Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  I had lost count of how many times he had taken me—each time reciting scripture, my soul reacting, shaking me from within, my eyes rolling back, and a personal plea to the Lord flowing from my mouth.

  “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you,” Brother Micah would shout with every thrust of his hips, every pull on my hair wrapped around his fist, and every flood of his seed spilled into my womb.

  Exhausted from his arduous task, Micah had left, leaving me unmoving on the bed but promising to return tomorrow. I did not want tomorrow to arrive.

  I had never felt this… dirty, this used before. At the end of every Lord’s Sharing in the past, I accepted that I was one step closer to salvation. But Brother Micah had not taken me to save me; no, he was punishing me for his lashes, tearing my hair, purposely causing me pain as he entered me dry. He scratched and sank his teeth into my shoulder, bruised my hips with his unrelenting grip, and marked my neck when he pinned me down, almost choking me.

  I had only ever been taken by Brother Noah my entire life. I did not know what it was to make love, to feel pleasure at one’s carnal touch… until Ky. His touch had changed me; his love had fundamentally transformed something within me.

  He had shown me this joining was… wrong.

  I blinked once. Twice.

  This joining is wrong! This whole place is wrong!

  Lips trembling, I used my palms to push myself off the mattress and maneuver myself into a sitting position. An unfamiliar energy coursed within me. Before I knew what I was doing, I stumbled to my feet, righted my soiled-with-blood-and-seed dress, and staggered to the door.

  Pressing my ear to the wood, I could not hear anything outside. Slowly opening the door, I checked the hallway was clear and tiptoed outside.

  Voices drifted from a room at the end of the hallway. I assumed it was the room where the guards resided. It was only a short trip to the exit door, so as quiet as possible, I made way toward it and outside into the night air.

  Feeling lightheaded, I followed the pathway and it led me to the edge of the woods. I did not have any conscious thought, but simply followed my feet as they picked up pace and tried heartily to run. And run I did.

  I burst through the cover of trees and ran. Ran as fast as my weakened legs would allow me. I had no idea where I was or where I was running to, but I did not care, visualizing Ky in mind. His image kept me strong. I must leave… I could not believe that I, Delilah, a devout follower of the prophet, was attempting to flee to the outside.

  My breathing sounding hollow. I stumbled over a fallen branch. I was exhausted, my body in dire need of rest. As my palms and knees hit the ground, I tried to stand up, but I could not. With my cheek to the dried leaves, I heard raised voices approach, one voice in particular standing out—Brother Micah.

  “Here! She is here!” he shouted, and in seconds, guards surrounded me.

  Arms scooped me up. Dazed, I found my eyes looking into Brother Micah’s. His lips were tight and his gaze furious.

  “Were you trying to escape, whore? Were you deserting your people again… your prophet?”

  I did not say anything in response. I knew the consequence for being a deserter, and I doubted anything I had to say would be considered.

  Brother Micah’s eyes lit with revenge and he said, “We will take her to the prophet. This Satan-created whore is beyond salvation, beyond redemption. She is evil to the core. Prophet Cain will not tolerate her attempt to flee back to those evil men.”

  I did not care anymore. Let them do to me what they wished. I could not live this way. If my soul could not be saved, Ky could never love me purely. I would rather die than have his love under a ruse… and I would rather die than continue to live under the prophet’s rule.

  This commune was not what I deemed sacred. Sex was used immorally. Scars were being thrust upon unwilling souls.

  I welcomed the charge of desertion.

  For the first time in my life, I welcomed the ultimate relief from this evil living within me.

  *****

  “Prophet, you must make an example of her. She is a Cursed, beyond what we as the Lord’s followers can do. The men she has been residing with have corrupted her soul, fueled the devil’s influence.”

  My hands bound again, I sat on the hard floor of Prophet Cain’s quarters. Prophet Cain stood in front of me, surrounded by Judah and the council of elders. Brother Micah was pleading his case.

  Prophet Cain’s eyes watched me, and what looked like indecision glimmered in their depths. Walking two steps forward, Prophet Cain bent down and said, “Delilah… I have heard much of you.” I rolled my eyes to meet his and I was struck by his beauty. “Tell me, Delilah, why were you running from your people?”

