Navy SEAL Series Boxed Set

by Odette Stone

My mouth dropped open. “Really?”

  “I’m surprised we didn’t wake you.”

  What happened?”

  “We had words.”

  “What kind of words?”

  “He wanted to talk to you.”

  I pondered that statement for a moment. I imagined Matt charging in here, all fired up, and Jackson stopped him from coming near me.

  “You could’ve woken me. I owe him an explanation.”

  “He needs to dial it down a notch before he talks to you.”

  “He was upset?”

  “Yup.”

  “At me?”

  “At us.”

  I sat and watched as he started making my sandwich. “I think he gets a pass on being upset.”

  He shrugged. “Matt is entitled to his feelings. He’s no longer allowed to take those feelings out on you.”

  And that is why this situation was so complicated. I’m bad at standing up for myself. People tend to steamroll me. And I let them. I don’t like it, but I have trouble managing that. It was intoxicating when Jackson planted himself between me and everything bad in this world. He naturally protects. That is who he is. But somehow my heart translates that into he is protecting me because he cares about me. Which I’m pretty sure is the figment part of my imagination.

  He slid my sandwich in front of me, along with raw cut veggies.

  “You’re not eating?” I picked up the sandwich.

  “Already ate.”

  He leaned against the counter in his famous pose of crossed legs and arms folded across his chest. Relaxed yet closed off. Which was the epitome of Jackson. Easy going, yet unobtainable on so many levels.

  His voice was calm. “What do you want to do?”

  “About what?”

  “You’re having my baby. We should talk.”

  Chapter 3

  I wasn’t sure what we would talk about since he was going to go back to his life and I just blew up mine. I looked around the loft. “I thought I would sell this place and move back to my granny’s place.”

  “I live in Virginia.”

  “I know.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he cocked his head. “You think we’re going to live in different states?”

  It seemed like a trick question, so my answer was hesitant. “Yes?”

  “Do you think I’m not going to man up?”

  Another trick question. I chose my words carefully. “You don’t want commitment or a baby.”

  “No, I don’t, but I take responsibility for my actions.”

  What did that even mean?

  “Okay.”

  “You’re okay with that?”

  “Of course,” I said automatically. Except I had no idea what I agreed to.

  “So, when do you want to get married?”

  First, my entire body washed cold. Then I burned so hot, that I was certain I was having a pregnancy hot flash. “Married?”

  His focus on me was intense. “What did you think I was talking about?”

  “Not that.”

  “I’m getting the feeling we aren’t on the same page.”

  “I’m not even sure I’m reading the same book.”

  His flawless smile took my breath away. “The book is called, ‘I knocked you up, and now we get hitched.’”

  “But you just told me you don’t want commitment or kids.”

  “You seem a bit stuck on that fact.”

  I squinted at the lights above the island for a long moment. “So you don’t want to get married. You don’t want to become a dad. But you think it's the right thing to do.”

  “It is.”

  “But that's a terrible reason to get married.”

  “Well, it’s the only one we got.”

  I turned and studied him. He was a tough-minded soldier who had resigned himself to the fact that he was heading for the box. He'd be on his knees, tied up and forced to listen to the soundtrack of a baby crying. He wouldn’t complain about it. He wouldn’t even allow himself to have feelings about it. In his mind, he was taking responsibility for his actions. He knew how to man up better than anyone else, and he'd never let me know what it cost him to do the right thing.

  He'd be an incredible father. He'd be resolute in his duties. He'd help me parent this child. I wouldn’t be on my own. I’d be safe. The temptation to give into this was so great, my hands clenched in my lap. It’d be so easy to look the other way and ignore the immense personal cost he'd pay.

  “No,” I blurted out. “We can’t.”

  His green gaze studied me without expression. “You want to tell me why?”

  “I just think it’s a bad idea.”

  “What part?”

  “All of it.”

  “Be specific.”

  Do not engage. Do not engage. My mind bleated panicked instructions at my mouth. His tone told me I was treading on dangerous territory here. I stared up at him.

  “Marriage is supposed to be two people coming together because they want to be together. Because they love each other.”

  “Is that why you were planning on marrying Matt this morning? Because you loved him so much, you couldn’t be without him?”

  “No that is why I didn’t marry him.”

  He stepped forward and leaned on the island with both hands, towering over me. “What exactly did you think would happen when you told me that you’re pregnant?”

  “Not this.”

  “Tell me.”

  I swallowed. “I thought that you’d just go back to your life and I would get on with mine.”

  “You thought wrong.”

  I slid off my chair. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “You’re not running away from this conversation.”

  “I need to think.”

  “You can think about this all you want, but it’s going to happen.”

  “It’s going to happen?” I repeated in disbelief.

  “That’s what I just said.”

  I shook my head.

  His gaze narrowed. “You were going to marry Matt and let him think this was his baby.”

  My mouth dropped open. It was a shameful statement, but it was true. Somehow in my mind, I had convinced myself that this small white lie wouldn’t hurt anyone in the long run. “But I didn’t.”

