Harem for the Holidays

by Tammi Lynn

  He doesn’t need me, he’s most likely bored. At least if I go over there I can still relax and won’t be required to do anything. Laziest fucker ever, remember? I text him back.

  Me: Give me twenty.

  Foxy Knoxley: Bring snacks.

  He’s probably already stoned off his ass and has the munchies. I laugh aloud. By the way don’t hate on my name game, have to give a guy his proper title.

  Me: Make that twenty-five then.

  Grabbing my bag I head out to my car and get in, turning on the heat as fast as possible . It feels extra cold tonight and my wet hair feels like it could freeze. I pull out of the parking lot and head in the direction of Knox’s apartment smiling. I get to see three people on my imaginary harem wish list today. I didn’t see the fourth as he keeps to the shadows. I don’t know his name just that he follows me around everywhere.

  I already figured out that he’s most likely been hired by my step mom to follow me around and report back with my social life. At least she chose a hot PI. Tall, hot and hispanic is the only reason I didn’t call the police on him right away. I could have confronted him a month ago when I first noticed him around everywhere I went. Scared the shit out of me at first until I walked around a street corner to find him talking with the bitch. Deciding to go ahead and play along, I’ve been trying my best to give him some good stuff to report back to her with. My trip to the sex shop last week was purely for her benefit. Well... mostly.

  Chapter Four

  When I get to Knox’s he pulls me in and grabs the grocery bag from my hand before I even have time to knock, and I’m tripping through the doorway. “Fuck man, give a girl a little warning before you manhandle her.” I take my shoes off at the door and shut it once I get my balance as he continues to look through the bag. A whiff of eau de skunk and incense hit my nose the moment I was pulled in and I have to fight off the urge to sneeze. “Damn it’s smoky in here.”

  Raising the bag to his chest he sighs. “I love you, Princess, you just know me.” I smile at the nickname, even though I’m secretly supposed to hate it. Spoiled by my daddy while growing up he started calling me it when we reached the eighth grade. Alright, I may be lying. That was also around the time that I started to fill out and he began hooking up with girls, something I was totally not jealous of. I swear.

  “Give me that bag, it’s not all for you.” I try grabbing the bag from him but he lifts it above his head so I’m jumping up and down just out of reach. I was distracted by the pot permeating the air when I first came in and didn’t notice that Knox was shirtless with only a pair of grey sweats on. His naturally tan skin a beautiful contrast to his blue eyes and the halo of blonde curls on his head, and the bag is quickly forgotten. I come back down from a jump and stumble into him, my hands pressing against his lean but chiseled chest. Oops! Not!

  “Where you looking for something possibly not in the bag, Princess?” He smiles down at me and I smack his chest and take a step back.

  “I’ve seen what you have to offer, and let’s just say I’m looking for a bit bigger conquest.” I head into his living room to sit on his couch and he barks out a laugh.

  “That was once, and you obviously didn’t get to see it all.” Oh, I saw it all, just can’t let him know I was impressed. He falls back into the couch next to me and presses play on the TV. An action film starts playing and I lean into his shoulder. Even with all the sexual tension between us, okay let’s be real here -the sexual frustration I have for him, he is still the one person I feel the most comfortable with. He’s been there for everything, my first pimple and period, to losing my mom and my dad remarrying. He’s the one friend from high school who stuck around after graduation, and I can’t imagine him not always being in my life.

  “Eh.” I wave my hand back and forth in a so, so gesture and he grabs it.

  “Want me to prove it?” Fuck yes! If I wasn’t so afraid of losing his friendship I would have jumped him years ago.

  “Eew, don’t get weird.” I shake my hand from his but not before taking a quick glance down at his crotch. Those sweats already give me a little preview anyway. I quickly snatch the bag of snacks from his side and pull out a bag of hot cheetos, before replacing it.

  “You know you want me, Princess.” He wiggles his eyes before I push him sideways.

  “Yes, Knox. I want you, I need you, please ravish me now.” I roll my eyes but am taken aback by the lust that flashes quickly across his stunning eyes. Did I see that right? Popping a cheetoh into my mouth I chew while he keeps looking at me quietly, making me fidget a little under his intense gaze.

