by Gemma James
Suddenly, the subtle, white noise of the hospital roared in my ears; the soft scuff of sneakers padding down the hall, and the ticking of the clock above the door of his office. My gaze touched on everything but him—the framed degrees and certificates on the walls, the filing cabinets, and the picture sitting on the desk of an older woman with two little boys. Obviously, he shared the space with a colleague. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized how these inane thoughts provided a distraction. A much needed one, because no way was I ready to hear whatever he was about to say. He had yet to utter a word, yet I already felt the impact of what remained unspoken in the pit of my stomach.
He got up and paced the floor, growing more agitated with each step. “I was young and stupid, and I’ve lived with the shame for over a decade now. I’ve spent every moment since trying to make up for it.”
I cleared my throat. “Make up for what?”
“I was sixteen, popular and on top of the world, and my parents idolized me. All my dad cared about was my future in football. I was barely a junior, but I already had scouts looking at me. One night…it was just one night, but that night changed everything. It’s the reason I became a doctor.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m saying that everything he’s done to you is my fault.” He fell into the chair beside me and dragged his hands through his hair. “I got drunk at a party…and was stupid enough to get behind the wheel.”
A deep chill speared through me. “What happened?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“I rolled the car.” He buried his face in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up, his hazel eyes shone bright with the guilt he carried. “I had no business being with her in the first place, but she was older, and I fell hard.”
I knew what was coming next. I knew, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Liz died. I killed her, and Gage has never forgiven me.”
“How…” I cleared my throat. “How do you know him?”
He visibly gulped, as if he could swallow the words and keep them locked away forever. “He’s my brother.”
11. Surprise Party
Did everyone lie and keep secrets?
I unstrapped Eve from her car seat and helped her to her feet. She took off running toward our doorstep, and I scrambled to catch up with her, despising my state of distraction. “Eve, wait for mommy.” I felt sick on the inside, disoriented, as if someone had turned me upside down and let all sense of reality tumble out. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. It was all garbled words and phrases coming together in my head, and none of it made sense.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?”
Even she could pick up on my chaotic state of mind. “Nothing, baby.” I faked a smile for her sake and pushed the door open into our dark apartment. I flicked on the light, so distracted that I didn’t realize anything was wrong until it was too late. The cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed into the back of my head, and though I couldn’t see him, I immediately recognized the familiarity of his body pressing against my backside.
“Go to your room, Eve,” he ordered. “I need to talk to mommy for a while.”
Her wide eyes met mine, much too knowing for a three-year-old. A tear fell down my cheek as I forced another smile. “It’s okay. Go. I bought you a doll. It’s on your bed.”
She hesitated, but the promise of a new toy lured her to safety.
Neither of us moved or said a word at first. The scent of his cologne, tarnished by the stench of whiskey, burned my nose. I swallowed the vomit rising in my throat. “What do you want?”
“What do you think I want?” he snapped.
“I don’t know.”
He snorted. “Don’t play dumb. You know I can’t stand it when you lie.”
“I’m not lying. Please…don’t hurt us.” He nudged the barrel into my scalp, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I’d never hurt my daughter, but you’re gonna pay.” He pushed me further into the living room, but a knock on the front door halted him. “Fuck.” Changing tactics, he tugged me in the direction of the door and folded his large body in the corner, keeping the gun trained on me. “Expecting someone?”
I shook my head.
“Good. Get rid of them.” His gaze, colorless in a face that was too quick to deceive, leveled me. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
I turned the handle and peered out, and as I met Gage’s stare, every part of me froze. I wanted to beg for his help, but Rick still had his gun pressed into my back.
“We’re not done yet, Kayla,” Gage leaned forward. “You’re nuts if you think you can show up on my doorstep and pretend it didn’t happen.”
I raised my hand to ward him off. “I just got home with Eve. Can we talk about this another time?”
His eyes narrowed and then traveled the length of my body. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
His attention darted behind me, and he scanned the small space of my foyer.
“You need to leave.” I slammed the door.
“Smooth move,” Rick admonished. “You suck at acting normal.” He pushed me into the living room and toward the couch. “You better hope he doesn’t come back.” Knocking me to my knees, he muttered, “Stubborn whore.”
“Don’t do this. Please.”
“Shut up.” He bent me over the cushion and jerked my hands behind my back.
“Please, Rick.”
Blinding pain exploded at my temple. “I said shut up.”
“Please,” I begged again as he secured my wrists with rope.
He whacked me on the other side of the head and grabbed my hair, pulling tight. “Did you enjoy fucking him?”
“He forced me.”
“But you liked it, didn’t you? You keep going back.”
I struggled to breathe, but my fear was too intense.
“Did your fucking vows mean nothing? You think you can forget about me so easily?”
“No,” I choked. “I haven’t forgotten you.”
