Following the Sparrows

by Karen Malley

  ~*~

  Adam guided Mrs. Frederick into the elevator at County Hospital and pushed the button for the ground floor.

  “Sounds like everything is going to be fine with your husband.”

  “No thanks to him, the silly man,” Mrs. Frederick said, a weak smile on her face.

  “The doctor said it was temporary. His blood pressure will stabilize, and we can pick him up in the morning. You may need to keep a closer eye on his medications.”

  Mrs. Frederick pressed a hand to her chest. “I was so scared when he collapsed.”

  “Of course, you were. That’s why we’re here.” They exited the elevator and made their way down the hall. Within moments, a young woman flew around the corner and slammed square into Adam’s chest.

  “I’m sorry,” the woman panted, as Adam tried to keep his balance. He gazed into the depths of her eyes, and an immediate connection singed him. He watched her run off, her honey-colored ponytail swaying behind her. To his amazement, she glanced back at him. Their eyes met for a second time before she disappeared around the corner. At that moment, a voice in his head came so clearly he nearly turned around to see who spoke. “Pray for her.”

  Pray for her? Where did that voice come from? God? Adam crinkled his brow. Never had he heard God speaking to him so unmistakably before, not for lack of listening. God was asking him to pray for a complete stranger? He turned to Mrs. Frederick. Her eyes danced, and the corner of her mouth peeked up.

  “What?”

  “She caught your attention, now didn’t she, dear?”

  “How could she not? She almost knocked me over.”

  “There’s more to it, though, isn’t there?”

  Adam’s eyes widened. “How do you always manage to read me so well? I only moved in across the hall a couple of months ago.”

  “Yes, God is good, sending you to us when we needed you most. Thank you again for bringing Stanley and me here tonight. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”

  “You would’ve called the ambulance, just like anyone else.”

  Mrs. Frederick gave him a look. “True, but then you wouldn’t have met this interesting girl you’re still thinking about.”

  Adam shook his head. “To be honest, when she turned around and looked back at us…”

  “At you, you mean,” Mrs. Frederick interrupted.

  Adam put his hand under her elbow and helped her down the hospital’s front steps.

  “Anyway, when she turned around, I heard God tell me to pray for her.”

  Mrs. Frederick stopped in the middle of the steps and leaned toward Adam. “Then you must.”

  “Don’t worry, Mrs. Frederick. I will.” He chuckled.

  “What is it, dear?”

  “It’s funny how God works. Ever since I came here, I’ve been praying God would show me what He has for me here.” They crossed the parking lot to Adam’s truck, and he walked Mrs. Frederick around to the passenger side. “God has a sense of humor. All this time of not hearing anything, and he has to knock me over to give me a message.”

  Mrs. Frederick patted Adam’s hand and hoisted herself into the truck. Her eyes twinkled. “Some people listen to God, and others need a stronger push. All you need is a pretty girl to run you over, and God’s got your attention.”

  Adam closed her door. When he came around and got in his side, Mrs. Frederick wasn’t finished with him yet.

  ~*~

  The smell of burnt coffee intruded into Kathryn’s thoughts. She crossed the room and poured herself a cup. The frozen pizza she’d eaten earlier twisted around inside her. She gulped the coffee to try to settle her stomach, if not her nerves. Normally caffeine at this time of night was forbidden, but she needed to stay alert. A series of commercials played across the TV screen. Trailers for movies she’d never see, commercials for drugs she didn’t take, and promos for shows she didn’t watch. Nothing else in the world mattered right now. Only Robert. Oh, if only their last conversation weren’t a fight.

  She walked over to Anne, who sat with her head propped on her hands, hair covering her face. Sitting as quietly as possible, Kathryn tried not to disturb her. She glanced at her watch. When would the doctor finally come to tell them something? The minutes dissolved into an ever-deepening puddle that threatened to drown her.

  She got up again.

  She paced. Twenty-four steps to the far wall, twenty-four steps back.

  By the time Kathryn convinced herself the doctor had forgotten them, a man in green scrubs approached them. “Are you the family of Robert Baker?” Anne and Kathryn nodded in unison.

