I curled up in bed and started processing the parts of the day I wanted to focus on. The hope of a job offer, the start of something new that was for me, and no one else. But it wasn’t long before memories invaded my mind and took me to a happier time when dragons and stories and running through fields were the sum total of my troubles.
I told myself it was because I wanted answers.
I told myself it was because I wanted to know how much he’d hurt me.
I refused to acknowledge the biggest part, though—the part of my soul that missed him.
Rummaging in the old shed, I pulled out my bike. It hadn’t been ridden in years, but it wasn’t too small. The tyres were passable, and I wheeled it around the side of the house before I got on. With considerable effort, I managed to pedal over to Oliver’s. But I didn’t stop at his house. I kept going down the lanes we used to explore as children, past the stream we splashed in and arrived at the gate that acted as the entrance to the field we visited so often. The metal fencing had been replaced since I’d last come here. It was rusty and falling apart then. Now, it looked sturdy and worthy of the job it was given.
Our tree stood tall and proud, forever casting a great shadow over the land around it.
The morning was still, with a light breeze disturbing the grasses around. The birds called to one another, and I watched as they flitted about from branch to branch.
With such happy memories dancing in my head from last night, I felt drawn here—to see what had been so special that it caused me to recollect everything we did together as children through rose-tinted glasses. And looking out at the countryside now, all I saw was beauty. The magic was what we’d created together—it didn’t live in the land, but in us.
“Hey!”
I turned around to see Oliver approaching on his bike.
“What are you doing here?” I interrogated, annoyed that he’d invaded the time I needed to make sense of some of my emotions.
“Same thing as you. Remembering. Plus, I saw a girl on a bike pass our window and was curious. Looks like I was right.”
I turned away and gazed back out at the fields before us. “Why?” I asked. There were a lot of parts to that particular question, but I’d figured he could start with the one he was feeling the most guilt over.
“Why what?” But he didn’t play the game.
“Come on, Oliver. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” I leaned against the gate and looked out over the field, not wanting to give him my eyes.
“I did. But I thought it was for the best.”
“For you. You left for you.” That’s how I remembered it, anyway. The conversation we’d had, the kiss we’d shared, and then just, nothing. The nothing had taken up the space in my heart that once belonged to the love I’d held for Oliver.
He joined me at the gate, and I could feel how close he was.
“No. I left for you and spent the next years regretting that decision. Or rather, attempting to forget you.”
“You can’t come back as if nothing has happened.” I finally turned to face him, needing him to hear this. “I love Maddison.”
“I know. And I’m not here to ask you for anything. But life without you in it became too hard to bear. Regardless of how you feel.”
“Maddison. Have you talked to him? He could do with his big brother.” I thought about what we’d been through—how Maddison had become focused on the more dangerous aspects of his life.
“Because you ended things?” He looked at me expectantly.
“Hey,” I snapped. “You don’t get to come back here and judge like that. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” My anger rose like the tide—quick to wash in and destroy the sandcastles built with joy on the beach.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. But you did end things?” He inched away.
“Yes.” I wasn’t giving him the details he wasn’t entitled too. He’d lost that privilege when he walked out.
“But you still love him?”
“Yes.” My answer was to the point and honest. But I was done with these questions.
I walked to my bike and cycled away. I’d had enough of Oliver. The easy friendship we used to share was rusty from neglect, and I wasn’t ready to work at making it better right now.
“Grace?” Mum called as I opened the back door.
“In the kitchen!”
“You left your phone. It’s been ringing and ringing, so I picked it up. It’s a message about the job.”
All thoughts scattered from my mind, and I grabbed the phone from Mum’s hand. “Which one?” I asked, desperate for it to be from the second company.
“I don’t know. I can’t remember which company they said. Just phone them back.”
I scrolled through the recent calls, but the number came up as unknown, so I clicked the voicemail and listened to the message Mum heard.
“And?”
“Shhh!” I turned away and waited to get to the message.
“Yes, Grace, we’d love for you to come in for a follow-up meeting. We were impressed with you when we met yesterday. We have a slot open with the editorial team you’d be working with, tomorrow afternoon. If you can confirm your attendance, we’d appreciate it.”
My stomach fluttered with nerves, but I couldn’t keep the smile from my face.
“They want me to come back in. Tomorrow.”
“The right company?”
“Yep, the one I want.” I dropped down on the sofa, thought over all the questions they might ask, and mentally ran through my wardrobe and picked out something to wear.
“I’m so proud of you. Why don’t we go out tomorrow and celebrate?”
“Why don’t we leave it until I’ve got an offer before we celebrate. I’d feel bad if it doesn’t come off.”
“Think positively. You’ll never conquer the world with an attitude like that.”
“Okay, Mum. What’s with all the good vibes going on? May I take the opportunity to remind you that you were the one who didn’t want me moving out to go to Uni?”
