Finding Her Christmas Family

by Ruth Logan Herne

  The few lights of the small town were gone quickly, but the cozy town with its rural appeal and lush farms and orchards hadn’t just tugged her heart. It grabbed it, full force, because she wasn’t just leaving the town. She was leaving people she loved, and the angry words and uncertain future left her feeling bereft.

  But the image of Renzo’s grim, determined face set her resolve.

  Her heart longed to break.

  She didn’t let it. In a few hours she’d be caring for the tiniest of humans, giving it her all, and it was time to put their health and happiness first.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sarah had double-crossed them. After nearly five weeks of being indispensable, she’d gone behind his back to inform the court of his father’s health scare. She could have waited for the family to inform the court, but she didn’t.

  She took it upon herself, and that made the Calloways look devious. On top of that, he felt stupid. He wasn’t used to being duped, and he wasn’t the type that was generally snowballed by women. Until now, that was. This time he’d been ready to fall hook, line and sinker for the first time ever. Now she’d saved him the trouble.

  He tried not to grumble around the girls, so when Naomi looked for Sarah, he worked to keep his tone level. “She had to leave.”

  “With her mom?” Naomi pressed.

  “Yes. Do you want mac and cheese or buttered pasta for supper?” His attempt to change the subject didn’t work.

  Naomi climbed onto one of the counter-height seats and frowned. “But we were going to make our treat bags for our birthday party.”

  “Treat bags?” He angled a look down as he added pasta to boiling water.

  “You know, the little bag everybody gets when they go to a party. Auntie showed us some treats and sticky things and puzzles and everybody gets one. Can we make them now?”

  He’d stowed the pile of shopping bags in the closet, figuring he’d deal with all that later. He shook his head. “Let’s have supper first and watch over Kristi. She’s still really sick.”

  “I wish she wasn’t.” Chloe dragged her feet as she came down the stairs. “I wanted to have Auntie figure out games for the party. She said she would.”

  “I know how to play games,” he assured her, but her expression was filled with doubt.

  “Not, like, outside games, cuz it’s too cold and wet. Like the games at other kids’ parties.”

  He had no idea what she was talking about, but he was nearly forty years old and kids’ parties weren’t exactly rocket science. One internet search and he’d be all set. “I’ll figure it out. I promise.”

  “It’s okay. Auntie will do it when she gets back,” Naomi assured him, and his breath caught sideways in his chest. Should he tell them she wasn’t coming back? At least until the judge issued a decision?

  The girls’ hopeful expression made him stay quiet, but by the next morning, Naomi wasn’t about to let the topic fade. “I think we should call Auntie Sarah. Just to see. Like, maybe she’s sick, Renzo.” Worry formed that little furrow between her eyes, a furrow she’d had since birth. “Because she promised she’d help, right? And I don’t think she misunderspoke.”

  The butchered word did him in. He sat down and faced her and Chloe at the big dining table. “Sarah won’t be at your party.”

  Quick tears filled Naomi’s eyes. She swiped at them, but her chin quivered and more tears spilled over. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled sob.

  “I knew she probally wasn’t coming.” Chloe’s stress showed in the mispronunciation of a word she knew well. “Our mom left us a long time ago and now Auntie Sarah left us and she didn’t even say goodbye.” Her chin didn’t quiver. It went tight and her lower lip stuck out when she folded those arms rigidly across her chest. “When you love somebody, you always say goodbye. Always.”

  Regret sucker punched Renzo. By standing his ground against Sarah’s duplicity, he’d made a crucial mistake, because the girls needed closure. How was he going to fix this? He started to speak, but Chloe stomped up the stairs, and when she reached the top step, the little girl who rarely cried swiped both hands to her cheeks to wipe away tears. “Chloe...” He started to go after her, but Naomi put her head down on the table and sobbed, brokenhearted.

  He’d blown it. He’d been so entrenched in his reaction that he hadn’t thought about the girls’ needs. Trying to protect them, he’d hurt them and that was 100 percent his fault.