  I did not give a reply. I knew whatever I would say would fall on the deafest of ears.

  Prophet Cain sighed and quietly said, “Delilah, repent, agree to atone for your sins by Prophet David’s writings, and you shall be saved from a trial.”

  I dropped my eyes, and Prophet Cain lifted my chin. “Look at me,” he ordered. He stared into my eyes, and then cast what looked like anxious glances around the elders.

  “Leave us,” Prophet Cain ordered his council, and reluctantly, they all got to their feet. All except Brother Judah. Prophet Cain stood and faced his twin. “You too, Judah. I need to speak to her alone.”

  Judah’s face hardened as he shot out of seat and marched out of the room. Judah’s face, although identical in every way, was harsher than the prophet’s. Judah’s eyes were always assessing, like he saw everyone as an enemy. Prophet Cain’s eyes actually seemed kind at times, troubled at others. Mae had told me that she once had considered him a friend. At times, I could maybe see why.

  When everyone had cleared the room, Prophet Cain walked over me and kneeled down. “Delilah, or is it Lilah? When Mae would talk of you she always called you Lilah.”

  I kept my eyes to the tiled floor, not saying a single of word. Too numb to even muster a reply.

  Prophet Cain sat on the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees, staring outside of the window. His brown hair hung loose down his back and his beard was growing out since the first time I had seen him all those months ago when he had returned Mae to marry Prophet David.

  “How is she?” Prophet Cain said a few minutes later, making my blink in surprise.

  I did not answer, and it caused him to turn and stare at me. “Is she happy? Does… does she ever talk of me?”

  A sorrowful expression crossed his face and he dropped his head, sighing, like he regretted even asking.

  Glancing at the door behind us, Prophet Cain turned back to me and said, “You must repent Lilah. If you do not, I cannot save you. Every move I make is being watched, every prayer service I take is judged and I am trying to make this commune thrive for the sake of our people. I need the people to believe in me so I can lead us to greatness. I still believe in the Lord’s message, in Prophet David’s message. I still want us all to be saved. And for that we need Mae, we need to get all the Cursed back to New Zion. Prophecies must be fulfilled!”

  My hands began shaking as I heard the truth, the vindication in his words. I wanted for us Cursed to be saved too, but when I thought of Mae smiling and happy with Styx in my mind, I knew I could not repent. When I thought of quiet Maddie staring out of the window watching the world in contentment, I knew I could not repent. And when I thought of being caressed and adored by Ky, of him making love to me so carefully, I knew I could not repent.

  They had to be protected.

  Prophet Cain leaned forward and lifted my chin with his finger. “I would never hurt her. She would be my only wife. I love her. And because I love her she needs to be freed from that devil, Styx. You all do. You all need to be here. And because I love her, and I know she loves you, I need you to repent. I cannot stop the punishment you will face if not. I will spare you a trial if you confess to your tempting ways. Because, Delilah, you do not want
to be put through a trial.”

  I opened my mouth to speak and Prophet Cain seemed to sigh in relief that I was complying. That did not last long when I closed my lips back shut.

  Prophet Cain’s jaw clenched and sitting up, he snapped, “So they got to you too? The Hangmen corrupted another Cursed’s soul? You deny your people’s salvation to protect them? What? Did you fall for one of them too?” He laughed in disbelief. “You did, didn’t you?” His previously kind eyes frosted over into bitterness. “Then they have just sentenced you to an eternity in hell.”

  The door to the room suddenly opened and Brother Judah walked in followed by my father, Micah and Brother Luke.

  “Well?” Judah asked, and I could feel Prophet Cain’s eyes on me, imploring me to confess. I remained quiet. I simply did not care what they did to me. Trial or no trial, I was done with it all, with this beauty that lured men like Micah into raping me. For I now knew what they disguised as a “Lord’s Sharing” was rape. I now understood what rape was.

