Das landhaus am Rhein. English
Page 20
CHAPTER VIII.
EYES OPENED.
While Eric was in the garden with Herr Sonnenkamp, Roland sat withClaus near the young dogs. The huntsman asked him whether all wassettled with the captain, and seeing that he did not understand hismeaning, he laughed to himself as he thought he might win a doublereward.
"What will you give me," he asked, "if I manage to have the captainstay with you as a companion and teacher? Whew!" he interrupted himselfsuddenly, "you look like a dog whose eyes are opened for the firsttime. Come, tell me--what will you give me?"
Roland could not answer; everything was giddy and confused in histhoughts, and the young dogs seemed to be whirling round and round.
Joseph came into the stable, and after representing Eric's parents asveritable saints, he concluded,--
"You ought to be proud, Master Roland; the father educated the prince,and now the son is to educate you."
"Open the shutters, quick!" cried Claus suddenly. Joseph did so, andthe trainer took up one of the puppies, drew up its eyelids, andexclaimed, "There, that's enough to show me that this one's eyes arejust opening. Now don't let any more light in, or they will bespoiled."
In his interest in the animals, Claus forgot his shrewd two-fold plan;he went with Roland and Joseph into the court, where Roland immediatelyleft them. He saw his father and Eric sitting together, and felt angrywith Eric for not telling him directly who he was. Soon overcoming thisfeeling, however, he would gladly have hastened to him and embracedhim, but he restrained himself, and only approached when he heard thewhole party laughing.
He pressed close to Eric confidingly, and his eyes said, "I thank you;I know who you are."
Eric did not understand his glance, until Roland said,--
"The others have had you long enough, now come with me."
He accompanied Eric to his room, and seemed to be waiting to talk withhim, but Eric begged to be left alone; he was inexpressibly weary, and,like a heavy burden, there lay upon his spirit the consciousness thathe who enters the service of others cannot live his own life;especially if he attaches to himself a faithful soul which he is tomould, sustain, and guide, he must never be weary, never say, "Nowleave me to myself," but must be always ready, always expectant, alwaysat the beck and call of others.
Roland was much troubled at Eric's look of fatigue; he could notsuspect that he was extremely dissatisfied with himself. It was notmerely the weariness after imparting extensive and various knowledgewhich often brings a sense of exhaustion, it was pure chagrin that hehad allowed himself to be beguiled into drawing a plan of vast extent,and for what object? The education of a single boy.
Eric's chief vexation was, however, that he was obliged to acknowledgehimself still so undisciplined; he must become more self-restrainedbefore he could give stability and right training to another. In thisstate of discontent he hardly heard the boy, who talked on about thewonderful opening of the dog's eyes, and kept asking him questions, andlooking inquiringly in his face.
A servant entered, and announced that the carriages were ready for adrive.
Eric was startled. What sort of a life was this? To promenade in thegarden, ride, drive, eat, amuse one's self. How could he guard andpreserve his own inner life? How would it be possible to hold a youngspirit to a definite course of constant self-development?
Eric's pride rose; he had not worked all his life for this,--exercisedhimself in earnest and strict renunciation for the sake of filling theintervals between driving and banqueting. The plan would be unbearable;he would have an arrangement which he could control and to which hecould give the tone of his own mind.
He went into the court with Roland, and politely asked to be excusedfrom the drive, as he felt the necessity of being alone for a fewhours.
This announcement was received by glances of various expression. HerrSonnenkamp said quickly, that he laid no sort of constraint upon hisguests: Pranken and Fraeulein Perini exchanged looks in which thereseemed to be a malicious pleasure in the harm that Eric had donehimself by the wilfulness which led to a want of tact.
Roland said at once that he would like to stay at home with Eric, butPranken rejoined in an exultant tone:
"Herr Dournay just wishes to be alone; if you stay with him, my dearRoland, the gentleman will just not be alone."
He uttered the word "gentleman" in a peculiarly disagreeable tone.
The second carriage was sent away. Fraeulein Perini, Pranken, and Rolandentered the other; Sonnenkamp seated himself on the box; he was fond ofmanaging four horses from the box-seat; four-in-hand was a greatdelight to him. This driving four-in-hand was generally taken forostentation, but it was only a personal gratification.
Frau Ceres also remained behind; she had already exerted herself to besocial quite enough for that day.
Eric watched the party drive off, then returned to his room.
He sat there alone in perfect quiet, more weary than it would haveseemed possible to become in so short a time, but the day Lad been oneof excitement, and full of a violent effort to make himself master overnovel circumstances. How much he had been through! It seemed yearssince he looked over the Roman antiquities with Clodwig. During the dayhe had been obliged to turn over and over, and to unfold his owncharacter and environment; he had tasted for the first time the humblebread of servitude, and the feeling, half of friendliness, half ofingratitude, the enigmatic in Sonnenkamp, in Roland, in FraeuleinPerini, and Frau Ceres, seemed to him like the dim memory of a dream,like a far-off life, as his thoughts went home to his mother.
A profound home-sickness threatened to overcome him, but he shook itoff resolutely. It must not be! His military training helped him; hisorders were to stand at his post, keep a close watch, and never totire.
"Never to tire!" he said half aloud to himself, and the consciousnessof youthful vigor supported him. He felt that on the next day he couldmeet the problems before him full of fresh courage; and one thoughtabove all others strengthened him, and lightened his heart: he hadremained faithful to the truth, and so should it always be. Truth isthat firm standpoint of mother-earth where the wrestling spirit is notto be conquered and thrown.
In the distance, from the railway station across the river, he nowheard an idle locomotive blowing off steam. It snorted, shrieked, andpanted like a fabulous monster; and Eric thought. This engine has allday been drawing trains of cars in which hundreds of human beings had,for the time, been seated, and now it is resting and letting off itshot steam. He smiled as he thought that he himself was almost such alocomotive, and was now cooling himself, to be fired up anew on themorrow.
Suddenly he was waked from sleep; for he had slept without intending todo so. A servant announced that Frau Sonnenkamp wished to speak to him.