Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  Holding my brother, I looked up to the sky, closed my eyes and prayed, Lord, please give me the strength to see this through. I shall do whatever you command of me. I submit myself to you…

  Chapter Eleven

  Lilah

  Cowboy and Hush rolled up on their bikes. The lights from their machines cast a glow over the yard. After parking near the garage, they dismounted and joined the barbeque. They smiled as they made their way into the crowd, hugging the women and shaking hands with the men. They too had been on a “run,” doing business for the club in the outside world. A different run from Ky, but according to Ky, it was “club business,” hence, I would never know what they had done.

  A part of me did not want to know. I had begun to trust these two men, and of course Ky. That was my miracle, and I did not care for the reality of their work to spoil it.

  The sound of high-pitched laughter rang out in the night, and my attention went straight to two scantily dressed blondes: Tiff and Jules. As they left the yard for the bar, Jules looked to me again and threw me a mocking wave.

  “Why is she doing that to you?” Maddie asked, suddenly joining me at my side.

  Shaking my head in confusion, I replied, “I do not know. I do not even know her.”

  “She used to be with Ky, did she not?” Maddie said and my stomach turned at the thought of how he used to grope the two women, touch them in inappropriate places. A horrible twist in my stomach made me feel sick, and I realized that I could not stand the thought of Ky with anyone else.

  Trying to shake the nausea, I watched as Cowboy slung an arm around Hush’s shoulders and led him to a secluded bench where the two of them sat, opening bottles of beer.

  “What do you think they did on their ‘run’? Something bad?” Maddie asked and pointed at Hush and Cowboy.

  “I have no idea,” I answered. “But Hush and Cowboy are good men. They are always so nice to me.”

  “Are…are Hush and Cowboy nice to you because they want you carnally? Do you tempt them?” Maddie asked.

  My stomach fell at the thought.

  I cast my gaze upon them sitting on that bench, now talking quietly, and said, “I desperately hope not. They seem sincere. It would devastate me if I discovered I had lured them in.” I did not know what it was, but I honestly did not think they viewed me in such a way. I preferred to believe they liked talking to me, for me, not my looks.

  “Is…?” Maddie dropped her head and stared wistfully at the exit to our room. “Is it possible for a man to like or… want us and it not be due to our beauty?”

  Answering Maddie’s rather out-of-character question, I replied, “I do not know, sister. Mae seems to think so.” I watched her green eyes soften with relief… excitement, perhaps? And I added, “Is there a reason for your question?”

  Maddie sighed and rubbed at our tattooed wrists, the tattoos forced upon us as children: Revelation 21:8, the mark of our people.

  “No reason. I just… It is just that someday… Well, it would be lovely to think that a certain… man, a protective and strong man that I trust, may help me know what it is to love. What it is to feel safe… with him, because of him and maybe… maybe…”

  “What, sister?” I asked, edging closer to hold her hand.

  Her big round eyes blinked furiously, trying to chase away tears. Then she whispered, “Maybe I could make him feel safe too.”

  I had no words. Instead, I squeezed her hand in support. I wished strongly for that future for my broken, damaged Maddie… and the man that had made her consider such things.

  “Lilah?”

  “Yes?”

  “Does Ky make you feel that way? The way you both look at one another… It is… it is…” She smiled. “Beautiful.”

  “Beautiful?” I echoed, Maddie’s words swooping to steal my breath away.

  “Since he began to teach you, he has changed. I watch people closely, sister, from my place by the window. I know I am like a shadow, never doing much but gazing to the world outside while I hide away in here like a scared child. But I am not ready to venture outside yet. And until that day, I watch, and I learn how to behave to survive outside of The Order’s strict rules. And sister, I have watched Ky very closely.”

  I swallowed, waiting for more information. My heart beat a heady rhythm in anticipation.

  “When we first came here, he was happy, seemed to enjoy women and his life, but his smile did not reach his eyes.”

  “Go on,” I prompted, leaning in closer.

  Maddie ran her hands through the ends of her long black hair and continued. “But now, when he smiles at you, his eyes smile too.”

  “They do?”

