She stirred.
He moved in beside her sleeping form. The candle had all but gone out, but the moonlight streaming through the long windows illuminated her beautiful face. He leaned toward her and gently placed a kiss upon her lips.
She opened her eyes.
As Elizabeth looked upon William’s face, she did not seem at all surprised. Ah, the brandy and sleeping powders must have finally accomplished their task, she thought, for I am certainly dreaming.
“Lizzy, I have found you,” he whispered.
She stared at him as if bewildered. “We are dreaming, are we not?”
“Yes, my sweet Lizzy, we must be dreaming, for these dreams are all that I have left of you. I curse them because they torture me, yet I thank God for them, for I could not live without them. Only in these dreams can I hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet lips.”
Again he kissed her—a deep, warm and passionate kiss, and she responded as she had done in so many of his countless other dreams of her. He inhaled the lavender scent that brought back the memories of what they once had shared.
Through her night rail, his hands traced over the familiar curves of her breasts, and his fingers easily found the heightened peaks his touch had aroused. He heard the moan of pleasure she released as their mouths continued their exploration.
He felt her hands move lightly over his chest as she mimicked his own movements. His body responded to her touch, and as his arousal grew, to his astonishment, her hand slowly moved towards it. When, at last, she caressed him there, he nearly sobbed.
The torture of this sweet dream was more than he could bear. It seemed too real, too intense, too painful to endure. He must wake up. He started to pull back from her, but she wrapped her arms around his waist to secure herself against him.
“Stay with me, William,” she breathed out on a sigh.
As he felt her body conform to his, he held on to her tightly, now afraid if he let her go, the dream might end, and he would be without her once more.
He did not know which was worse: the pain of having her only in his dreams or the pain of not having her at all.
She nestled against him, and, with her lying in his arms, he at last felt the contentment he had so longed for; his mind at peace. Exhaustion now hitting him full force, he kissed her once more and just before sleep conquered his mind and body, he whispered, “You are the mistress of my dreams as well as my heart, Lizzy.”
A short time later, a knock at the library door brought him to full consciousness. Bingley peered into the room and, in a low whisper, called Darcy’s name. Startled, Darcy managed his way around the row of books.
“I knew I would find you here,” stated Bingley with a smile. “My housekeeper said you had arrived, but you were not in your chambers.”
Unsteady on his feet, Darcy stumbled towards him as Bingley eyed the empty bottle. “I can see you have had too much to drink, my friend. Well, at least you have excellent taste. That was one of my best bottles of brandy. Here, let me help you to your bedchamber.”
Putting his arm around him for support, Bingley helped Darcy up the stairs and deposited him on his bed. I can see Georgiana has not exaggerated his condition, thought Bingley.
A few hours later, a much disoriented Lizzy awoke. I must have fallen asleep while reading, she thought. She quickly made her way back to her room and safely locked herself inside her door.
She cursed herself for her dream. She had dreamed of William again. She had banished him from her heart; now she just had to find a way to rid him from her dreams.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“Good morning, Mr. Darcy,” said an eager Caroline. “Or should I say good afternoon?”
As Darcy approached the breakfast room, he stopped short at the sound of Caroline Bingley's voice. It was just his luck that she would be the first person he would encounter today. His head was throbbing, and he was in no mood for her cloying manner. He tried to keep a civil tone, remembering that she was his best friend’s sister.
“Good morning, Miss Bingley,” said Darcy. “I’m afraid I arrived rather late last night and was unable to get much sleep. I see that everyone else has already partaken of their breakfast.”
“Oh, quite. Charles left hours ago, meeting a neighbour’s shooting party. He informed me of your very late arrival. I thought I would await your appearance downstairs this morning, so you would not have to breakfast alone.” Here Caroline gave Darcy the most genuine smile in her repertoire.
“Where is everyone else?” he inquired.
“Georgiana is with Miss Bennet taking a walk around the grounds. Mr. and Mrs. Hurst are yet in London and will not arrive for another week. They plan to join us a few days before the ball. I guess Miss Eliza was unable to sleep last night either, as she has not made an appearance thus far this morning.”
“Miss Eliza?” he inquired as he unfolded the newspaper that had been left on the table.
“Oh, that’s right. You have yet to meet Jane’s sister Elizabeth. She is hardly worth your notice, Mr. Darcy, as it is obvious that Jane is the beauty in the family.”
Ignoring her last words, he inquired, “And where is Ellie?”
“I believe she is just getting up from her nap. The wet nurse is attending her. Here, let me get you some more coffee, Mr. Darcy. I know exactly how you like it,” she said brushing his hand as she reached for his cup.
Perusing the newspaper as he ate, Darcy felt no compulsion to make idle conversation and, as soon as he had finished his meal, quickly rose from the table. Taking his coffee with him, he bowed as he left Caroline’s company.
Finally able to enjoy his coffee alone in the library, he stood looking out the long windows at the bright April day. He had a slight remembrance of recently standing in this very spot, only it was not the sunlight he recalled filtering through the window panes; it was the moonlight. For some reason that recollection soothed him, and strangely his spirits were lifted. Unable to produce any further images from his memory, he turned away.
