The Dedalus Book of Roman Decadence: Emperors of Debauchery

by Geoffrey Farrington

  He bore four consulships: the first, from the kalends of July for two months; the second, from the kalends of January, for thirty days; the third, until the ides of January; and the fourth, until the seventh day before the said ides. Of all these, he held the last two jointly together; the third he alone entered upon at Lugdunum, not, as some believe, from pride or negligence, but because, being absent, he could not know that his colleague had died upon the very day of the kalends. He twice gave a gift to the people of three hundred sesterces apiece, and so often a most bounteous dinner for the senate and the nobles, and also for their wives and children. In the latter of these dinners he gave in addition to the men, garments to be worn on public occasions; to the women and children he gave precious trimmings for their robes, of purple and violet colour. And that he might augment the public joy of the city in perpetuity, he added to the feast of Saturnalia one day more, and named it Juvenalis.

  He set forth games of sword-fencers, partly in the amphitheatre of Taurus, and partly within the Septa in Mars Field. Into these he brought the very best troops of African and Campanian fighters to do battle by companies. Nor was he always himself president at these solemnities and public shows, but on occasions enjoined the magistrates or else his friends, to take charge of the presidency. As for stage-plays, he exhibited them continually in divers places and in sundry sorts, once even at night-time, burning lights throughout the city. Likewise he cast and scattered among the common people gifts of many kinds to scramble for, and gave out, to each man, panniers with foodstuffs therein. At which feasting he gave to a gentleman of Rome standing next to him and feeding himself most heartily with a greedy stomach, his own share; as also he sent for the same reason to a senator letters patent, thereby declaring him praetor in the most exceptional fashion. He arranged also many circus-games, offering at one while the baiting of panthers, another while jousting and tournaments. But there were some special sports above the rest, when the arena was laid with vermilion, and none but men of senator's rank drove the chariots. Some games he staged upon a whim, namely those called for by spectators in neighbouring galleries when he looked out to observe the preparation of the arena.

  Furthermore he devised a new kind of spectacle, such as was never heard of before. For over the three miles' space between Baiae and the dams at Puteoli he made a bridge, having gathered together cargo ships from all parts and placed them at anchor in a double row with a bank of earth cast upon them, direct and straight in the fashion of the Appian highway. He went to and fro upon this bridge for two days; the first day he was mounted on a richly trapped steed and appeared most brave and handsome in a chaplet of oak branches, armed with a battle-axe, a light shield and a sword, and clad in a cloak of gold; the day after he came forth in the garb of a charioteer, riding in a chariot drawn by two fine horses of excellent pedigree, carrying before him Dareus a boy, one of the Parthian hostages, with a train of the praetorian soldiers marching behind in battle array, and accompanied by the cohort of his minions in British wagons. Most men are of the opinion that Gaius invented such a bridge in emulation of Xerxes, who to the wonder of the world made a bridge of planks over the Hellespont, an arm of the sea somewhat narrower than this; others believe that by the rumour of some huge and monstrous piece of work, he might terrify Germany and Britain, upon which countries he meant to make war. But I remember well that, being a boy, I heard my grandfather report the cause of this work as it had been told by his courtiers; namely that the great astrologer Thrasyllus had assured Tiberius, when he was troubled in mind about his successor, that Gaius should no more become emperor than be able to pass to and fro on horseback over the gulf of Baiae.

  He set forth shows even in foreign parts, to wit, in Sicily at Syracuse, the games called Actiaci; and at Lugdunum in Gaul, plays of various kind and subject, and also a solemn contest for the prize in eloquence both in Greek and Latin. It is said that in this trial, those who were overcome conferred rewards upon the winners, and were indeed forced to make compositions in their praise. But the worst were commanded to wipe out their own writings, either with a sponge or else with their tongues, unless they wished to be chastised with sticks or else to be ducked over their heads in the nearest river.