He laughed, a sound that struck more terror in me than any strike from Gage. “I’ll make sure you don’t forget me.” He got up, and his shoes thudded across the carpet. He dragged a chair to Eve’s door and wedged it underneath the handle. “You didn’t think I’d miss my daughter’s homecoming, did you?” The floor vibrated as he neared. “You and me are gonna celebrate all right. You owe me three years of fucking, Kayla.”
He kneeled behind me and wrenched up my skirt, and I started sobbing, barely able to see through my tears. “Don’t do this—”
“Did he fuck you in the ass? I hear he has a thing for that.”
He shoved my face into the cushion, smothering my cries, and suddenly the memories flooded me. I’d almost forgotten how many times he’d choked me, how he’d smothered me with a pillow on a nightly basis. So many times I thought I was going to die, but then he’d allow me a gasp of air before continuing his suffocation methods.
“I bet he did do you up the ass.” He pushed my legs together, tugged my panties down, and I heard the slide of a zipper.
I struggled, my lungs burning for life as the futility of my situation fisted my heart. He pulled my head up, allowed me a shallow breath, and then forced my face into the cushion again. I was going to die. The certainty of it gripped me, and I was no longer scared of being raped. Death was far worse. Death would take me away from Eve.
Eve.
Would he leave me like this? Lifeless for her to find?
Or would he disappear with her?
Head up…another gasp of air…then lightheaded darkness.
A loud, splintering crash tore through the apartment, and his hold on my head lifted. With a hoarse sob, I jerked my face up and sucked in air. Sucked it in until my lungs were full and near bursting. A grunt sounded, followed by a bang against the wall, and I rolled around to find Gage and my ex locked in a struggle. Eve screamed from her bedroom, tiny fists pounding on the door, and the chair shook under the for
ce. I yanked at the rope binding my wrists, desperate to get to her, but the binding wouldn’t budge.
“Stop it!” I yelled as the barrel inched toward Gage’s head. They were engaged in a war, both exerting their strength to gain control of the gun. Gage was taller, but Rick had some bulk on him. He managed to kick free of Rick’s hold for a moment, and Rick jumped to his feet and swung the gun in my direction. Time stopped as I stared past the barrel into his cold eyes. Nothing lurked in their depths; no regret, no anger. Just…nothing.
How had I missed this side of him all those years ago? The side of him that ignored his daughter’s screams as he prepared to kill me once and for all?
“Please,” I whispered, one last plea for mercy.
He cocked the gun.
Gage leaped into action, face distorted in the scariest mask of rage I’d ever seen. He charged Rick, a bull with red in his sights. They fell to the floor again, rolling, fists pounding, frantic fingers scrambling in a tug-of-war for the gun. The blast tore through the air just as the blaring sirens became noticeable.
Rick got to his feet and staggered back. He focused on the blood swallowing the front of his jacket, and for a moment he was entranced by it, the gun dangling from his fingers in distraction. And then he focused his attention on the broken door. The screeching sirens grew louder with every second.
He bolted, and I took in Gage’s still form lying a few feet from me, watched the crimson spread across my carpet, and the sirens drowned out the hysterical cries of an innocent three-year-old.
And I welcomed blackness.
12. The Price of Sin
Snow trickled from the sky three days after Gage was shot. Not so much that driving in it was impossible, but enough to cause a stir of excitement. Normally, I would have been out in the wintery flakes like everyone else, throwing snowballs at Eve while we built a snowman. I watched the wintery weather through the window of the cheap motel we’d been hiding in. Eve was taking a late morning nap. Check out time was an hour away.
I couldn’t bring myself to move. I was too busy torturing myself with what-ifs, too busy being a coward because I still didn’t know if Gage had lived or died. Three days…and I didn’t know if he’d died saving our lives. What kind of person did that make me? I’d left the emergency room three nights ago and hadn’t looked back, and my phone had been powered off since. Ian was probably frantic by now trying to get ahold of me. But reality wouldn’t step aside forever. I reached for my cell and switched it on, and I dialed Ian’s number. He answered immediately.
“Where are you?”
“In a motel.”
“I’ve been going out of my mind, Kayla. You freaking disappeared from the ER. Don’t do that to me again.”
“Is…” I swallowed and tried again. “Is he okay?”
“He’s going to make it. They had to operate, but he’s recovering.” A train’s horn blasted in the background, and I released a breath. “Where are you?” he asked.
I blinked a tear down my cheek. “Doesn’t matter. I’m leaving today.”
“Not without saying goodbye, you aren’t.”
I rattled off the name of the motel.
“Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be there in twenty.”
By the time he pulled into the parking lot, Eve was already in her car seat munching on a graham cracker. I tossed our meager belongings into the trunk and slammed the lid.
“I can’t talk you into staying, can I?”
“No. Eve’s been having nightmares every night. I think a new environment would be good for her.” I’d had nightmares too—paralyzing recollections of Rick trying to kill me. I leaned against the bumper. “Is he really okay?”
“That’s what they tell me. He won’t see me, but I hear he’s been asking for you.” He rubbed his chin. “I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me. It was…selfish. I knew you were dealing with some stuff, but I was scared of losing you.”
