by Odette Stone
I wouldn’t get emotional or give him bad news.
He needed my support, not my issues.
At 5 AM, precisely nine hours since I last saw Jackson on Skype, I crawled upstairs and wrapped myself around his pillow, falling asleep with my iPad in my hands. When I woke up, I didn’t let the iPad leave my sight. I kept it charged and the volume on full. I constantly checked to see if it had power and if the volume was on. Chloe didn’t get her walk. I spent the entire day, sitting on the couch waiting. Waiting to hear from Jackson.
Seventeen hours later, my Skype rang. I opened it, and there he was. Looking dirty, hot, a bit pissed off and alive.
I worked to not burst into tears. I had vowed to support him going forward. This wasn’t just about me. This was about him, staying safe and coming home.
“Emily,” he gave me a look. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
“Were you worried?”
I moved the iPad away from my face so I could quietly sob. Then I wiped my tears and came back.
“Em, I know you’re crying. Why are you hiding that from me?”
I sniffed, “I don’t want to distract you.”
“From my job?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
“You know what makes me good at my job?”
“What?”
“My ability to completely focus. So you never have to worry that you’re distracting me. I can get the job done here, no matter what's going on there, okay?”
“I waited and waited for you to call back. I didn’t know what to think.”
He gave me a regretful look. “We had a blackout after our incident.”
“What does that mean?”
“Means that they turn off all outside communication for the entire group during notification of NOK.”
“What is NOK?”
“Next of Kin.”
I covered my mouth. “Someone died?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh no!” my eyes filled with tears. “That’s so bad.”
“It isn’t good.”
“Was it a friend of yours?” I asked in a small voice.
He shrugged. “Just knew him by name, didn’t know him. But he has a kid and another one on the way.”
I shook my head unable to speak for a moment. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
Chapter 31
Another week passed. I ordered and received baby furniture, but the boxes remained unopened in Alien’s room. I hoped that Jackson would be home long enough to help me assemble the furniture. I spent the week painting a mural for Lauren’s six-year-old daughter. Elsa was set in a magical sparkling forest of white trees and a glistening frozen lake. Lauren invited me to the unveiling of the mural at Mindy’s birthday party. Mindy had been banned from entering her room while I worked on it, but when she saw the painting, she burst into noisy tears as she hugged her mom.
Everyone raved about the mural. Five different women took my number, promising to call to set up a coffee date.
Sunday night, Jackson called me on Skype.
“Are you in bed?”
“Hey. Nine o’clock is way past our bedtime.”
“How was the birthday party?”
“Mindy loved the mural. And I got five coffee invites out of it.”
“Nice work.”
“I think they want murals too.”
He smiled. “You’re on your way.”
“I also went to a Scentsy party.”
“What is Scentsy?”
“Candles, oils and diffusers.”
“Is this a good thing?”
“Chloe and I got a dog walking date out of it.”
“Look at you.”
“It’s kind of nice to talk to someone who doesn’t have four legs and a tail.”
“But Chloe is such a good listener.”
“She is, but I think even she is getting sick of the sound of my voice.”
He laughed.
"Where are you?”
“We're in San Lucas.”
“Mexico?”
“Just a stopover. We're converging units, and we have the night off.”
“Tacos and beer?”
He yawned. “Sleep. How’s Alien?”
“She likes to dance,” I rubbed my belly. “She’s about the size of a mango.”
“I thought we agreed that Alien would be a boy.”
“We’ll see,” I said with a grin.
“What else is new?”
“Beth broke up with her boyfriend.”
“How come?”
I leaned forward. “She caught him cheating with her boss.”
“Her boss?”
“Apparently she introduced him at some work function. So now on top of looking for a new place to live, she's also looking for a new place to work.”
“Ouch.”
“Yes, she thought he was the one.”
He snorted. “The one?”
“You know. Her soul mate?”
“Good luck finding that.”
“You don’t believe in the one?”
“I believe in commitment.”
“But not love?”
He dodged my question. “Beth is a good girl. She’ll find someone good.”
“Jackson,” someone yelled from off camera. I watched as he looked to his left and then nodded. I could hear a female voice.
“Come on. We’re ready to go. Cheap shots at the local.”
“I’m talking to Emily.”
“But you’re coming right?”
“Probably not. I haven’t slept in 35 hours.”
“When has that ever stopped you?”
I watched as a female figure walked behind him. She bent down, put her arm around Jackson’s shoulder. It was fucking Harper smiling at me, all friendly, looking into the camera with her big brown eyes. What was she doing there? Was she actually on a mission with him? I crossed my arms in front of my chest, feeling instantly defensive.
“Hi, Emily.”
“Hi,” I said through gritted teeth.
“You don’t mind if we steal Jackson? The party isn’t a party until he comes out.”
She looked down at Jackson, her face practically touching his. Her arm, however casual, was still around his shoulder.
