Mercedes' Dirge

by Belle Zimet

  “You don’t like me very much, do you?” Mercedes said with a small smile.

  “You’ve always been nice to me. I just don’t know you and I don’t understand you.” Ella admitted.

  “Well, I get that complaint quite often,” Mercedes sighed. “Are you mad about my relationship with Nick?”

  “Why would I be?” Ella shot out defensively.

  Mercedes continued to broadcast a knowing little smile. “You don’t like that I fool around.”

  “I don-” Ella started to object, but Mercedes put up a hand for her to halt.

  “It’s ok. He’s a great guy and I don’t deserve him and I put him through hell. It’s all true. I absolve myself by being open with him, but the truth is that I’m still doing him a disservice. He’ll never leave me, and I should let him go. He needs a nice girl like you, Ella.” She clinked glasses with Ella, who stared at her open mouthed and continued. “When I let him go, you should date him.”

  Ella sat with shock frozen on her face. “You are too cute. I really freak you out, I can tell. Why tiptoe around this crap?” Mercedes pinched her cheek and smiled. “He likes you, I can tell. And you are clearly into him.”

  “No, I’m not.” She reflexively objected.

  “Oh come on, I saw you guys.” She stated matter of factly. No malice was present on her face and it was clear that Mercedes was, above all things, always genuine.

  “Oh Mercedes, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.” She started quickly, her stomach jumping nervously at the admission.

  “Save your apologies. I don’t deserve them. I’ve told him to be with other women, and I’ve always meant it. I can dish it and take it, Ella. Honestly, I would prefer it be with someone I know and like anyway.”

  “I have no idea what to say.” Ella admitted.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I’ve put it out there and that’s all you need to know. I put it out to Nick too, but cheating goes so against the grain for him that he still chooses to martyr himself.” She shrugged.

  They fell into silence for a bit as they rocked soothingly in the swing and finished the bottle of champagne.

  “Why do you do it?” Ella asked suddenly.

  “Do what?”

  “Cheat on Nick and have sex with all these men?” Ella spouted spontaneously.

  “It’s a good question,” she commended. “There are many different reasons, I guess. I don’t even know why completely. I think I’m hard wired that way in some respects. I guess I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in or maybe that people are on the outside looking in on me. I like to open the door. When you fuck there are no social mores to adhere to, especially if it’s with a stranger. If you don’t like what the other person brings to the table, you just don’t see them again, and there is no vested interest so you can be however you like. It’s liberating.” She said as she dug her strawberry out of the flute and sucked on it, her pillowy lips enveloping it sensually.

  “Are you afraid people don’t take you seriously? Are you trying to prove something?”

  Mercedes laughed. “That is certainly never a concern of mine, and I don’t try to prove anything. I’m comfortable with who I am and what I do. I kind of wish I wasn’t so maligned for it, but that’s a whole other story. It’s the way our society works. If Nick cheated on me constantly people would disapprove, but no one would care why he does it or wonder. With me people wonder if I was molested or have a mental disorder. Truth is, I just like to have sex and I like it to be somewhat anonymous.” She patted Ella on the knee. “Don’t worry, I do see myself stopping at some point. I can even see myself with one person eventually, maybe sooner rather than later.”

  “You are a complicated woman, Mercedes, and I don’t think I’ve ever quite met anyone like you.” Ella told her earnestly, moved to speak by the refreshing honesty.

  “Well, thank you.”

  “I do have to say, some of the guys you’ve brought home are not up to your standard.” She said truthfully.

  Mercedes smiled widely. “Well, I’m an equal opportunist. I see things in people that sometimes other people don’t. I like girls sometimes too, you know.”

  “Oh.” Ella said awkwardly, looking ahead.

  “You’re very pretty, Ella. You aren’t comfortable in your own skin yet, and it’s a shame. I think your looks are very striking.” She complimented, lightly pinching Ella’s cheek again and moving her head to stare at her directly.

