“Anyway, please pass on my congratulations.”
“I know she wanted to be here tonight, but it likely would’ve raised questions.”
“Understood.”
Gunner untied the boat and slowly maneuvered it away from the dock. “It’ll take about twenty minutes to get there. I have a golf cart near the landing. It’s covered, but it will still be chilly.”
“Thank you. Zary told me you’re a good man.”
“I don’t know if many people would agree with you about that.”
“She wouldn’t love you if you weren’t.”
He smiled. “I’m a lucky man.”
I smiled too, but it faded quickly as I thought about the man I loved. He was a good man too, but that didn’t mean he would easily forgive my betrayal.
5
Shiver
“That was painful,” said Wilder when he, Darrow, and I came back into the drawing room after saying good night to our mother.
“Worst Christmas ever,” whispered my sister, sharing the sentiment we all felt.
Between our father’s illness, and the general lack of holiday spirit among us, the day had dragged on endlessly.
“How long are you home?” Darrow asked.
“I don’t yet know, sweet pea.” I rarely used the name I’d called her since she was a toddler.
She turned to Wilder. “What about you?”
“I’m going to stick around home for a while.”
I raised a brow.
“It’s my turn,” mumbled Wilder.
The last thing I wanted was for my siblings to feel as though they needed to take on responsibilities that were mine, but in this case, if I heard anything more about Losha’s whereabouts, I wanted to be able to leave at a moment’s notice.
“Appreciate it,” I muttered.
“What’s going on?” Darrow asked.
“Work,” Wilder answered for me.
“Tell me when you’re leaving,” Darrow said again, this time more demanding.
“As I said, I don’t know yet.” I studied her. “Why?”
She looked away and stared at something outside the window.
“Darrow?” I said again, resting my hand on her shoulder.
“You’ll think I’m terrible,” she whispered.
I pulled her to me and hugged her. “No one is going to begrudge you a break. Is that what will make Wild and me think you’re terrible?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” said Wilder, pulling her into a hug like I had. “That’s why I’m sticking around.”
I sensed there was something else going on with Darrow, but as fragile as she seemed, I wouldn’t ask. “There’s something else unrelated I’d like to discuss with you both.”
“Go on, then,” said Wilder, releasing Darrow from his embrace.
“Not here.”
“Too cold for a walk,” said Darrow. “Although I’m worried about Wellie.”
I was too. We’d invited the man to the house to celebrate with the family, but he’d declined. Even with all of Darrow’s pleading, he wouldn’t give in.
“Let’s pay him a visit,” Wilder suggested. “It isn’t too cold for a drive.”
“What did you want to talk to us about?” Wilder asked as we approached Wellie’s cottage.
“The management of the estate. For now, the duchess is overseeing most of the day-to-day business on a purely tertiary basis, but I’d like to discuss hiring a full-time manager.”
“That’s your decision,” said Darrow.
“That’s the other thing I wanted to discuss. The estate as a whole was put into a trust by our great-grandfather. While the duke’s trust is now irrevocable since he is in failing health, upon his passing, mine will not be.”
“What are you getting at?” Wilder asked.
“I’d like to divide the estate equally between the three of us. It won’t mean much in the short term as the income will be used solely for our mother’s care and the upkeep of the buildings and grounds. However, upon her passing, the three of us would become equal partners, unless one or all of us would prefer to be bought out. In that case, we’d have to discuss whether any of us want to hold on to the property, or sell it outright.”
“You can’t be serious,” said Darrow. “Sell Whittaker Abbey?”
“I’m not saying definitively. Only if none of the three of us wants to live here and manage it.”
“You’re giving up your birthright,” said Wilder.
“I’m not saying that either. What I’m saying is that it isn’t just my inheritance. It should be divided equally.”
“Why?” Darrow asked.
“Because we live in the twenty-first century. I should not inherit it all, leaving the two of you nothing of your own birthright.”
“Have you discussed this with the duchess?”
I shook my head. “I have not, and I don’t intend to.”
“I see. You think she’ll forbid it.”
“Actually, Wild, it isn’t any of her business, and for that reason alone, I want the trust to be handled in the way I’m suggesting.”
“I don’t follow.”
I motioned toward the backseat. “Darrow is entitled to this inheritance just as much as you or I are. The fact that she can’t inherit because she’s a woman is as ludicrous as you not being able to inherit because you were second born.”
“I doubt I’d be so generous,” Wilder muttered.
“You would be.”
My two siblings were quiet when I pulled up in front of Wellie’s cottage.
I opened the boot and handed Wilder the basket of food we’d asked the kitchen staff to prepare. Darrow, it seemed, was already inside the house.
“Are you sure about this, Shiv?”
“The estate trust?”
He nodded.
“Absolutely. Without any hesitation. Come on, then, let’s share some Christmas cheer with Wellie.”
More than a week later, I heard from both Doc and Pinch within one hour of each other.