  Maddie’s lips curled in happiness. “He no longer looks at other women, though they lustfully look at him. He watches only you. Sees only you. Smiles at only you… I think, for him, you are the brightest star in his sky, blotting out those who have come before.”

  My heart wanted to burst with the warmth those words inspired within me. Maddie’s soft hand suddenly laid on mine and the simple gesture of comfort from my sister almost made me cry. “It is beautiful,” she affirmed, sincerely.

  “But Maddie, he is not of our faith, is he? It would be wrong… to return feelings for him too, to want him, would it not?” I asked, for once putting my guarded heart on my sleeve.

  Maddie pulled on my hand and brought me forward, only to wrap me in her slim arms. The comfort from my usually-distant sister caused my heart to swell and, for once, I let myself just feel my true feelings, and I knew at that point that Ky was the brightest star in my sky too.

  Maddie’s gentle hand ran down my hair and she said, “I think that love is love, no matter the flaws, or faith of the person you choose to give your heart to. We are all fallen in some way, Lilah, none of us perfect, but to feel someone’s unconditional love, surely that is all that matters in the end.”

  I closed my eyes, feeling so full of hope that I felt it radiating from my pores. Pressing a kiss to the top of Maddie’s head, I went to speak, when lights suddenly flared down the distant road illuminating the room, cutting off my sentence, and the familiar roar of engines filled the night air. My heart instinctively raced and excitement coursed through my body.

  He was back.

  I watched through the window with rapt attention as the bikes came closer and the gates began to open. One by one the bikes roared into view, and I recognized Ky at the front, his long blond hair tied back with a leather string and his broad body taut under his dirtied-by-the-road white shirt. Men filed in after him, Viking, AK, Smiler, Tank, and Bull.

  Ky removed his helmet, raking back his messy hair, and people swarmed around him, welcoming him home. Moving from the window, I ran to the bathroom and retrieved my headdress. Tying it in place, I straightened my dress and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?” Maddie asked, moving from the bed to stand before me.

  “I must greet Ky from his journey.” I reached for the doorknob, but Maddie took hold of my hand.

  “Lilah, you know we are to stay away from downstairs when there are people here. The rules are that you be with a brother for protection or you expose yourself to danger. We have both seen what happens to women unaccompanied by a Hangmen brother. They are treated like trash.” Her voice quivered. She was afraid for me.

  Stepping up to her small height and placing a hand on her shoulder, I said, “I shall be with Ky momentarily. He will protect me. I trust him.”

  Maddie flashed me a relieved, timid smile and moved back to the bed, resuming her usual seat by the window, watching the outside world, learning how to survive.

  Exiting the door, I felt a flood of relief that Flame had left his post, and I locked the door, ensuring Maddie’s safety. With a racing heart, I ran down the stairs and headed for Ky’s private room. I did not, and would not, ever venture into the yard; it was still too intimidating for me, too open to this life, so I planned to wait for him in his personal quarters, outside of hi
s door.

  I opened the entrance door to the hallway, allowing my feet to head in the direction of his room. Then I heard the hallway door slam shut behind me.

  A loud, menacing hiss filled the empty hallway. Freezing on the spot, cold shivers raced up the length of my spine.

  Someone was here.

  “Well, hello beautiful,” a female voice said and I instantly recognized who it belonged to.

  Unable to muster strength, my body could not turn, to run, to do anything but stay rooted to this spot.

  Two pairs of heeled footsteps approached me, and with every step, my mouth became drier. The smell of strong perfume mixed with liquor drifted over my shoulder and a finger ran down the back of my neck.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to fight off panic, but I was entirely unsuccessful. Wet, soft lips circled the shell of my ear, as another began caressing the side of my throat.

  “Why does he want you so badly? What’s so special about you?” a different female voice asked and I almost threw up in fear.

  Fingers suddenly tightened on my neck, and I cried out as sharp nails stabbed into the skin. “Please! Do not hurt me…”

  “Why does he want you above us? You’re virgin pussy, we’ll do anything he wants. What’s he so drawn to?”

  “He is not… he does not want me…” I whispered almost inaudibly.

