Say You're Mine

by Alexis Winter

  “Is everything OK?” I feel like I’ve asked it a hundred times today, but I don’t know what else to ask.

  “Yeah. Everything is fine.”

  And for the second time today, I know that everything is not fine.

  Chapter 32

  Amanda

  I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I should have seen it. I should have seen it a mile fucking away.

  As I walk into the near-empty office two days after Christmas, a few realizations come crashing down on me.

  One, I was promoted to being a detective because of my work against the Flannerys at Mr. O’Shay’s grocery store.

  Second, Ben’s brother was involved in it. That because of the work I did, he was now serving a 20-year prison sentence.

  I felt horrible leaving Ben this morning earlier than normal under the ruse of needing to go in early after the holiday. But after not sleeping at all the night before, thoughts of six years ago playing across my mind on repeat, I had to go in and find out once and for all if I’m the reason Ben’s brother is in prison.

  No. I’m not the reason. This is what I tell myself as I bring up the case files from six years prior. Aiden made his decisions. He chose to stay with his dad and not move to Naperville with his mom. Had he made that choice, I wouldn’t be sitting here opening files that had been marked closed.

  As soon as I open the file, I’m immediately transported back to Mr. O’Shay’s grocery store. I close my eyes and think hard about the men who came in and out each day. Some of them were the ones transporting the money. Some were there just for protection if something went down.

  I knew most of these guys were bad men. You could just tell. Sometimes it was the way they looked at me behind the counter. Sometimes it was the things they would say. I remember one time, Daniel O’Shay came in with his son, seeming extra full of himself. He thought he was so slick, using his brother’s shop as a front to filter through drug money for the Flannerys.

  “You fall asleep on duty already? Come on O’Donald. You’re better than that.”

  Christopher’s voice snaps me from the memory. “Geez. What the hell? Why are you here so early?”

  He takes a seat across from me, sorting through a few folders that landed on his desk over the weekend. “Figured I’d come in and get a jump start on the day. I was surprised to see you here. What are you looking at?”

  I look down at the file I haven’t looked at in years and back up to Christopher, who is now looking at me curiously.

  “It’s the file from the O’Shay bust six years ago.” No point in lying to him. Me looking through this file isn’t a crime.

  “Why?”

  “I thought maybe the Abruzzi case could have some similarities. Same neighborhood and all.”

  It’s not a lie. I have thought more than a few times that we should compare the cases. We can’t look at every case over the years involving the Flannerys, but the O’Shay bust and the one I’m working on now have more and more in common the longer we investigate. I make a mental note to do that… later. Now? Now I need to look for the name Aiden in this file.

  My mind goes back to where it left off, a day when Daniel O’Shay was being extra arrogant.

  It’s been a quiet day in the store, which is a good and bad thing. A good thing because that means it’s one less day Mr. O’Shay’s shop isn’t being used for illegal activity. Bad because it’s one less day of evidence I can file away.

  The wire I’ve been wearing has worked like a charm. Apparently, a girl from the old neighborhood who recently had to move home to help her sick dad was safe to talk around. At least, that’s what everyone thought about me. I was never so glad until this assignment that my first job as a patrol officer was in a different part of town. Since I didn’t keep touch with many people, not many knew what I had done after high school. It made it easy to slide into this role.

  The bell above the door rings and in walks Mr. O’Shay’s brother, Daniel, and his son. I never got his name. He didn’t talk much. It was clear that he was the muscle.

  “There’s my favorite cashier,” Daniel says, coming up to where I was standing at the register. “You’re looking mighty pretty today Mandy.”

  I hated anyone calling me Mandy, well, except Maverick, who was always too cute for me to get annoyed at. But that’s what people knew me as around here. So that’s the name I went with.

  “Your brother isn’t here right now. He had to run a few errands.”

  “That’s OK. It’s better if he’s not here for this.” I look down and he’s carrying a duffle bag. Not exactly discreet. But I’m guessing that it’s filled with money, which is why his son is here with him today.

  “After I’m done with this… maybe you can come in the back with me… we can get to know each other a little better.”

  It takes all I have not to vomit in my mouth. Daniel O’Shay is in his 60s and the farthest thing from what I’d call a Silver Fox. His son isn’t even close to my age of 26. He’s in his 40s if I’d have to guess.

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t. No one else to watch the counter.”

  “Your loss sweetheart. And don’t worry about telling my brother that I swung by. Let’s go Aiden.”

  As the memory comes back to me, I flip through the file until I see what I’m looking for. The names and photos of the six men who went to prison for being involved in the bust that made my career.

  And as clear as day, there it is: Aiden O’Shay. He’s older than the boy I saw in the picture at Ben’s parents’ house the other day, but there is no doubt whatsoever that it is him.

  I shoot out of my chair, which startles Christopher, but I don’t care. I need to get out of here. I knew it was true, but until I saw that name as clear as day, I didn’t believe it.

  “You OK?”

  “I’m going to take the day. I don’t feel well.”

  Before he can ask any more questions, I’m out of the station, walking aimlessly around the streets of Chicago.