  “Walk with me.” He guided them down the hall toward the ICU, keeping a continual narrative as they went.

  “Robert’s condition is critical. He sustained numerous lacerations and fractures, including a complete break of his left humerus and multiple ribs. One of the ribs punctured his right lung, which collapsed. We’ve set the bones, and surgically repaired his lung, but he also suffered massive head trauma. Our biggest concern is the cerebral edema. We’ve put in a stent to relieve the pressure, but it’s touch and go. We’ll know more if he makes it through the next twelve to twenty-four hours.”

  Kathryn stopped in her tracks and stared at him. “Wait, what? If he makes it?”

  The doctor turned toward her, and the harsh lines around his face softened. “Brain injuries are impossible to predict. He may not make it through the night. I’m sorry. Even if he does wake up, he may not be able to communicate again.”

  “Can we see him?” Anne asked, her voice trembling.

  “Yes, but I wanted you to be prepared. I’m sorry there isn’t more we can do for him.”

  Kathryn leaned against Anne to stay upright. Half her life. Half her life she’d been with Robert. Stable, predictable Robert. He was the one thing she thought she could count on in life. She took a deep breath and followed Anne into the hospital room.

  2

  “Adam, dear, why don’t you already have a young lady in your life? My Stanley and I were married when I was seventeen.” Mrs. Frederick’s forehead crinkled. “You must be nearly twice that.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Adam started the engine. “It’s a long story, and I’m not up for telling it right now.”

  Mrs. Frederick covered her yawn with a hand. “Perhaps that’s best. It is getting late. I need my beauty sleep before we pick up Stanley in the morning. You’ll tell me later, dear.” She leaned back against the seat, and within minutes, her soft snores filled the cab of the truck.

  Adam spent the drive back to the apartment building praying for the girl with the haunted eyes.

  With Mrs. Frederick safely stowed away in her apartment across the hall, Adam flopped on his couch and scrolled through his email. He stopped on a message from Africa.

  Adam my boy,

  It pleases my heart you are seeking God’s plan for your life. It is good you saw your family again. Be patient. God will reveal your path, but the journey begins with the single step of faith. I think you still hold onto some resentment. Perhaps to forgive is what you need. Look deep down and judge whether there is more you need to release to God.

  We are well here. The boys ask of you. Perhaps one day you will return. Today your place is in America. I pray for your peace.

  Pastor Sambulo

  Adam sat back against the sofa, his former pastor’s words taking up lodging in his brain. He smiled, thinking of the boys. He loved the kids in Africa. Saying goodbye to them was the hardest part of leaving. And forgiveness? He’d forgiven everyone, right? It’s not like he spent all his time thinking about what happened. He was moving on.

  He let out a long breath. Be patient, Pastor Sambulo said. Patience was not his strength. He wanted to be actively working for God. Sure, the Fredericks appreciated him, but helping his neighbors was not exactly what he’d imagined when he finally dedicated his life to serving God. The active pace he’d kept in the mission field ill-prepared him for waiting on God. Still, what choice was th
ere? He’d been back in the US for two months now, and the only thing he’d heard from God was to pray for the girl who ran into him at the hospital. Still, God knew best, right?

  3

  Kathryn saw car accidents before from a distance, the mangled masses of metal, but never the human aftermath. What was in the bed in front of her, this human wreck, could not possibly be her husband.

  Robert’s eyes were swollen shut and ringed with purple, jagged stiches lining his forehead. His head was shaved. A tube protruded from a hole in his head and a second tube exited from his mouth. Wires streamed from both arms. A neck brace cradled his head, and a cast encircled his arm. Kathryn stood immobilized at his feet, but Anne rushed right to his side and grabbed his hand. Kathryn held fast to the rail of the bed, not sure if she could stand on her own.

  A few minutes later, a figure appeared in the doorway, and Anne ran over. “Mom!” Anne’s husband followed the women into the room.

  Eileen grabbed Anne in a fierce hug. She released Anne, and then turned her attention to Kathryn. “Katie, come here.” Kathryn allowed herself to be swallowed in her mother-in-law’s arms.

