Das landhaus am Rhein. English
Page 175
CHAPTER X.
ROLAND'S MOAN.
Roland and Manna sat in the library, holding each other's hand; theywere like two children who had taken refuge from the storm in a strangehut. For a long time they were unable to speak. Manna was the first togain composure, and in a tone of forced cheerfulness, passing her handover her brother's face, she said:--
"Do you know the story of the little brother and the little sister?They lost themselves in the wood, and then found their way home again.And we are like two children in the wild forest. But we are children nolonger; you are grown up, you are strong, you must be so."
"Oh, don't speak," replied Roland, "every word goes through my brain,even the sound of your voice. O sister! no, there's none like it! Doyou think in all these hundreds and hundreds of books there's one singlefate like ours? No, there can't be."
After a longer interval, Manna again began:--
"Now I can tell you what I meant, when I said that I would be anIphigenia; I wanted to sacrifice myself for you all, in order to takethe expiation from you."
"Oh, don't speak. What do these stories of the children in the wood, ofOrestes and Iphigenia, have to do with us? Orestes was happy, he couldconsult the gods at Delphi; at that time the gods could be offended andappeased; they were obliged to give a response--but now? we? Where, inthese times, is there a single mouth which gives a response in the nameof the gods? The Greeks had slaves too; and we? Now they tell us thatlove has come into the world, and that all men are the children of God!Is this love? And the priests blessed the marriage of a man who heldslaves--children of God as slaves,--and they baptized these children,letting them still be slaves! Alas! I'm getting crazed! O, my youth! O,my youth! Alas! I am still so young, and I must bear for a long, longlife-time--must bear this--everything! There's a blackness before myeyes, a spot upon everything I see--all is black--black! At the timewhen Claus was imprisoned--Children do not suffer for the crime oftheir father; they can have no part in it, but they do suffer from it awhole lifetime. Where is justice--help me, sister!--do help me!"
"I cannot, I do not comprehend it! O, it was that drove me out of thesanctuary! I don't comprehend it!"
The brother and sister sat together in silence, until Roland suddenlythrew himself into Manna's arms, and hiding his head on her bosom,said:--
"Manna, I wanted to kill myself, I could not bear it. Yesterday,everything so beautiful--and here on your heart I cry--I must live--Idon't know what I am to do--I must live! Were the children to killthemselves for their parent's guilt, that guilt would be made stillgreater."
Again Roland leaned his head on the arm of the sofa, murmuring tohimself:--
"He did not carry it out at once, and now it will never be done."
"What do you mean?" asked Manna. Roland gave her a glassy stare, but hekept it to himself that he had exhorted his father to put away all hisproperty, and that the father had led him to believe it should be done;but now he seemed to see clearly that nothing of the kind would evertake place. He closed his eyes, opened them again, and lay thereparalyzed as in an awful void, everything crushed and shattered withinhim.
Manna understood how he felt, and kneeling by the sofa, she cried:--
"Roland, I have a great secret to tell you; Eric and I----"
"What?" exclaimed Roland, sitting upright.
"Eric and I are betrothed."
"You? you two?"
He sprang up, pressed her in his arms, exclaiming again:--
"You? you two?"
"Yes, Roland; and he has known everything for a long time."
"He has known everything? And he has not rejected you withdisdain?--and he has instructed me so faithfully?--Oh!"
Roland and Manna held each other in a long embrace. There was a knockat the door, and they separated, looking at each other in dismay. Theyknew it was their father's knock, but neither of them said so. Therewas another rap, and they still were silent. Retreating footsteps wereheard, and they knew their father's step. Both knew what it meant notto open when their father knocked, but each refrained from speaking ofit.
Roland's thoughts must have gone from one person to the other, for henow said:--
"Herr von Pranken has advised me to enter the Papal army. O, if I onlyknew a battle-field where human brotherhood was to be fought for! O, ifI knew where that was, how gladly would I die on it! But that cannot bewon upon the field of battle. Oh, sister! I don't know what I'mthinking, what I'm saying. Hiawatha fasted, and we must fast too."
"Let us go home!" said Manna, finally.
"Home! home! What is home to us? What can be our home?"
Roland, however, rose up and went hand in hand with Manna through themeadow to the villa.
The sun shone bright, the hay exhaled so sweet a fragrance, the vesselswere rushing up and down the stream, and just then a merry processionwas moving towards them on the road; it was a so-called harvestmummery. On a cask sat the second son of the Huntsman crowned asBacchus with vine-leaves; around him stood maidens clad in white, withdishevelled hair; they were swinging jugs, shouting and rejoicing. Onthe horses rode shapes disguised with moss.
Everybody was shouting and screaming amidst the loud report offire-arms.
Brother and sister stood and gazed after the merry train, whichdisappeared behind the trees, and each knew the other's thoughts. Yes,all others can be merry, but we! They went on farther, and at lastRoland said:--
"I know not how it is with me, I feel as if I were not reallyexperiencing all this; I am only dreaming of it, and looking at it likea departed spirit. Everything is so distant, so inacessible, so dim, soshadowy. When I look upon you, I feel all the time that we cannotapproach each other at all, that there lies between us a dreadfulimmensity of distance, and father--mother!"