She looked guilty for a moment, and I regretted my choice of words. I knew why she had been nervous about letting me go. “I’m sorry…”
“No, I’m sorry. Since you’ve been with Maddison, I’ve had to realise that I can’t keep you with me forever. You’re your own woman, at least you’re becoming that, and I need to let you grow up. It’s been years since we’ve heard anything from your father. There’s no reason for me to think he’s looking for you.” She sat down beside me; the look of regret evident on her face. “You’ve been through your fair share of heartache recently. I just want to look for the good and not worry about anything else. So, I’m going to prepare to celebrate tomorrow, regardless. Deal?”
I didn’t want to dampen her spirits. “Deal. Thai or Greek?”
“It’s your choice. We’ll be celebrating your job offer.”
“I couldn’t eat another bite!”
“It was delicious,” I agreed, pushing my plate away. Mum had ordered enough for a small army, rather than just the two of us.
“It’s not every day we celebrate your first proper job.” Her voice went all singsong towards the end, and it forced a smile to break over my face. It was good to feel proud of my achievements, and Mum had certainly helped me feel special.
I would start at Quest Publishing in two weeks as an assistant junior editor. Which, based on the conversation at the second interview, would be a lot of learning the basics from the team I’d be working with, supporting and helping the other junior editors with their workload and hopefully, building up to my own projects. They were a small press but had a solid reputation and specialised in my kind of books—fantasy. The relief when I heard it was them on the phone was huge.
“Mum, do you mind if I just go up and crash. All this has put me in a food coma.”
“Off you go. I’ll clear up. You’ll have to give notice at the pub.”
“I know. I’ll speak to them to
morrow when I go in.” That was a conversation I wasn’t looking forward to. I’d been working for the Elson’s for years.
“Sleep well,”
“Thank you, for tonight, and pushing me to do this. I didn’t realise how much I needed you.”
“That’s my job, and I like to feel needed now and then. Now sleep.”
I dragged my legs and my over-stuffed belly up to my room and collapsed onto the bed. Bob gave a small protesting meow before rearranging himself around me, and it crossed my mind to stay in this position and neglect the usual teeth, change, hair, routine before bed, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to follow through.
As I was scrubbing the garlic from my mouth, my phone started buzzing from my room. It was late, and, I had my priorities, mainly sleep, so I let it go to voicemail. Besides, there was nobody who would phone me this late, although, in reality, it was not even past eleven. I just felt like I’d been awake for twenty hours.
The phone started vibrating along my desk again, so I went to see who was so desperate to speak to me. The name that flashed in front of me had me wide-awake and in a panic in under a second.
“Leo, is everything okay?” I asked, knowing it was not. There was no other explanation for this call.
“No, it’s Mads. I need your help.”
Chapter 27
Grace 21 Years Old
Leo hadn’t told me anything. He’d wanted to meet face to face instead. Of course, that meant my mind conjured up a million scenarios about Maddison, all of them involved horrible scenes with fists and blood and fights he couldn’t get out of. And for Leo to call, I knew it must be bad. He’d never have reached out unless I was the last resort, and that was the truth I couldn’t escape.
The morning arrived, and I was up and out of the house before Mum stirred. Leo had given me his address, and I drove straight there, regardless of the time. Twenty minutes later, the heel of my fist ached from the force of thudding it against Leo’s door.
“Give it a rest.” A tired and grumpy Leo arrived, visible through the obscured glass. “Grace, do you know what time it is?” He opened the door and nearly hung off the edge of it.
“I’m well aware, but you didn’t seem to be very forthcoming with information last night. I couldn’t wait around until you decided you’d let me know what was happening. You asked for my help, so I’m here.” I pushed him aside and stepped inside.
“Fair enough. Make us a cuppa, and I’ll get dressed.”
The bare chest hadn’t bothered me as I’d barged in, but as I processed his state of undress, I couldn’t help the blush across my cheeks as I noticed his freckles coated his entire body, not just his face. He’d quite literally rolled out of bed, and I could have used the caffeine myself. Leo disappeared, and I nosed about and found the kitchen. The first thing that struck me was how clean everything was. The surfaces were spotless, and there was a fancy coffee machine on the counter, with a few other stainless-steel appliances dotted about. It was nothing like the kitchen I’d shared with Maddison. All of this looked expensive and smart. I grabbed a coffee pod from the convenient rack and popped it in the top of the machine and pressed the button, before opening a few cupboards looking for the tea.
With both drinks made, I waited at one of the barstools separating the kitchen from the dining area. My thumb drummed against the surface, beating in time with my heartbeats.
“Hey,” Leo greeted as he entered the room. “You found everything then?”
“Yep, although I didn’t add any sugar.” He shook his head, took the cup of tea over to the coffee machine and spooned three heaped spoons from a small bowl in the cupboard above.
“Now, we can talk.” He took a sip and joined me on the other bar stool.
I turned to face him, eager to hear what he needed to say in person.
“Mads needs help.”
“You said that already. Why?”
“Because he’s losing it. He’s been taking on more and more fights and winning. Just. But he’s a mess. His head is screwed up. He’s drinking, gambling, taking bets. The stuff we both swore to steer clear of.” Leo’s head dropped between his shoulders. “He’s changed, and he’s not listening to anyone. He’s obsessed with making it to the next level. He’s been pushing to fight in this other scene and score big. Zuri’s been putting him off, but with the wins he’s clocking up, Mads ain’t taking his shit, and he laid it down. It got ugly.”