  “Eileen, I’m so glad you’re here.” Kathryn’s voice was thick. A hand touched her shoulder. She turned and met Mark’s gaze. Lines creased his forehead. He patted her shoulder gently and moved toward Robert.

  Kathryn returned to the foot of the bed, taking in the scene. Mark placed one hand on Robert’s head and prayed silently. Anne took his hand and clasped her mother’s in the other. Eileen held out her hand for Kathryn, but she stayed out of reach. Where were the doctors? Why wasn’t anyone doing anything but praying?

  A nurse came hurrying in, brow furrowed. “Only two visitors. Hospital rules.” She shooed them away from the bed.

  Mark turned to Kathryn. “We’ll be in the waiting room praying. You stay with him.”

  Kathryn nodded.

  When everyone else left, the room started to spin. Her strong, independent husband lay in a helpless state. Maybe the praying thing wasn’t such a bad idea. Not that she’d know what to say.

  She studied the expression on his swollen face. After standing there for several minutes, unsure of what to do, she moved closer and squeezed his hand.

  “Hey, Robert.” Her voice was low, strained. “You’ve had a rough night.” She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I haven’t been honest with you. I’m trying to make up for it, though. I’ll try to be a better wife, if you’ll let me. You’ll need to come out of this, though.” She brushed his cheek with her fingertips. “You’ve got your whole family out there praying for you. Seems like they think you could use a little help from above.” Her throat caught. She pulled a chair next to the bed and squeezed his hand again.

  His eyes flickered open, met hers, and his expression relaxed.

  The depths of his eyes reflected the man who loved her, who was her constant companion. She could read the story of their years together in those eyes. He’d given her everything. She hadn’t returned the favor.

  “I’m sorry, Robert. I do love you. You deserve so much better.”

  His eyes closed, his hand slipped from hers, and a cacophony of alarms sounded.

  Kathryn was shoved aside as doctors and nurses swarmed the bed. Huddled in the corner, she watched as one scrub-clad man started CPR and another injected something into the tube in Robert’s arm. Time lost all meaning. They shouted at one another—medical terms that meant nothing to Kathryn. Nothing until they stepped away. The constant buzz of activity ended. No one reached out to Robert anymore.

  The man who performed CPR stripped his gloves and wiped his forehead. The only sound in the room was the buzz of the flatline. Until…

  “Time of death…1:19 am.”

  The words slammed her with physical force. She rushed out and stumbled into the waiting arms of Robert’s family. Robert’s sister, Robert’s brother-in-law, Robert’s mother.

  His family, not hers. She had no connection to them anymore. Eileen and Anne hung on to each other, silent tears running down their faces.

  Kathryn should cry, wanted to cry, but she stood, trembling. Her heart raced and her palms sweated. She pressed her fingertips to her temples and forced herself to slow her breathing.

  Mark touched her arm. “Katie, stay at our house tonight. You shouldn’t be alone.”

  Kathryn turned toward him. “But that’s what I am now. Alone.”

  ~*~

  Finally, back at home, with the last vestiges of the night drifting away, Kathryn leaned against her front door. “God, why? Why did You take Robert?” She shook her head. If there was a God, He wasn’t listening to her. She dragged herself up the stairs and stood in the bedroom door, staring at the immaculate room. The covers stretched tight across the bed, neatly tucked in at the corners. The laundry basket stood empty. In the summers, Robert took care of everything. The perks of marrying a teacher.

  Kathryn peeled off her clothes and let them drop to the floor. When her pants hit the ground with a thunk, she dug in her pocket. The pills. She threw the pack across the room, where they crashed into the dresser. If she’d only done what Robert wanted, their last conversation wouldn’t have been a fight. Maybe he would’ve stayed home tonight…

  The realization hit her so hard she almost staggered. If she wasn’t taking them, where would she be now? A single mom? No way.

  She grabbed a T-shirt from the dresser drawer and sank into the bed. Exhaustion overcame her, but sleep did not come. The numbers on the clock mocked her. When the blessed relief of sleep finally enveloped her, it was plagued with images of men from her past, car crashes, and Robert’s disfigured form.

