Following the Sparrows

by Karen Malley

  “I got a little dog for Christmas,” she told him. “I’ve never taken care of a dog before. It’s been a lot of fun.”

  “Oh. A dog.” He wrinkled his nose. “I think I’m allergic to everything on the planet that has fur. It’s a good thing I met you here at the restaurant.”

  Not sure what to say after that, Kathryn was grateful when the waiter arrived with their food. Kathryn bowed her head for a brief moment to give thanks before eating. She thought she’d been discreet, but when she raised her head, Phil pointed at her.

  “Did you pray for your food?” he asked.

  Kathryn reddened. “Yes, why?”

  “You’re a scientist. I didn’t think you believed in fairy tales.”

  Kathryn blinked. She had never been on this side of the conversation before. “I understand why you’d think that. I used to believe that too.” She told Phil about the Christmas Eve message and the sparrow flying into her window when she was at a low point. “I understand now what I’ve been missing out on all these years.”

  Phil raised his eyebrows. “You hear a story about a bird, one flies into your window, and now all of a sudden you’re convinced there’s a God? Sounds like a coincidence to me.” Phil wrinkled his brow. “No, I think you want a crutch to get you through a tough time.”

  Kathryn didn’t try to convince him. She herself wouldn’t have believed it even a month ago. This would be her last date with Phil. While he was a nice guy to talk to in cooking class, she didn’t want to spend time with someone who belittled her faith. She quickly changed the subject. “Have you tried out any of your new cooking skills yet?”

  “Not really,” Phil said. “Honestly, I only joined the class to meet people. I spend my day staring at a computer screen with dozens of other guys who are staring at their computer screens. I needed some variety in my life. Believe me, you’re much more attractive than the guys in the cubes around me.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  After several minutes, they found themselves back on more comfortable ground, and Kathryn relaxed a bit. Even if she wouldn’t be dating Phil again, she could make the best of the night.

  ~*~

  On the other side of the restaurant, Adam leaned back in the booth, with the Fredericks seated across from him.

  “It was awfully sweet of you to bring us here tonight,” Mrs. Frederick said.

  “It’s not every day your husband turns eighty-three. We needed to celebrate,” Adam said. “And no arguing, you two, because I insist this is my treat.”

  Mrs. Frederick’s eyes gleamed. “Did I ever tell you the story of the first time my Stanley took me out to a restaurant?”

  As Adam listened, a familiar form caught his eye. Gazing past Mrs. Frederick’s head, across the restaurant, a woman reminded him of Kathryn. It was hard to tell by the back of her head, but it seemed to be her. He strained to get a closer look, while still trying to keep one eye on his dinner companions.

  A few moments later, she turned her head to talk to the waiter, and he caught her profile. It was Kathryn. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her face. He almost excused himself to go talk to her, but he caught a glance of her dinner partner. He didn’t miss the expression on the man’s face, smiling at her in admiration. Adam’s heart sank. There was someone else. That’s why she wasn’t calling him.

  “Adam, dear, are you all right?” Mrs. Frederick’s voice brought him back into the conversation at the table. He nodded, full of guilt for missing her story. She peered over her shoulder. “What’s so interesting back there? You look as if you saw…” She stopped when she caught a glimpse of Kathryn and the mystery man. “Oh. It’s our girl. I’m guessing you’re not too happy she’s here with someone else.”

  Adam’s gaze dropped to his plate, his appetite suddenly gone.

  “She has every right to be out with whomever she wants. She’s not ‘our girl’.” Much as I would like her to be. He turned his gaze back into the understanding face of Mrs. Frederick. “Now, tell me more about your first restaurant date.” He could process what happened with Kathryn later. He focused on the people he was there with, and put Kathryn in the back of his mind, at least for now, until the waiter came over bearing a gigantic slice of chocolate cake, several other waiters in tow. Their rendition of “Happy Birthday” caused everyone in the restaurant to turn their way, including Kathryn.

  Adam couldn’t resist. When she looked his way, her eyes widening in surprise, he gave her a wink.