  When he finally breaks our stare off he grabs a half smoked blunt from the coffee table and leans back to light it. His eyes go back to watching the TV while he inhales and holds it in. Well that changed the mood. What did I say?

  “So the Bitch started asking me why I’m still single at dinner again yesterday. She just won’t lay off.” I expect him to laugh, he knows exactly who I’m talking about but when I look over his jaw is clenched. “Threw in how her daughters are ‘so young and already married.’” I do my best Bitch voice but he still doesn’t laugh. I’m about to break the silence again when he leans over and blows the mouth full of smoke he had just inhaled, into my open mouth. I take it all in and lean back and relax before letting it out again and choking. Whatever kind of hybrid he has this time is strong, and I can feel it’s soothing effect rush through me.

  I’m not much of a pot smoker myself but I have gotten high with Knox this way countless amounts of times. He wants me to chill out and relax. He once told me it makes sex so much better but since I only ever get high with him I’ll never get to find out. “I don’t want to talk about that, or the Bitch.”

  “Seriously though, Knox, she’s flown the cuckoo's nest, I told you about that hot PI she has following me around. She’s-” In his haste to shut me up again he leans forward again to blow another puff of smoke in my mouth and his hand slips. His lips crash against mine and in my inhale of shock I suck all that smoke in and it goes straight to the back of my throat. I push him back eyes wide as I start coughing and hacking the smoke back up. My eyes start to water and a rush of dizziness goes to my head as he smacks me on the back to breathe.

  “Fuck, Princess. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” There’s another burn when I’m already choking on fire, a mix of hot cheetos and smoke burning down my throat. “Breathe, damnit.” He continues to pound on my back and I push him aside reaching for a bottle of water out of the bag. As soon as I get the cap off I take a few gulps, downing half the bottle.

  “You ass!” I choke out at him in a croak, as soon as I can breathe. I wipe the tears streaming down my face and he pulls me back into his side and wraps an arm around me. The euphoric high I’m currently floating on and his warm body against mine have me relaxing once again and my eyes start to droop.

  “You know I didn’t mean it.” Placing a kiss to the top of my head, he holds me tighter.

  “Now you’ve made it to where I can’t go home tonight.”

  “My evil plan all along.”

  I look up at his chiseled jaw with one eye. “Should I be worried about my virtues and start clutching the pearls in my treasure chest?” That earns me a snort in response and he lays his head against mine.

  “Don’t worry, Princess. You’re so called innocent virtues are always safe with me.” I know I should love and appreciate his words, and I do, but sometimes I wish he’d say virtues be damned and open the fucking treasure. I mean, if we weren’t best friends and all... I start drifting off when he starts talking again. “And don’t worry about the Bitch, she’ll either get bored one day or who knows, maybe the guy you’re looking for is right under your nose.”

  “Guys.” My throat still burns a little and it comes out a little hoarse.

  “Guys?” Knox looks down at me with a raised brow.

  “Yeah, guys. As in plural. I decided none of you have all of what I’m looking for so I want a whole harem o
f men.” My eyes close again with a yawn and I feel his chest begin to shake in laughter. That wasn’t completely true, each of the guys in my wish list are amazing, but it was like… candy. Right? I love candy. Now, I love Mr. Goodbars and Snickers equally but for different reasons. Does that make sense? Not positive if it does.

  “You just might need a whole harem of them to handle you, Princess.” I grin, eyes closed. “Not that I’d want you tame.”

  “There’s no tame in my name.” He really starts laughing at that. Who knew the combination of being high and deliriously sleepy, could make me so cheesy?

  “Let’s get you to bed, before that poetry of yours starts coming out.” I wouldn’t do that. Oh wait there was that one time. Okay I’ve made him listen to me spout poetry a few times on drunk or high occasions, but what are best friends for? He stands up, which makes me fall sideways down onto the couch. My body feels fifty pounds heavier and I don’t want to move. Grabbing beneath my arms he lifts me up standing and takes a hand to lead me back to his room.