  She awoke to sunlight streaming through the windows. Before she even opened her eyes, it hit her. He was gone.

  She untangled herself from the sheets, crawled out of bed, and headed into the bathroom. Standing before the sink, she made the mistake of glancing into the mirror. Her eyes peered back at her, lifeless, nearly hidden above the swollen purple crescents underneath. She splashed water on her face, cursed at her reflection, and headed downstairs. The house was quiet. Too quiet.

  Robert’s note still sat on the kitchen counter. Kathryn grabbed it and crumpled it into a ball. About to throw it in the trash, she stopped in her tracks, and smoothed the note out, reading it again.

  This was the last note she’d ever get from him.

  He deserved better. If he weren’t so religious, maybe he would’ve left years ago. Well, he’d promised till death do us part. He kept his end of the bargain.

  4

  It was time to face everyone. Kathryn took a deep breath, and she and her mother walked along the front pathway into the church.

  “Thanks for coming up, Mom.”

  “Of course, honey.” Doris grabbed Kathryn’s hand and held it tightly. “I know how apprehensive you are about today.”

  Mark met them inside. He looked older, as if the grief etched new lines into his face. “Ladies. How are you two holding up?”

  “I’d be better if this day were over with,” Kathryn muttered.

  “Me too. Since I became the pastor here, I’ve done a lot of funerals, but never for family. Robert was much more than an in-law to me.”

  “I know.” Kathryn swallowed hard and glanced toward the sanctuary, where people were already starting to fill the room. “This is the part I can’t handle—dealing with all the people. What am I supposed to say to everyone?”

  “Your mom will be right beside you, and so will Anne and Eileen. We’ll get through this together.”

  Kathryn hung on to that promise as the crowd descended. She stood stoically at the front of the small sanctuary as a line of mourners stretched down the aisle and out the door. Fellow teachers and students from Pine Springs High, church members, and extended family filed past. A little more of her soul withered away with each hug, each kind word. Everyone was sorry. He was too young. He was such a fine man. How was she doing?

  When the line finally ca
me to an end, she sat in the front pew with her mother and Robert’s family, and fixed her eyes on Mark. There were no more tears left to cry. She was a hollow shell.

  For a full hour, Mark and what seemed like everyone else in the church told stories about Robert. As more and more people came forth, telling of how Robert helped them in one way or another, Kathryn questioned how well she knew her own husband. She didn’t recognize most of the people, and Robert didn’t talk about doing any of these things.

  Then again, maybe she never made time to listen.

  When the last person told their story, and Mark declared Robert was now “resting in the arms of his Savior,” whatever that meant, Kathryn grabbed her chance at freedom. She leaned over to her mother and whispered. “Can you hang out with Aunt Rita for a little while? I need to get out of here—away from all these people.”

  Her mother nodded.

  Kathryn sneaked out the side door of the church and escaped the crowd. She got in her car and drove aimlessly, ending up at the lake. The sky was cloudless, the lake crystal clear. It should be cold and rainy.

  She grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and kicked off her wretched heels. She sat by the water’s edge watching the sunlight dance off the ripples made by ducks swimming past. The clouds moved across the sky. Kathryn leaned back on her elbows, watching the scene in front of her. She stared at the sky until her arms started to fall asleep. Sitting up, she gazed over the lake. Kayakers paddled off in the distance, and she watched them until they disappeared from sight. A young couple walked along the path, hand in hand. The girl gazed into her lover’s face with adoration. An ache pierced Kathryn’s heart. She didn’t remember ever staring at Robert that way.

  She pulled out her phone and scrolled through the voicemail messages until she found the one from the night he died. Hands trembling, she pressed play. Robert’s voice sounded in her ear.

  “Hey Katie, guess you’re busy. Just wanted to let you know I’m having dinner at Anne and Mark’s place tonight. Anne asked, and, well, I didn’t think you’d probably be home by dinnertime anyway. Hope you’re having a good day. Love you.”