  Kyle texted him a few minutes later. I can’t get to the barn early. Will be there around eleven.

  The text came at the absolute wrong time. The girls were angry, Kristi was still sick and there was no one to watch them to leave him free to take a shift in the barn. Kyle didn’t know that, but Renzo was tired of covering for his brother. I’m alone with the girls. Can’t leave the house.

  A blank stretch of time ensued before Kyle texted back. Be right over.

  Good. It was high time his brother took responsibility for this partnership with their father. Renzo was meant to offer occasional help, not daily routine so Kyle could chill out somewhere. He saw his brother’s truck pull in ten minutes later, and he was gone in ninety minutes. He didn’t stop in. Didn’t grab coffee. Mad, most likely.

  Well, join the club, thought Renzo as he gave Kristi her midday dose of medicine.

  The Bible was filled with stories about troubled brother relationships. He’d always shrugged them off as examples for other people.

  Not anymore. His brother had been shirking his duty for too long, and if no one else would call him out about it, Renzo intended to at the first possible opportunity.

  But first he had to figure out how to juggle three girls without a babysitter. Kristi couldn’t take part in their play that evening, and he needed to get the other girls there while keeping a very disappointed Kristi at home.

  He called Tug Moyer. “I need a favor,” he told his long-time best friend. “Kristi is sick, the other girls have their preschool play tonight and I can’t bring Kristi along.”

  “I’ll take the girls over,” Tug said instantly. “What time?”

  “Six o’clock? The performance is at six thirty.”

  “Consider it done. Is Sarah sick, too? And her mother?”

  He’d been silly to think Tug wouldn’t sense a problem instantly. “It was time to circle the wagons.”

  Tug had the nerve to snort. “Circle the wagons against the incredibly beautiful, smart, funny and affectionate aunt that wants to be part of their lives? Of course. What a smart thing to do.”

  “You don’t understand—” Renzo began, but Tug cut him off.

  “You’re talking to the guy who carried a truckload of guilt around after losing his wife. The guy who made some pretty stupid assumptions before realizing that God only gives thickheaded guys like us so many second chances. I saw the way you looked at Sarah on the Candlelighting Walk. And the way she looked back. Why would any sane man want to pursue that?” he asked rhetorically, then he sighed purposely. “I’ll pick up the girls, but I kind of hoped you wouldn’t be as dense as I was. Obviously, I was mistaken. See you tonight.”

  Right about then Renzo wished he’d used the landline phone so he could slam down the receiver, but the minute he realized that, he knew why he wanted to do it.

  Tug was right.

  He’d been falling in love with Sarah Brown. Enough to accept the impossibility of the situation considering their current circumstances, and then he’d sent her packing because she did what she came to do. What she’d told him she was going to do. His reaction said more about him than it did about her.

  Kristi was sound asleep when he helped the other girls get ready for their play.

  Naomi dragged her feet when he asked her to change into the white sneakers they were supposed to wear for the angel choir. “I don’t want to go. Not without my sister. Not wit
hout Auntie.”

  “Me, either. This is all stupid,” grumbled Chloe. She tugged the sneakers on, but didn’t pretend to like it. “I’m not even going to sing anything. If Kristi can’t sing, then I won’t sing.”

  “’Cept I promised Miss Mamie that we’d sing extra loud, remember?” Naomi’s torn expression gut-stabbed him. “I think she’ll be so sad if we don’t sing. ’Cept that I don’t want to sing, not even a little bit.”

  He’d created a conundrum, and when he tried to mentally blame it on Sarah’s choice, his conscience wouldn’t let him. He’d never even given her the chance to talk about it. To explain. He’d reacted—

  Possibly overreacted, he admitted to himself grudgingly.

  And here he was, with two reluctant performers. “Uncle Tug will be here to get you in five minutes. Can we please cooperate and get ready? We’ll talk about the rest tomorrow.”

