I leaned into Mads, wanting to get some answers. “What is this place?”
“It’s a club. I told you.”
“But it’s not got a dance floor.”
“It’s just got a different clientele. Stop worrying.” He leaned back on the bar and looked… different here. His confidence was like a shield around him, and instead of looking nervous and intimidated by this place, he was soaking it in. The boy I knew so well was very much the man he’d grown into here. And he fit in. He’d ruled the sports field and the school corridors, so why should it be different out here?
He nodded his head to the side and took my hand. Again, I squeezed his hand, making sure he didn’t lose me in the dark. He made his way down a couple of levels, and the ring I could see from the top became clearer. It was a cage on a platform with space for people to watch from the level above.
“What’s this for?” I asked as Mads seemed to have stopped leaning over to watch the empty ring.
“It’s a fight ring.”
“A what?” I shrieked, although it didn’t carry in here with all the noise.
“A fight ring. People go up against each other, place bets, and drink. It’s what this place is about.”
“Is that safe?” It was the first question of many out of my mouth. “This, I don’t…” I started to look around again and noticed some of the other patrons. There was a mix of mostly men, some in suits, some in leather, and all gathering.
I pulled Maddison’s attention, forcing him to look at me. “Is there a fight tonight?”
“Yeah. I thought it would be cool.” I could see from his face that he was fired up to see what was coming. Even in the shadows, his eyes glinted with excitement.
Before I could protest, a roar went up around us, drowning out the music. There was no announcement or fanfare like a boxing match on TV. Maddison pulled me closer to him and put his arm around my shoulder.
We both watched as two guys made their way into the ring. They were bare-chested and wore dark shorts with strappings decorating their hands and knees. The men started to circle each other, sizing the other up. The din quietened, all eyes now looking down on the spectacle below.
The first guy stepped forward and swung his arm, connecting to the other’s jaw. A spray of liquid spluttered out as his head snapped around. I looked away, hiding against Maddison.
I don’t want to be here.
Watching someone beat up another person was not what I’d wanted from tonight. I thought we’d go to a club, have a drink or two, dance, and laugh. “I want to go.”
Maddison didn’t hear me but continued to watch below.
“Mads, listen. I want to go.” I tugged on his arm, but he brushed me off, keeping his attention on the fight below.
With my stomach churning and fear ready to overrun my bloodstream, I took a step away from Mads, sure that I could make it back out without him.
“I’m going!” I screamed at him. He finally heard me, and his face morphed from excitement, to worry.
My feet inched back, but I bumped into another spectator, and I turned so that I didn’t run into anyone else. I walked back through the people who seemed to have appeared from nowhere. I ducked and dived, back up the levels until I saw the bar, then around the edge and into the entrance of the corridor.
I took a breather before going farther and looked back. Maddison was a few feet behind me, following in my path. Relief flooded me but didn’t calm the shakes that now wrecked me.
“Come on.” He’d caught up with me, pulled me against him and led me out.
When we were out in the open, I took a deep, calming breath. “Take me home.”
Maddison at least agreed with no argument. He nodded and pulled me against him again. As we walked back to the car, I could feel his heartbeat keeping time as I rested my head against his chest. I focused on the rhythm and let it calm my racing heart.
We sat in the car, and I waited for him to start driving. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
We didn’t say anything else the entire ride home. My fingers fiddled with the small cat on my wrist, smoothing it in between my thumb and forefinger. All I wanted to do was bolt from the car and run back to my room where I could forget about watching people throwing punches for fun.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” As if he knew my intention, Maddison took my arm before I could flee the car. “Look at me,” he pleaded. I raised my eyes to his, and I saw the confusion and worry there. “Are we okay?”
“Just, don’t take me back there. I wanted a date for my birthday, not a fight.” I pulled away and opened the door. And I realised that it wasn’t just the fight or the place. It was the disappointment of the non-date. I’d finally agreed to let Mads take me out, and it was an epic failure. And worse, what on earth had Mads got himself mixed up in?
The good thing about the disastrous non-date was that it gave me something to focus on other than my exam results. I could have gone in to collect them in person, but by the time I woke up in the morning, I’d had my emails from all of the universities with offers, which meant my results didn’t really matter.
Now to decide.
“Sweetie? Do you want breakfast?”
“Sure, I’ll be right down.” I gave Bob an affectionate rub before going down to tell Mum the good news. A huge spread of pancakes, strawberries, yoghurt, and pastries decorated the table. “Mum!” All my favourite foods were ready for me to eat.
“I wanted to celebrate.”
“Thank you.” I offered her a small hug before taking a seat.
“So, have you made any decisions now you know all of your options?” Mum asked as I speared a berry.
“Well, I think I need to decide between Nottingham and St Mary’s.” I took a bite of a croissant and let the flaky pastry melt in my mouth.
“Not Bristol?”
I looked up at her. She wasn’t letting this go. “Mum, it was my safety choice. I don’t think I need to take it up.”
“Listen, sweetie. Now you’re an adult I think I should tell you a little more about why we moved out here.”
