling closer, the instructions appeared. A jack? Lug nuts? Did she even have those?
Another search was followed by an irritated snort. Of course. They were underneath everything she’d so neatly packed. She opened the rear hatch of the jeep and yanked things out, stacking them on the side of the road. Lula’s big-eyed curiosity as she repeatedly jumped into the back didn’t help, and Mikayla shooed her to the front.
“Lula, no!”
Ears drooping, Lula hopped to the front seat and stood trembling on the console. Regret stung, but Mikayla continued emptying the trunk. She paused to look up and down the empty stretch of highway, the weight of being alone putting a hitch in her determination. If she were Lindy, some handsome cowboy in an expensive pickup truck would already have stopped, changed her tire, and invited her to dinner.
She shook her head as she put the last of her gear beside the jeep. She wasn’t Lindy, and that had never been how her life unfolded. Lindy had the looks and charm, while she had grit and strength. Frustration stung her eyes as she turned back to the empty trunk. This was Mom’s fault. Mom and Kenny. She wouldn’t be standing here in the middle of nowhere, raindrops now splatting on the top of the jeep, if they hadn’t—
She pulled the carpet aside. There. That looked like a jack. Sniffling, she pulled out the rest of the tools, scanned the empty highway again, and channeled her inner Dad for help. “Stay focused,” he’d say. “Frustration and impatience will complicate the simplest of jobs. Don’t rush the process.”
That might have been about learning to tie knots, but it should work here too. She reread the instructions, then struggled to loosen the lug nuts, needing her full body weight on the first two. Once they were all loose, she turned to the jack. When the car lifted slightly off the ground, she smiled. Thanks, Dad.
Wiping sweat from her forehead, she shivered in the rain that soaked her back. She wrestled the spare into place, then lowered the jeep and removed the jack. As she finished tightening the last lug nut, a state trooper pulled up behind her. Great timing.
“Good afternoon. Flat tire?”
“Yes, sir. I’ve got it taken care of.”
“Really?” He seemed to recognize the disbelief in his voice and cleared his throat. “Good for you.”
How would Lindy act? Mikayla offered a smile. “I’ve never done it before, so I hope I’ve got the lug nuts on tight enough.” Acting helpless never sat well with her.
He studied the tire. “How about I double check?”
Lindy would bat her long lashes right about now. Mikayla nodded. “That’d be great, thanks.”
As he checked each nut, she put the tools away and hefted the damaged tire on the holder, then quickly repacked everything, shaking as much water off as she could. He joined her and handed over the wrench.
“Nice work.” This time there was appreciation in his tone. “Everything was plenty tight. You said you’ve never done it before?”
She shivered. “Never had the opportunity.”
“You did a great job.” He pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to her. “Best to get the rim looked at when you get the tire fixed. This is my mechanic in Billings. Give him this card and he’ll check everything over for you.”
“Thank you.” A bright spot in this inconvenient day. “That’s where I’m planning to stop tonight so I’ll make sure to see him.”
He tipped his hat. “I hope the rest of your travels go more smoothly. Drive sa
fely.”
“I will. Thanks for stopping.”
Back in the car, she turned the heat on and pulled onto the highway. Take that, Mom and Kenny.
Mikayla marveled at the smoother ride as she and Lula raced across the miles toward Jackson Hole. The difference two new tires made, provided yesterday at a discount by Trooper Dan’s automotive friend, convinced her she’d have to invest in the other two as soon as she got home.
Home.
What would that even look like when this whole adventure was over? Lindy would be married, living with Beau in their new house. Without a job, Mikayla couldn’t afford to keep the townhome they’d been renting so she’d have to find a cheap apartment. Hard to do without a job.
She lowered the window and pulled in a breath of warm sunshine. She’d received the DNA results more than two weeks ago and been on her search over a week now. The freedom she’d suddenly been given was terrifying. It might even be exciting if she weren’t on this particular mission. She had the unexpected opportunity to reinvent herself, to start fresh wherever she wanted, be who she wanted.
But where would she find a fishing buddy like Dad? Who else could she count on the way she had him? Who would want to spend early mornings sitting quietly in a boat, or afternoons hiking trails and setting up camp?
The loneliness she’d kept at bay swept in through the open window, ruffling Lula’s feathery fur where she snuggled into her blanket on the floor. The future was a blank slate, but she was on her own to create a new design. Even Lula would eventually be gone, delivered back to Aunt Cindy.
An eighteen-wheeler roared past on the left, sending a gust through the window. It forged ahead with purpose, set on a destination. She glanced at Lula. Their destination was a question mark. Jackson Hole would undoubtedly be just the starting point. It’d be far too convenient to find Kenny still living there after thirty years. And maybe too soon. She wasn’t prepared to encounter him quite yet.
What could she say in the way of an introduction? Hi, I’m your daughter. No. Daughter implied relationship, like what she’d had with Dad.
“Nice to meet you,” she said aloud, then scoffed. Hardly truthful.
“Hey. You’re Kenny Johnson, right? I’m Mikayla Gordon. Your offspring.”
She laughed. Made her sound like a tadpole.
“I’m Mikayla Gordon. Daughter of Rachel Gordon. From thirty years ago? You know, the married woman you slept with in Michigan? Or maybe there’ve been too many for you to keep track of.”
Whoa. Harsh. And an uglier possibility than she wanted to consider. She might have half-siblings all over the country. She released a snort. Nope, couldn’t go there. Lula looked up, head cocked, and Mikayla offered a wry smile. “Sorry you got stuck with a nut case for a driving companion.”
The tiny pooch gave a heavy sigh and stuck her nose under her tail.
Mikayla echoed her sigh. “Sort of how I feel, Lu.”
Her phone pinged with an email notification.