She looked up and winked at me. It was that wink that made me want to scream. She knew what she was doing. This wasn’t harmless, friendly fun. This was her declaring her intentions on my husband. A husband I barely knew.
My voice sounded wooden. “No, absolutely. You guys should go out.”
She stood up. “Nice seeing you, Emily.”
Jackson said something to her off camera that I couldn’t hear. I felt so hurt and pissed that I was practically crying.
“You should go.”
“Emily.”
“Have a good night.”
I clicked the off button and tossed the iPad onto the bed. Tears burned my eyes.
My Skype rang again. I wiped my tears from my face and opened the screen, but I didn’t say anything. We stared at each other. Both of us pissed off in our own right.
He swallowed. “You hung up on me.”
I sniffed.
“You’re mad I’m going out.”
“No, by all means. Go out drinking with your ex, Harper.”
“She’s not the only one who’s going to be there.”
“She winked at me!”
“Harper winks at everyone. That’s her thing.”
“Oh fine. Well, I guess it’s okay then if I go out with Mark.”
He glowered. “That is not the same fucking thing.”
I crossed my arms, refusing to speak.
“Emily. I told you. I’m committed to you.”
I was starting to hate that fucking word. My husband was in Mexico with his ex-girlfriend, and they were about to tie one on together, but it was okay because he was fucking committed.
“She wants you back.”
“Why can’t you let this go? She has. I have.”
“She hasn’t let it go.”
“You need to move on.”
I shook my head. I was done with this conversation. “Have fun.”
“Emily.”
“I need to go.”
“You want to end this conversation like this?”
Tears threatened to overflow out of my eyes. “Yes.”
“Really!” He looked pissed.
“Have a good night.”
He stared at me. “You too.”
And then he was gone.
I cried. Long and hard after that conversation as I imagined Harper, with her tall and slender body at the bar with Jackson. Getting drunk. Laughing together. Meanwhile, I was getting bigger by the minute, living by myself on this fucking military base.
A strong, loving marriage would struggle under these circumstances. In the last four months of marriage, Jackson had been home less than two weeks. Our entire relationship was based on texts and Skype calls, but Harper was there, putting her arms around him.
I woke up at 3 AM to my phone buzzing.
Jackson: Still pissed?
Me: How was your night drinking with Harper?
Jackson: I’m drunk
Me: Is there a point to you drunk texting me?
Jackson: You’re my wife
Me: Thank you for remembering that fact
Jackson: You drive me crazy
Me: So you tell me
Jackson: Stay away from Mark
Me: Chloe said you should go to bed
Jackson: I mean it
Me: She said you should drink lots of water
Jackson: Tell her I miss her too
Me: Ok
Chapter 32
Jackson: Coming home tonight. Will be at the hanger at 8 PM
Me: You want me to pick you up?
Jackson: Only if you’re not busy
My body was a bundle of nerves for the rest of the day. Jackson and I had experienced our fair share of differences lately. Add the long distance between us, and I wasn’t sure how things would be when he came home.
He didn’t think that Harper was an issue, but I knew that she was gunning to get Jackson back. He said he was committed to me, but what exactly did that entail? What did his commitment and our marriage matter if his heart longed for her? Did he wish that he was with her?
Fifteen minutes before 8 PM, I parked at the huge hanger. I was nervous. I showed my ID and was directed to a waiting area. There were dozens of people waiting. Most of them were women. Kids ran wild in their pajamas and jackets. I looked around, but I didn’t recognize anyone.
I became acutely aware of being noticed. I had a stupid smile pasted on my face, praying that someone might come over and say hi but no one did. I was too shy to approach any of the groups myself, so I took refuge in the farthest chair away from everyone and spent most of my time studying the floor. I knew people talked about me. I just didn’t know what to do about it.
I was in the bathroom in a stall when I heard a few women come in.
“I guess we know why someone of Jackson’s caliber ended up being married to someone like her.”
“Yeah, he got duped by the oldest trick in the book.”
My entire body went still as I listened to them talk.
“Remember Macy?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll never forget this. This was years ago, and she was about to have a drunken one-nighter with Jackson. She stupidly suggested that he skip the condom and just withdraw. Instead, he pulled on his pants and walked out.”
“Well smart move on his part since we all know that Macy deliberately got pregnant to get her man to propose.”
“Well looks like the same thing happened to Jackson. I heard that she poked a hole in the condom.”
“Oh God. Poor Jackson.”
“I know, right? And poor Harper.”
I stood frozen in the bathroom stall. What was the obsession with Jackson and his birth control practices? Now more nasty rumors were flying around about poor Alien’s conception. This poor kid. Not even born and the object and scorn of half the base.
I opened the stall door and walked out. Four women stood at the mirror, putting on lipstick and fixing their hair.