“And you think he’ll listen to me? Leo, you were there, he’s never listened to me before. He’s always put the fights first.” I felt trapped listening to Leo because I knew that Maddison wouldn’t want to hear anything from me.
He turned to face me again, and I saw the worry at the edge of his eyes for his friend.
“This is different. He’s got a fight lined up in London at the weekend. It’s a big event. There’s a guy who’s been doing this for a long time, and Zuri says if you get in with him, then you’re made.”
“Okay, so?”
“So, people who fight in this ring, they don’t get out. Not in one piece. It’s dangerous, Grace. Sure, we do some damage, but there are limits.”
“You think Maddison is going to get hurt?” It was what I had always worried about, and why I’d hated this from the start.
“I know he is. He’s running on ego right now and is taking odds just for the payout. Someone has got to stop him.”
“Have you tried?”
“He thinks I’m jealous because I’m not there yet. And I can say, I’m not ready for that risk. I’m making money and doing well.” He sat back for a moment.
“This is all illegal. You know this, right?” I tried to wrap my head around his comments and attempted to see a world where beating someone up was an okay job.
“Not illegal, just unregulated. We don’t have a ref, but there’s always a doctor to help us out if needed. You’ve seen it. We’re given the guidelines that The Club runs on, then get inside the ring and fight. It’s brutal, and the better you get, the harder it is. Those punches are like being stabbed in the chest a hundred times. But there’s an addictive buzz that you just can’t get from anything else.”
“He won’t speak to me. Not after the last time, I saw him.” I shook my head, already feeling defeated if the only plan Leo had was me.
“Leave the details to me. But will you at least try? We’ve got some time. He just needs to hear some sense from you. That’s all.”
“I’ll do it.” Determination overrode my fear because, above everything, I still loved Maddison, and I would do everything I could to ensure his safety.
Five days. That’s all the time I had to convince Maddison that he was making a mistake. Of course, he wasn’t answering my calls or texts. It was like he was a stranger to me—the man who’d owned a piece of my heart for as long as I could remember would never do this. We were friends above all else. Until we weren’t.
Leo told me to keep trying to reach him, but his plan sucked. So, I stalked the house—our old house. He wasn’t there the first few times I called around. It didn’t matter if I went early in the morning or late at night; he just didn’t seem to be there. And my nerves only escalated as we drew closer to the weekend.
Leo finally got in touch with me. He told me that they were travelling up to London on Saturday morning and when and where the fight would be held. That gave me zero time or room to convince Mads otherwise, but the more I thought about the times I’d watched Maddison fight, the more I knew I couldn’t sit back without trying.
It was Thursday evening, and with a ticking clock as my personal soundtrack, I drove to the house, willing my phone to buzz with a message or call from Maddison. I parked up in Mum’s car and waited. And waited. Every noise or car passing had me jumping in my seat, waiting to see if it was him. But nothing. The hours slipped into darkness, and my eyes grew heavy, staring at nothing. My head kept falling forward, stunning myself awake before I drifted off again.
Glass shattering against the pavement star
tled me, and I shot up in my seat. A dark shadow lumbered around the entrance to the house, the shape: a fit for Maddison.
I yanked the door handle and crossed the few metres between us to confront him.
“Maddison,” I called as he tried to fit the key in the door. He looked drunk, and the dread at this conversation only mounted. He seemed to ignore me and set about a second attempt at opening the door. As he succeeded and moved to close it, I slammed the wood, stopping it from shutting me out. “We need to talk.”
“Grace.” His sigh sounded painful even to me, and I noticed as his eyes dropped to my hand and caught the glint of the cat charm still around my wrist. “I don’t think so. Not anymore.”
“Wait, come on Mads. Don’t shut me out.”
He turned to face me, and even in the dark and through whatever amount of alcohol he’d consumed, I could see his pain looking right back at me. I searched his eyes and showed him I wouldn’t be moved. Thankfully, he gave in and turned, before he tripped into the house, leaving the door open for me. There was no light apart from the yellow glow cast by the streetlight through the front room window, so I flicked the switch in the hall to give us some illumination. I didn’t want to be under the scrutiny of the glaring lights in the front room for this conversation.
Mads had fallen into the sofa and looked ready to sleep right there. If I thought there was another way or another time, I could leave this until, I would have. But his fight was in a day. There was no time.
“I don’t want you to go to London.” Blurting it out seemed to be the best plan, given how drunk he was.
“You don’t have a say.” He answered me with his eyes shut, and his words slurred together. “My life. You didn’t want to stay, so you don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“Funny.” His comment made me chuckle. “Because I’m pretty sure one of the reasons we split up was because you didn’t listen to me even when we were together.”
He remained still on the sofa, his eyes still closed.
“Maddison!”
“Shut up, Grace. Go home.”
The Two Halves of my Heart: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance Page 22