  Her expression was unreadable. Color rose to her cheeks and she quickly turned away.

  ~*~

  Full of emotion, Kathryn turned back to Phil. He was watching the waiters finish their birthday display. “That’s nice. Some guy took his grandparents out for his granddad’s birthday.”

  “They aren’t his grandparents, they’re…” Kathryn stopped abruptly.

  Phil didn’t miss her words. “Oh, do you know them?”

  Had he seen the wink? Kathryn tried, but she couldn’t read him.

  “Did you want to go over and say hello?” Phil asked.

  Did she want to say hello? No. She wanted to run over there and jump into Adam’s arms, hold him, and never let go. Unfortunately, that position was taken now. Kathryn shook her head. Out loud, she answered “No, let’s just finish our meal.”

  She picked at the rest of her dinner, resisting the urge every few seconds to turn around and gaze into those deep brown eyes again. That wink was wreaking havoc with her insides. What was Adam thinking? What was she thinking? She forced herself to listen to Phil.

  “And that’s how I ended up at the bottom of the canyon with nothing but a canteen of water and a broken hiking stick.”

  Kathryn tried to say something to show she’d heard at least some of his story. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, Adam and the Fredericks chose that moment to leave the restaurant. They passed right by their table. Mrs. Frederick touched her arm.

  “Happy New Year, Kathryn. It’s lovely to see you. Do come by and visit us again soon.” She turned and continued walking toward the door, her arm linked with Mr. Frederick’s.

  Adam turned toward her, opened his mouth as if to speak, but after a glance toward Phil, seemed to change his mind. He nodded to them both and followed after the Fredericks.

  Having him stand so close was almost too much for her. She’d forgotten how handsome he was. She fought the urge to follow after him. He was with Gina now. She couldn’t even go out on a date without Adam showing up and ruining everything.

  Phil watched the exchange and then stared at her pointedly. “I’m guessing you’re ready for me to ask for the check.”

  “No…yes. I’m sorry, Phil. I’ve got a lot on my mind right now,” Kathryn said.

  “That’s OK. I know what’s going on here,” Phil said.

  “You… you do?” Kathryn asked.

  “Oh yes. I’m an excellent judge of people. That guy was clearly upset to see you out with me. Given what you told me about the recent loss of your husband, that must’ve been either your husband’s brother or close friend. He thinks it’s too soon for you to be out with someone else. I’m going with close friend, since you said those weren’t his grandparents.” Phil paused and rested his chin in his hand. “Ok, I’ve got it. Those were your husband’s grandparents, and you were trying to hide from them because they wouldn’t approve of you dating someone else again so soon.”

  Kathryn bit her lip to keep from laughing. “You’re something else, Phil.”

  “Ahh, I knew it! As I said, I’m an expert at reading people.” He took a sip from his drink. “So, it’s all settled. I’ll be right back.”

  Phil trotted over to the front door and intercepted the trio on their way out. What was he doing? From her vantage point, Phil’s back was to her, but she could clearly see Adam’s face. His gaze turned toward her, and an amused smile crept over his face. Phil shook his hand, smiled at the Fredericks and returned to the table.

  “What did you say
to them?”

  “I hope you don’t mind. I explained to them I was simply a friend from cooking class and you were testing the waters again. I assured them you meant no disrespect to your husband’s memory, and they shouldn’t worry.”

  Kathryn sank into her chair. If Adam hadn’t already left the restaurant, she would’ve crawled under the table. She managed “Thank you, Phil. That was...uh…gracious of you. I’d like to go home now.”

  27

  Kathryn was up and dressed for church early. This would be her first time listening to one of Mark’s sermons as a believer. Before the service started, she greeted several members of the congregation she remembered from when she and Robert attended. She found herself warmly welcomed, much like she’d been on Christmas Eve. She chided herself for not coming back sooner.