  The buildings left half-undone by Tiberius, namely the temple of Augustus and the theatre of Pompey, he finished. He began moreover a canal in the Tiburtine territory, and an amphitheatre near to the enclosure called Septa: of the two works the one was completed by his successor Claudius, the other was quite abandoned. He re-fortified the walls at Syracuse, which by the injury of time were decayed and fallen down, and repaired the temples of the gods there. He fully purposed too to rebuild the palace of Polycrates at Samos, to finish the temple of Apollo at Miletus, and also to found and build a city upon the top of the Alps; but, above all, to dig through the isthmus in Achaia: to this end he had already sent to take measure of the work, one who had been captain of a leading cohort, and who was a man of great purpose.

  Thus far we have told of a prince; now must we relate as of a monster. Having taken upon himself many surnames, for he was called `kind', `the son of the camp', `father of hosts', and `the most gracious and mighty Caesar', he happened to hear certain kings, who had come to the city to do their duties and to pay him honour, contend, as they sat with him at supper, about the nobility of their birth and parentage. Of a sudden he cried forth:

  One Sovereign Lord, one King let there be,

  and almost at once had he taken to himself the diadem and wholly converted the display of empire into the form of a kingdom. But being told that he was exalted already above the state both of emperors and kings, from that time he began to assume to himself a divine majesty; and having given order that the most splendid images of the gods, both those to which the most devout worship was offered, and those which exhibited the finest and most ornate workmanship (among which was that of Jupiter Olym- pius), should be brought from Greece to Rome, he had their heads removed and his own likeness set in their place. He enlarged the Palace as far as the Forum; likewise changing the temple of Castor and Pollux into a kind of porch, he would stand between the two brother gods as an object for the adoration of all comers. And there were some who saluted him by the name of Jupiter Latiaris.

  Moreover he ordained a temple to his own godhead, and along with it priests and the most exquisite offerings. In his temple stood his own image all of gold, to his full height and most lifelike, and dressed each day in clothing as he himself wore. The masterships of his priesthood were purchased at their vacancy by the richest men, those who made greatest suit and offered most therefor. The aforesaid offerings were of flamingoes, peacocks, woodcocks, pheasants and divers other fowls, and these were to be sorted by their kinds, and so every day killed. And truly, he would of custom at night call to the moon, when she was shining full and most brightly, to come and lie with him in his arms; but in the daytime he talked secretly and apart with Jupiter Capitolinus, sometimes whispering to him in the ear, at others speaking out loud and on occasion harshly; for he was heard to utter in threat these words: `I will remove and banish thee to the land of the Greeks,' until (this was his own telling of the tale), being invited by Jupiter himself to live with him, he built a bridge over the sacred temple of Augustus, so joining together the Palace and the Capitol. And soon afterward, so that he might be nearer to him, Gaius laid the foundation of a new house in the empty lower court of the Capitol.

  He could in no wise abide to be named nephew of Agrippa by reason of his lowly parentage; indeed, he would be angry if any man, either in oration or verse, inserted his name among those of the Caesars. But he gave it out openly, that his own mother was begotten by incest which Augustus committed with his own daughter Julia. And not content with this infamous imputation of Augustus, he straitly forbade his Actian and Sicilian victories to be celebrated yearly with solemn holidays, as being unlucky and hurtful to the people of Rome. As for Livia Augusta his great-grandmother, he called her time and again Ulysses in a
woman's habit; indeed, in a certain epistle to the senate he was so bold as to assert her ignobility, that she was descended from a decurion who was her grandsire on the mother's side, whereas it is plain according to the public records that her grandfather Aufidius Lingo held honourable offices in Rome. When his grandmother Antonia requested secret conference with him, he refused her unless Macro, captain of the guard, might be also present to hear their talk. And so by such indignities as these he was the cause of her death; and yet, as some think, he gave her poison also. Nor allowed he any honour to her when she was dead, but beheld the burning of her funeral pyre from his dining-chamber.

