The Secretary

by Zoe Lea

  I let out a laugh.

  ‘I know what you’ve been doing,’ he said, and I shook my head. ‘I know all of it, Ruth, and like I said, I’d rather tell it to you now, and come to an agreement here, rather than have to go to the police.’

  I sighed dramatically. ‘This is pathetic,’ I said. ‘I’m leaving.’

  ‘You slept with Janine’s husband,’ he began, ‘boasted to her about it, humiliated her. You sent her husband a threatening text. You contacted HMRC and falsely reported Janine for tax evasion.’ He looked up and smiled. ‘Told you,’ he said, ‘I know it all, so sit down.’ He went back to his paper. ‘You called the local paper, tried to start a scandal over it. You then threatened Lisa, Sam’s class teacher, as well as stealing from her.’

  ‘Hardly stealing,’ I said. ‘It was a pen, and—’ He held his hand up.

  ‘After threatening his class teacher,’ he spoke over me, ‘and stealing from the school, you took our son out of school and kept him home for no good reason. You then targeted Ashley Simmons. You went into her place of work and shouted obscenities, then posted a picture of Ashley Simmons and published her name and address on an animal rights forum, claiming she was a “cunt who hunts”.’

  My heart started to knock against my ribs. How did he know this? How did he know what I’d done?

  ‘You used your position as school secretary to gather information about her, confidential information. You also called the local newspaper again, claiming you had details about one of the tutors who works for Top Marks, Janine’s company, alleging that she is a paedophile.’

  He put the paper down and looked at me. ‘False,’ he said, ‘complete fabrication and total slander.’

  There was a pounding in my head now. I could feel it with every thump of my heart.

  ‘That woman is not employed by Janine,’ he told me. ‘She employs someone with the same name, but it isn’t her.’ He gave a laugh. ‘Do you really think Janine wouldn’t do checks on everyone she employs? Do you think she’s like you? Half arsed about everything?’

  My thoughts skittered. They went to Eve, when she handed me the paper, to her texts. Was she lying? Is that why she hadn’t been in contact since?

  ‘She is employing her,’ I said, ‘the lady who—’

  ‘Ruth,’ his voice was low, ‘you’ve already got a complaint against you for harassment.’

  I gripped the couch. Looked at his neatly typed list.

  ‘You lied about taking Sam to Disney,’ he went on, ‘you lie a lot to Sam. You told him the vandalism on your car wasn’t anything to be afraid of, but it is, isn’t it, Ruth? It is something to be afraid of—’

  ‘I haven’t—’

  ‘Because you did that to your car, didn’t you?’

  I took a shocked gasp.

  ‘Just like you’ve been pretending to get text messages and parcels through your letterbox. You’re pretending to be harassed, pretending someone is stalking you when, really, you’re the stalker. You’re the one who is mentally unhinged.’

  I was silent for a moment. Unable to comprehend what he was accusing me of.

  ‘Is this you?’ I spat out eventually. ‘How do you know all this? Is it you who’s doing it all?’

  ‘Have you any idea what you’ve done to those poor women?’

  ‘Those poor women?’ I could hardly say the words. ‘Have you any idea what they’ve been doing to me?’

  ‘Janine and Ashley? You’ve stalked them in an effort to look like the victim.’ He shook his head. ‘Ruth, you could go to jail for this.’

  ‘None of it is true!’ I said and stood up. ‘It’s all lies. Someone is sending me messages, parcels, letters. Someone did do that to my car!’

  ‘You’ve done it all on the school computer,’ he said calmly, as if I was a child. ‘They couldn’t find the IP address of who posted that information on the animal rights group, but if they look on the school computer, they’ll find the VPN software you downloaded, won’t they? The software you had to download so you could post anonymously. It’ll all be on there. They just need a reason to search the school computer.’

  He held up his piece of paper and my heart picked up speed.

  ‘You saw how Ashley helped me, how quick she was to defend her friend. What do you think she’ll do to you when she knows you’re responsible for her living in terror?’

  I tried to swallow, but my throat was dry. ‘You see, because of your history, you’ve made it really easy for people to hate you. So, I’m here to offer you something else. You can either go it alone, and I tell Ashley and Janine exactly what you’ve been up to, which will include the police confiscating the school computer. I should imagine it would be immediate dismissal, then Ashley would press charges, which would inevitably result in some kind of jail time. You would lose your house –’ he ticked them off on his fingers as he said them ‘– your job, your money, your daft little cake business and your freedom.’ He smiled. ‘So Sam would come to me by default anyway, but it could take some time, or –’ he took a deep breath ‘– you let Sam come to me now, and I keep quiet. Forget what I know while you wipe clean the school computer and have time to clear your tracks.’ He shrugged. ‘Either way, I’m getting our boy. I just thought I should offer you this chance first.’