As he left the library, he found Mrs. Hawkins with his daughter about to embark on a walk. Ellie eyed him and seemed to cling tighter to Mrs. Hawkins. As he observed his daughter’s reaction to the sight of him, he admonished himself, acknowledging it had been far too long since he had spent time in her company.
As he looked upon her adorable face, he knew that Georgiana’s words rang true. His daughter needed him now more than ever. Why did she have to look so much like her mother? How could he look upon her without thinking of Lizzy?
“I would be happy to take Ellie out for some fresh air, Mrs. Hawkins, if you have other things to attend,” he stated.
“That is most kind of you, sir. I would like to take an early luncheon if that would meet with your approval. Ellie had me up quite early this morning.”
“Yes, of course,” said Darcy as he took the child from her arms.
“Oh, Mr. Darcy,” exclaimed Caroline as she came upon them. “I was just planning on taking to the outdoors myself. How fortunate; now we can walk together.”
Darcy resigned himself to the fact that there would be no escaping Caroline Bingley today and resolved that he would plan better in the upcoming days to avoid her company.
~*~
Elizabeth awoke, observing that it was well past her usual time as the sun was already exceedingly high.
She dressed quickly and made her way downstairs, hoping there was still a chance for some breakfast. Relieved to see that a servant still awaited her arrival in the breakfast room, she went about procuring her tea, toast, and jam, and enthusiastically broke her fast. Any ill effects from last night’s endeavours seemed to have completely vanished. On the contrary, she felt exceedingly well and could not recall the last time she had slept so long or so peacefully.
With her breakfast completed, she retrieved her pelisse and bonnet from her room and headed outdoors in search of her sister. In the distance she could see Jane and Georgiana strolling amongst a grove of trees and wave
d her arm to gain their attention. As they espied her, they happily waited for her to reach them.
As the three continued on their walk, they felt much at ease in each other’s company. Georgiana, though obviously shy, made easy conversation with the two sisters. Addressing Elizabeth, she said, “Mr. Bingley informed me of my brother’s arrival. I have not yet seen him, as he was still asleep when Jane and I left for our walk.”
“I am sure you are much relieved that he has arrived safely,” said Elizabeth.
“Yes, I admit I was worried last evening at his delay. I am truly hoping this visit will help him recover, if only a little, from recent events. He has been so grief stricken; I do not know what to do to help him,” said Georgiana sadly.
“Surely Ellie will be a comfort to him during this difficult time,” said Elizabeth.
“Yes, Georgiana,” said Jane. “I am sure he will pull himself together for her sake.”
“I have been praying for that,” she said. “But he seems to have withdrawn from her. He is rarely in her company. I know if I can just get through to him he will again be the doting father he once was. I know he loves Ellie very much.”
Elizabeth took the young girl’s hand and squeezed it lightly. “Give him some time, Georgiana. From everything I have heard of your brother, I am sure he will not let you and little Ellie down.”
Georgiana gave Elizabeth a smile, and, as she turned her head, her smile grew into a wide grin. “Look!” she cried. “There they are!” Georgiana pointed in the direction of a distant garden where they could see a woman seated and a gentleman standing with a small child in his arms.
Elizabeth looked in their direction as she shielded her eyes from the sun’s glare. As they walked towards the threesome, she recognized Caroline Bingley as the woman who was seated on the bench while the gentleman stood nearby. She watched as he raised the young child up over his head to the delightful squeals of the little girl who flailed her arms and legs.
As she, Jane, and Georgiana drew nearer, Elizabeth slowed her pace and tilted her head to one side. Again she brought her hand up as a shield from the glaring sun, trying to focus her eyes on the scene before her.
As she gazed upon the little girl, she was unable to catch her breath. Feeling her heart pounding in her chest, her eyes immediately went to those of the gentleman who stared back at her, his eyes as wide as hers. The last thing she remembered before her body hit the ground was Jane calling her name.
“Lizzy!”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“I assure you, Mr. Bingley, I do not require a doctor,” said Elizabeth. Jane sat beside her on the bed and held her hand. “I . . . I must have gotten dizzy for a moment. Really, I am quite recovered now. I am sorry to have caused everyone so much trouble.”
“Are you sure, Lizzy? I have been worried about you lately. It would not hurt to at least have Mr. Jones look at you,” said a much concerned Jane.
“Please, Jane, you ought to believe me. I am fine. I will rest for the afternoon, and I’m sure I will feel like myself again by dinner.”
“Please do not hesitate to ask for anything, Miss Elizabeth,” said Bingley with his usual friendly demeanour. “I will be at your service if needed.”
Elizabeth thanked Mr. Bingley again and asked if she might have a moment alone with Jane.
“But, of course. I will go see to my other guests and inform them of your progress.” As he left the room, Lizzy motioned to Jane to shut the door.
“What is it, Lizzy?”
“Tell me everything that happened after I fainted, Jane,” said Lizzy in a whisper.
“What do you mean? We, of course, all rushed to your aide.”
“Tell me exactly what happened,” she said.