  Knox and I have shared a bed hundreds of times over the past years so this is nothing new for us. He used to sneak into my room starting in the seventh grade when he found he could get from his house to mine in ten minutes on his bike. Whenever his parents would fight he’d always end up in my bed with me and we’d just hold each other and sleep until it was time to get up for school in the morning. It was never anything more than love and friendship between us. I don’t know how I would have gotten through my mom passing without him. He was my rock. My anchor.

  When we get to his bed he crawls under his covers and holds them open for me to crawl in with him. Taking my hoodie off, still wearing another sports bra and my sweatpants, I get in bed beside him. Covering us he pulls me into his side and lays my head on his arm. “Goodnight, Knoxley.”

  “Night, Princess.”

  Chapter Five

  In all those years I’ve awoken next to Knox there’s only been a few times where I’ve woken to find him hard against me. We will add another day to that list, as of today. Sometime during the night we ended up on our sides with him spooning me. I find myself in that same position and can’t help but smile. I could tease him, just a little, his breathing is calm and steady so I know he’s still asleep behind me. Closing my eyes I pretend to stay sleeping and wiggle my ass back against him. His arm leaves from around mine in a flash and his hand lays on my hip to stop me.

  He scoots back and begins to leave the bed and I stretch, pretending to have just woken up. “What time is it?” I flip over on the bed to face him and he’s backing up towards the bathroom holding a shirt in front of him.

  “Almost eleven, I’m going to take a shower, but you can go back to sleep if you want.” A sly grin spreads across my face as Knox reaches and backs into his bathroom.

  “Actually I’m going to go ahead and head home. If I don’t see you sometime during the next week or so, I’ll still see you in a few weeks for the cabin trip right?” I get out of bed to find my hoodie on the floor and put it on.

  “I’ll be there. Princess,” The bathroom door closes and I giggle. Score one for Sydney.

  Leaving the room I grab my wallet and keys from the coffee table to head out to my car. It’s so freaking cold outside and my car takes forever to warm up with the inch of freshly new snow covering it. Starting a fire in the fireplace and hot chocolate are a must when I get home.

  When I walk in the house is nice and toasty already. I don’t usually leave the heat on but I was in a rush yesterday morning. Placing my large wallet, phone, and keys on my marble kitchen island before petting the bad kitty that jumped up there to greet me, I find a note from Jade.

  #1 Bitch,

  I fed your pussy! Don’t you ever feed her? She acted like you starve her! Anyways thundercunt, you will now no longer be graced with my presence, internet is fixed. CALL ME! You have some splainin’ to do.

  Your Queen

  My pussy IS starving, but not the furry one on my counter. “Panda, did you get Jade to feed you more than your supposed to have?” My already chunky cat meows in response and rubs against me. This cat will meow like she’s starving ten minutes after you feed her to get a treat. I pick her up and place her on the ground.

  Looking around I really should clean, but decide to leave it for tomorrow. Building a fire in the fireplace I sit down with a book and a blanket for the rest of the day.

  ∞∞∞

  Sunday, Dec 15th...

  Two weeks and a day later, deep in the throws of floors, drawers, and toilets, I keep hearing my phone go off downstairs. I shook my head, I was not this popular normally. It was probably Jade texting me a million times. Cleaning the house like I promise myself I’ll do every Sunday, I’m currently tackling the extra upstairs bathroom, it doesn’t ever get used but I like a clean house. Another text message notification sounds from downstairs and I stop wiping down the faucet. That has to be like the fifth message. Like I said, It’s probably just Jade, but damn. Pulling my rubber gloves off I throw them in the sink and head downstairs.

