Hey! You busy?
I fired off the text and hoped he answered quickly.
Nope. What’s up? Everything ok?
Sure. Just thinking about what Uni I want to go to. Mum’s been sneaking in suggestions close to home.
There’s nothing wrong with that. And I speak from experience. But at the end of the day, you need to do what’s right for you.
I think about his words for a moment.
Thanks for the advice. When are you home? I have a favour to ask.
Saturday. Are you working? And what can I do for you?
I gave up on the texting and just phoned Oliver instead. “Hey, will you teach me to drive? Just the basics?” I jumped in with the favour.
“I thought you were having lessons?”
“No, just something I haven’t got around to. So?”
“Well, yeah. Sure.”
“Great! Thank you. It will be good to see you.” The wistfulness was clear in my voice, and I didn’t have the strength to hide it.
“You sound sad. Anything wrong?”
“No. Just, I don’t know. Maddison and I haven’t been getting on. At least that’s my version of events. I’m sure his will be different.” I stopped before admitting how lost I felt without either of them in my life.
“You’ve got other friends. I’m sure Mads doesn’t have a problem. But if you want, come over when I’m back. We can try and sort everything out.”
“Yeah. We see each other plenty. It’s just we need to clear the air. Maybe I will.” There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “Oliver?”
“Still here. Look, I’ll see you on Saturday.”
Somehow, admitting the rift between Maddison and me to Oliver made me want to do something about it before the weekend. I didn’t want it to still be awkward between us.
Wednesday was the night I’d usually help Maddison with his study. I hadn’t been over to see him in weeks, and there was a huge part of me that was worried he’d just give up on his schoolwork without the encouragement and tutoring. He hated school, he’d made that clear, and I knew he wouldn’t be pushing to go on to University. It was in the peripheral of my mind when I’d thought about the future. For the first time in my life, I’d be on my own, without my mum or my friends. Most people my age saw that as a rite of passage or couldn’t wait to move away to exert their independence and enjoy being an adult.
It haunted me, filling me with an empty chill that made me doubt I’d ever feel whole again. Sure, I hadn’t decided what to do yet, but a large part of that was because I was terrified of making the decision.
Just as I raised my hand to knock at the door, Maddison came barrelling out. “Oh, hey.” He stopped dead in his tracks. A t-shirt strained across his chest and clung to his torso.
I stepped back and tried to avert my gaze, but heat crept over my cheeks. “Wow, what have you been doing the last few weeks?” I asked. He looked like all he’d done was put on muscle.
“I’ve been hitting the gym. It’s been good for me.”
The tension built like fog rolling in at the shore.
“So, I thought we could look at catching up on some study? I know I’ve not been around to help, and I’m sorry.”
“Worried I’m going to fail if you didn’t come and help? Jeez, thanks, Grace,” he spat the words, and I took a step back.
“No, I just… You know as well as I do that study isn’t your thing, and I wanted to help. This is me offering an olive branch.” Mads was acting weirdly. I’d come here to apologise and clear the air, and now I felt under attack.
“You don’t need to worry about my grades, Grace. What does it matter anyway, it’s not like I’m going to be doing anything with them? It’s just a waste of time.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Look, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to go.”
“I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing, and I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment, okay?” The urge to fix things and stop the way he was speaking to me raced to the surface.
“Fine. Whatever.” He brushed past me in his rush to leave.
It seemed he’d taken our time apart to pass his driving test. He climbed into his parents’ car and without another glance in my direction, headed out.
Tears threatened as I stared at the space where the car had been parked. Maddison had never dismissed me like that before. He’d always looked out for me, made sure I was okay and made time for me. For us.
I ambled home, feeling more lost than ever, and I thought back to the words and confusion that started all of this. Maddison had girls queuing up to be with him. He was the popular one who could have easily chosen to be with his friends above Oliver and me at times. But he hadn’t.
Because we had something special.
Or at least I’d thought we had. The way he’d dismissed me so easily, maybe I’d been wrong? Or maybe he was hurting at my unintended rejection in the first place and how I’d chosen to distance myself? The ache in my chest gave a little pulse and reminded me that nothing was simple anymore and being friends with these brothers came with complications I was hiding from. But what other choice did I have?
The weekend came around and with it a seesaw of joy and trepidation. Oliver was home—I’d got my friend back for a snatch of time, and that made half of my heart sing with happiness. But, we were all having dinner together. I hadn’t reached out to Maddison again, and the nerves about how he might react to me festered in my stomach.
Our fights had been stupid, but I couldn’t undo them or make things right, no matter how much I wished to have my friend back. I pushed the concern from my mind, as it wasn’t fair to let it cloud my day with Oliver. I’d had my provisional driving license for months, so I should just get on with my lessons.
The knock at the door set my feet to action, and I ran down the steps as fast as I could, springing the door wide open. “Hi,” I breathed.
“Hey. You ready?”
“Sort of. Are we learning in your car? Don’t we have to get insurance and stuff?” We walked down the drive.
“See, here’s the thing. I can’t actually teach you to drive.”