  “You no longer had feelings for him, but it didn’t matter that there was no love between you because you needed a daddy.”

  My mind raced. Somehow I was losing this argument. “At least Matt wants to be a father.”

  “I’m pretty sure if you had asked him, he'd have told you that he wants to father his own kids. Not mine.”

  I started to sweat. “I don’t want to trap you into this.”

  “But you were essentially okay with trapping Matt.”

  I glanced towards the door.

  “Emily, don’t even think about running away from this conversation because I’m not in the mood.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  He crossed his arms. “Why are you fighting me on this?”

  I stared up at this big glorious man who made my heart want to beat out of my chest. I loved him. And I wanted to set him free. I didn’t want to use his sense of moral obligation to trap him into a life that I knew he didn’t want. No matter how badly I wanted that life for myself. Couldn’t he see that I was trying to be the bigger person in this situation?

  “Trust me on this, okay?” I avoided his gaze.

  “Just tell me why.”

  “It won’t work.”

  “I’ll make it work.”

  My breath hitched in my chest. And that was the kicker. Jackson would make it work. He was a Navy SEAL, and his entire existence was based on sacrifice and endurance. In fact, he’d be so good at making it work, and he’d probably pull off the impression that he wanted it. The thought terrified me. Jackson had always represented the truth to me. The idea of him pretending anything to me made me feel sick.

  I took a deep b
reath. “I would like to postpone this conversation.”

  “Until when?”

  “Until I have had a chance to think about it.”

  His face looked expressionless, but he gave me a short nod.

  I let out a pent-up breath. I grabbed my keys and my phone. I needed to go for a drive. I needed to get out of here. He watched me, but he didn’t try and stop me.

  I was halfway to the door when it slid open.

  A very disheveled Matt stood in the doorway. His hair stuck up in all directions. If I wasn’t mistaken, it looked like he had been crying. He stared back at me.

  “Emily, can we talk?”

  I glanced over my shoulder at Jackson who now leaned on the island. He had a relaxed pose, but that didn't fool me. His gaze was intent and watchful.

  With a heavy heart, I nodded at Matt. “Come in. Do you want something to drink?”

  He shook his head.

  I looked around the open loft. “Let’s go onto the patio.”

  We stepped outside. As I slid the patio doors shut, I glanced inside. Jackson watched with his arms crossed and a not-so-pleased expression on his face. I sat down across from Matt. We looked at each other.

  “Can I speak first?” I asked.

  He nodded.

  “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. On so many levels. I should have told you sooner.”

  “I knew something was bothering you. I knew you were having doubts about it all, but I chose to ignore that.”

  “So much happened before your accident. It was hard to get on the same page when you couldn’t remember.”

  Below us, a truck roared to a start. Jackson had walked out. I won’t lie. The sound made my heart quiver in pain. Which is crazy since I had just been arguing with him that I didn’t want him around.

  I refocused on Matt.

  “I’m starting to remember,” he confessed.

  My mouth dropped open. “What?”

  He looked ashamed. “Not full memories, they’re more like fragments of nightmares that come to the surface. But the stuff that I’m remembering isn’t good.”

  “Matt, you were sick. A lot of that stuff you did was because of your tumor.”

  “I can’t even imagine how much I hurt you.”

  I sighed and leaned back on the patio couch. “It was such a mess, Matt. I don’t even really know half of the stuff you were up to because you were gone all the time. I was too much of a coward to address anything with you.”

  “What happened with you and Jackson?”

  “The more you were gone, the more I tried just to pretend that nothing was wrong. And Jackson was here. Helping me. Fixing my car. Eating dinner with me. Cleaning up my messes. You would lash out, and he would get protective.”

  He didn’t look pleased. “That sounds like Jackson.”

  I looked at my hands. “We kissed a few times, and that’s completely inexcusable.”

  “But in light of what I was doing, it was pretty mild.”

  “It felt like my entire world was sliding out from underneath my feet. And Jackson was there, holding it all together. But I fought that attraction. And I think he did too.”

  “Nothing happened until I told you I was having an affair with Julie and I dumped you after screaming vile things at you.”

  I gasped. “You remember that?”

  “Bits and pieces. Jackson filled in some of the blanks this afternoon.”

  “It was my birthday. It was my first time. And it was the night you had your car accident.”

  He looked shocked. “Oh wow.”

  “When you woke up, it was like you had traveled back in time. You were the old Matt. The one I had gotten engaged to.”

  “Jesus, Emily.”

  “We weren’t supposed to talk to you about things that would upset you.” I looked down at my hands. “It just became too easy to pretend that everything was okay.”

  Silence descended on us. He cleared his throat. “Would you have told me that the baby was mine?”

  I took a big breath. “Yes. That was my messed up plan. But I got to the front of the church, and I just couldn’t go through with it.”

  “Em, how bad did I hurt you?”