  His brother Tiberius he surprised unawares, sending a tribune of soldiers who rushed in upon him and so slew him. Likewise he forced Silanus, his father-in-law, to death by cutting his own throat with a razor, picking quarrels with them both upon these causes: that the one would not follow him when he voyaged upon a sea much troubled and very rough, but stayed behind in hope to seize the city of Rome for himself, if by occasion of tempests the voyage should go awry; the other smelled strongly of a preservative or antidote, as if he had taken the same against Gaius' poisons. Yet in truth, Silanus thus avoided the insufferable pain of seasickness and the harsh discomforts of sailing; and Tiberius but took medicine for a continual cough which grew worse day by day. As for his uncle Claudius, Gaius bore him in so low regard as to make of him a mere figure of fun and a laughing-stock.

  His sisters he would dishonour as of daily custom; at any great feast he would place one or other of them by turns beneath himself at table, while his wife sat above. Of these sisters (as it is believed to be true), he deflowered Drusilla being a virgin, when he himself was yet under age and a very boy; and one time above the rest he was found in bed with her and taken in the manner by his grandmother Antonia, in whose house they were brought up both together. And afterwards, when Drusilla had been given in marriage to Lucius Cassius Longinus, a man of consular degree, he took her from him and kept her openly, as if she had been his own lawful wife. Also when he lay sick, he ordained her to be heir of all his goods and furthermore to succeed him in the empire. For the same sister deceased he proclaimed a general cessation of the law, during which time it was a capital crime for any man to laugh, or bathe, or sup together with parents, wife or children. And having wearied of his sorrow, he fled suddenly out of the city by night, and passed all throughout Campania, and thence to Syracuse; and returned again speedily with his beard and hair of head overgrown. Nor at any time after, in making a speech before the people or to his soldiers, even in the gravest of matters, would he swear otherwise than by the name of Drusilla. His other sisters, Livia and Agrippina, he loved neither with such tender affection nor so good respect, but many times prostituted and offered them to be abused by his own stale catamites. And in such wise he condemned them the more readily in the case of Aemilius Lepidus, as adulteresses and privy to the plots and treasons addressed against his person. And he not only uncovered by guile and adulteries the source of writings against him, but also consecrated to Mars Revenger the three daggers prepared by the conspirators for his death, with an inscription over them containing the cause of his so doing.

  As for his marriages, a man may scarcely discern whether he contracted, dissolved, or held them with more dishonesty. He commanded to be brought home to him as his own wife Livia Orestilla, while she was wedded to Gaius Piso, having himself been present at the solemnisation of the marriage; and having but a few days later cast her from him, after two years he banished her, because she was thought in the time between to have had again the company of her former husband. Some report that, being an invited guest at the nuptial supper, he commanded Piso in these terms: `Sir, see you sit not too close to my wife', and upon this had her away with him from the table; and the next day published a proclamation that he had made a marriage after the example of Romulus and Augustus. As regarding Lollia Paulina, married already to Gaius Mem- mius, a man of consular degree and ruler of armies, upon mention of her grandmother as the most beautiful lady in her time, he all of a sudden commanded her return from the province and, taking her from her husband, wedded her and soon turned her away, forbidding her straitly for ever the use of any man's body whatsoever.

  Caesonia he loved with more ardent affection and constancy; not for any special beauty and favour of her own above others, nor yet because she was in the flower of her youth (she had been the mother already of three daughters by another man), but only because she was a most lascivious woman and of insatiable lust; his regard for her being such that he would display her to his soldiers clad in a soldier's tunic with shield and helmet, riding next to him; but he showed her to his friends stark-naked also. Only when she brought him a child, did he vouchsafe her the title of wife, and not before; and he made it known abroad, that in a single day he was become both her husband and also father of the infant born of her body. This child he named Julia Drusilla, and he carried her about through all the temples of the goddesses, bestowing her at last in the lap of Minerva, and commending the place to her for her nourishment, upbringing and education. And there was no surer sign to show that she was his own and conceived of his own seed than her curstness and shrewdness; and wicked was she from the first, in such measure that with her cruel fingers she would not stick to lay at the faces and eyes of other small children playing together with her.