Jane looked at her sister rather curiously. “Well, at first we were all a little stunned. Mr. Darcy was the first to react. He handed Ellie over to Georgiana and immediately came to your side and picked you up. He carried you all the way back to the house and placed you here on the bed. We all followed him, and, when I entered the room, he left. A few moments later, you opened your eyes, much to my relief.”
“Oh, I wondered how I had gotten here,” said Elizabeth. “Did Mr. Darcy say anything?”
“No, not really. Only that he hoped you would be feeling better soon.”
Suddenly wishing to be alone with her thoughts, Elizabeth said, “I think I should try to rest for a little while.”
“Yes, that would be best. I will come and check on you before dinner,” said Jane as she kissed her sister’s cheek before departing.
Despite her light-headedness, Elizabeth could not stay abed. Her mind would not permit it. She aimlessly roamed the room, seeking answers to the many questions each new moment provided.
Elizabeth shook her head. She had much to think upon. Her daughter was here! They were under the same roof and would remain so for the next two weeks. She would have a chance to acquaint herself with her child. Her tears were of joy.
To be presented with such a situation after she had spent the last ten months of her life reconciling herself to the fact that her daughter was lost to her forever was quite overwhelming. Indeed, she had spent most of the summer and autumn within the confines of Mrs. Worthington’s home, protected from the rest of the world, learning to cope with her grief.
The elder woman’s kindness to Elizabeth could never be repaid. She had not asked any questions of her and simply allowed her the time she needed to heal, offering her solace when she wanted it and solitude when she did not. While there, Elizabeth had resumed her riding lessons with a vengeance, finding the demanding activity calming to her mind and exhausting to her body, thus allowing her a modicum of sleep at night.
Now Elizabeth was almost afraid to have hope. She feared that this opportunity would be taken away from her just as quickly and unexpectedly as it had been presented. She wanted to run downstairs and demand to see her child; demand to hold her in her arms. As difficult as it would be, she must somehow rein in her emotions.
And then there was William . . . or should she say Mr. Darcy. Confident that he would not betray their prior attachment, she let herself relax a little. Her mind began to piece together all the known events of his life as she had become acquainted with them.
Recalling Colonel Fitzwilliam’s words, she remembered him saying that Mr. Darcy was inconsolable since his wife’s death. He had taken to excess drinking, from what she could perceive from Georgiana. How he must have loved her.
The colonel also revealed that Anne had been in ill health most of her life, which may have meant she was unable to bear a child; hence, Mr. Darcy’s need for a surrogate.
Was he looking for another kind of surrogate when he asked me to be his mistress?
She would not dwell on that. He had apologized. Besides, whatever her feelings were for William now, she knew she must be civil to him if she wanted to remain in her daughter’s company. And above all, she wanted that more than anything else.
Was the arrogance and conceit William had revealed that day an accurate reflection of his true character?
Of course, she had heard Jane speak of Mr. Darcy. She had also written of him many times in her letters. He had been a good friend to Mr. Bingley for many years and had advised him in his business endeavours. She also remembered Jane writing that he had become his sister’s guardian after the death of their father many years ago and was now master of his late father’s estate, Pemberley. All of these things spoke well of him.
Who was the real Mr. Darcy? She would have two weeks in which to try to find out the answer to that question.
No matter how awkward the situation, she was left with the one thought that outweighed all others; she had found her daughter! Knowing the heartache and suffering she had just endured over the last ten months, she knew she would do anything to keep her daughter close to her . . . anything.
Elizabeth could not predict the events that might unfold over the next two weeks. How were they to act while in each o
ther’s company? Would William allow her to acquaint herself with Ellie, or would he deny her that pleasure? And most curiously she wondered . . . who named the child Ellie?
As her body gave in to the fatigue of her overactive mind, she climbed back onto the bed and was asleep in minutes with dreams of holding her child in her arms.
~*~
While Elizabeth slept, the rest of Mr. Bingley’s guests gathered in the parlour for afternoon tea.
“May I inquire as to your sister’s health, Miss Bennet?”
“I thank you for your concern, Mr. Darcy. She has assured me she is quite well and plans to join us for dinner.”
“I am happy to hear it,” said Darcy as he bowed slightly before her and moved to the window. He might have taken a seat on the couch, but Caroline Bingley was seated there, anticipating his company.
“Yes, Jane, that is indeed good news. I’m sure Miss Eliza just needs to get some rest. I fear she did not sleep well last night,” said Caroline. “One of the servants informed me that she spent most of the night in the library.”
Bingley looked over to his friend by the window. Noting Darcy showed no particular reaction to this information, he dismissed it from his mind.
Darcy, however, did not.
When he had gazed upon her in the gardens, his shock was as great as hers. As he had held her in his arms and carried her back to the house, her lavender scent filled his senses, just as it had last night in his dream of her.
As he continued to stare out the window, he tried to recall the previous evening. He remembered the moonlight streaming through the long windows of the library and could picture Lizzy lying next to him as he held her in his embrace. Certainly it had been a dream. We are dreaming, are we not?
~*~
Elizabeth was seated before the pier glass, mindlessly staring at her reflection, deep in thought.
Why did you not answer my knock?” asked Jane as she approached her sister.
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