by L. T. Meade
CHAPTER X.
A MYSTERY.
All in good time Nan's foot got better, but for a week she was keptaway from school, and during that week Augusta contrived to rivet herchains. At the end of that time she was able to walk again, and, toher own infinite relief, she went back to school. She learnt herlessons just as carefully as ever; she was pronounced by her teachersto be a remarkably clever and intelligent child; but there was achange in her face. It had not the look that it had worn when firstshe had come to the Richmonds', but in some respects its expressionwas even sadder. Then it was just grief, absolute and terrible, forthe loss of her mother; now there was a new expression in the frankeyes and sensitive lips, which puzzled those who looked at her. Inprocess of time Kitty had got over the death of Pip. Her affectionswere deep, and nothing would induce her to talk about the rat; but shewas a merry and happy child in other respects. She would not have arat again, she said--at least, not for a very long time; but sheattended to her mice, and looked after Nora's rat, and saw that thedogs and kittens were comfortable, and that Polly had a good time inher cage. Not the faintest gleam of suspicion attached itself to Nan.Jack's share in the death of Pip was likely to remain a secret to theend of time; so also was the true story of Nan's sprained foot. Butwhat ailed Nan herself? Kitty remarked on the change in her one day toNora.
"She is not a bit the same, and I cannot make out what is wrong withher," she said. "Do you think by any chance, Noney, that Augusta hasanything to do with it?"
"Oh no!" replied Nora. "Augusta is a very nice girl, and she isextremely fond of Nan: she often says so."
"Well, I am not quite so sure," replied Kitty. "I saw her two daysago"----
"Yes; what did you see two days ago?"
"I do not like to tell tales, but I came into the schoolroom quiteunexpectedly. I slipped away, and no one saw."
"Well, go on; you always are so mysterious, Kitty."
"Nan was crying."
"Yes."
"And Augusta was scolding her. I heard Augusta say, 'If you tell youwill be the biggest little fool that I ever heard of.' Now, why shouldshe say that?"
"Are you sure you heard those words?" asked Nora in a tone of greatastonishment.
"Yes, I am certain she said them; and she meant them. And Nan's facewas--oh, so miserable! I got out of the room, and no one knew that Iwas listening; but I have a great mind to speak to Nan about it."
"I wish you would. If Nan has a secret on her mind she had much bettertell us. She is looking so pale! She seems to have no life in her--nointerest in anything."
"Very well; I will. I will tell her what I overheard."
Nora and Kitty were as downright and honest as Augusta was thereverse. But Augusta was very clever; she knew well what sort ofcharacters she had to deal with in the two little sisters; and whereasshe secretly bullied Nan, held her secret for her, and had herabsolutely in thrall, she was careful not to pursue any such methodswith the sisters. With them she was open and above-board, delightingthem with her apparent frankness, telling good stories, taking theirparts, laughing with them--making the schoolroom party a very merryone indeed.
On the evening of the very same day that Kitty had made her smallconfidence to Nora, Nora and Augusta were walking home together. Inconsequence of Augusta's superior age they were allowed to go as faras the Park by themselves, and they were hastening home now to be intime for the schoolroom tea.
"How nice it will be when I am grown-up," said Augusta. "I shall befifteen before very long, and then it will not take many years beforeI am out and enjoying myself. I mean to get mother to take me a greatdeal into society. I should love balls and parties, and gay frocks,and--and admirers."
"Oh dear! it is more than I would," said Nora. "I do not a bit want tobe grown-up."
"You will when the time comes; and of course you are too young tothink of it at present. I expect you will look very nice when you growup, Nora."
"I don't care whether I do or not. I don't care twopence about mylooks. I want to do my lessons well, and to learn a good bit, and thento devote myself to natural history. I shall never care for humanbeings as I care for animals. I want some day to own a completemenagerie or a sort of Zoo. If ever I have money in the future I willbuy a great big garden, and have high--very high--walls round it; andI will keep all sorts of animals in great cages--wild creatures, youknow--leopards and tigers and pumas. Oh! and wild-cats. And I willhave a deep, deep sunken pond with alligators. I suppose I must notventure on a crocodile. I'll have a snake-house, too. And of courseI'll have lots of domestic animals. I think Kitty will share whatmoney she has with me, so we will make it quite a big thing. We willnot want to have anything to do with men and women; we will live alonewith our darlings. Oh! I think they are so sweet--so very, verysuperior to men and women."