Four sets of eyes glanced at me and then avoided my gaze as I stepped up to wash my hands. I didn’t recognize any of these women. That was the crazy part about all of this. Women whom I had never seen in my life were discussing my sex life and spreading nasty rumors about my marriage and unborn child. I was halfway to the door when I realized if I couldn’t stand up for my kid, then I would suck as a parent.
I stopped and turned. “I didn’t poke a hole in a condom. We didn’t use any protection. There wasn’t a single condom in sight.”
No one moved a muscle. Let them stew over that one. I turned on my heel and walked out. Even though my legs shook, I made it back to my seat. I felt exhilarated. The truth might be more shocking than the rumors, but at least I had, in some small part, taken charge of how I was going to be treated. I wasn’t going to run or hide from the rumors that chased me. They could have the truth and how they choose to deal with it was no longer my business.
Two hours later, we still waited. I felt exhausted. I closed my eyes. The chair was so hard it reminded me of the waiting room at the hospital. I was just dozing off to sleep, when I heard someone say, “Here they come.”
I rubbed my eyes and staggered to my feet. I looked at my watch. It was 10:50 PM. The excited bubbling crowd of women and kids had turned into a silent and weary group. We were led by someone into the large hanger and watched as the huge hanger doors slowly drew open. A massive military plane slowly taxied towards us. I stared at it in awe. I had never seen a plane that big. There was a cool wind, and my thin jean jacket was doing nothing to protect me. I was freezing cold. Our ragtag group huddled together as we watched in silence as the huge ramp at the back of the plane slowly lowered down to the ground.
Soldiers started filing off the plane. They were all dressed in uniform. They moved with orderly precision. It was an impressive sight. I never really could grasp Jackson or his job or what this life entailed, but this was his life. And somehow, this had become my life.
I watched him walk across the tarmac beside Forbes. He looked so strong the way he moved. He carried a huge green duffle bag over his shoulder. His big boots and his fatigues only added to his tough physique. Jackson was all man, and as a soldier he was heart-stopping.
I felt myself get nervous, as I watched him walk towards me. His eyes lifted and he scanned the group I was standing in. Would things be weird between us? The last time we talked, we had fought about Harper.
I felt a jolt the moment his eyes met mine. His expression was stoic, but it felt like the sun was again shining on my face. How had this man become so vital and so important to me? When had this happened? It staggered me knowing how much I needed him.
He walked towards me. I stood there frozen and stiff, aware that our reunion garnered a lot of attention. He dropped his bag and then he was picking me up in his arms and lifting me off my feet. My arms went up as I buried my face into his neck. He smelled so good. I was shaking from cold, fatigue and nerves.
“You’re trembling.”
“I’m cold.” My cold lips were stuck to the warm skin of his neck.
“How’s Alien?”
“Taking up more real-estate.”
He set me back down and held me so he could look me over. “That he is.”
“I’m exclusively in maternity clothes now.”
He picked up his bag and then grabbed my hand. “Let’s go home.”
Chloe howled when she saw Jackson. He gave her a good face washing until she calmed down.
“Someone is happy to see you.”
His smile was big. “She’s alright.”
“Do you want something to eat?”
“I’m good.”
He stood in the midd
le of the kitchen, dominating the room. I always seemed to forget how massive my husband was. He fairly towered over me. He studied me. “How have things been for you?”
“Everything is good. How are you? How was work?”
“Fine.”
I struggled to think of something to say. Things always seemed so weird when he came back. I felt awkward and shy around him.
I yawned.
“You look tired.”
I nodded. “Kinda.”
“Why don’t you head up to bed? I will be there in a bit.”
“Okay.”
In the morning, I woke up to the sound of Chloe whining. Jackson had come to bed last night, but he hadn’t woken me. Now it was morning and my dog needed to pee.
“Coming Chloe,” I gave a raspy call, as I forced myself to sit up in bed.
“I got it,” Jackson said. “You sleep.”
I dropped back onto my pillow, unable to open my eyes. “Don’t forget to check for chicken.”
He talked to Chloe, as they went downstairs.
Moments later, the back door slammed, and Jackson called, “Emily, where do you keep the plastic bags?”
My eyes opened wide. “Why?”
“I found some more chicken.”
I grabbed my robe and hustled downstairs. Jackson was on the deck, wearing only a pair of sweats and he held Chloe by her collar.
He looked at me. “Can you take her?”
I hustled Chloe back into the house and then watched through the window as Jackson walked through the yard with bare feet. He bagged the offending chicken, threw it out and then made his way back to the house.
He stood there looking menacing, with his hands on his hips. He wasn’t impressed.
“How often do you find that shit?”
I shrugged. “There hasn’t been any chicken for a while.”
“This pisses me off.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“Why don’t you go back to bed?”
I yawned. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going for a run.”
I had no idea where the man got all his energy from. “Okay.”