by Gemma James
“It started out that way, Kayla. I won’t lie. I wanted to make him pay. I still do.” His attention veered past me, and he grew lost in memories of the past. “His old man got him off with a slap to the wrist. I wanted to hurt him all right.”
“Maybe you should let it go.”
“So that’s what you think I should do? Let him get away with murder?”
“Like I’ve let you get away with beating and raping me?” My words brought his gaze back to mine. “You made me pay for his sins, Gage. Now let it go.”
“Who’s going to pay for mine?”
“I hear you are.”
“Guess he’s given you an earful. So you heard about the investigation?”
I folded my arms and nodded. “What I don’t understand is why you did it. You’re not hurting for money.”
“Not now, but that wasn’t the case during the recession. I did it to save the company.” He paused. “I repaid every cent. That’s when I realized Jody had been skimming too.”
“Do I have to worry about going to jail, Gage?”
“No. I covered your tracks. If it comes up, I’ll take the blame.”
My mouth hung open. “Why would you do that?”
“You’ve paid enough. Go be with your daughter, Kayla.”
That was one order from Gage Channing I could obey without hesitation. I stalled, my hand on the door handle as the heat of his gaze seared my back. “Goodbye, Gage.”
Epilogue
One year later
“He’s staring at your butt again.”
“Stop it!” I hissed at Stacey. “He is not.”
“Oh yes, honey,” she drawled, her Texas accent pronounced, “he is.”
I cranked my head to find that Stacey was right. Nate was a regular customer, and he focused on my ass now as if it looked tastier than the Gigi’s breakfast special sitting in front of him.
“How are the eggs, Nate?”
He blinked and then lowered his head. “Great as always, Kayla.”
Stacey snickered. “He’ll ask you out eventually, mark my words.”
I hoped not—it would save me the trouble of rejecting him. I’d waitressed at Gigi’s for eight months now, and luckily most guys who pursued me quickly got the message. Stacey and I had gotten close, but she didn’t know about my past. No one did, and that was part of the allure of starting over in a town where no one knew me.
Yet something was missing…or rather someone.
My demons had relocated with me. Both Gage and Ian stalked the shadows in my bedroom at night, and I spent too much time lying awake. Eve’s nightmares lessened over time, but mine hadn’t. It didn’t matter if the days were getting easier to get through—it was during those few dark hours when echoes of the past haunted me that I realized how weak I still was.
How broken.
Thankfully, I couldn’t say the same for Eve. She was doing well, physically and emotionally, and she continued to provide the brightest part of my day. She’d started preschool four months ago, and I’d watched her blossom since. Ian’s phone calls also brightened my days, though lately the tone of them had changed. I knew he missed me, and I felt the same way, though I questioned what it was about him that I missed exactly. It was a myriad of things—the sense of security I always felt in his presence, the way his kiss set my head spinning, the fact that I trusted him with my daughter…I could fill pages upon pages.
I missed Gage for other reasons…reasons that reinforced how lonely I really was.
Once my shift ended, I said goodbye to Stacey and promised to meet her on Saturday for a movie. She also had a child—a boy a year older than Eve. They said they were getting married someday. We laughed about their innocent childhood dreams, but deep inside, the idea bothered me. Kids often said such things, but the thought of Eve ever getting married, of subjecting herself to the cruelty of a man, terrified me. I’d grown so distrustful and paranoid that it put the term “jaded” to shame.
On my way home, I picked Eve up from daycare. The last thing I expected was to find an unfamiliar vehicle in my driveway. My world screeched to a halt at the sight of the man who unfolded from it. He leaned against his door and waited as I let Eve out of her booster seat. I hoisted her in my arms and carried her toward the door.
“Hello, Kayla.”
