Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  Tanner shot forward and met me nose to nose. “‘Cause the way you feel about your bitch is the way I feel about that cartel princess I want to be mine; that’s why. And I’d do anything to fuckin’ protect her… including giving up my inheritance and my motherfuckin’ freedom.”

  “You lynched any blacks?”

  That question came from the back of the room, and Hush stepped forward dressed in all leather, Cowboy at his back. Hush’s light-blue eyes bored into Tanner.

  Tanner dropped his head.

  “Yeah,” he rasped out. “Been there when blacks, spics, yellows, Jews, gays, pope worshippers—you name it—been fuckin’ hung, drawn, and quartered then dragged behind trucks until there was nothing left but their torsos,” he answered honestly, and I had to give it to the bastard; he had balls.

  Hush, our mixed-race, shaved-head brother was shaking. Granted, the brother was more white than black, the product of his Swedish mother’s Scandinavian looks, but a Nazi and a black? Like mixing water and oil.

  “But that ain’t me no more,” he said as Cowboy put his leather-clad arm around Hush’s neck and forced him back, mouth at his ear, no doubt talking him down from slitting Tanner’s throat.

  The room was silent, and I said, “You get that intel and we’ll fuckin’ see if you can roll with us.”

  A loud whistle cut through the room, and all eyes fell on Styx. His face was stone. He pointed at Flame. “You, pick up this fuckin’ table and clean up the mess you made and cut the psycho shit down. Maddie ain’t yours. You don’t own that shit, so pipe the fuck down!” He next pointed to Hush and signed, “You’re our brother. You come first before any civilian, intel or not, right?”

  Hush nodded and slouched back against the wall, glaring daggers at Tanner. Styx finally pointed at me. “And, Ky, last time I fuckin’ checked, I wore the president’s patch and I fuckin’ lead this club, not you. Don’t fuckin’ think because you finally found a pussy you wanna be all up for more than a fuckin’ second that you get to call the shots. You don’t. You’re not thinking straight and making a fuckin’ shit show of this church, so calm it the fuck down before I take you out of the plan to get Lilah back, period.”

  “You wouldn’t fuckin’ dare,” I hissed.

  Styx cracked his knuckles, then signed, “Try me, brother. I gotta protect this club. My VP acting like a damn whining pussy ain’t helping shit. I need you to back me, not cause more problems.”

  Gritting my teeth, I picked up a fallen chair, sat my ass down, and shut my whining pussy mouth.

  Styx signaled to Tank to translate, and he faced Tanner. “How long will you need to get the blueprints?”

  Tanner listened to Tank and spoke to Styx. “‘Bout two hours. If I ain’t back in that time, I won’t be coming back.”

  Styx watched Tanner, and I knew he was deciding how much the Neo could be trusted. Finally, he jerked his chin and signed, “Do it.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lilah

  All night I had fallen in and out of a fitful sleep, the noises outside my quarters too quiet. I was used to hearing rumbling engines roar, bottles smashing, people laughing, people fighting, and it surprised me that I missed it.

  I could not stop thinking of the months I had lived outside. I had wanted for so long to be back here with my people. I had prayed over and over that my people survived and would be coming back for me. But now I was here, and it felt strange to me. The only place I had ever belonged felt strange to me.

  Sitting up on the bed, the ropes still tight and unyielding around my hands and feet, I tried to keep calm. The morning sun was filtering in through the window, flooding the sparse room with a yellowy glow. It could almost be serene, beautiful even, if I were not being held captive.

  Footsteps sounded outside my door and shadows danced from the slit underneath. My breathing quickened and I grew stiff, waiting for whomever was about to enter.

  The doorknob began to turn, and a second later, a woman entered wearing a long white dress, her vibrant red hair falling to the middle of her back, the front shielding her face.

  “Greetings,” she said, her back to me as she shut the door.

  “Gr-greetings,” I forced myself to reply. This woman must be my new stewardess, just as Sister Eve had been for most of my life. I kept my eyes to the floor, and suddenly the woman’s sandal-clad feet came into view.