“That’s a good signal to take a break,” she announced. “I need to stretch my legs, and I’d better see what Lin has to say about the trials of picking the right beverage napkins.”
At the rest stop, they did their business and spent a few minutes chasing each other around the pet area before Mikayla pulled out her phone. The name on the email stopped her mid-stride. Dad?
She sank onto the nearest picnic table, Lula at her feet, and started to tap on the email, then jerked her finger back. If Mom told him— Chin quivering, she straightened her shoulders and tapped the email, biting hard on her lip.
Hey kid.
The familiar greeting loosened the grip of fear.
Im not much of a typer, as you know, so you’ll have to put up with mistakes as I try to pound out a message. And no editing comments just cause you write for a living. Id rather call but I want to respect that you need some distance.
So your mom and I have had some long talks since you left. Not pretty. Now I know why you left but I wish you’d have said goodbye. I get why you didn’t, but finding out you left from your sister was hard. Hard on your mom too.
She rolled her eyes. Mom created the whole mess.
Mikayla, I don’t say it much but I love you. Nothing can change that. You are every inch my daughter. Just like your sisters. Stay safe and come home soon.
love Dad
The words blurred. She managed a simple response of Thanks before wobbling like a drunk to the car. Once inside, she dropped her face into her hands and sobbed.
~ 15 ~
Signs for Jackson Hole sent a tremor up Mikayla’s spine. After several days of travel, the real search could begin. Much as she’d tried to absorb it, the beauty of Yellowstone had been mostly lost on her as she pushed through. Seeing bison from the main road had been a thrill, and the early morning fog over the prairie as she’d taken down the tent had stopped her breath, but the pull of Jackson Hole had overridden everything else. The photos she’d taken would have to be enough for now.
She checked the GPS and exited the highway. Thanks to an early start, they’d reached the ski resort campground before noon. Maybe she’d find the answers she needed today, and this whole journey would be over before the sun set. The hum of the busy campground affirmed her decision to call ahead to reserve a spot. Hers was the only one left, tucked back in the corner.
Once she’d set up camp, Mikayla whistled Lula to the car and drove to the main lodge. After her conversation with Sara, she’d had to consider other ways to gain information without going to the HR departments that would turn her away. It seemed doubtful there would be any workers left who’d have worked directly with Kenny, but while his reputation made her cringe, she hoped it was enough to get a few leads. She wouldn’t mention her relationship to him in case his reputation was worse than she expected.
She made the turn into the main resort driveway and pulled in a breath. “Wow! It’s beautiful, Lu.”
Nestled among towering, snow-capped peaks, the chalet beckoned her along the gently curved drive. People filled the vibrant green lawn, playing bean bags, tossing frisbees, and relaxing on white Adirondack furniture as they enjoyed the summer day. The simple joy of the moment broke through the cloud that had shadowed her life for weeks, filling her with a welcome lightness. If she never found Kenny Johnson, she’d at least have had this adventure. And if she did find him…
She pulled into a visitor parking spot. Lula shot out of the car to do her business and then quickly made friends with the nearby children. Mikayla stretched her back, filling her lungs with clean mountain air. How could she even consider going back to a desk job when the outside world beckoned? There were plenty of alternatives. She just had to find one that would pay the rent.
Over the next hour, she and Lula wandered the property, pausing to chat with those charmed by the energetic dog, getting a map of the area, and soaking up sunshine in one of the chairs as she sipped an iced latte. The white peaks against the brilliant blue sky, the scent of the pines that marched up the mountains to the snowline—perhaps she’d just stay here for a week or forever.
The kids serving coffee in the chalet and those standing at the information desk were far too young to know anything about Kenny. She’d have to find people who worked the runs, who probably lived a life like his. And that meant finding a way up the slopes.
From where she relaxed on the terrace, her gaze followed the chairs that swung upward on the lift. Did it ever stop working and leave people stranded? Or worse, break and send them tumbling onto the boulders and trees below? A shiver raced up her spine, and her latte wobbled. She tightened her grasp on the cup, and icy liquid splashed across her lap. With a squeal, she scrambled to her feet, dropping the cup.
“Ma’am?” A resort worker appeared beside her, napkins in hand. “Here, let me help you. I’m so sorry this happened.”
Mikayla mopped her legs and shorts, letting the young man dispose of the soaked napkins and retrieve more. “Thanks.”
His apologies didn’t stop. “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. We can get those shorts cleaned for you.”
“No, really, I’m fine.” She waved off more napkins and smiled reassuringly. “It was my own fault. I wasn’t paying attention. Really, it’s all good. No, no more coffee, thanks. Really, I’m fine. Thanks very much.”
He seemed determined to help somehow. “Do you have plans for this afternoon? You’ll need fresh clothes.”
She shook her head, then paused, glancing at the chair lift. “There is something you could help me with.”
His young face lit. “I’m happy to.”
“I’d like to do some exploring up”—she swallowed and waved up the mountain—“up there, but I’d rather not use the lift. Is there a path you can suggest?”
“Exploring? On your own?” He frowned at her sandals. “We have several guided hikes scheduled throughout the day. I’d be happy to get you signed up.”
“No, thanks. I write for an outdoor magazine, and I’d like to talk with some of the people about what it’s like to work on the mountain, and what kind of work they do.” She smiled. Brilliant. It would make for an interesting article someday. “The off-season is a whole different world on the mountain.”
“You write for a magazine? Which one?”
“Outdoor Experience.”
“That’s cool.” No recognition showed on his face as he nodded. He was too young to be the targeted audience anyway. “What do you write about?”
“Women in the outdoors. Hiking, camping, fishing. I was a trail guide in college, taught survival skills, so hiking in the woods is nothing new for me, but I’m hoping for a fast way up the mountain other than using the lift.” I’d rather walk backwards the whole way up.