  I left my phone on the coffee table last night before I came upstairs and fell asleep.It chimes with another message when I reach it. I pick it up to text Jade, maybe I’ll call her so that she will lay off but that goes out the door when I scroll through my messages. Each and every message is from an unknown number. Well that’s weird. Opening one up it’s from some guy named Henry who says to call him sometime. Another one, Blaine. He wants to maybe have dinner Friday night. A third one, Stanley, asking when we can meet up. They’re all from guys telling me to call or meet up with them. I open up the last one. Fuck! I close the message pounding at the key. Why do guys always think us ladies want dick pics? I mean don’t get me wrong, from the right guy? Like… Bose maybe? I would 100% save that shit. But random dick pics are not attractive.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I say aloud, startling Panda who was sleeping across the back of the couch. My phone chimes again and I want to throw it. Did someone give out my number as a prank or something? Did the Bitch really lose it and sign me up for some dating site? I would kill her. Turning down the volume on my phone, I lay it face down on the coffee table. Whatever’s going on I’m sure I’ll find out later.

  Needing a break anyway, I go to the kitchen to make a sandwich for lunch. I get out some meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes from the fridge and grab a sub roll from on top of the breadbox. Making my sandwich I can’t help but stare at my phone, watching the light illuminate from under it, as notification after notification comes through.

  Finished with lunch I walk in a wide arch around the couch and coffee table, going back upstairs to finish cleaning.

  I was able to not pick up my phone all day by keeping busy. It’s now almost eight and I’m all ready for bed. Looking for my satchel I can’t find it on it’s usual place over my vanity chair. I probably left it downstairs, and I’ve been trying to avoid downstairs as much as possible. The dreaded phone and the temptation to read all those messages is downstairs. Unfortunately, my drive to write in my notebook before bed is far stronger than my annoyance about my phone. The satchel wins out and I headed downstairs to find it.

  I look everywhere but can’t find it. It’s not in any of the usual places I might have placed it. Did I even bring it in from the car yesterday? No. I hadn’t. I have no fucking plans going out into the cold to find it either. My eyes drift over to my phone. Well, if I don’t have anything else to do. Walking over and picking it up I find thirty-seven waiting text messages.

  Holy shit! What kind of bullshit love and lonely site did someone sign me up for? I had to admit as pranks went this was actually very impressive. Asshole-ish but impressive.

  Taking the phone upstairs I crawl under my covers and start reading through them. Five dick pics, four guys asking me to send them pics of my tits, and twenty eight lonely and desperate guys later… I finish the catastrophe. Who could have done something like this?

  Come to think of it I h
ave not gotten one text or call from Jade all day. I can totally see her playing into some misguided attempt to help me out in finding a man. She’s as tired as I am of my complaints about my bitch step mom being all over my back. I decide to call her and see if she fesses up to anything. The call goes straight to voicemail which is odd. Queen Bee of social media and gossip would never turn her phone off.

  I’d call Knox but he’s probably either passed out or doesn’t know anything anyway. Placing my phone on my nightstand and remembering to plug it in, I turn off the light and fall back into my pillows.

  I’ll find out what’s going on tomorrow.

  Chapter Six

  I had set my alarm for seven but the sounds of more text messages coming in woke me up at six fifteen. Seriously? So early. I had taken a shower last night after cleaning so all I had to do was run a brush through my hair and put on some clothes. If I’m going to be up early I might as well try to hit up that new coffee drive-thru on the way to work.

  I’m just pulling up a dark grey cotton wool skirt over my pantyhose that goes with my white tank and long sleeved black button up, when once again another text message comes in. I’m going to have to silence it again. Bose will have my ass if my phones going off all day, and not in the way I’d like for him to have it. Fuck I think I shrunk this damn skirt. I have to keep pulling it down as I walk to my nightstand to get my phone. Hitting about three inches below my ass, I’m going to have to find something else to wear.

  Turning the screen of my phone on I see the text is from Bose and not some booty caller so I open it up.

  Broody Ass Bose: Be here at seven.

  Short and to the point, I look at the time, six-forty. Fuck! I can’t be late. Not after what happened the other week. Why does he want me in so early anyway? No one ever shows up before seven-thirty, well except him. Throwing my coat on and running downstairs I grab my wallet and keys and I’m out the door in minutes. Holy shit thats cold! In my haste to not be late I forgot about my skirt turned mini and the air rushing under my long coat hitting my thighs has me covered in goosebumps. If I go back inside I’ll never be able to make it to work by seven.