  “Look up,” the woman ordered, and doing as requested, I looked up. The woman was about my age, pretty… and she was smiling at me.

  I did not understand her affection. I was a Cursed. I was not someone to be friendly toward. I was not to be interacted with, even by those charged with my care.

  The woman lifted her hand, and I stilled as she stroked a finger down my cheek. “You do not recognize me, do you?” the woman said, and it caused me to study her further.

  Her eyes were a stunning shade of green, her frame womanly with curves in all the right places. She was alluring. She was smiling… She was—

  “Phebe?” I whispered, my pulse racing. “My Phebe?”

  The woman’s eyes filled with happy tears and a blinding smile lit up her face as she dropped to kneel on the floor before me. “Rebekah. My sweet, sweet little Rebekah.”

  My world stopped turning on hearing that name… my birth name, my blessed name awarded to me by my parents… before they realized the devil lived within me, before I was ripped away from those I loved, shunned and sent away to be saved.

  “Do not say that name, please,” I begged, and Phebe lost her smile.

  Her hand stroked my tangled hair from my face and she said sadly, “I know what you are and I know that evil runs in your veins. But you were always my precious beautiful little sister. My Rebekah who would sneak into my bed at night and allow me to braid her hair, allow me to sing her hymns and wait eagerly for me to recite scripture.” Her green eyes watched me, and she added, “Do you remember, my sister? Do you remember those precious times we shared before you were cast out?”

  Memories flooded back. Happy times shared with Phebe engulfed my mind, memories I had blocked out. She cared for me, laughed with me, smiled with me, did chores with me, sang to me, read to me… loved me. I could not remember anybody loving me apart from Bella, Mae, and Maddie… and now Ky, although I understood that was enchanted, a spell.

  “Psalm twenty-three,” I whispered after Phebe had dropped her eyes, a disappointed expression consuming her pretty face. “We would sing Psalm twenty-three.”

  Phebe gasped and tears filled her eyes. “You remember…”

  The two of us sat staring at one another as Phebe trailed off the scripture I held most sacred. Two young girls now grown. Lives lived, but not together. Scars borne, but not inflicted by the other. Two girls bonded, but no more than strangers. Intertwined pasts, but frayed and lonely futures.

  Phebe’s head tipped to the side. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld. The rumors of your beauty are not exaggerated.”

  A shiver ran down my spine. “I am a Cursed, Phebe. I am born of Satan.”

  Phebe’s eyes dipped. “This I know.”

  “My mother…” I hushed out.

  Phebe nodded sadly. “They came for her, tried her as a heretic. At first, she denied their claims that she had lain with Satan and bore his cursed child. But after days of trials, she grew weak and confessed. She was executed quickly and given a proper burial for her repentance.”

  I felt a physical pain slice through my heart for the woman that gave me life. I vaguely remembered her, but I did not know her well. My memories were fleeting glimpses of her brushing my hair and securing it in my headdress to hide its blond color and length. I remember her trimming my long, dark eyelashes with scissors so my eyes did not draw attention. A white cream would be rubbed onto my cheeks to ensure I looked pale, and a dark powder would be dabbed under my eyes so they looked sunken and tired.

  My shaking fingers had lifted to my face and were circling the skin under my eyes. Phebe
took my hand in hers and lowered them to my knees.

  “I remember her doing strange things to me, almost hiding who I was.”

  A single tear dropped from Phebe’s eye. “She tried to disguise your incredible beauty. She did not want you to pull the attention of the disciples… of Brother Luke.”

  The reality and guttering dread of my mother’s actions hit home and the profuse shaking of my body could not be stopped.

  Phebe noticed and placed her hand on my knee.

  “Then it is true,” I said in a quivering voice.

  “What?”

  “That my mother joined with Satan… and together they made me.”

  Phebe drew in a breath but reluctantly nodded. “Yes.”

  “Then everything is true about me, sister? I truly am evil.”

  Phebe dipped her eyes, then looked up at me through her lashes. “But you are here in New Zion and you will be saved now, Delilah.”