  The hand released its grip on my neck for but a moment, then tightened harder than before. “Maybe we’ll just have to find out for ourselves,” the voice said.

  A hand jerked me around by my shoulder, almost ripping it from its socket. Tiff and Jules were before me, their faces livid and their eyes were unfocused and glazed. They were intoxicated, very intoxicated. This only fueled my fear.

  Jule’s firm grip grasped my cheeks, and she forced me back toward Ky’s room, Tiff opening the door and slamming it closed when we were through.

  I managed to pull from Jule’s tight grip and back away to the door, but Tiff swung out her hand and hit me across the mouth and I fell down upon the bed, the two women looming close.

  Lights danced in my eyes at the force and I tried to focus.

  “We’re gonna taste you, Lilah. We’re gonna show you how to have a good time. We wanna show Ky he can have all of us.”

  “We’re gonna show you why Ky used to come to us. Before you came along and fucked everything up. You’re gonna enjoy it, baby. You’re gonna come so hard.”

  “No!” I cried, my body racked with fear as Tiff kneeled on the bed at my head and Jules at my feet. Jule’s blurry eyes narrowed and, slowly, she looked me up and down.

  “I’m sick of seeing these fuckin’ ugly clothes.” She bent down and started pulling up my long dress as Tiff grabbed my hands and held my wrists above my head. I cried out, tasting blood in my mouth from Tiff’s hit as air hit my exposed legs, and Jules and Tiff only laughed, seeming to enjoy my pain.

  “I beg you, please. Do not do this!” I whispered, but Jule’s hand continued to lift my dress until it was gathered at my waist. Fingers gripped onto the side of my undergarments and, in seconds, Jules had thrown them on them on the floor.

  “Mmm, Tiff, would you look at that pretty pussy,” Jules slurred, and her finger landed on my knee and slowly headed north. I flayed my feet trying to throw her off, but Tiff pressed down harder on my wrists and gripped my cheeks in her hand with an almost bruising strength.

  I whimpered and I cried, but they did not care. And then Jule’s finger reached the apex of my thighs and I cried out in panic as her fingertip ran along the seam of my private parts, my legs stiffening as tears poured down my cheeks. Jules finger became unrelenting, as she circled and caressed me, moving over me to press her lips across my face.

  “You’re so, wet, baby,” Jules murmured into my ear, her finger increasing in speed. “You wet for me, baby? You like me petting this pretty pussy?” I stared at the ceiling, my mind becoming numb. “You’re so beautiful. So beautiful, baby…” I hated the sensation of her touching me, rubbing at the bud at the top.

  Tiff’s face suddenly came into view above me. She lifted her hand and ripped the headdress from my head, my blond hair falling down spilling on to the linen. Then she reached down and unbuttoned the front of my dress, wrenching it apart, my breasts coming into view.

  Tiff’s eyes lit with fire as she inspected my body. Trailing a finger down my cheek and along the front of my throat.

  “No!” I called out, but Tiff ignored my wishes and leaned down, pressing herself against my chest, her hand cupping my breast, her fingers clamping around the nipple. I screamed upon feeling a red-hot pain.

  “Look at you, baby. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous. That body… shit! No wonder Ky can’t keep his dick away from you.”

  “Please,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. “Please let me go.”

  Tiff’s hand froze on my breast. As she reared back, I allowed myself to exhale in relief. But I need not have bothered, for when I relaxed, she raised her hand at great speed and hit me so hard across my face that a high-pitched ringing sounded in my ears. The taste of coppery blood further filled my mouth and everything seemed to slow down.

  I rolled back my heavy head to look at her. Tiff caught my unsteady gaze and leaned forward until we were nose to nose. “We’re gonna fuck you, baby. We’re gonna see just why Ky dumped our asses for you.”

  Pain sliced through my lower half as Jules became too rough. I tensed at this desecration of my body and I cried out in fear.

  It was happening again! Just as Prophet David had said. I had tempted again. Tiff and Jules were being driven insane by the satanic desire to devour me, to possess me…teach me a lesson for owning this cursed body and robbing them of the man they held so dear.

  I was being punished. I was always being punished!