  “Why should we go when nobody will even come to see us?” Chloe whispered. “You won’t be there. Mama Gina and Papa are gone. Auntie Sarah went away without even saying goodbye. Grandpa’s too sick.” She lifted her narrow shoulders in a helpless motion, and Chloe was never helpless. “I will just miss everybody so much.”

  It was a major admission from his most stoic ward. He pulled her into a hug. Then Naomi, too. And when Tug came to the door, Renzo switched places with him. “I’ll take the girls if you’re okay staying with Kristi.” Tug had two older kids, so he knew the ropes when it came to childcare.

  “You’ll come?” Chloe’s look of surprise melted Renzo’s heart. “For real?”

  “I don’t want to miss a chance to hear you guys sing,” he told her. “And Tug will take good care of Kristi.”

  “So maybe we can sing really loud, just like if Kristi was there,” said Naomi. She grabbed for his hand. “And then we can hurry back and tell her, okay?”

  “Very okay.” He bundled them into the car, and as he found a spot in the elementary school auditorium, the difference from the previous year loomed starkly.

  Lanny had been healthy enough to come the year before. Gina and Roy had both been there. Kyle and Valerie had come. He’d been there, cheering for three blond-haired little lambs, wandering into a very special stable under a bright star.

  Tonight he was the only one there for the girls. The stark contrast didn’t just make him think.

  It made him regret his overdone reaction to Sarah the day before.

  He looked around.

  Was she here? Watching? He couldn’t exactly ban her from being in a public place, and if she did come, the girls would be ecstatic.

  He surveyed the entire small auditorium.

  No Sarah.

  Disappointment skewered him. Was she really going to miss this?

  Well, you did throw her out of the house. She is possibly feeling quite unwelcome at the moment and wouldn’t want a scene to mess with the girls’ happiness.

  He’d hurt her. Worse, he’d done it on purpose. His mother had been so upset when she called to report what their lawyer had shared, and his mother couldn’t afford to be upset right now.

  Piano music started. The lights dimmed. For the next thirty minutes, he watched an adorable play about lost angels, taking every wrong turn possible until eventually ending up right where they were supposed to be. At a Bethlehem stable, where a baby lay sleeping in a hay-filled manger.

  The girls sang, as promised, but he couldn’t fully grasp the simple joy of their performance because he’d messed up, and right now he saw no way to make this right. Not with so much on the line.

  * * *

  Sarah eyed a coffee pod, decided it was a stupid move if she could catch a nap later, and tried not to think about what she was missing in Golden Grove this weekend.

  Was Kristi getting better?

  Were the girls singing extra loud in the choir?

  Had anyone else gotten sick?

  Her mother texted her. Sent packages off to the ranch. Delivery tomorrow. In time for the birthday party.

  Thank you!

  She left it at that. Missing the girls’ party was a heartbreaker, but maybe she’d be allowed to be part of the next one. And the one after that. She’d keep her eye on the true goal, to be part of their lives even if she wasn’t awarded guardianship. She wouldn’t think about Renzo...

  Except she couldn’t stop thinking about him, which was problematic.

  But she’d try to stop thinking about him. He’d taken the big strong protector role too far. Except that if she wanted a big strong protector, the guy was absolutely number one in her book. But how dare he not let her say goodbye to the girls?

  Well, you did tell the judge about his whole family crisis, didn’t you?

  She’d missed the play. The girls’ party. And Christmas loomed, so she’d miss that, too, but as she worked to stabilize tiny infants in need of specialized care, she focused on her number one personal priority. She wanted the girls to be happy. To feel like they were loved and cherished. To feel like they belonged not just emotionally, but physically, and knowing they had a biological aunt who loved them would help that. If nothing else, the girls would always know they had an aunt, that she loved them and came to be part of their lives. If it didn’t work out that way, they’d move forward knowing her choice was to love them.

  “Dr. Fettah is coming back to work on Christmas Eve,” Felicity told her Wednesday afternoon. “That means you get Christmas off.”

  She didn’t need Christmas off. That day, of all days, she needed to keep busy and not dwell on all she’d lost in Washington’s heartland. She could go to her parents’ place on the island, sure. Then they’d all sit around, wondering how the girls were faring.