“Hi…” My head spun with the reality of his presence. An entire year had passed since I’d walked away from my old life, and somewhere deep inside, I’d always known he’d come for me, but I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on that eventuality.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I pushed the door open. The duplex was small, but the place offered more room than our apartment had back in Oregon. “Just let me put on a cartoon for Eve.” I got her settled in the living room with a snack, and then I ushered him into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and silently watched as I turned on the oven and arranged chicken breasts in a baking dish. I kept myself busy with mindless tasks for several minutes, my heart tap dancing the whole time.
He was suddenly behind me, his hands on mine, pressing them to the counter and halting my movements. “Stop.”
I went still. It’d been so long since a man had touched me. Months, though it seemed more like years.
He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face against my neck, inhaling as if he’d thirsted for the scent of me. “I’ve missed you.” He tightened his hold. “So much.”
I closed my eyes and focused on the weight of his arms across my chest, rising and falling with every breath. “Why are you here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
Several moments passed, and I finally spoke the words I wanted to say. “I’ve missed you too.” I ran a finger along his forearm. “But—”
“Don’t shut me out, Kayla.”
Shutting him out was impossible. Always had been.
“Can you get a sitter for tonight?” he asked.
I nodded without thinking. Stacey would look after her, but why would I need a sitter? I voiced the question.
“Because I’m going to show you how much I’ve missed you.” He reached into my purse and dug for a few moments until he produced my cell. He held it out. “Get a sitter.”
My fingers curled around the phone, hesitating. I could send him away. He’d go—I knew he would. And I would go about my life in peace. In peace and alone, always keeping everyone outside the bubble I’d built, unable to let anyone in.
And I would never feel this way again.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the phone and dialed.
1. Inferno
He’s waiting.
Waiting for me.
I could barely breathe in the small space of my bathroom. I gripped the sink, fingers curling around cold porcelain, and willed my galloping heartbeat to slow. He was going to hurt me. Physically, emotionally, psychologically. I knew this, yet it wouldn’t change a thing. I would still unlock the door. Still pull it open and go to him…still give him my body.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked my reflection. “Why are you letting him back into your life?”
The panicked woman in the mirror didn’t have an answer.
I turned on the faucet in the tub and then removed my clothes, and for a few moments I concentrated on the roar of the water even though it did nothing to silence the alarm going off in my head. I hadn’t been with a man in a year; a very long and lonely year, especially after experiencing how earth-shattering sex with him was. He’d given me a taste of something I hadn’t realized I needed.
Like a dope dealer dangling a sample enough times until he had me coming back for more, begging on my hands and knees and selling my self-worth and my soul.
A soft knock startled me. “Kayla? Is everything okay?”
I warily glanced at the door, as if he could bypass the lock and come inside. He was good at bypassing things—my protests, my will, even the damn law.
“I’m fine.” My voice broke, giving away my shattere
d state of mind. “I’ll be out in a few.”
“I’ll be in the bedroom. Don’t make me wait long.”
My body broke out in goose bumps, and I couldn’t decide if they were the good or bad kind. I sank into the hot water, closed my eyes, and let myself remember. The first time he’d slid his fingers inside me, he’d had me strung up on my toes, gagged and thighs spread wide. I’d been helpless and terrified. That fear still lived in me, but so did the undeniable longing to be taken by him again. I throbbed all over just thinking about his hands on me.
Fear and arousal—why those two visceral reactions went hand in hand for me, I didn’t know. I might never know.
I finished bathing, and twenty minutes later, I stood in front of the door, my hand trembling on the knob. The comforting scent of coconut wafted from my warm, naked skin. Skin he’d left bruises and welts on a year ago.
This was a bad idea. Seriously, in the history of bad ideas, I’d win the award.
Here goes nothing.
The darkness of the hallway swallowed me, and I blinked my vision into focus as I padded to the bedroom. He’d turned off all the lights; now only the soft glow of the nightlight I left on for Eve illuminated the way. Thinking about her twisted my insides. My daughter’s presence was the only thing that would stop me now, but I’d sent her away with Stacey for the night.