  “That’s huge coming from you, thank you.” Ella said honestly, even if the conversation was making her slightly uncomfortable again. She began to recognize the closeness of their bodies with Mercedes’ thigh lightly touching hers and the breeze blew her hair onto Ella’s shoulder.

  “Does that mean you think I’m pretty too?” Mercedes asked lowly, releasing her chin, but still willing her into eye contact. Her almond shaped eyes were so exceptionally wide and beautiful.

  “Everyone thinks you’re gorgeous.” Ella snorted.

  Mercedes raised her eyebrows with a smile playing on her lips. “I didn’t ask about everyone, I asked about you.”

  “Yes, I think you’re beautiful. I think you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

  “High praise, indeed,” she smiled. “Can I kiss you?”

  Ella was taken aback and no idea what to say. Mercedes took the silence as consent and leaned in slowly, giving Ella the opportunity to retreat. Ella stayed perfectly still as Mercedes delicately ran her supple lips softly across Ella’s. Ella was surprised to feel her body respond and she contributed to the motion of their lips as they parted and probed one another’s warm mouths.

  Mercedes ran her hands down Ella’s shoulders as she pulled in closer and angled her body so that they faced one another. Ella instinctively cupped her hands around Mercedes’ neck.

  Mercedes hands traveled lightly up from Ella’s waist to cup her breasts softly. At that moment Ella jolted back to reality. She was kissing a girl, a girl who was her best friend’s sister and a girl whose boyfriend she’d been fretting about for weeks who she’d also kissed. Worse, this was echoing that encounter.

  Ella pulled away quickly and settled back onto the back of the swing. “I’m super flattered, Mercedes, but I don’t think I can do this.”

  Mercedes touched her shoulder gently. “Because you’ve never been with a girl before?”

  “Among other things,” she said truthfully. “It’s a little too complicated.”

  “I felt like you enjoyed that.” She nudged softly.

  “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it all, but that’s not reason enough to keep going with it.” Ella looked at her solemnly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Mercedes said cheerfully. “I’m glad I got to kiss you. I’ve been wanting a piece of those heart shaped lips.” She laughed.

  Ella smiled. “I’m glad I could oblige.” She became uncomfortable. “Do we have to tell Nick or Alexa about this?”

  “Don’t worry, no one will ever know. I promise.” She patted Ella on the back and got up. Her robe opened sufficiently enough for Ella to note that she was nude underneath and again, completely unselfconscious.

  Before going in, she turned and winked. “Are you sure you don’t want to come to bed with me?”

  Ella laughed as a response and stared ahead as Mercedes bid her goodnight and closed the door behind her.

  Ella sat pondering how the night had gotten so unbelievably weird. She had never so much as touched another girl in a sexual way and suddenly she was reaching second base with Mercedes? She looked around self consciously and was glad to see there was no Alexa or Bryan peering out the windows.

  She had felt uncomfortable before her exchange with Mercedes, and now her discomfort had reached an entirely new level. She contemplated calling Troy to pick her up, but it was close to four in the morning and she decided to stick it out, even if it meant watching the sunrise on the swing.

  That ended up being exac
tly what she had done. She found herself grateful that Mercedes told her that she had seen her and Nick together and felt absolved by Mercedes’ blasé attitude about it. But where that disquiet had been dispelled a whole new discomfort had moved in. She had made out with Mercedes and didn’t feel good about it.

  She found herself hoping that Mercedes kept her word and that no one would ever find out.

  Chapter 14

  Ella shook her head as she recalled that event. No one had ever found out. Mercedes died weeks later and Ella never even mentioned it to her husband when he would raise his eyebrows and ask hopefully about any action she may ever had engaged in with another female.

  Certainly that experience had only made Mercedes’ death even more surreal, strange and heartbreaking for her. After that conversation, Ella couldn’t hold anymore ill will towards her. It was impossible to look down or judge someone that genuine. Mercedes had never pretended to be anything other than what she was, with Nick or otherwise.

  Mercedes had admitted to having sex with women sometimes and had proven without a shadow of a doubt that she was capable of it. Ella knew that if she hadn’t stopped things that night that she undoubtedly would have been another letter on that calendar.