With a wild stare he looked around him, as if he saw ghosts everywhere.Manna held his hand more firmly; he became more tranquil; nay, he evensmiled thankfully.
Griffin came bounding along just at this moment; he was overjoyed tosee his young master once more, and jumped up on him again and again.Roland caressed him and said:--
"Yes, dear Griffin, when I had lost and forgotten you, then you foundyour way home. Ah, dear Griffin, don't you know a way home for me now?I am not your master, I am nothing."
The dog seemed to understand Roland's sad looks and words; he looked upat him so affectionately, as if he wanted to say:--Ah! do not pine thyyoung life away.
Brother and sister stood side by side on the bank of the Rhine. Rolandexclaimed,--
"I see my face in the water, sister, there is no brand upon myforehead--no brand--and still----"
He wept bitterly, for the first time.
"Come, let us go on," said Manna consolingly.
"On, on! Yes, our path is long, unendingly long," rejoined Roland, ashe allowed himself to be led away by his sister.
They entered the courtyard of the villa. The servants were slowlyleading away the horses with their blankets on.
Roland opened his mouth: he wanted to cry out: Take off the blankets!Take off the blankets, and hide the shame with them! Let the horses allspring out into the open air. We have no more right over them, they areno longer ours! But he could not utter the words.
Then he looked up at the green-houses, at the trees, as if he wanted toask them all if they knew to whom they belonged.
He asked Manna to go into the stable with him. He looked into theservants' faces as if begging respect from them, and he thanked themfor saluting him, and for asking him what his commands were. Men stillsaluted him, men still obeyed him! In the stable, he caressed his ponyand wept upon his neck.
"O Puck! shall you ever carry such a light-hearted youth again?"
The dogs were jumping round him; he nodded to them, and saidsorrowfully to Manna:--
"The brutes are altogether the happiest creatures in the world; theyinherit nothing from their parents, nothing but life--no house, nogarden, no money, no clothes. A
h, my good Puck, what a fine long maneyou have!"
There was something rising almost to frenzy in Roland's thought andspeech, as, tugging at the beast's long mane, he exclaimed:--
"If slaves could not speak, could not pray, they would be happy likeyou, and like you, my faithful dogs!"
Manna was becoming uneasy at the unwearying tenor of Roland's thoughts;she said:--
"You must now remain all the time with our friend Eric, and not leavehim a moment."
"No, not now--not now! Those are no arrows of Apollo, for the pedagogueto ward off!"
Manna did not understand what Roland was saying; his mind seemed to herdistracted, and he did not explain how it was that the Niobe group rosebefore his eyes. At length, after some time, he said:--
"Yes, so it is! The maiden hides in her mother's lap, but the boy holdsup his own hands and wards off the fatal shaft. And at night, when Iwas wandering off to Eric, I listened to the story of the laughingsprite. It takes a long while for an acorn to grow into a tree, and acradle to be made out of the tree, and a child that lies in the cradleto open the door. Don't you hear? he laughs; he must go through histransformation."
Manna begged him to be quiet, and said:--
"I must go to father."
"And I to mother."
Pranken met them on the steps; he held out his hand to Manna, and shesaid:
"I am unspeakably thankful to you for the great loyalty you have shownto my father."
"Stop a while, I beg of you."
"No, I cannot now--no longer."
The brother and sister separated, and as Roland entered his mother'sroom, the latter said:--
"Don't trouble yourself about this Old World, we are going back againto the New, to your real home."
Roland caught these words as if they came from afar off; and heexclaimed:--
"That's it! that's it! It is the Delphic oracle!"
"What do you say? I am not learned." Roland did not answer. Somethingwas beginning to emerge out of the chaos around him, but it sankquickly out of sight again.
"Wait a moment, it is time to go to dinner," said the mother.
She put on a shawl and went with Roland to the dining-room.
Here, also, were Pranken and Fraeulein Perini; the two were standingtalking together in a low tone.
Roland went for Eric.
"Isn't it dreadful to have to eat again?" he said. "What bits of slavesdo we eat to-day? Ah, Eric! lay your hand upon my forehead. So--so--nowthat's good."
They had to wait some time before Sonnenkamp came, and Manna did notappear until some time afterwards.
Her cheeks were glowing.
They sat there at table so near together, and so far--far apart werethey from each other. Eric and Manna looked at each other only once;there was in their glance an expression full of intelligence. Rolandsaid softly to Eric,--
"When the huntsman came home from court there were potatoes on histable."
Eric laid his hand consolingly on his shoulder; he knew everything thatwas going on in the soul of the youth from this reminiscence. Thehuntsman was innocent, and here?
Pranken displayed all his tact in managing to bring forward every safesubject of conversation; the building of the castle furnished himabundant material.
They rose from the table, and all separated as before. Roland requestedEric to allow him to remain alone by himself for that day.