  I nodded numbly, but inside I was broken. Phebe, seeing I had no desire to talk more, walked to a tray on a night table that she must have brought in. Walking toward me, she held a pair of scissors in her hands. “I am to free you from your bonds.”

  Holding out my hands and feet, Phebe sliced through the rope, and my bones burned where the rope had rubbed at the flesh, the skin bright red and blistered.

  But I did not feel the pain, stark resignation washing away all feeling. Ky and Mae had tried to convince me that I was wrong about being a temptress, that the prophet and elders had convinced me of this truth to control me, to keep me doing their bidding. But hearing my mother had actually joined with Satan, had been tried and sought repentance, told me all I needed to know.

  I, Delilah, was a Cursed… and had been swayed by the outside world.

  “Can you walk?” Phebe asked, and I automatically nodded my head.

  “Then we shall take a walk. I am sure you are eager to see your new commune. Prophet Cain gathered all of the communes and brought them together.”

  That got my attention. “All the communes?”

  Phebe held out her hand for me to take and pulled me to my feet. I gritted my teeth at the soreness of my ankles, but the pain faded as my curiosity grew.

  “Yes, all the communes. There were hundreds all over the world. After the outside attack and the death of Prophet David, Prophet Cain ascended and along with the council of elders, they brought us here.”

  The confused look upon my face must have alerted Phebe to my shock. “Did you not know this, Delilah?”

  I shook my head.

  “Then where did you think you had lived before you were taken to the prophet as Cursed?”

  My heart rate increased. “I… I always thought I was at another part of the same commune. But… I do not remember much of my childhood, so I never thought of it at all. My entire life we, the Cursed, were kept separate from everyone else. Interaction with the other chosen ones was forbidden. It was too dangerous for their souls to be exposed to us harlot women.”

  Phebe nodded in understanding yet pulled me to the door. I wrenched my arm back. “Wait! I doubt Prophet Cain has changed the rules for me. I am forbidden from leaving these quarters.”

  Phebe glanced to the door. “We will keep to the secluded path. We will not be seen. We have about an hour until Brother Micah will come for you. Morning worship is in service and only I was assigned to watch you.”

  “Why you?” I asked.

  Phebe smiled and a flush crept up her cheeks. “I am a decorated sister…” My eyebrows furrowed, and Phebe flicked back her hair. “I am also the consort to our prophet’s brother, Judah. I hold an elevated status amongst the women.”

  Phebe looked so proud and so honored to be by Judah’s side, but the one and only time I had met the man, all I felt was coldness.

  “Come. There is much to see,” Phebe said excitedly, pulling me through the door and into the morning sun.

  *****

  Prophet David’s familiar voice played through large speakers at the scared circle, and I could not believe my eyes.

  I blinked furiously, believing I was seeing untruths. My hands were shaking and my breath became slow. They were everywhere, hundreds upon hundreds of people… free of clothing and writhing around in pleasure on the grass. Men joining carnally with women; women joining carnally with women.

  It was hedonistic and explicit. Noises of pleasure pierced the morning air. I had never seen anything like it. This was no Lord’s Sharing I had ever witnessed. This was sinful, wrong.

  I looked to the raised stage and there sat Prophet Cain. He was alone, dressed in all white, looking down at his people. Although from here he seemed uncomfortable, not engaging in the act, his eyes staring at the floor, not on the mass writhing bodies.

  Everywhere I looked there were people having sex. I did not understand it. This was not what I had been taught, not how I had been raised.

  A happy sigh escaped Phebe’s mouth, and she turned to me. “Is it not glorious, sister?”

  My eyes widened at her words. “I do not understand. Why are such actions taking place in the Lord’s Holy grounds?”

  “This is the prophet’s message, Delilah. This has always been the way. We celebrate the Lord’s love with our bodies, ‘flesh of his flesh.’”

  My head shook profusely. “No! We are to be pure. Restrained. We are to suppress pleasure so as to not invite evil into our hearts and souls.”

  Phebe laid her hand on my shoulder. “No, sister. That is the way of the Cursed. You must suppress pleasure so as to not invite further evil into your already blackened soul. You are to remain pure but for your god-blessed elder who helps you reach salvation. As the chosen ones of the Lord, we pray through our pleasure. The Lord made us sexual to feel his love.”