  I gave him a sad smile. “Not nearly as bad as I hurt myself in all of this.”

  “I wish you felt you could have told me about everything. I’d like to think that after an initial meltdown, I would have come through for you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I love you, so it would be easy to love your child.”

  It was too much. I dropped my face into my hands, and I started to cry. Why couldn’t I love Matt like I loved Jackson? Matt was right for me in a hundred different ways. “Thank you for saying that.”

  “I mean it. I know that things between us aren’t like they used to be, but you are still the woman I want to marry. And if you change your mind about it all, I would take you back in a heartbeat.”

  I lifted my face and stared at him in shock. “What?”

  “I don’t know what you and Jackson have planned, but I meant what I said. I would raise and love your child as my own.”

  “You would?”

  “You’ve been here for me every step of the way.”

  I bowed my head, and my tears shook my entire body. Matt wrapped his arms around me and held me. It was familiar and reminded me of everything we had lost.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said into his shirt.

  “It’s going to be okay, Em. I promise.”

  Matt left shortly after that. I dropped the keys back on the island. All the fight had gone out of me. Jackson was right. Running away wasn’t an option. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I locked up the loft, climbed into bed and went to sleep.

  Chapter 4

  “So, let me get this straight. Jackson doesn’t love you nor does he want a child, but he's insisting you two get married,” Beth ticked one finger on her hand.

  “Correct.”

  “And Matt crawled back and revealed that he is starting to remember his asshole ways. And not only does he forgive you for sleeping with Jackson and getting pregnant and then leaving him at the front of the altar, he still wants to marry you and raise Jackson’s baby as his own.”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, that is incredibly un-Matt-like of him.”

  I chewed on my lip. “I thought it was kind of sweet.”

  “I think it’s creepy.”

  “At least he wants to have kids.”

  “You have to marry Jackson.”

  “Beth!”

  “He’s the father of this baby, and he wants to marry you.”

  “Jackson doesn’t want to marry me. He’s doing this because of some weird sense of honor.”

  “So?”

  “So, that isn’t exactly grounds for a happy life.”

  “This is Jackson. That guy could make any woman happy.”

  I snorted with laughter. “That’s not the issue.”

  “What is?”

  “The issue is that he has been clear from day one that he doesn’t want kids nor does he want commitment.”

  “Well, maybe he should have used a glove before the love.”

  “Beth,” I blushed.

  “He knocked you up. He implanted a tiny human being inside of you, and now you get to live with those consequences for the rest of your life. Why should you be the only one handling the fall out of that?”

  “Now you sound like him.”

  She stared at me in disbelief. “You're completely in love with this guy. You light up a room when he walks in. I've no idea why you’re fighting this.”

  “Because I don’t want to be the person in the marriage that loves that person who's only there because they feel obligated.”

  She thought about that. “Yeah. That would suck.”

  “Right? I mean, he would be stand up about it and take his lumps, but every single day I would wake up and know that he probably wishes he wasn’t there.”
r />   “Are you sure about this? Are you sure that you want to do this on your own?”

  “I’m shitting my pants here on this whole single mom thing, and nothing tempts me more than to have Jackson come in and save me, but there’s no happy ending here.”

  She gave me a sad look and rubbed my hand. “So, are you just going to tell him no?”

  “I tried.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I mean he didn’t accept my answer. He was adamant that we’re getting married.”

  “Well, that’s an interesting approach.”

  I leaned forward. “Beth. You know me. I have no boundaries. I’m a marshmallow that people just step all over. What chance do you think I have against a determined Navy SEAL?”

  She gave an amused smile. “The more you tell me about this guy, the more I like him.”

  “Beth. I’m serious.”

  “I am too. He’s hot. He’s got his shit together. He’ll take care of you. And he wants to marry you. For better or for worse. You should give him a chance.”

  “So the Jackson camp can count on your vote then,” I said dryly.

  “Hey, anyone who isn’t Matt has my vote.”

  I came home from coffee with Beth feeling more confused than ever. Part of me was wondering why I was even fighting Jackson on this, but another part of me, the part that loved him, knew why. I wanted him to be happy. Was that such a bad thing? Weren’t you supposed to make sacrifices for those that you loved?

  Jackson: You around?

  Me: Yes

  Jackson: Are you ready to continue our conversation?

  Heart in my throat and sweating hands I typed out my reply.

  Me: Okay

  I heard a vehicle door slam, and then feet were coming up the stairs two at a time. Oh wow. Two sharp knocks and then the door slid open. He filled the doorway. He stood there for a long moment and looked back at me.

  “Hi,” I said, crossing and uncrossing my arms around my waist. I hated it when in a fit of nerves, I forgot what to do with my arms. I might as well wave a sign over my head shouting that I was nervous.

  “You want to take Chloe for a walk?” he asked.

  We walked in silence the entire way down to the river. Chloe was deliriously happy. She ran tirelessly back and forth retrieving the ball that Jackson threw for her.