  Or she could sit alone in her undecorated town house and watch the boats in the harbor. Another Christmas alone, but worse this time. Because this year she’d thought it would be different. “I need to work, Felicity. See if he’d like an extra day off.”

  “No can do,” Felicity replied. “You’ve been on too long as it is, and you know the rules. Take the time and do something you really want to do, my friend. Get in your car and go see those girls. Even if it’s just in church, you sitting on one side, them on the other. At least that way they won’t think you’ve abandoned them, because I’m pretty sure that’s what any child would think right now. No one can keep you out of a church on Christmas Eve, Sarah.”

  The possibility breathed hope back into her. “You think that’s a good idea?”

  Felicity shot her a wise look. “I know it is. Most likely, all the girls know is that you’ve disappeared. If you suddenly reappear, at least they know you still care. Honey, I’ve seen some ugly custody battles in my time. Don’t let this become one of them. Even if you have to go all King Solomon on them.”

  She sighed and nodded. “You’re right. I hate that, but I can own it. I’ll head inland on Christmas Eve and go to the service. At least that way I’m celebrating part of the day with them. And that means a lot.”

  “It means everything,” Felicity promised.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Renzo drove to Seattle at the end of the week. His father had been cleared for transfer to the long-term care facility Lanny lived in. He’d shown some progress, but not enough to score a bed at the rehab center, but maybe he still could, given time.

  Tug’s mother came over to watch the girls while he made the long trek to the city to make sure everything went according to plan. At least his father would be closer to home, and that proximity might give him more reason to fight. If it didn’t, at least he’d be housed nearby.

  He walked into the hospital room. His mother and Shelly were busy gathering Roy’s things into reusable shopping bags. He gave his grumpy-looking father a gentle hug and kissed him on the forehead. “Ready for the big move, Dad?”

  Roy grunted. Grunting was his go-to response when he was unhappy wi
th anything. The grunts used to be few and far between. Not anymore.

  He’d gathered a handful of bags to take down to his car when Kyle walked in.

  “I didn’t know you wanted to come,” said Renzo. “We could have driven together. That’s a lot of wasted time and gas.”

  He could have scolded further. In fact, he was having a hard time keeping the floodgate of opinions at bay, but Kyle raised a hand to pause him. “I was already in the city.”

  Renzo didn’t have to pretend surprise. “You were? Why?”

  Valerie came through the door right then. Her red-rimmed eyes testified to her stress, but she slipped her hand into Kyle’s and stood by his side. “Because of me,” she said softly.

  “Us,” Kyle told her firmly, then he gave her a look of such love that Renzo felt it to his core. “I want to apologize to all of you,” he went on. “I’ve been off my game mentally and physically, and I’m sorry about that. I realize now that I should have told you, that we were silly to keep this to ourselves. Now we want you to know.”

  “Know?” Gina slapped a hand to her heart. “Know what? What’s going on? What’s happening?”

  “We’ve been going to the infertility treatment center,” Kyle stated. He squeezed Valerie’s hand lightly, then brought it up for a kiss. “We’ve been trying to start a family for years, and it’s just not working.”

  “You never said a word.” Gina looked from one to the other. “Why wouldn’t you tell us?”

  “I was embarrassed.” Valerie breathed deeply. “I wanted a family so badly, and I’ve never been stymied by anything in my life, so when it didn’t work, I was so angry and sad that I couldn’t even talk about it. Eventually I couldn’t bear to even come over to your place and see the girls. I was upset that you guys ended up with three beautiful children and I couldn’t give my husband one. It seemed ridiculously unfair.”

  “But now we’ve come to a decision,” Kyle told them, and for the first time in a long time he stood tall. “We’re going to continue the treatments for another six months on the doctor’s recommendation. But we’re also going to put in an application for adoption. Seeing what a blessing the girls are, and how happy they’ve made you guys, we realized that maybe God’s got a different plan for us. And maybe we were just too stubborn to see it.”