“Okay…” I waited for her to go on. It had been over ten years, and when we did first move here, it was everything my last home wasn’t. I was too young to ask questions, and why would I when I got to play and be happy?
“You might not remember him well, but we moved because of your father. Or to escape him.” I remembered bringing up questions about my dad a few years ago, but she hadn’t wanted to discuss it. The way she emphasised the word escape, repeated over in my head, and I knew I needed to hear the rest of this story.
“He was charming and handsome and everything I thought I wanted. Until he changed. He became involved with some nasty guys. Gambling, drinking, staying out all the time. I didn’t notice at first as I had a new baby to occupy myself. But as you got older, he got worse. He was constantly in debt, his mood changed, he wasn’t the man I fell in love with, and he didn’t make any effort to be in your life.”
As Mum set out the picture for me, I was surprised by the lack of emotion I was feeling. Subconsciously, perhaps, I didn’t want to know about my dad. And now she was justifying what I had known deep down all along, just with the full gory details.
“We’d started getting into arguments about his behaviour. And as time went on, it just got worse and worse. I carried on the best I could, working as much as possible to save and keep money away from him because he’d just spend it or gamble it away.”
“So, what made you leave?”
“The fighting.”
“Fighting?” I asked, my blood turning to ice at the word as I pictured the scene from the other night.
“He started to come home looking like he’d been in a fight. Cut lip, swollen eyes, black and blue with bruises. I thought it was his debts catching up with him, but it wasn’t. He needed to make money and to keep some nasty people happy, so he started fighting. Sometimes he’d win—sometimes he’d lose. That was the hardest part. Seein
g the man I loved get beaten up for money.”
The words sank in, but all I could think about was Maddison and the club he’d taken me to. The men in the ring, was that what my father did? I didn’t know how old he was, but if he were the same age as my mum, he’d be in his late forties now.
“You left him?”
“I had no choice. His lifestyle, the fights, the money; it all caught up with him. People came to the house. They took my car and threatened us. So, I left. He always swore I’d never leave him, and that if I did, he’d find us. It’s taken a long time for me to stop looking over my shoulder all the time.”
“You don’t want me leaving home, do you?” Now she’d put everything on the table, I understood the overprotectiveness I’d experienced over the years. I’d put it down to her being a watchful mum. With her story as context, I could understand her worry.
“No. I know I have no right. This is your life, and I can’t make you pay for the mistakes I made, but I’m your mother, and I need to watch out for you.”
“Where did we live before?” I realised I’d never asked any of these questions in the past. Was that because I suspected it wasn’t something I wanted to know about?
“London.”
“He doesn’t know where we are now, so why would he be able to find me somewhere else?” I knocked St Mary’s off my options and thought about what other choices I had to make.
“He might not. But that doesn’t make it any easier for me.”
My mind sorted through the list of questions that kept popping up. But the one thing I couldn’t escape was that I’d be causing Mum more pain if I moved away. Did I need to do that?
“What’s my father’s name?”
“Mike. But he was known as Mikey. Mikey Kenner.”
Chapter 13
Grace 18 Years Old
University was…. just more of the same.
Staying at home meant I missed out on plenty, but I’d chosen to look at it a different way. By listening to my mum, I’d kept worry from her mind and stayed with Bob. Plus, I still got to see Maddison and Oliver regularly. Too much was changing in my life that I couldn’t control. This was something I could, and so it was an easy decision when it came down to it.
Maddison didn’t go to Uni. He got a job, two actually. He joined a local contractor and started labouring for them during the week, and at weekends, he went to The Club. Turned out they couldn’t think of anything more imaginative to call the place. Things had settled between us. He didn’t ask me to go back there with him, but he did take me out every couple of weeks—nothing special, just burgers and milkshakes at a place near town. The American décor made the place feel authentic, with a jukebox and red leather booths. But it was the milkshakes that had me going back. They were the best I’d ever tasted. It was our thing, and more than anything, that made me happy. My friend was back. We were both pretty busy with our own lives, but somehow there was an unwritten understanding that it was harder to be without each other than work at being friends. Our meetings were without any pressure or expectation, at least visibly. A current still existed between us—a tension that never left. Each time we met, it would climb up my spine and wrap around my chest, tightening further and further until we parted.
Mads was positively huge now. His chest so broad, his muscles so defined that I wondered if he’d taken up bodybuilding. And just like always, he pulled the eyes of every female in the room when we were out. When we were in school, it had been easier for me to ignore. Now, it seemed rude how the waitress ignored me and only talked to him, or despite us being out together, the girls and woman gave him the eye and caught his attention, like I was invisible to them.
“Don’t worry about them. I don’t.”
“It’s just rude. You can see me, right?” I’d waved my hand in front of his face for dramatic effect.
“Oh, I see you, don’t worry.” He dipped his eyes quickly to the menu. “What do you fancy today?”
“A strawberry —”
“Yes, I know, you never vary your milkshake choice.”