“Oh.” My good mood popped like a balloon in my chest.
“I need to be twenty-one. So, unless you want to wait, we’ll have to do it another way.”
“Another way?” I looked at Oliver quizzically, my eyes drawn to the lazy smile tugging at his lips.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a jog back towards his house. “It’s not going to be a proper lesson, but it might help with the basics. I’m sure my Dad would be happy to take you out properly?” He opened the doors to his car and jumped in the driver’s side. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
He drove us down the lane, where we rode our bikes as children. The air was warm, and the sun was bright in the sky, flooding me with memories of the times we’d escaped and spent days playing out in the sun and around our tree.
Oliver took the dirt track and then stopped at the gate we’d climbed over more times than I could count.
“We’re going into a field? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. The farmer’s not using it, and it’s been dry for weeks, so no damage to the car or the land. It’s not like we’re spinning doughnuts. Just getting you started.”
It was perfect—and typical Oliver.
When we were in the field, past the tree, we swapped seats, and I got comfy behind the wheel. Oliver went over the clutch-brake-accelerator positions and all the other basics that I sort of already knew. Sitting behind a real car made me feel small and powerless.
I started the engine, and we both smiled at each other like the goofy teenagers we were. “Okay, then, over to you. Nice and steady.”
I eased my feet to find the bite point, and the car edged forward. Then I relaxed and pressed a bit harder, but the car lurched forward, jumping and stalling.
“Don’t worry. Try
again,” Oliver encouraged, and I did as I was told. I repeated the actions again, and this time, I was more careful with my foot pressure, and before I knew it, I’d changed gear, and we were driving down the middle of the field.
“See, piece of cake.” Oliver exaggerated and put his hands behind his head, mocking me.
“It’s certainly a start. Thank you. Now brakes?” I tapped the pedal, and we both sprung forward in our seats. “Oops. A little hard.” We burst into laughter before I started up again, practising the stop and start in a more controlled manner.
We continued the lessons. Turning in a circle, reversing and a sort of three-point turn for the next couple of hours before we headed back to the gate and swapped seats. It was the most fun we’d had together in a while, and just reminded me why I needed Oliver in my life.
I’d nearly forgotten about who was waiting for me at the end of the trip back at the Ray’s.
As we came through into the kitchen, our spirits high and happy, Maddison was sitting at the breakfast table, eating a bowl of cereal, even though it was nearly two in the afternoon.
“Hey,” I offered, hopeful that things would be normal. “Late night?” I asked, taking in his messed-up hair and lazy appearance. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. All he did was shrug and dig his spoon into his cereal again.
I lingered in the kitchen as Oliver grabbed us a drink and I waited to see if Maddison would acknowledge us. He didn’t look up but stayed focused on his food. “Will you be here for dinner?” I asked, not ready to give up on him.
“Should be,” was his murmured response.
“Whatever. If you can’t be bothered to even look at me, I’ll go.” My mini outburst surprised me, but it had the desired effect. Maddison dropped his spoon and speared me with his glare. Hurt-filled eyes stared at me like all the pain and suffering inside of him was a result of me and my actions. I was taken aback—shocked at his expression. It made me want to run to him and wrap him in my arms, to tell him that he still occupied the same space in my heart, but I wasn’t sure that was enough.
“Come on.” Oliver put his hands on my shoulders, and that movement seemed to make Maddison’s face morph further into hatred. He shook his head and left, storming past us on his way out.
He’d drawn a line in the sand, at least that’s what it felt like from where I was standing, and I wasn’t sure how to rub that away. It was like whatever I did, I was stuck. I could either have one friend or the other and forcing us all together, ended in pain for more than one of us.
How was that fair? And why, after how he was treating me, did I still miss Maddison with every beat of my heart? Why did I crave a way to fix this so that I’d never have to see that look in his eyes again?
Chapter 12
Grace 18 Years Old
With every day closer to my birthday, it was also closer to our exam results. I’d finally know if I could go off to University. In my heart, I knew I’d get the grades. I’d studied hard, and had set my sights on a strong Uni choice, rather than getting my hopes up for Oxford or Cambridge or anything too ambitious. But I hadn’t made my mind up as to where to study. That choice relied on a few other decisions that I’d been putting off forever.
As usual, my summer-time birthday included time with my mum, followed by time over at the Ray’s. Vivien always made me a birthday dinner and cake, and this year was no exception.
“Happy birthday, to you.” They all sang as Vivien brought out the chocolate cake, complete with a flaming eighteen sparkling on the top. Balloons and streamers completed the scene in their kitchen.
I’d always felt like one of the family here, right from the start, and that had never changed, even if my friendship with the boys had changed—as it had with Maddison.
I missed him. I missed talking to him, spending time with him, and more than anything, knowing that he’d always be there for me. The ache in my chest had only grown bigger with the distance between us, and it cast shade over every part of my life. It was sad and considering my friendship pool was shallower than most—the loss carved out a hole in my life that I didn’t know how to fill.