“I was certain it was them, and then facial recognition confirmed Orina’s identity,” said Pinch. “I’ll forward the footage to you now.”
“Doc said a member of the K19 team spotted her at Reagan too.”
“How close do you want me to get?” he asked.
“Let me get back to you with an answer. I have to sort things out here, but if I can, I’ll fly out tomorrow.”
“How’s the duke?”
“No real change. The doctors have said he could linger in this state for months.”
“I’m sorry, Shiv.”
“I appreciate it. By the way, we spent some time with your father on Christmas.”
“He told me. He said Darrow stayed on after you and Wilder left.”
“He’s like a second father to her. I sometimes think she spent more time with Wellie than the duke and duchess combined.”
Pinch muttered something that I didn’t catch, but it didn’t seem important.
“I’ll be in touch, and thanks, Pinch. I know you’re doing this on your own time. I hope your father’s health doesn’t suffer for it.”
“I had other reasons for not coming home, Shiv.”
“Does that mean you didn’t lie to me when you said you weren’t staying away because of Losha?”
“I swore on my father’s life, Shiv.”
After ending the call, I went in search of my brother. This was the news I’d been waiting for, and now that I knew Losha was in the States, I was compelled to go to her.
“Where are you?” I asked when Wilder answered my call.
“With Darrow, at Covington House.”
Good, they were together. “I’ll be right there.”
First, though, I needed to talk to the duchess, whom I found reading in her drawing room.
“Thornton,” she said, holding her hand out to me.
“Duchess, I’m afraid I have to leave.”
She nodded, as
though she’d expected the news.
“Wilder will be staying on here for some time.”
“Sit, Thornton,” she said, pointing to the chair nearest her. “Tell me what’s really going on with you.”
“Mother—”
“Oh, dear. You haven’t called me that since you were a child. Now I know it’s really something. It’s a woman, isn’t it, Thornton?”
What could I do other than smile? “Yes, Duchess.”
“I’m not letting you leave until you tell me the whole story.”
I could never tell her the whole story even if I wanted to. Too much of my history with Losha was woven into both United Russia and SIS.
“Thornton…”
“She’s someone I care a great deal about, Duchess.”
“Does she return the sentiment?”
“There was a time I thought so.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know.”
She nodded and smiled in that way mothers do. “You need to know.”
I nodded in return. “One way or another.”
“When are you leaving?” Darrow asked before I could close her front door behind me.
“In the morning.”
“I want to go with you.”
I raised a brow.
“Sutton told me this isn’t a SIS deal.”
I glared at Wild, who laughed.
“I did no such thing, you little imp.” He looked at me. “She’s fishing.”
“You’re going to the States though, right?”
“I am, but if Wilder didn’t divulge that information, I’d like to know who did.”
“It doesn’t matter. I have…friends in DC, and you and Sutton agreed that I shouldn’t feel ashamed to say I need a break.”
I caught her hesitation and wondered why she really wanted to go to Washington. If it were as simple as having friends there, Wilder and I would know their entire life story by now. It wasn’t like Darrow not to be specific to the point of tedium.
“I can book the flight,” she offered.
“I’ll handle it.”
“I can—”
“No. You can’t. As I said, I’ll handle it. Where do these friends live? If you let me know, I can also arrange for a place for you to stay.”
“I’m not a child, Thornton. I can make my own travel arrangements.”
“I’m going to interject and tell you that if you allow Shiver to do it, you’ll fly first class and your accommodations will be as impressive,” said Wilder.
“I don’t care about that.”
He looked at me and was about to laugh, but I shook my head. Something was up with Darrow, and whatever it was, she wasn’t being honest about it. Which meant there was something she was hiding.
Darrow slept the majority of the flight from London to Washington, DC, not that it would’ve been easy to converse once we’d each settled into the first-class sleeping pods.
“Sutton was right about the perks of traveling with you,” she said, pulling the cashmere blanket up to her chin right before she nodded off. “Thank you, Thornton.”
I smiled. “Get some sleep, sweet pea.”
I ran my hand through my hair, wishing sleep would come as easily to me as it did to my sister. Too much weighed heavily on my mind—all of which had to do with Losha.
I was torn between what I believed might be the right thing to do and what I was compelled to do instead. Did I have any right to question her about whether she was in a relationship with another man—one with whom she had a child? Was it any of my business? Hadn’t she made it clear when we were last together that we had no future?
The bottom line was, I’d believed Losha loved me. I believed we were meant to be together. And finally, whether she loved me or not, I loved her. If she had moved on, if there was another man in her life, if they were starting a family, my heart would be irrevocably broken—but I still had to know.
6
Losha
I walked the floor of Gunner’s house, wishing I could fall asleep regardless of time zone, like I used to be able to. Since giving birth to Kazmir, my body resisted sleep no matter how exhausted I felt. It was four in the morning, and I wasn’t the slightest bit sleepy.