  Vanity it would be and mere folly to add, how he served his kinsfolk and friends, to wit Ptolemy, King Juba's son and his own first cousin, but especially Macro himself, and likewise Ennia, who were his chief helpers and advanced him to the empire. All of them, by right of their near relation and in consideration of their good deserts, were most highly rewarded with bloody death. Nor was he one whit more respectful of the senate, nor did he deal more gently with them; some, after they had borne the highest honours, he made to run beside his wagon in their gowns for many miles, or to stand in wait for him at supper girt about with a white linen towel, now at the head of the table, now at the foot. Others, whom he had had secretly murdered, he continued nevertheless calling for as if they were yet alive, giving it out most untruly some few days after, that they had wilfully made themselves away. The consuls once had forgotten by chance to publish by proclamation his birthday, for which he deprived them of their magistracy; and so for three days the commonwealth was without the sovereign authority. His own quaestor, who happened to be nominated in a conspiracy against him, he caused to be scourged, and had the clothes stripped from him put under the soldiers' feet, that they might stand more steadily while whipping him.

  With equal pride and violence he dealt with other states and degrees of citizens. Being disturbed by the commotion of those who took their places in the circus by midnight (for which they had to pay nothing), he drove them all away with cudgels; in which tumult and hurly-burly there were above twenty knights of Rome crushed to death, and as many of their wives, besides an infinite number of the common multitude. At the stage-plays, being minded to sow discord and minister occasion of quarrel between the commons and gentlemen of Rome, he had the finest and most prominent places filled early, even by the basest commoners who came. At the sword-fight, he would give command that the shades be folded up during the most parching heat of the sun, and forbade that any person should be let forth; and then, removing and sending quite away the ordinary furniture of shows, he put before the people poor wild beasts and carrion-lean to be baited, and, to do combat, the sword-fencers most lowly and worn with age, and he sent out to carry them wellknown citizens and men of quality, but such as were noted for some special feebleness and imperfection of body. And at many other times he brought dearth and famine among the people, by shutting up the garners and storehouses from them.

  By these examples he showed the cruelty of his nature most of all. When cattle, those used to feed wild beasts prepared for baiting, grew in price very dear, he had criminals who had been found guilty slaughtered for the purpose. And in reviewing the jails and the prisoner
s therein he, taking no account of the cause of their imprisonment, commanded all, sparing no man's head, to be led forth to execution. From a man who had sworn to perform his duty in public sword-fight for the recovery of Gaius' health, he exacted the performance of the vow, and watched him fighting at sword-point; nor would he dismiss him until he was victor. And there was another who for the same cause had vowed to die. This man, not being very forward to pay his vow, he had adorned with sacred herbs and decorations, like a sacrifice; and he was delivered into the hands of boys who, calling upon him to discharge his vow, were to drive him through the streets of the city, until he was thrown headlong down the steep ramparts. Many honest citizens of good estate, after he had first disfigured them with marks of branding irons, he condemned to dig in mines, to build highways, or to fight with beasts; or he kept them on all fours like brute creatures in a cage, or else slit them through the midst with a saw. And those whom he thus treated were not all of them guilty of any grievous offences; it was sufficient that they might have spoken meanly of some show that he exhibited, or that they had not sworn stoutly by his genius.

  He forced parents to be present at the execution of their own children. And when one father excused himself by reason of sickness, he sent a litter for him; another, immediately after the heavy spectacle of his own son put to death, Gaius invited to his own table, made him great cheer, and by all manner of courtesy provoked him to jocoseness and mirth. The master of his sword-fights and beast-baitings he had for many days beaten with chains in his own sight; and had near killed him, before he could no longer abide the stench of his brain by this time putrefied. A poet for a verse that he made, implying a jest which might be doubly taken, he burnt at the stake in the very middle showplace of the amphitheatre. A gentleman of Rome whom he had cast before wild beasts, he commanded to be brought back, after he cried out that he was innocent; and after he had cut out his tongue, sent him back among them, to fight for his life or else to be devoured. .