“Hey,” Maddison pulled me over to one side after we’d sliced and eaten cake. “Got a minute?”
“Sure,” I said breezily, covering up the pounding in my chest at what would come next. Each time I saw Maddison, he seemed to have grown in size, bulking out even more and jeopardising the stitching on another t-shirt.
He scowled at Oliver, who seemed to want to intervene with his plan to pull me away. We paused at the doorway to the living room. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks.”
“No, I mean it. Eighteen is pretty special.”
“We’re the same age, Mads.”
“I know.” He shifted in his spot, looking uncomfortable. “I got you a gift. To say sorry, as well.” He pulled out a small silver bracelet from his pocket, with a charm of a cat hanging from the clasp. “I know you’ll miss Bob like mad when you go off to Uni. I wanted you to have something to remind you of him, even if he can’t be with you.”
I stared at the small gift and risked touching the little cat figure, testing it to make sure it was real.
“Here, let me.” He took the bracelet and fastened it on my wrist. “I hope you –”
I flung my arms around his neck and squeezed him to me. He stayed still for a moment before his body warmed to my action, and he pulled me closer into him. For that moment—wrapped in his arms—everything was forgotten and buried. I had my friend back and then some. It was the closest we’d ever been, and I couldn’t deny how good it felt.
“Thank you. I love it. And I’m sorry too. I don’t want to fight. Ever.”
He pulled away, putting air between us again. “We won’t anymore. If, you come with me next week. I’m taking you out for your birthday. No arguments.”
“Out? Like dinner? A movie?” My smile crept up at the corners of my mouth, and a bubble of excitement tickled my stomach.
“More like a club. You’re eighteen now, and I’m taking it upon myself to show you a good time.” He smiled at me, and I saw the boy I’d known my whole life. Recognising him after all this time gave me all the courage I needed.
“Okay, then. I’m in your hands. Tell me when and what I need to wear.”
He shook his head and looked to the ceiling. “Oh, Grace.”
“Oh, Grace, what?” Oliver joined us.
“Oh, nothing for you to worry about.” Maddison stalked off as if he’d forgotten all about the last few minutes and the sulky, aggravated boy returned for everyone else to see.
“What did he want?” Oliver asked unhappily.
“Just to wish me happy birthday. Don’t worry. Is there any cake left? I’ll take some back to Mum.” I shut the conversation down, as I knew it was just another argument waiting to happen.
Walking back home, I looked up at the stars that had begun to bloom over the night sky. I’d walked this path hundreds of times, leaving my heart back in the house I’d just come from. Lately, it hadn’t felt quite so sad to be going home, but tonight, all of that angst came crashing back to me. And deciphering my feelings didn’t seem to be getting any easier now that I was legally an adult. It would have been nice if the mystery of my heart and what it wanted had been resolved on the stroke of midnight. Alas, my world didn’t conform to fantasy or fairy tales.
Mum enjoyed the birthday cake, and I went to bed with a strand of silver wrapped around my wrist and my heart.
I’d always shied away from anything that could be interpreted as a date with Maddison. But now, nervous energy infused my body at what might happen. Sure, there had been the occasional party and other ‘social’ thing that I’d showed my face at. But overall, I didn’t like crowds of people or many people in general.
But there was something different about tonight. Like it was due to me—to us—or something.
Maddison picked me up, and we drove to town. Not a part I was familiar with, but whatever. B
lack fitted jeans, my one and only ‘pretty’ top, and the single pair of heels I owned would have to do. But as we walked to the venue, my concern about dress code morphed into a new worry.
There weren’t people lurking at the entrance, no line to get in and wait, just a black door, a small shutter like a letterbox, and that was it. No signage or flashing neon, no carpet, or any of the other trappings I’d have expected at a club.
Maddison knocked on the door and waited. The shutter slid open, and two beady eyes peeked out. They took one look at Maddison before disappearing again. The lock snicked and preceded the door opening. Maddison pulled me through into darkness.
We were surrounded by a gloom that took my eyes a while to adjust to. The low-level thud of music echoed through the walls. Maddison grabbed my hand and gripped it tightly in his. The action transported me back to our first day at school together. It immediately set my pulse racing in panic at what we were walking into. This wasn’t a usual club and nothing like I was expecting from our night out.
After weaving through the dark corridor that seemed to have a steady gradient upward, we came out in a large room, where music emanated. A bar lined the back wall, and the space seemed to be built on layers. My eyes rushed around, trying to take everything in. Maddison pulled us over to one of the railings that looked down on the levels below, and right in the centre was a ring of sorts.
“Come on, let me get you a drink.” Maddison pulled me over to the bar on our level, and my feet dutifully followed.
“This isn’t quite what I was expecting, Mads.” I kept my hand firmly wrapped in his.
“I wanted to show you where I might be soon.”
“What do you mean?”
“Here. I’ve got a job here. Got to start making money somehow.” He smiled at me before ordering two beers.
The music thudded through the walls, limiting any conversation to a few shouted sentences.
The Two Halves of my Heart: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance Page 10