  After hours of walking and my mind turning, I now definitely know two things:

  I am the reason Aiden O’Shay is in prison.

  I cannot tell Ben that I’m the reason for that.

  Chapter 33

  Ben

  For the first time in God knows how long, I had actually been looking forward to New Year’s Eve.

  I had never been in a relationship and I was tired of the pity kisses on the cheek at midnight. Well, more like 12:02 a.m. after the lovers were done ringing in the new year.

  But this year, I get to be that person. Well, at least I thought I did.

  To say that Amanda has been distant the last week would be an understatement. And as soon as we got to the bar tonight, she immediately went over to talk with Tori, Scarlett and Annabelle. We have passed a few glances back and forth, but that’s about it.

  All week I had pictured the look in Amanda’s eyes as the sounds of the countdown filled the air around us. To share the moment together as entered a new year together. This hopefully being the first of many we would spend together.

  Now I don’t even know if I’ll get the pity kiss.

  “Dude, why are you looking like someone ran over your dog?” Kalum asks, handing me a drink.

  “I don’t look like someone ran over my dog.”

  “Maybe not your dog. But definitely your cat,” Jaxson says, taking up the spot on the other side of me with Maverick.

  “No one ran over any pets. Let’s just get that clear. Everything is fine and dandy.”

  “Pardon for me calling you out on your bullshit, but bullshit.”

  Jaxson and Maverick nod at Kalum’s statement and I don’t even have the energy to argue back with them.

  “Fine. Amanda has been acting weird all week and I don’t know why.”

  Well, that last part is a lie. I do know why. Well at least, I think I do. I don’t believe that it’s a coincidence that as soon as we talked about where I grew up, Aiden, and his arrest that all of a sudden she�
�s acting distant. There’s something she’s not telling me that involves all three, and it’s killing me that she won't spill it.

  She said she hadn’t looked into Aiden’s case before she asked me about it, and I believe her. She has never lied to me and I don’t have a reason to think she’d start doing it now. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t look into it over the past week.

  But have I called her out on it? No. Have I said anything to her about acting distant this week? Not even once.

  I know that makes me a chicken shit. The fear of that conversation is the same fear that kept me from telling her about Aiden in the first place.

  Then, I was scared I’d lose her before this got started. Now? Now I know what I’d lose. And I’m even more afraid.

  “In all seriousness, is everything OK?”

  The question comes from Maverick, and I take a pull of my beer before answering, trying to work out what I want to ask these guys. Guys who didn’t have to let me into their friend group, but have with open arms. Guys I might have grown up being friends with had I not moved.

  “Do you guys know the name Aiden O’Shay?”

  My question does what I thought it would do, and three pairs of eyes go wide when I drop my brother’s name.

  “We do,” Jaxson says. “The question is, how do you know the name Aiden O’Shay?”

  “He’s… he’s my brother.”

  Jaxson is speechless. Kalum spits out his beer. Maverick’s eyes might have actually jumped out of his face.

  The four of us take a seat at a nearby table. I don’t know why I told them this, but maybe if they know what I’m dealing with, they can help me figure out what’s bothering Amanda. And by the looks they are all giving each other, I have a feeling they know a hell of a lot already.

  “How did we not know you were related to Aiden?”

  Maverick’s question is fair and as good of a place to start as any. “He and I have different dads, so the last name wouldn’t have given it away. And I don’t talk about him much. Apparently, I grew up in the building across the street from Amanda before I moved. We just put it together over Christmas when we were visiting my mom. Small world huh?”

  “You… we… damn… that’s fucking crazy,” Kalum says. “So Amanda knows this bit of information?”

  “Yeah. She does,” I say, pausing before I continue, wanting to make sure I say and ask exactly what I need to. “She has known for a while though that my brother was in prison, which I’m guessing you guys know. But just the past few days, after we had a conversation about him and the old neighborhood, did she start acting weird. Do you guys have any idea why?”

  The three have another silent conversation and if I wasn’t so desperate for their help, it would have really pissed me off.

  “We have an idea of what’s bothering her, but it’s not our place to say,” Kalum begins, Maverick and Jaxson nodding in agreement. “This is a conversation you need to have with her. She might put up a tough front, but a lot of it is for show. She didn’t have it easy growing up in our neighborhood, especially with only her dad raising her. She has walls built up high, and considering she has let you in as much as she has, it means she cares about you. A lot. Just remember that when you two sit down and talk about this. And please, you two need to talk about this. Sooner rather than later.”

  I weigh Kalum’s words and know he’s right. Every part of it. Even though it scares me.

  “Thanks man. All of you. I appreciate it.”

  They all tip their beers to me as the girls find seats next to us at the table. By the sounds around the bar, it must be close to midnight.

  “Hi,” Amanda says, a look of sadness in her eye that I want to wipe away.

  “Hey.”

  “Sorry I’ve been… well I know I’ve been a bit distant this week. And tonight. I just--”

  I bring her closer to me, kissing her forehead, wanting to reassure her that we are OK. Well at least, I hope we are.

  “I don’t want to get into it here. But can we… can we talk? Soon?”