“Why should I, when you can’t get better than strawberry?” I wagged my eyebrows at him.
“Okay, Grace. But sometimes wouldn’t you like a little chocolate? Or caramel? I tell you; you’re missing out.”
“I’ll take your word for it. And I’m going to have the veggie burger with wedges and sour cream.”
We ordered, but Mads didn’t settle, and his leg drummed a beat on the floor, sending vibrations through the table.
“Everything okay?
“Yeah. I’m good.” He put down the saltshaker and looked at me. “Listen, there’s something I need to ask you.”
My heart sat up and took note at his request. “Sure. Shoot.”
“Now, you have to promise me something first.” He looked worried, which made me worry about what he could need to ask that had put that look on his handsome face.
“What?” I sat forward and grasped his hand.
“Promise me you’ll hear me out and that you won’t freak out. And most of all, know that this is important to me and that I need you there. You and Oliver.”
“Oliver? What’s going on?” I squeezed his hand tighter.
“Zuri’s been lining me up for a while now, and next weekend, I have my chance. My first fight. It’s low-key, nothing big, but it’s finally my shot.”
Maddison’s face relaxed, and I could see how much it had taken to tell me this news—news that floored me and made me want to throw up my stomach lining.
“Fight?” I squeaked out.
The waitress dropped off our milkshakes.
“Yeah. The Club. It’s my time. But I need you there to watch, just like when we were kids and you watched me on the pitch.”
“That was sport, Mads, not you about to get your head kicked in for fun,” I whisper-shouted.
“It’s all good. I’ve been training for years. Zuri wouldn’t put me in if he didn’t think I was ready. Trust me.”
I put the straw between my lips and drank down the sweet and creamy goodness that, for a moment, let me escape what I was hearing.
“So, will you come? I need you there, Grace.” He clasped both of my hands in his and held onto them like they were precious.
Need. It was a powerful word. And as soon as his lips spoke it, my gut churned and rolled. I wanted to be his need. That was my own need, right there. And so, despite every fibre of me believing this would be a bad idea, I wanted to go because Mads needed me.
His eyes searched mine as if the answer were already written in them. I couldn’t say anything yet, fearful that my voice would betray me and choke with emotion, so my head did the nodding and confirmed what he wanted.
The waitress arrived at the perfect moment and gave me something to do rather than run terrible scenarios over in my mind. Maddison pulled back his hand and picked up his burger. Eating replaced conversation, and I lined up the questions I wanted to ask him for the drive home. I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye or hide how scared this made me feel.
“Thank you, Grace. I couldn’t do this without you.” It was the only other thing we said until we were back at the car. Safely inside, I let the questions fire off.
“Does Oliver know? About you fighting?”
“No, you’re the first I’ve told. But I need him to watch you while I can’t.”
“What?”
“In the club. You can’t be there on your own, so I need Oliver to watch you.”
“Why fighting? You could do anything else rather than that.”
“Because I’m good at it.”
“You’re good at lots of things.” My frustration mixed with fear for my friend and came out tight and brittle.
“Wrong. I’m not good at everything. I was good at sport, but only because of my size and my temper, never good enough to play as a career. I scraped through my exams and pretty much failed my A-Levels.”
“Study isn’t for everyone. Loads of options are available
that don’t result in you getting beaten up.” My voice softened as I pleaded with him to see reason.
“Fuck that shit.” He slammed his hand down on the wheel, silencing my next volley. “I want to do this because I’m good at it. To prove to myself that I can and make some money. I see Oliver going off and making something of his life. And you’ll be doing the same. Do you two ever think how I feel, stuck behind and playing catch up? Well, this is how I do that, Grace. How I want to do it. It’s no different to going into the army.”
“It’s loads different, Mads. Please.” Panic filtered through as if he was about to go and climb into the ring right now.
“No. You don’t get to talk me out of this. I need you there for me, and you already agreed. End of story.”
I turned my head and looked out the window, searching for words. All the books I’d read and studying I’d done, and I couldn’t find the right angle or string of words to talk my friend out of this. Although, would I want him enlisting in the army—travelling overseas to fight a war? That thought terrified me just as much, but at least he’d be serving our country. He’d be trained for it.
What Mum had told me about my dad came to mind. I hadn’t told anyone about it yet. Not Oliver. Not Maddison. I’d made my choice to stay to keep my mother happy, and I had no intention of looking for my father or answers I didn’t need but hearing what Mads was going to do made it all sound all too real.
We pulled up to my house, and he turned off the engine. “Look, just be there for me. Please? I would never do anything stupid. You just have to trust me, okay?” He pulled my hands up to his mouth and kissed them. It was such a sincere gesture, I couldn’t help but soften to his plea.
My head did the nodding thing again as I tried to calm the beating of my heart. I pulled my hands back, but I couldn’t leave yet. I leaned over the gearstick and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him at this awkward angle. It served the purpose—his arms around me settled something inside of me, a panic that was starting to take over.
“When?” I whispered, my voice strangled with emotion.
The Two Halves of my Heart: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance Page 11