  I was silent. My heart thumping, the blood rushing in my ears. Outside a siren rang out and then disappeared in the distance.

  ‘How do you know all that?’ I asked quietly. ‘It’s you, isn’t it? The red Fiat last night, the texts, the letter, the slashed tyres. All that has been you, hasn’t it?’

  ‘Are you becoming paranoid again, Ruth?’ He faked concern. ‘Conspiracy theories again? Should we make an appointment with the doctors, get you on some antidepressants? Maybe get you checked out by a psychiatrist? Get you sectioned this time?’

  ‘I think you should leave now,’ I said, and could hear the panic in my voice. ‘Right now.’

  Will took a moment. ‘You’re going to do this? After what I’ve just told you?’

  I was silent. My heart was thrumming, my head pounding.

  ‘I’m going to leave and go straight to Ashley, you know that. She’ll have the police at your door within the hour.’

  ‘Get out,’ I said, and folded my arms tight to stop the shaking.

  ‘I’ll contact the social,’ he said, standing up, ‘tell them you’re mentally ill, tell them about your stalking and inventing a stalker of your own.’

  ‘GET OUT!’

  He stood a moment, then shook his head.

  ‘See you soon, Sam!’ he shouted. ‘Won’t be long, buddy, you won’t have to stay with the lunatic for much more.’

  We watched him leave, his car screeching in reverse. My mother was pale. She’d come beside me as I was screaming at Will to get out of the house. We’d not spoken a word.

  ‘Is it true?’

  ‘You were listening?’

  ‘Hard not to.’

  We took a moment.

  ‘He promised he was going to talk about an agreement for Sammy. He didn’t say any of that.’

  We stayed at the window. Will had left but we were frozen, looking out on the empty driveway.

  ‘The animal rights forum?’ she almost whispered. ‘Ruth, did you put a woman’s home address on there? Tell them to terrorise her?’

  I stared out of the window.

  ‘What did they do? Did they go to her house? Has she got children?’

  I didn’t answer.

  ‘And that other woman, the one whose husband you slept with. You told the papers she was employing paedophiles? Ruined her business? Has she got children?’

  ‘I did it for Sam,’ I said, and heard her sigh at the side of me.

  ‘Oh, Ruth,’ she said, and I felt myself prickle. ‘How could you stoop to—’

  ‘I did it for Sam, OK? Those women, they were terrorising me, slashing my tyres, sending me texts, they were—’

  ‘But didn’t you just say that was Will? How do you know it
was those women?’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ I told her, ‘they did things. They were—’

  ‘But to do that to them, to ruin their homes, their businesses—’

  ‘You don’t understand.’ I turned to her, rubbed my hands over my face. ‘I had no choice. I had to do it for Sam.’

  She stared at me and I looked away. I felt small, like I was child and had been found out.

  ‘Ruth—’

  ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ I snapped. ‘Right now I need to get to the school before he does. Before he talks to Ashley. I’m going to ring Gary, the caretaker. He owes me a favour, I’ll see if he can let me into school, then I’m going to clean up the computer of any evidence as best I can. Then I’m going to work out how Will knew all of that stuff and who told him.’

  ‘I don’t understand how you could do that to those poor women,’ my mother went on, ‘Ruth, what you did—’

  ‘For Sam,’ I said, grabbing my phone, ‘I did it for Sam.’ I went to the door. ‘Tell him I’ve had to nip out, for some food. Tell him anything. I’ll be an hour at most. Don’t open the door, don’t answer the phone and don’t let Sam out of your sight.’

  THIRTY-THREE

  My hands were shaking slightly as I drove. It was silly, but I hadn’t really done that much, had I? I’d used the school computer and confidential information when I should have been working. Yes, that was not allowed. I’d posted on a forum, but really, it wasn’t a war crime, was it? It wasn’t like Will was making out, like I’d committed some heinous deed that warranted me being sent to prison. Or how my mother made me feel. The way she looked at me.

  You couldn’t be sent to jail for posting some message online, could you? I thought about Ashley calling the police, her address on the forum, and I thought about my mother asking if she had children, and for a moment I remembered Sam’s panicked face when he saw our car. His wide eyes, the way he’d cried. Did Ashley’s children cry like that?

  I’d made phone calls to HMRC, to the paper, about Janine’s business. Rob had left her. There would be rumours that she employed paedophiles as tutors, not doing her criminal checks properly. I thought about her two daughters as I drove towards the school, how they’d be affected if her business went under, and my stomach churned.