  Lord! I had let my guard down with Ky’s return. Let my sinful desire to see him overtake my sensibilities.

  The devil would be dancing.

  Tiff’s hand moved over my chest and her palm continued to grab at my breasts as I stared blankly at the ceiling. I had to shut his out. I had to shut it all out.

  Reminded of the commune and my many hours of schooling by Brother Noah, I reverted back to my old coping mechanism and switched off, mentally taking myself away from this horrible place, until—

  “WHAT. THE. FUCK?”

  Hearing a deafening roar come from the doorway, I saw a man enter the room… and my heart soared with hope.

  Ky. I whimpered in gratitude and relief.

  His tanned rugged face was awash with horror as his blue eyes took in the scene. Then his expression darkened to one of murderous rage.

  Behind me, Tiff froze over my bruised, bare flesh, then backed away, leaving my exposed body on show. Jule’s fingers dropped from between my legs and she scampered over the mattress to join Tiff. I tried to move, but I was frozen in place. Every part of me screamed in pain and fear, rendering me unresponsive. When Ky glanced down at me, I saw the same fear reflected in his eyes. It was not fear for himself, but fear for me.

  Behind Ky, the door smashed open again. Hush and Cowboy burst through.

  “Shit!” Cowboy spat as he saw me on the bed with bitter tears dripping down my nose. “Shit! Lilah!”

  Ky suddenly punched the wall and that was all the warning Ky gave as he charged forward like an animal, rabid fury in his stare. He ripped a long thin knife from his cut. Tiff and Jules started screaming and held each other in fear. Shocked at this sudden action, I scrambled up the bed, curling up in a ball against the headboard.

  “Fuck!” Hush spat and ran at Ky, wrapping his arms around his waist, stopping him in his tracks. Ky struggled against the hold, trying to break free to get at Tiff and Jules.

  “Cowboy, get them the fuck outta here. Hold them in the bar!” Hush ordered. Cowboy ran past a livid Ky and Hush gripped Tiff and Jules by the arms and dragged them out of the room.

  “Ky, calm the fuck down!” Hush said trying to soothe Ky. He released his arm
, and Ky turned, pushing Hush against the bedroom wall.

  “They attacked her!” Ky bellowed, his fists gripping tightly to Hush’s shirt. “Those sluts fuckin’ attacked my bitch!”

  It was all too much. I was sore, hurt and, more than that, terrified of Ky’s anger.

  Dropping my head in my hands, I screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw. I screamed until I could scream no more. I turned my head to the wall, covering my ears with my hands and whimpering. Every part of me ached, my mind holding the image of Tiff and Jules pinning me down.

  Lord! Please save me! Please let me forget what I have just endured, I prayed.

  “Fuck, Ky!” I heard Hush say. “She’s freaking out. Your bitch is freaking the fuck out! Do something!”

  A few seconds later, a hand touched my shoulder. I jumped out of my skin, eyes darting with fear. Ky was kneeling beside me, his face contorted. “I need to get you cleaned up, Li.”

  Seeing the anger still evident on Ky’s beautiful face, more tears gushed from my eyes. Who was this Ky? This Ky frightened me. Tiff and Jules had attacked me… touched me… pushed themselves on me…

  Ky dropped his head near my bare legs and sighed. “I ain’t gonna hurt you, baby. It’s me, Ky. You can trust me. Please…”

  I did not believe him. He had charged at Tiff and Jules. He was going to hurt them in my name. My head shook as he reached out for me, and I tried to meld myself with the wall.

  “Li! It’s fuckin’ me, Ky! Come back to me.” His voice sounded to me like razor blades. When I beheld his eyes, I saw only desolation. “I need to hold you, baby. Check you are okay with my hands, my fuckin’ eyes.”

  When his arms thrust forward, I instinctively cowered back. Ky’s face fell, and he said, “Li, please. I ain’t gonna keep asking. And I ain’t gonna hurt you.” Ky looked sideward at Hush quietly leaving the room, but said in a quiet voice, “I fuckin’ missed you, baby. I missed you. Me, Ky! And I came back to see those sluts… I gotta touch you, baby. I ain’t gonna ask again.”