I dropped my gaze to the ground and kicked at the snow. “It was so long ago. Maybe what we feel for each other is an echo of what we could’ve been. Maybe we’ve been holding on when it’s time to let go.”
He tilted my chin up, and a snowflake danced on my nose. “I can’t control how you feel, but I know what’s in here,” he said, placing his fist over his heart. “You’ve been here forever. It’s always been you.” He paused and gave a stubborn shake of his head. “I distracted myself with work, but I’ve never been able to get you out of my head.”
His words squeezed the breath from me. “Don’t do this to me now. I won’t change my mind about leaving.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m not going to stop you. I know you need time. Maybe I do too.” He stepped close and framed my face between his hands, and the warmth of his body penetrated mine. “I meant what I said, though. I love you, and no amount of time is going to change that.” He wound his arms around me, and we held on to each other for a while, neither of us paying attention to the snow collecting in our hair. Another guest of the motel left his room and gave us a curious look as he headed to his car. Vehicles crept along the road, and one braked, going into a slide before stopping.
I wanted to hold on to him forever, frozen in this cold environment as the warmth of him surrounded me.
“Don’t let him hurt you again.”
“He can’t hurt me if I’m not here.”
“You don’t know him very well.”
“Turns out I didn’t know you either.” I backed out of his embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me he was your brother? You watched”—I blinked the image from my mind’s eye, but it refused to disappear—“you watched him with me. You screwed Katherine when all you had to do was be honest.”
He kept his eyes downcast, and the guilt he wrestled with pricked at the part of me that still cared about him. Still loved him even. “I was stunned…when you came into that basement and got to your knees…” He shook his head, apparently at a loss for words. “And then I realized what was at stake…Jesus, Kayla. Your freedom, Eve’s life. You begged me to go along with it, and I couldn’t deny you.”
“But you didn’t tell me. You had every opportunity to, but you didn’t.”
“Chalk it up to cowardice. He’d ripped a hole in your life and it was my fault.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have come back to town.”
“Gage is a grown man. Don’t beat yourself up over his actions. None of us are innocent, me included. I stole from him.”
“To save your daughter. My crime killed someone. Yours saved the person you love most in this world.”
“Doesn’t make it right.”
“No, but you shouldn’t have a problem sleeping at night. At least, I hope you don’t.”
I refrained from answering—maybe someday I’d be able to let it all go. “Would you mind taking Eve to get something to eat? I could use an hour alone.”
“You’re going to see him, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “I need to.”
“There’s something you should know. They found Rick, and when they arrested him, he turned everything he had on Gage over to the authorities. They’ve begun an investigation, and Gage is probably going to serve some time in jail.”
“What about Jody?”
“They arrested her this morning.”
I shook my head. “Typical. Of course Rick threw her under the rug. How did you find out about this?”
“They questioned me. The Feds didn’t understand that Gage and I haven’t talked in years. I expect they’ll want to talk to you too.” He grabbed Eve from the car before unbuckling her seat and pulling it out. “I’ll meet up with you soon.”
“Thanks, Ian.”
I didn’t budge for a full five minutes after he left. Finally sinking into the driver’s seat, I pulled onto the road and took the long way to the hospital. I dreaded this visit. I had so much to say, so much to confront him about, and no words in mind. He didn’t notice me at first, as he was too busy arguing with the
nurse about taking his vitals, a deep scowl on his face. I stood in the doorway and stared at the flakes coming down outside his window.
“Get the doctor. I don’t need my fucking vitals taken for the hundredth time—I need out of here now.” And that’s when he saw me. He froze, which gave the nurse the opportunity to complete her task. Noting the readings in his chart, she then frowned at him on her way out, making it clear he was not her favorite patient.
“Made anyone quit yet?” I forced a smile and took a step toward him, hoping to break the tense silence.
“I’m working on it.” He leaned back against the pillows and winced.
“How are you doing?” I asked.
“Not too bad, all things considered.” He frowned. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.”
“I wasn’t sure either.” I wandered around the room, finally stalling in front of the window, and became entranced by the falling snow. “I wanted to thank you for saving us, but Eve and I are leaving and we won’t be back.” I turned to face him. “I’ll leave my resignation on your desk before I go.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave?”
I nodded. “I think the best thing for us is to move on from here.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “You mean move on from me.”
“You’re part of it, yes. But I want her to have a happy life. She’s been through so much.”
“So have you.”
“You’re partly to blame for that.”
He clenched his jaw. “I’m aware of that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Ian was your brother?”
His eyes rounded, an unguarded second in which he couldn’t hide his reaction, but then he smoothed his features. “Half brother. His dad’s a bastard. Couldn’t stand me.” He studied me for a moment. “What else did he have the guts to tell you?”
“He told me about Liz.”
“And now you’re thinking I did this to you as a means of getting back at him.”
“Didn’t you?”