Opening the door to the pantry, I was happy to see several boxes of tea sitting on the shelf near the coffee. I added water to the kettle sitting on the stove.
When I spoke to Zary about Gunner’s house, I hadn’t known what to think, but this place would’ve far exceeded any expectation I might’ve had.
The four-bedroom structure sat in a clearing, surrounded by tall trees. While it had every modern convenience, the outside of it looked as though it had been on the island forever—not in age, but in the way it seemed to rise from the earth as if it belonged there.
When Gunner had explained there weren’t any coverings on the windows since it was a private island, it seemed logical. However, walking around the lit house when it was dark outside was something that would take me time to get used to.
I tiptoed into the bedroom where Kazmir was sound asleep in his portable crib. I could spend hours looking at my precious baby boy. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I’d be a mother.
It was one of countless reasons I’d told Shiver that a relationship between us could never work. When we’d argued about it the last time I saw him, I never could’ve predicted that a few short weeks after that, I’d find out I was pregnant.
“Where are you going?” Shiver grumbled when I got out of bed.
“I’ll be right back.” I leaned in to kiss him.
Instead, he grabbed me, rolled me over, and eased my legs open with his knee.
I looked into his green-gray eyes as he brought his lips to mine and pushed his hardness against my sex. He reached over to the nightstand, grabbed a foil packet, and sheathed himself.
His powerful arms rested near my shoulders as he thrust inside me, his gaze so intense that it almost brought me to tears. I closed my eyes and turned my head, unable to bear the idea of what he might be thinking, and knowing I’d never be enough for him.
“I love—”
“Don’t.”
When I put my fingers to his lips, he nipped and then licked them. “I love you, Losha.”
It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, and still, I couldn’t say the words back to him.
“Shiv—”
“The only words I want to hear you say are that you love me too. Otherwise, don’t speak.”
I smiled and closed my eyes when he thrust into me again and again. My fingernails dug into his skin as he brought me to another orgasm. I’d lost count of how many times he had in the last twenty-four hours.
Shiver rolled to my side and circled my hardened nipple with the tip of his finger. “Come away with me,” he murmured, bringing his mouth to my breast. “Come.” Nip. “Away.” Another nip. “With me.”
“I can’t,” I groaned and writhed against him.
“Come to Bedfordshire.”
I moved away from him and sat up, pulling the sheet over my body. “No.”
Shiver tugged it out of my hands. “Why not?”
“How many times do we have to have this conversation?”
“As many times as necessary until I convince you.”
I grabbed the sheet from him as he’d done to me. “We don’t have that kind of relationship, Shiver.”
“We don’t?” He kissed his way up my arm to my neck and nibbled under my ear. “I can’t get enough of you,” he groaned. “Come away with me.”
I shrugged away from him and stood. “I have to go.”
Shiver stood too. “No, you don’t.” He wrapped his arms around my waist. “We still have another twenty-four hours, and for once, I want to have this conversation without you leaving in the midst of it.”
I grabbed the robe I’d thrown on the chair the night before and put it on, although it didn’t stop him from putting his arms around me again or from nuzzling my neck.
“Come on, Losha. Tell me why not.”
“I’ve just said why not. I’m not the kind of woman you take home to meet your family, Shiver.”
He raised a brow. “There isn’t a kind, Losha. There’s only you, and I want you to meet the duke and duchess.”
“I’m not interested.”
Shiver folded his arms. “Be honest with me. Tell me why you’re so resistant.”
“I’ve already told you. Again and again.”
“The only thing you’ve said is that we don’t have ‘that’ kind of relationship. Whatever ‘that’ means.”
“It’s shagging, Shiver. Enjoyable, but nonetheless, only shagging.”
“I want more.”
“You’re a marquess.”
“I am that.”
“One day you’ll be a duke.”
“Perhaps, and perhaps not.”
“And what about SIS?”
“You don’t think SIS knows about us?”
I shivered. I did, and that was a big part of the problem, because if SIS knew, so did United Russia.
“Shiver…I can’t…”
“You can.”
“That isn’t what I mean. What I’m trying to tell you is that I can’t…have children.”
Shiver Whittaker was trained not to react, yet I saw it when he did. Anyone else might have missed it, but I didn’t. When I turned and walked away, he didn’t stop me.
“I don’t care,” he said right before I closed the door to the bathroom. It was better that I didn’t see his face when he said it; I wouldn’t have been able to bear the lie.
Now, here I was, hiding the baby I told Shiver I couldn’t have.
“He’s beautiful,” gasped Zary when she and Gunner walked in the house on the island a couple of days after Christmas.
“Would you like to hold him?” I asked.
“Could I?”
I laughed. “Of course you can.” I waited while Gunner helped my dearest friend in the world with her coat, and when she sat down, I handed her the baby.
“I’m scared,” Zary said before I let go.
The Duke and the Assassin (The Royal Agents of MI6 Book 1) Page 3