  My lip shook as I remembered the first day Brother Noah took me in a Lord’s Sharing as a child…

  “Delilah, today you learn obedience, for obedience shall conquer evil.” His head tipped to the side. “You do wish for your satanic soul to be saved, do you not?”

  “Yes, sir, most desperately. I do not want to be fallen, nor a temptress.”

  Brother Noah smiled, and my stomach flipped. It did not seem kind, nor sincere, but rather salacious and excited. “Then come. We are to go to the great hall where all the other sinners and Cursed that need saving convene.”

  I bowed my head in submission, placing my small hand within his. “What will happen when we are in there?” my eight-year-old voice asked.

  Brother Noah bent down, stroked his finger down my cheek, and said, “I am to take you, Delilah. Purify you with my seed. And you mustn’t fight it. For fighting will only delay your salvation. You want to be set free, do you not? You want to be with the Lord when the Day of Judgment comes?”

  “Yes, sir, it is my utmost dream.”

  “Then do not fight. Your sister, Bella, fought brother Gabriel at her first Sharing. She is still a headstrong and sinful child. Her soul is still dark. You do not want that, do you, Delilah?”

  I shook my head vigorously. I did not want that at all.

  I was scared as I was stripped of my garment. I was afraid as I was placed on all fours, my head pressed to the ground and my hands placed behind my back. There was pain, discomfort, but more than that, the surrender I made to Brother Noah and the Lord. This was how I should be saved.

  I felt unsteady on my feet.

  “Delilah?” Phebe said as she watched me warily.

  I stared at the girl that was once my sister and felt nothing but confusion.

  Turning on my heel, I ran back down the short path to my new quarters, hearing the soft thud of Phebe’s feet behind me. I did not stop. My mind was a labyrinth of bewilderment, a whirring chaos of turmoil, deceit, and misconceptions.

  As I entered my new bedroom, pacing the spacious apartment, Phebe ran in and asked, “Delilah, what is the matter? Why are you acting this way?”

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I asked, “Do you partake in these services
? Does everybody?”

  She eyed me like I was ill of mind.

  “Please, Phebe! I must know!”

  “Yes, I take part in these services. They are essential to our faith… to the cause. It is what we are all called to do. The apocalypse is nigh, and Prophet Cain will ensure our ascension to paradise through his revelations.”

  “Is this why you are a Sacred Sister? How have you earned that title? I have never heard of this before.”

  Phebe smiled. “Prophet David revealed that we must recruit more members. I was one of the sisters chosen from our previous commune to go to the outside world and convert more disciples.”

  My legs grew weak and I slumped down onto the bed. “You… you go to the outside? You leave the commune?”

  “Yes. We must preach and take mission to spread the Lord’s words, just as Jesus and his disciples did.”

  “How? How do you convert?”

  Phebe walked cautiously toward me and joined me on the bed. She held my hand and confessed, “We share the Lord’s love. Show men and women that they can live a restraint-free life, show them how life can be if they embrace the Lord’s love and fully commit themselves to the cause… to Prophet David, and now to Prophet Cain.”

  I did not think Phebe could say or show me anything else this morning that would shock me more than the Sacred Circle. I was growing numb. Everything I believed was being questioned; my beliefs were being ripped up; no, blown to smithereens. My entire life and beliefs were crumbling before my very eyes!

  I could not take it all in. I wanted Mae. I wanted Maddie. I wanted to hold Ky, to have him soothe and comfort me, to tell me everything was going to be okay.

  I was a stranger in this commune. Unaware. “You… you join with them… carnally… and bring them back here, to the Lord’s Eden… to New Zion?”

  Phebe sat straighter, almost proud. “Yes. And I have brought back most of our converts. How else do you think we get new members?”

  “And… Judah? You are now with Judah?”

  Phebe smiled and I could see the affection she had for our prophet’s twin brother. “I am. He tells me I am worthy to stand by his side. I am an example to our women of how to use the Lord’s message and to show ungodly people the true path.”