  ~*~

  Three rows back, Adam once again recognized the familiar shape of Kathryn’s head in front of him. A thrill went through him at the sight of her in church. Not only for selfish reasons, but he was genuinely glad she was giving it a try. She would be OK. Once again, he needed to restrain himself from going up to her. Even if she was attending church, it didn’t mean she wanted to be involved with him. After all, she was on a date with another guy last night. What a strange situation that was.

  As the music went on, he tried harder and harder to pay attention to the words he was singing, but the distraction of having her there proved too much for him. He slid into a seat across the aisle, where he wouldn’t be staring at the back of her head instead of the front of the sanctuary.

  Mark’s sermon proved moving and insightful once again, and he wanted to find out what Kathryn thought. Surely there was no harm in that, was there? When the service was over, Adam moved over to intercept Kathryn as she exited.

  When he got her attention, he was sure warmth flashed in her eyes, but as quickly as it came, it dissolved. Kathryn’s cheeks reddened, and her smile was stiff and forced.

  “Hi, Adam. It’s nice to see you again. Is everything going well?” she asked politely.

  Adam took his cues from her body language. She wasn’t interested in him. “Everything is fine. Did you enjoy your dinner last night?”

  The flush in her cheeks deepened. “About Phil. I’m sorry—he thought you were Robert’s family, and…”

  Adam chuckled. “That’s what that was all about. Well, if that’s the case, it was downright scandalous for you to be drinking coffee with me months ago.”

  Kathryn bristled. “It’s not like we were…,” she stammered, unable to go on.

  Adam’s stomach dropped. Dating. That’s what she was about to say. She was right. They weren’t dating. Unlike that guy last night, he never got up the guts to ask.

  Kathryn started to walk away.

  “Kathryn, listen.” She turned back toward him. “I’m happy you’re in church. How did you like the service?”

  “Mark always does such a great job. I never appreciated it much before, but now…” She trailed off. “Don’t you need to be getting off to Sunday School? Ben will be missing you.”

  Adam took the hint. After exchanging goodbyes, he headed over to his room of rowdy preschoolers.

  ~*~

  The next week went by without incident. Kathryn dutifully went to work each day, helping to clean out the labs and writing reports on the projects that would be transferred to Boston. Each day she dreaded the idea of moving more and more. On one of her visits with Anne, she mentioned it to her.

  “Anne, how can I tell if God wants me to make this move? There’s not a single part of me that wants to do it, but how can I give up the opportunity for the job? I can’t afford to sell the house without it, and I can’t afford to pay the mortgage if I don’t.”

  “When you’re following God, He will give you peace. Do you have peace about moving to Boston?” Anne asked.

  “No, I don’t. Nothing felt right about that trip except for the church service. The people on that site don’t want me there, and I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted. Still, what if God is sending me there to test my obedience?”

  “Now that you’ve given your heart to God, you need to give Him the rest of you,” Anne said.

  “What do you mean?” Kathryn asked, confused.

  “The only way to please God is to follow His plan for your life. It’s also the only way worth living. Trying to figure it out on your own brings nothing but heartache, plus, it’s exhausting. God created you, and He has a plan to use you, but you need to be obedient. He’ll tell you whether you’re supposed to take that job. He went to a lot of trouble to get your attention, and He won’t leave you stranded now that you’ve finally come around.”

  “That makes sense. I’ve always tried to do everything on my own. You’re right, it is exhausting. But how can I tell what God wants me to do?”

  “You’ll find peace in your heart when you’re going in the right direction, and you’ll be uneasy when you’re not,” Anne said. “Sounds as though you’re not feeling a whole lot of peace about it. If you pray, God will give you an answer. I’m not sure how the finances will work out, but God will provide for your needs. You need to trust Him. Just because this opportunity may be available doesn’t mean it’s where God wants you to go. What about a local job?” Anne asked.

  “There aren’t any lab jobs in this area right now. The only option would be…”

  “What?” Anne asked.

  “No, forget it. It wouldn’t work anyway,” Kathryn said.

  “You were going to say something, now what is it?” Anne asked.