I’d left myself with no way out.
The door to my bedroom stood wide open, like a gaping hole waiting to suck me inside. Or maybe it was the man waiting in there, reeling me in with his gravitational pull. My heart thudded with each step, and I couldn’t deny the dampness collecting at the juncture of my sex. He hadn’t even touched me yet, but just the knowledge of him waiting, of what he could do to me—what he would do to me—made me tense with equal amounts of dread and anticipation.
I stepped into the bedroom, and his body brushed mine. He stood behind me, radiating heat and arousal; the air was so thick with it, I smelled it, tasted it. His hands drifted down my arms, his fingers curling around my wrists like shackles. He pulled them behind my back and secured them with something soft and silky.
“Gage?” His name came out a shaky sigh, escaping my trembling lips and no doubt making him rock hard. I was scared. I couldn’t help it, couldn’t hide it, despite knowing how he thrived on my fear—how he’d always thrived on my fear. The pain he’d inflicted a year ago came rushing back, and I couldn’t catch my breath. A year was a long time, but not long enough to make me forget. “I can’t do this,” I whispered, struggling to speak each word.
“Quiet.” He spoke the command in a soft and gentle tone, yet the steel behind that single word ensured I pressed my lips together. “I’m going to make you come long and hard tonight, so long as you don’t fight me.”
“You know I can’t,” I choked, blinking back tears. “But I’m scared.”
He fisted my hair, pulling until my neck became vulnerable to his mouth. His lips parted against my skin, and his tongue left a hot, wet trail down to my shoulder. The sensation was so arousing that my insides clenched from that single erotic kiss. I swayed into his body, feeling every hard plane of his nakedness, and shivered.
“I love your fear,” he said, his confession rumbling along my shoulder. “But you don’t have to be scared. Have you fucked anyone else?”
“No.”
“Good.”
His arms enfolded me and his palms shelved my breasts, thumbs and forefingers squeezing and twisting my nipples as he walked me further into the room. As soon as my thighs hit the mattress, he stepped away. I followed his progress around the bed, unashamed of blatantly ogling him. The soft light from the hall cast a glow on his skin, and I realized his body was just as firm as I remembered. If he hadn’t tied my hands, I’d smooth them over his pecs, drifting lower until the muscles of his stomach quivered under my touch. Was he even capable of reacting like that? I couldn’t recall; the past was a foggy recollection of pain intermingled with pleasure so hot it had branded me all those months ago.
He climbed onto the bed and stretched on his back. “Come straddle me.”
Joining him became a challenge, considering he’d restrained my hands behind my back, but I managed to press one knee onto the mattress and hop up. His large hands reached for my hips, and my head spun as he settled me against the hard length of his cock. A simple adjustment, and he’d be inside me. A delicious shudder seized my body.
“Have you thought about me, Kayla? About this?”
Only every night. I blinked, refusing to give voice to the truth.
He dug his fingers into my hipbones. “Answer me.”
My eyes drifted shut, and a small moan formed in my throat then broke free when he arched into me, just enough to tease. “Yes,” I said with a groan. “I thought about you.”
His hands glided up my sides and cupped my breasts. With a whimper, I leaned into his touch. “I thought of nothing else,” he said. “A whole year thinking about you, of the way you smell…” He pulled my head down to his. “The way you taste.” His mouth urged mine open, and his tongue swept inside for a mere second before he pushed me into a sitting position again. “It’s not enough. I want to taste you all over.”
I gasped when he hauled me up his body.
Oh God.
I lost my balance and almost hit the headboard, but his hands braced me as he settled me over his face. I remembered the measure of his strength when he’d whipped me a year ago, and now he held me upright with that strength. My thighs shook as he licked between my folds. He found my nub and added enough pressure until I was bucking my hips and moaning his name, but each time release threatened to take me, he went back to teasing with the tip of his tongue.