"You are an extraordinary girl," said Augusta; "but of course you willchange when the time comes. You cannot be different from the rest ofthe world. When I am married, and have a beautiful carriage, and avery rich husband, and heaps and heaps and heaps of money, I will comeand see you, and drag you out of your Zoo, and take you about and showpeople what a pretty face you have; and then a prince will come alongand make love to you, and--and you will forget your animals because ofthe beautiful words of the prince, and the poor animals will beneglected and they will die off because you will have married theprince and have gone away with him. That will be the end of yourday-dream, my dear, funny Nora."
Nora laughed.
"We will see," she answered. "But, talking of pretty girls, do you notthink that Nan will be very, very pretty when she is grown-up,Augusta?"
"Hum!" said Augusta. "Well, yes, if she is happy I suppose she will.Don't you think there is something funny the matter with Nan, Nora?Can you account for it?"
"I cannot," said Nora, startled and amazed at Augusta's words. "I wishyou could tell me. Can you throw any light on the change in her?"
"Oh! you have observed the change?"
"Of course I have. And, do you know, it all began the day you camehere. Of course, dear little Nan was very sad when first she came tolive with mother, but she had got over it, and we were all so fond ofher; we thought her such a darling! And she was so merry; she used tolaugh so heartily. And she was quite comforted because we gave herJack as her own special little dog; but now it seems to us that Jackis more your Jack than hers, and Nan is very sad."
"Poor Nan! I have noticed it myself. I am anxious about her."
"Then you do not know what is the matter?"
"I think I do partly, but I must not say; perhaps she will tell youherself."
"Oh! but won't you say? It does seem unkind to have a weight of careon her dear little mind and not to have it relieved."
"Why do you always talk about her as though she were such a tinycreature? She is nearly as old as you."
"She is the same age as Kitty, but somehow she looks and feelsyounger."
"Well, if I were you I would not take much notice," said Augusta. "Shewill come right all in good time. Of course, you know, it is not as ifshe had been brought up with you; she was brought up by her mother,who was a very poor woman."
"It is not poverty that makes Nan so strange and queer at present,"answered Nora.
"I know it is not. I cannot make her out myself, poor child; I amafraid she is naturally of a very melancholy disposition."
The girls chatted a little longer. Nora had obtained no light whateveron Nan's trouble, and went into the house feeling worried anddistressed.
Augusta managed to rush into the schoolroom before the sistersappeared.
"You must try to be cheerful, Nan," she said; "they are bothsuspecting that there is something amiss. You must really rouseyourself or the whole thing will be discovered, and where would you bethen?"
"What would happen if it were?" said Nan.
"Happen! I suppose they would forgive you; but, seeing the peculiarcircumstances under which you live in this house, I should not like tobe in your shoes. Whoever co
uld think well again of a girl who isdeceitful?"
"But I am not. Oh! I would tell now--I would tell gladly were it notfor you."
"It certainly would not be very kind of you to get me into a scrapewhen I did what I could to get you out of one," was Augusta's answer."But come! cheer up--do. We will have some jolly games after dinner;and, if you are an awfully good girl, I have something rather excitingto tell you to-morrow. No, not to-day--to-morrow."
The girls came in; Miss Roy followed. They had all high tea togetherat half-past six, and immediately afterwards Augusta proposed games.
She was a splendid leader when there was anything of that sort for herto do, and soon the children--even Nan--were laughing merrily andenjoying themselves to their hearts' content. It was not until bedtimethat Kitty ran up to Nan, put her arms round her neck, looked into hereyes, and said in her sweetest, most coaxing voice:
"Nancy, I am coming into your room early tomorrow morning--quiteearly. When I come, may I creep into your bed, and put my arms roundyour neck, and kiss you a lot of times?"