  Prophet Cain sighed in defeat. Standing up, he looked to his brother. “You are the Inquisitor, Judah. I wash my hands of her and want no part in her schooling.” Prophet Cain looked to Micah and said in a cutting voice, “Maybe you are right after all, brother. Maybe she is beyond salvation.”

  Prophet Cain walked off and ascended a large set of stairs, disappearing from sight, but I frowned when I saw his reflection in the opposite nearby window. He had stood with his back against the wall, tipped his head back, spun around and sent his fist into the white wall. His burst of rage startled me, but I did not have much time to think it over. Brother Judah, Brother Luke, Brother Micah, and most hurtful of all, my father all loomed over my cowered body. Though, I had come to realize this man was not a father to me. He had no care in his soul for me.

  Brother Judah looked to Micah. “Gather the people. They must witness how The Order punishes a willing harlot of Satan. We shall take her to circle. We shall try her for the witch she is.”

  *****

  The crowd was on their feet as I was tied by my wrists, each arm spread and fastened to two posts. They were yelling things at me, their angry faces red as Judah and Micah introduced me as a deserter.

  “This Cursed woman of Eve was found tonight fleeing The Order, after being saved by Brother Micah.” Gasps of shock echoed around the clearing. Men and women of all ages and sizes were glaring at me, adults shielding the children’s faces from me.

  “The devil living within her convinced her run from the Lord’s salvation. And as a weak woman, she was swayed from reaching God’s offered light. Instead, she chose the path of darkness.”

  The people’s attention was rapt on Judah as he kneeled by my side, Brother Micah holding back my hair so my face was on show. “This is a Cursed. Notice her face, designed so men would fall at her feet.” Judah ran his finger over my forehead. “Her features perfect enough to entice any man. Her forehead is the perfect size, her eyes large, framed with thick and long black lashes. Her cheekbones are high, yet not too defined. Her chin is small, giving a softer appearance, and her lips are full and plump, but her mouth not too large. Men will be driven crazy by this face.”

  Judah got to his feet, pulling on my hair so I scrambled to my feet. Brother Micah moved behind me and immediately sliced down the back of my vest so all that was covering my modesty was my white slip. Gripping the slip at the back, the material clung to my shape.

  Men in the crowd stared upon me with lustful eyes, some edging forward closer to the stage. “Ah, my brothers, I see the siren’s call has pulled you in. For her body was created to cause lust in the hearts of men.”

  Judah’s hand started at my shoulders, then slowly drifted down. “Her shoulders are feminine, gentle. Her breasts full and pert.” I fought back bile as Judah’s large hand cupped my right breast, kneading at the flesh, pinching at my nipple.

  His hand then dropped to my waist. “Her waist is small, her stomach perfectly flat, leading to hips that flare and welcome a man between her thighs.”

  Judah released me, and I slumped to ground, the rope burning my wrists.

  “Many have been tempted by this woman, this whore.” Judah looked behind him at the council of elders. “Step forward if this woman has cast her spell upon you.”

  Brother Micah stepped forward, then Brother Luke, and finally, my father. The crowd gasped at the elders admitting their weakness. Judah stepped to the edge of the raised stage. “And brothers who gaze upon this woman now. Step forward if you have been staring at this Cursed, wishing you could join with her, taste her, touch her.”

  Trembling, I lifted my chin only to witness many men, tens and tens of men, stepping forward. Tears that I had been too numb to produce tumbled down my cheeks. Curse this face! Curse this body!

  Judah spread his arms. “Tonight we shall rid this woman of her evil forever!”

  Brother Micah appeared at my back again and ripped off my slip, leaving me bare to the crowd. Some of the men become crazed with lust as they stared at my naked flesh.

  “Brother Micah! Retrieve the lash!” Judah ordered, and I heard Brother Micah pick up something off the floor. Hot breath was suddenly at my ear, and Micah said, “This is my retribution, Delilah. You too shall be scarred… if you do not die first.”

  I did not feel fear like I should. Quite the opposite. They wanted me to be scarred, repulsive… not be deemed as perfect. They wanted me to repent, admit to the evil within me.

  But they would not get their chance. I wanted to die if it was a choice between that or residing here at commune. I just wanted to be rid of this evil stigma.