“Please,” I begged, panting, “let me come. It’s been so long.”
He groaned. “You’re so fucking perfect. So wet.” In one swift motion, he moved me down his body and entered me.
“Oh!” This was what I’d been missing—feeling him pulsing and alive inside me.
“Ride me until you come.”
My hair curtained my cheeks in red waves, falling into my eyes as I rocked my hips, and I moaned with every slow slide. The sensation was both ecstasy and excruciating. He held onto my hips, never allowing me to fully sheath him, but I needed him deep.
“Please…”
“Who am I, Kayla?”
I groaned. “My Master.” A loud cry poured from me. “Gage…deeper…”
He pushed higher. So incredibly deep. Oh God, he felt amazing—one hundred percent man, hard and slick and rubbing all the right places. Our bodies slapped together, damp with sweat and pure madness, and my name rumbled from his lips as he thrust to the hilt.
But it still wasn’t enough, and he must have realized it too. The room spun, and I was on my back with him hovering over me. His breaths came hard and fast as he pressed me into the mattress, settled my ankles high onto his shoulders, and made our bodies one with abandon.
“So fucking good,” he growled, burying his cock so deep a pang resonated in my heart. “You’re mine. I’m never letting you go.” He expelled a long sigh, and I drank him in, growing dizzy from the poison that was Gage. His mouth crushed mine, opening and plundering, tongue thrusting in time with our bodies.
My hands bit into my lower back, and my shoulders burned from being restrained, but the pain didn’t register. Exquisite tension started in the arch of my feet, in the muscles of my legs, and crawled up my thighs until it pulled so tight at my core I was about to burst at the seams.
His mouth ate up my cries as the intensity pulled me under before launching me free. I came and came and came in a shuddering ball of surrender, soaring to a realm so high I was sure the crash would kill me, but damn if it wasn’t a place I wanted to visit every night of my life.
Nothing had ever felt so wrong but so right, so painful yet unbelievably good, and nothing and no one existed in that moment except Gage Channing.
2. Mine
“God, you’re gorge
ous.”
His whispered words woke me, though I didn’t let him know I was awake. Early light crept beneath my lashes, and I listened to the morning song of birds, fearing he heard the drumming beat of my heart over the chirping melody.
His arms pulled me closer, flush against his chest, and he spooned me as if he didn’t intend to let go. “I know you’re awake.”
“Pretend I’m not,” I said, voice raspy from sleep. I wanted to pretend last night hadn’t happened. Pretend I still had a modicum of sanity left. I’d built a life here for Eve and me, and I wasn’t foolish enough to think that letting him back in wouldn’t smash it to smithereens.
“I’m not good at pretending.” His breath hitched, and for a few lengthy seconds, his silence pressed on me. “I need you. I need you so damn much it pisses me off. I’m crazy without you.”
“You’re just flat out crazy,” I muttered.
His laughter vibrated against my shoulder. “I won’t deny that statement.”
The warmth and safety of his arms was an illusion, but I sank deeper into it anyway. “Where’ve you been for the past year, Gage?” Somewhere deep inside, I’d always known he’d come back for me…if he were capable.
He didn’t answer right away. “Prison. I figured you knew.”
“I…suspected.” I’d seen the news reports about his arrest, but my own part in what went down haunted me, and I hadn’t wanted to know what happened to him afterward. “What was it like in there?”
“It’s not a place I’d ever send you.” His arms tightened around me. “The worst part was being without you.”
I stiffened. “What do you think is going to happen here?”
“You’re coming home. That’s what’s going to happen.”
“I am home. You can’t just show up and start in on your demands. Things are a lot different from last year.”
“Yes, they are. Fuck…I haven’t felt like this since Liz.”
His confession iced my veins. I untangled from his embrace and shot from bed. “No!” I cried, freaking out because he’d compared me to his dead girlfriend. The woman he’d loved—the woman he’d gone apeshit over. “Last night was—”