"I should like it ever so much," said Nan.
"I will come. Good-night, Nan darling."
Augusta was standing near when Kitty made her petition of Nan.
As Augusta herself was going to bed she went up to Nan and kissed her.
"What did Kitty say to you?" she asked in a whisper.
"Nothing."
"Nonsense! Tell me at once."
"She said that she was coming to see me to-morrow morning early, toget into my bed."
"Oh," said Augusta, "that sort of thing means confidences. Be careful,Nan; be careful what you are doing."
Nan said nothing, but went away to her room. When she got there shefell on her knees by the open window and looked out.
It had been a lovely day in spring, and the night was clear, fine, andbalmy. Nan opened her window and let the soft air blow on her hotlittle face.
"It is four months since mother died," she said to herself; "a great,great deal has happened, and I scarcely know myself. I have learnt tolove Mrs. Richmond and the two girls. As to Jack, I think he is thedearest little thing in the world; and I have forgotten Sophia Maria.I have almost forgotten Phoebe; but I still love Mr. Pryor. And, oh!mother, mother, up in heaven, do you see Nan now, and are you pityingher, and are you telling me what is right to do? For I am not a goodgirl; and as to being the best girl that Mr. Pryor speaks about--ohI--I am more like the worst. And I am so afraid of Augusta! I think Ido really, out and out, hate her. I do not know what she means byfrightening me and making me so unhappy. Oh! I wish I had neveryielded to her. I wish I had the courage to tell Kitty the truth."
As Nan knelt at the window it came into her head that she might askGod to give her the necessary courage, but then a wild sensation ofterror swept over her.
"If Augusta were not in the house I might tell, but Augusta would makeit out to be so bad; she told me she would. She told me that if I evertold what I had done she would say that I implored of her not to tell,and she said that her word would be believed before mine; and I knowit would, of course, because she is quite old beside me. What amiserable girl I am!"
Nan went to bed, and after a time, wretched as she felt, she fellasleep. But her sleep was haunted by dreams, and it was with a crythat she woke on the following morning when Kitty touched her.
"Here I am, Nancy," said Kitty. "Just push over to the left side andlet me get into your bed."
Nan made room, and the two little girls lay side by side.
"Now, this is quite cosy," said Kitty.
"Isn't it?" replied Nan.
"You are very fond of me, are you not, Nancy?"
"Oh yes; very--very."
"And of Nora too?"
"Very; I love you both most dearly."
"And you love mother?"
"Not as I love you two, but I do love her."
"And you love Augusta?"
Nan was silent.
"I thought you did; you are so much together, and you do such a lot ofthings for her. Sometimes Nora and I are rather angry when we see youtrotting here and there, up and down stairs, fetching and carrying forGussie. It is all very well, but Gus ought not to put things on you.If you do not like her, why do you do it?"
"Oh! never mind, Kitty. I do it because"----
"Well, because of what?"
"Because I do."
"That is a very silly reason--and for such a clever girl to give!"
"I cannot help it; that is why I do it."
"Then let me tell you why you do it," said Kitty: "because you areafraid of her."
Nan gave a sudden shrink into herself, and the little start all overher frame was not lost on Kitty, who lay so close to her.
"Nan," said Kitty after a pause, "why are you afraid of her?"
"I did not say I was."
"But I know it; and so does Nora."
"You know it! Oh--oh! please--please do not know it any more."
"I am going to tell you something. Two days ago I came into theschoolroom; it was in the dusk, before the lamps were lit. You werestanding up, and Augusta was lying back in the easy-chair. Your facewas turned towards the door, and Augusta's back was to the door, butneither of you saw me; and I heard Augusta say to you, 'If you tellyou will be the biggest little fool that I ever heard of.' Yes, Nan,those were her words; and you--you began to cry. You had been cryingbefore, and you cried harder than ever. I slipped out of the room; butI want to know the meaning--yes, I want to know the meaning, Nancy."
When Kitty finished speaking Nan suddenly flung both her arms verytightly round her neck.
"Why, you are trembling all over, Nan; what does it mean?"