  “I always thought about teaching. I loved doing the research, but some days I would come home and listen to Robert tell me about a connection he made with one of his students. ”

  Anne brightened. “Katie, that would be fantastic. Why don’t you get your teaching certification?”

  “If I taught college, I wouldn’t need that. My degree is all I would need.”

  “What’s stopping you? Get to working on it.” Anne’s enthusiasm was contagious.

  “I’ll pray about it and do my best to trust God to provide.” When Kathryn got home, she plopped onto the sofa with her laptop, Bandit’s head on her lap. She scrolled through the chemistry listings for Pennsylvania. Something caught her eye and she scrolled back up.

  Adjunct Faculty position—Chemistry—Pine Springs Community College.

  After the double-take, she sat up straighter, excitement coursing through her veins. Bandit whined at being unceremoniously dumped from her lap.

  “Sorry, Buddy,” Kathryn said. “I got excited. They want someone to teach. Right here! They need someone for the fall semester to teach General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, and the laboratories. I could do that!”

  She scrolled further through the listing. Her heart sank when she got to the compensation. “Oh, Bandit. They don’t pay too much for adjunct faculty. It’s only a couple thousand per course.” Even so, something lit inside her that wouldn’t go away.

  Bandit cocked his head at her, wagging his tail.

  “You know what? I’ll apply anyway. I can’t afford it, but what can it hurt?” She started the application process. When she got to the letters of reference section, she paused. Who could she use? Gordon would not be pleased to find out she was applying for something else when he was pulling strings to help her transfer to the Boston site. She hadn’t spoken to her PhD advisor in 3 years… Then it came to her. Sarah. She wasn’t a supervisor, but they collaborated on several projects over the years, and she was well acquainted with her work. Still, for an academic position, she’d need a recommendation from her professor. She’d need to call him.

  Her stomach tightened. She’d successfully avoided any connection with that lab for three years. She didn’t see an option, though. Was applying for a part-time job she couldn’t afford worth the risk?

  She leaned forward with her head on her hands. Rubbing her forehead, she murmured “God, I need help. I need your guidance. I can’t keep running fro
m the past forever. Please, tell me what I should do.” She leaned back, her head back against the sofa. She had to call. She opened her contacts and found the number. Dr. McCullough’s cell. Palms sweating, she made the call.

  After four rings, her breathing returned to normal. She wouldn’t have to do this right now. As quickly as the thought came, however, a familiar voice answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Dr. McCullough, this is Kathryn Baker. It’s been a long time, but I wanted to ask you something.”

  A big sigh came through the phone. “Yes, Kathryn, it’s true,” he replied.

  “Excuse me? What’s true?” Kathryn asked.

  “The news about Charlie. You’re a little late to the party. All my other students called a long time ago to share in the gossip.”

  Kathryn’s heart pounded. “I’m not calling about Charlie.”

  The voice on the other end took on a friendlier tone. “Well, in that case, it’s a pleasure to hear from you, Kathryn. It’s been some time. How are things in…it’s Pennsylvania, isn’t it?”

  “F-fine,” she managed. The mention of Charlie almost made her forget why she was calling. “I was wondering if you would be willing to write a recommendation for me.” She explained the situation at M. K. and the opening to teach classes locally.

  “I’d be delighted if you walked in my footsteps,” her mentor said. “Send me an email with the details and the address and I’ll send it out in the next couple of days.”

  Kathryn was about to miss out on an opportunity to find out some potentially valuable information. What was up with Charlie? Did her professor know why he was no longer on the internet?

  “Sir,” she asked, “what is going on with Charlie?”

  “Oh, now we don’t need go into that. I’m glad you were calling for more pleasant purposes. I’ll get that letter out soon. Keep in touch more often.”

  Kathryn was left with more questions. God, am I doing the right thing? You said I’m forgiven, but I can’t shake the past. I need to know it is behind me. I need help. Where is Charlie? Will he find me? Do you want me to go to Boston? Should I even bother with this application? Could you show me a sign?