  Ella got the distinct feeling that the ghostly activity was done for the night. She had unearthed what Mercedes had wanted her to find. Though she didn’t know what to do with it, for all Ella knew, the man she had seen could be one of the B’s listed. Ella couldn’t even begin to try and remember what day of the month that had been on. She knew she could narrow it down one of the three Saturdays before she died, but didn’t know what good it would do. These were only letters, and didn’t help to discern any of the identities of the people.

  Ella shivered at the thought that it could be Mercedes’ way of warning her against Bryan. She felt confident in turning off the light and settling back into bed. After mulling some more over the situation she drifted into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

  When light flooded into the guest bedroom Ella was reminded of how much nicer Mercedes’ room had been. The furnishings in this room were bare bones, and almost every wall was piled high with boxes and supplies. The carpet needed to be replaced and the paint was dingy. Otherwise it was spacious and after an overhaul would make for a nice hotel room.

  Ella put on her robe and went to seek out Troy who was pouring over some house plans in the window walled breakfast nook. He looked up and smiled and pulled out a chair.

  “How was your night? Ghost free?” He asked hopefully.

  She shook her head and looked at the plans. He obliged with an explanation at her questioning look. “We plan to take the master suite and wall in a portion of it for a nursery. It’s so huge that we will never need that much space. Plus, the more rooms we can use for the bed and breakfast the better.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Nursery?”

  He grinned happily. “Any day now. We’re actively trying.”

  She clapped her hands. “Awesome.”

  “Yeah, yeah, now tell me about last night.” He said rolling his hands around each other, to spur her on.

  She explained the re-appearance of the music box and the sex cheat sheet housed inside.

  “So, who was listed?”

  “It was all just letters. There were a lot of N’s, so I can only assume that she used the first letter of the first name. There were two B’s, a D and an F.”

  Troy’s eyebrows furrowed at the mention of the B names. “Holy shit, Ella, do you need anymore proof?”

  “Of what? We don’t know if the B’s are Bryan, and even if they are-she slept with everyone, it doesn’t mean he’s a murderer.” Ella said as she rummaged for a mug, avoiding Troy’s eyes.

  “You are in total denial.” He looked at her incredulously. “Did he admit that he’d slept with her?”

  “No,” Ella admitted as she sat across from him, caffeine in hand. “He said he didn’t. Hey, why are you getting so bent out of shape, anyway?”

  “Because you may be putting yourself in danger.” He guzzled his coffee. “I would think it would be obvious.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said reaching over and patting his hand.

  His eyes softened. “I’m just worried for you, Ella.”

  “I know. I’m seeing him today and I’ll ask him point blank. I plan to tell him about seeing Mercedes, so he may dump me for being crazy anyway.” She said with a wry smile.

  Alexa strolled in with a plate of food. “Ok, I’ve been trying recipes for the bed and breakfast all morning. Tell me what you think.”

  She plopped down the platter of food and Ella’s stomach grumbled with appreciation. It was heaped with baked goods, one more scrumptious than the next..

  “Yes, please.” Ella said grabbing for a muffin. “What do we have here?”

  “Well, I went on a muffin frenzy. There is an apple streusel muffin and chocolate cappuccino and buttermilk spice one as well. I also have lemon soufflé pancakes and Macadamia nut waffles with a passion fruit butter.” She dropped plates and silverware on the table. “Dig in.”

  “The streusel muffin is goddamn amazing.” Troy chimed through a mouthful of pastry.

  “The pancakes are incredible, Alexa.” Ella told her, surprised by the decadent and inventive menu.

  Alexa hopped up and down in place. “Yay!” She sat down and grabbed a waffle and began picking at it daintily. “I’m really going to have to be hitting the gym after this.”

  Ella and Alexa split one of each of the muffins and by the time they were done sampling they were all groaning in discomfort at their starch-filled bellies.

  “Honestly, all of those items could be in rotation with the bed and breakfast. They were all gourmet and so tasty.” Ella told her.