  She nods. “Yeah. Tomorrow. Let’s just… let’s just enjoy tonight.”

  At her words, the countdown begins from 10. We stand with the crowd as everyone else’s voices get louder... but we don’t say anything.

  We just look at each other, trying to say a million things with just our eyes.

  I love you.

  I hope we’re OK.

  I need us to be OK.

  “Happy New Year!”

  I know we need to talk. I can tell we have a huge obstacle in front of us.

  But right now, as the clock turns over to a new year, I don’t care. All I want to do right now is kiss my girl.

  And I do. With everything in me.

  After a kiss that probably lasted a bit too long in public, I pull away, pushing a stray hair back behind her ear.

  “Happy New Year Amanda. I love you.”

  She looks down, leaning into my touch before looking back up at me.

  “I love you Ben. Happy New Year.”

  Chapter 34

  Amanda

  I wanted to tell him the next day. But after squeezing in time with both of our families, plus an impromptu board game night at Scarlett and Maverick’s, there just wasn’t time.

  I swear I was going to do it the next day, but then I got a call from Collin, my informant, saying that things were happening at Mr. Abruzzi’s shop and I need to get down there right away. He was wrong. But we didn’t call it a failure for two days after night and day watch on the building.

  If it wasn’t one thing, it was another, and here we are, a week later, and I still haven’t told Ben the reason he goes to visit his brother every month in federal prison is because I put him there.

  Today isn’t going to be the day either. Ben is away for the night at a conference. Two-hundred financial planners in a room together. He promised it would be just as exciting as it sounds.

  I even turned down a girls’ night at Scarlett’s. I could have gone. I wanted to go. After years of yearning for girlfriends, I finally have a squad that gets me. But I know I was acting weird on New Year’s Eve, and I’m sure they suspected something was going on. I’m really not in the mood to be in front of the interrogation squad led by Tori.

  Plus, I haven’t been feeling well lately. I mean, it’s not a surprise. I’ve been running myself into the ground. Between the holidays, the Flannery case and carrying a secret the size of an elephant around, it makes sense that I can’t seem to get enough sleep.

  So tonight, it’s me, my favorite Indian restaurant for takeout, a pair of Ben’s sweatpants and the new puzzle my dad got me for Christmas. I love that he still does that. He’s got me a new one every year since I put my first one together.

  As I finish my tandoori chicken and prepare the puzzle pieces, the buzzer for my apartment sounds. I sigh, stand and walk over to the intercom, really hoping that they buzzed the wrong number. But before I can even ask who it is, I know that my puzzle isn’t going to get touched tonight.

  “Bitch let us in! We brought wine!”

  I sigh, hit the enter button and wait the few minutes it takes Tori, Scarlett and Annabelle to make it to my apartment. I should have known that I couldn’t get out of girls night that easy.

  I open the door just in time as my three friends stroll in, looking like they are coming for a slumber party.

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Apparently saving you from a boring night,” Tori says, eyeing my puzzle before looking back at me. “Did you seriously ditch us for a fucking puzzle?”

  “I love my puzzles. Don’t hate.”

  Tori holds her hands up in mock defense as she walks into the kitchen, I’m guessing to fetch wine glasses. As much as I didn’t want company tonight, wine does sound good. I just didn’t have the energy to go out and buy a bottle before I got home.

  “Having girls night didn’t feel right without you,” Annabelle says, taking a seat on a chair in my living ro
om.

  “And Maverick was happy to watch the boys. And… well…”

  The room gets silent as Tori walks in, eyeing Scarlett to finish her sentence. When she doesn’t, Tori lets out an exasperated breath before plopping down on the couch.

  “We wanted to see if you’ve snapped out of the funk you were in on New Year’s. Because girl, I love you, but you were acting weird as fuck that night.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Sweetie a drunk person fell on you, spilled a drink all over you, and you didn’t say a thing. Normally, that would have at least elicited a glare from the resting bitch face. But you barely noticed.”

  Why did I want female friends again? They pick up on everything.

  I don’t know why I don’t want to talk about this. It’s all going to come out soon enough. But Ben needs to hear it from me and he deserves to be the first to know.

  But on the other hand, I would like to know their thoughts on whether or not I’m going to be a single woman when this finally comes out.

  “Fine. I’ve had some things on my mind. Some things I need to tell Ben. But I don’t know how to do it.”

  “On a scale of 1 being I forgot to buy his favorite cookies to 10 being you cheated, what are we dealing with here?”

  Scarlett asks a fair question, and I definitely weigh what I’m feeling.

  “Eight-and-a-half, bordering a nine.”

  “We need more wine.”

  Scarlett gets up to go to the kitchen and I take the time to look at Tori. I won’t lie, I’m worried about her reaction. She was Ben’s friend first. Hell, when she first met me she thought Kalum broke up with her for me. I still can’t believe she considers me a friend. I still remember thinking that she was pulling my leg when she had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

  “Before you start, I need to know a few things,” Tori begins, Scarlett making her way back into the room. “Because I want to be here for you. But I’ll need to be there for him too. Is it another guy?”