"It means this," said Nan--"this."
"But what? You are not saying anything; you are only just shiveringand clinging to me. What is the matter? Of course, Nora and I noticehow terribly changed you are and how unhappy you look."
"Never mind about that; please answer me one question."
"Yes; what is it?"
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you. We all do--I mean Nora and mother and I; welove you dearly--dearly."
"Better than the animals?"
"Oh, well! I am not sure, but in a different way, anyhow."
"Better than your white rat that died?"
"I wish you would not talk about Pip. He is dead, poor darling. Ithink of him often at night. I loved him. I love him still. Do not letus talk about him."
"Kitty, will you promise?"
"What, Nan--what?"
"That you will not ever say anything again about--about Augusta andme."
"What about you?"
"What you overheard."
"Well, if you do not wish it. But why will you not tell? You areafraid of her; what power has she over you?"
"I do not know. I mean I do; I want to tell you, but I don't dare to.Let us talk about your rat--poor Pip."
"How very queer you are, Nan! If there is a subject that I hatetalking about it is about Pip."
"But why?"
"I will tell you why. I have not told anybody else, not even Nora, butI will tell you. I ought not to have gone away that day in the countrywhen Pip was so ill. It was awfully selfish of me! Perhaps if I hadn'tgone he would not have had that fit, poor dear! and he might have beenalive still."
"He might, of course," said Nan, who knew well that he would have beenalive, for certainly Jack would not have got at him had Kitty remainedat home.
"That is why I am so absolutely miserable when I think about it,"continued Kitty. "The poor darling died quite neglected; even you didnot go up to see him, because I asked you not."
"And if," said Nan, trembling very much--"if Pip had not died in theway you think, but from a sort of an accident, how would you feelthen?"
"How would I feel if Pip had met with an accident? But he did not meetwith an accident."
"But let us suppose," said Nan--"it is fun sometimes to suppose--letus suppose that he did, that that was the w
ay he died."
"I cannot suppose what did not happen, and I hate to talk of it."
"But if it had, and--and somebody was to blame, how would you feeltowards that somebody?"
"You really are too extraordinary, Nan! I should hate that somebody. Itell you what it is," continued Kitty, "I would never forgive thatperson--never, never. But there! what nonsense you are talking!Nothing of the kind did happen. That is not your secret, is it?"
"Oh! of course not--of course not," said Nan, frightened, and plunginginto the biggest lie she had yet told. "No, no--of course not; only Ilike to wonder and think things out. It amuses me; I was always giventhat way."
"Well," said Kitty, "you gave me a fright. You talked as if it mightbe the case; and your voice was so queer and shaky! I do believe thereis a mystery, but of course it is not that."
"No, it is not that."
"You did not go up to see Pip?"
"Of course not."
"I am sorry I asked, for of course you would not do it, as I told younot. Nan darling, do please tell me what makes you so unhappy; pleasetell me. Let us forget about my little Pip. He is in his grave, poor,darling little rat, and all his troubles are over. He was soaffectionate, and I was so fond of him! But he will never feel anypain ever again. And I love you, Nan; and Noney and I are wretched tothink that you are so unhappy."
"It is all right," said Nan. "I will try not to be unhappy in thefuture. I have things that worry me now and then."
"I will tell you what one of them is: you are afraid of Augusta; shehas a power over you. You will be all right again when she goes away."
"I don't know," said Nan; "perhaps so."
Kitty could get nothing further out of Nan, and as it was now time toget up, she went slowly back to her own room.
Nora raised her head when Kitty came.
"Well," she said, "have you discovered anything?"
"Nothing. I begin to think Nan a very strange little girl. Do youknow, she asked me such a funny question! She said, 'Suppose Pip haddied by an accident, and somebody was to blame, how would you feeltowards the somebody?'"
"What did you say?"
"That I would hate that somebody, and never forgive her."
"I wonder why she said it," continued Nora.
"Oh! I am sure I don't know. I asked her point-blank if Pip had comeby an accident, and she said 'No,' and that nobody had been upstairs.She is a very strange girl, but I love her all the same."