  “Fantastic,” she said with a beatific smile, taking a sip of coffee. “Are you ready to tell me who you are seeing?”

  Ella sighed. “Ok, Bryan Mayfield.”

  Troy coughed and they both looked at Alexa to see the reaction. They were pleasantly surprised to see that her face registered recognition, but no dismay.

  “Wow, how did that happen?” Alexa asked, arching her perfectly shaped eyebrow at Ella.

  “I went to his game store and he asked me out.” She answered simply.

  “I guess this has to do with Mercedes?” Alexa asked carefully.

  “Yes, you know being here has made me want to just ask around some.” Ella answered truthfully after briefly taking stock of her options.

  “It’s fine. I get it. Thank you for not tip toeing around me.” She shrugged and smiled. “Anyway, I always liked Bryan. I’d love to see him again.”

  “Really?” Ella inquired happily. “I’m supposed to see him today. I was going to meet him, but should I have him pick me up instead?”

  “Yeah, that would be nice. I don’t know how much visiting I will want to do. I haven’t seen any of her friends since the funeral and I really don’t know how I will react. But we certainly have plenty of baked goods to offer a guest.” She said with a prideful beam.

  Troy had been quietly observing, radiating tension, but suddenly leaned forward. “Alexa, are you sure? Don’t push yourself.”

  Alexa’s tone became hard. “Yes.” She hissed. “I’m not a fucking baby, Troy.”

  He put his hands up. “Fine, I’m sorry.”

  Disquiet filled the air between them all, as Alexa crossed her arms over her chest and stared ahead, mouth set. Troy sighed, head in hands and Ella couldn’t think of anything to say that would make the scene any less awkward. After clearing the table, she hurried to her room and called Bryan and presented the idea of him coming over, which he seemed delighted with. As she was hanging up she saw Troy walk in looking annoyed.

  “Ah jeez, what did I do now?”

  “I don’t want this guy here, Ella.” Troy said, skipping pleasantries. “It’s not good for Alexa and he’s not good for you.”

  “My god, Troy, you’ve become a real pain in the ass,”
she said as she whirled around at the vanity and started applying makeup. “You need to let me handle my own business. I am an adult.”

  “Well, Alexa is my business and this is going to mess with her head.” He told her, while boring holes through her in reflection. “You haven’t been here for years to know the extent of it.”

  “Alexa is also an adult. If she says she can handle this, then I have to take her at her word. You need to trust her.” Ella lectured, throwing down her eyeliner.

  “Fine, but if she falls to pieces after this, then it’s on you.” He told her.

  “She can’t hide forever, and it doesn’t even seem like she wants to hide, Troy.” Ella informed him. “She knows Mercedes is around in spirit and she took that well.”

  “Let’s be done with this.” He said with a sigh as he leaned forward and patted her shoulder. “I’m sick of fighting with you.”

  “You’re the one who keeps picking the fights, jerk.” She said as she playfully punched his arm.

  Troy grabbed her eye shadow brush and licked it and threw it back at her. She yelled in horror through a peel of laughter and threw a Kleenex box at him, which tagged him on the butt as he fled the room.

  As she waited for Bryan to arrive she realized that being in this house may be a good thing to throw Bryan off his game if he did have something to hide.

  She sat on the porch marveling at the Southern California weather as she wore jean shorts and a tank top in December. She saw Bryan’s extremely humble car pull up and she stood up with anticipation and a smile. She realized that she felt awkward with the time passage since their night together. It had only been a day, but they had been rather intimate for barely knowing one another and he’d been the first man apart from Brandon in seven years and she didn’t inherently know how to act.

  He smiled as he exited the car, and the warmth in his eyes melted her reticence. He was wearing jeans and a baseball shirt and looked more casual than she’d ever seen him and he was absolutely adorable. He strode over to her and hugged her immediately. She looked up with a grin and gave him a peck on the lips. She didn’t want to be too demonstrative of affection given the tense family situation, though any lingering awkwardness was put to rest the second their skin connected, however briefly. Just as it had a night ago, it felt right.