  A smile spread upon my face, and I watched as Brother Judah frowned at my response. A flush of red clouded his face as anger at my petulance took hold. Dipping my head, I squeezed my eyes shut.

  The first crack of the lash cut into my flesh and a white-hot flame of pure pain racked my body. An involuntary cry burst from my lips, and I glanced up just in time to see Judah grin in triumph.

  I steeled myself for the next lash, the one after that… and those that followed. Sweat ran down my face, pooling on the wooden floor where my head hung low.

  Even the light breeze felt like razors slitting my back. When the lashes stopped, my back sagged with weakness, and Judah kneeled down, quieting the voluminous crowd.

  “Do you repent your tempting ways?”

  Forcing my mouth to remain shut, I turned my gaze from Judah.

  Shaking his head, he placed his attention behind me. “Untie her.”

  Someone cut the ropes at my wrists and my body crumpled to the floor.

  “Secure her!” Judah ordered, and rough hands took hold of my arms and ripped me from the floor. Someone pulled at my hair, and I found myself looking at the faces of the crowd. They seemed to blur into one, no defined features, no distinguishing clothes. But then they began to part, angered by someone pushing her way to the front.

  A flash of red was the first thing I saw, a whimper sounded second, and a moment later, my eyes cleared enough to see Phebe lay her eyes upon me and cover her mouth with her hand.

  I kept my eyes on my sister as Judah addressed the crowd. “Jesus Christ died on the cross to atone for mankind’s sins… but some sins cannot be wiped clean. Being at one with Satan is a mortal sin.”

  Judah held out his hand and a thick metal rod was placed in it. “This heathen shall meet the Lord wearing the mark of Christ so our Lord knows that all was done to save her tainted soul… alas in vain.”

  I could see tears falling from Phebe’s eyes as she watched Brothers Luke and Micah hold my arms, baring my naked front to the people of New Zion.

  A barrel set to side of the stage was ignited by my father with a match, the flames rising high, the heat too hot for my exposed cheek. Taking the rod, Judah placed it in the fire, the end reddening with contained heat. Lifting the rod and walking toward me, he placed it vertically on my stomach, pressing down, the boiling metal scalding my skin.

  Wheth
er I wanted to or not, weakened or not, a gargled scream ripped from my throat, and Judah’s eyes lit with satisfaction. Every muscle in my body was taut—no breath, no air could I inhale…

  “This harlot shall forever bear the sign of Christ, the redeemer, our savior. The cross shall keep the devil living within her at bay!”

  Immersing the rod in the barrel of fire, Judah pulled it from the flames and held it high. Shutting my eyes, I braced for the next laceration… and it came, burning my flesh, the putrid smell of its mark hitting my nostrils.

  Casting the rod to the ground, Judah looked me in the eyes, my consciousness fading, and asked, “For the final time, Delilah, whore of Satan, do you repent for your sinful ways?”

  I knew this was it, the moment I chose my fate. Flickering my gaze up to the night sky, I stared at the lonely moon and prayed, Lord, help me keep strong. See me through this trial, for I want to rid myself of this evil… I want to be saved, by death.

  Judah spat on the ground at my feet and proclaimed, “By fire you shall burn. By boiling blood you shall be purified of your sin!”

  A pained cry came from the crowd, and Phebe fell to her knees. Judah’s eyes narrowed at her in displeasure. Then he addressed my father and Brother Micah. “Brother Micah, Brother Isaiah, take Delilah to the hill of perdition. You know what to do.”

  My father took Brother Luke’s place at my side, and together with Brother Micah, they dragged me off the stage, my toes losing their skin on the rough wood.

  I must have lost consciousness after that, for the next thing I remembered was being awoken by Brother Micah pushing his manhood into my core. “Lord, Lord, forgive me,” he panted as he thrust into me two more times. I did not even feel it.

  Removing his head from the crook between my neck and shoulder, he reared back and his eyes met mine. “Delilah, you truly are the most beautiful creature on this earth. I have never wanted a woman like I have wanted you…” He sighed and rubbed his cheek against mine. “This face… this beautiful face drives me to insanity.”