  Gary hadn’t replied to my text and I needed to get to the computer before Will told Ashley and she contacted the police. I had no idea if what he said was right, if they would confiscate the school computer like I’d seen them do on the television crime dramas and go through it for evidence, but I couldn’t take the chance. I’d break into school if I had to and steal it myself.

  I put my phone on hands free and tried to ring Gary again as I drove. No answer. I was sweating. I tried another number. It was answered on the third ring.

  ‘Becca?’

  ‘Ruth,’ her voice had a flatness to it and I remembered that we’d fallen out. That she’d called my mother and told her what I did. That we were still in the thick of an argument.

  ‘Becca, listen, I really need your help.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘Please,’ I said, navigating the traffic as I begged. ‘I know we’re not really speaking, but I need to get into school. Now.’

  ‘It’s Friday night,’ she said with a sigh.

  ‘I know, but I need to get in. I’ve left something in my office and I can’t get hold of Gary. I’ve only got his home number, but have you got his mobile?’

  She made a funny sound, like she was finding it hard to understand me. ‘Why would I have Gary’s mobile? Ruth, what’s going on?’

  ‘I just need to get something from my office!’ There was a real urgency to my tone and Becca must have heard it.

  ‘Well, hang on, doesn’t the residential leave tonight? They’ll be in, the school will be open.’

  ‘Of course!’ I flicked on my indicator, ready to take the main road that would lead me to the school.

  ‘Ruth, are you all right?’

  ‘I will be,’ I told her. ‘It’s just Will, being an utter bastard. Come around later? I need to explain, to apologise and –’ I paused ‘– I need your advice. I think I might be in trouble.’

  ‘OK,’ her voice softened, ‘I can be at yours for about eight?’

  ‘Perfect.’

  It had started to rain, the kind of light shower that doesn’t look menacing until you’re outside and soaked in seconds. I was going through the city centre, the traffic painfully slow, and as I got to the quieter roads that led to the school, I could see cars parked everywhere. Parents lifting small cases out of cars and children dressed as if ready to climb up Mount Everest. A swarm of brightly coloured jackets and travel bags. It was perfect, a crowd of fussing parents, a mass of giddy children, all saying their goodbyes, all laughing and chattering. I could slip in and out without anyone noticing.

  I went into the school just as Gary was starting to lock up.

  ‘Won’t be a second!’ I said, running past him, ‘I just left something in my office!’

  ‘Two minutes,’ he shouted after me, and I shut the door behind me and switched on the computer, my hands sweating. I had no real idea how to wipe a computer hard drive, or what needed doing. I’d taken no notice of how to uninstall the VPN software when I’d downloaded it, I didn’t think I’d need to. I began by wiping all the history and cookies, then frantically did a search on how to uninstall the software. After a few minutes, I brought it up on the computer, right clicked and almost cheered when the option to uninstall the application appeared. I could’ve cried with relief.

  As I was waiting for it to uninstall, my phone pinged. A notification. I snatched it up quickly, imagining it was my mother, calling about Sam.

  You will lose everything. Stupid bitch.

  Now I knew Will was behind the texts, it was obvious. He was so stupid. Trying to insinuate that these were a figment of my imagination yet sending me another as soon as he could. I growled at the phone.

  Thank you for this text,

  I wrote back.

  It’s proof that you are pathetic. Fuck off, Will.

  I threw the phone on the desk. The computer was still doing what it had to and I stared at it, listening to the shouts from outside, while the panicky feeling built in my chest. Now that I’d thought of Ashley’s children, of those two girls of Janine’s, I couldn’t get the thought of them out of my head. Along with my mother’s face and her questions. Of all people, she should’ve been the one who understood, and yet she’d looked at me in such a way that I felt ashamed. I could hear someone crying outside, a child that didn’t want to go.

  There was movement behind the window, a shadow.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, getting up, ‘this part of the school’s closed … ’

  I went to the door and stopped when I saw him.

  ‘Thought it was you,’ he smiled, a full grin that showed his dimples. ‘You come to say goodbye? To see me off?’

  I closed my eyes. I’d completely forgotten that as the year five teacher, Glen would obviously be going on the residential.

  ‘I knew you’d forgotten,’ he said, coming towards me. ‘Can’t say I’m not disappointed. I’m only back Tuesday evening, remember? So if you’re not here for me, what are you here for? And where’s Sam?’ He walked into my office, brushing by me as he went. I could smell his aftershave, the faint polish from his hiking boots. ‘Ruth?’

  He was standing in front of the computer, the screen clearly showing the settings, the programs, the bar that detailed the progress of the software I was uninstalling.

  ‘What you up to?’

  I shook my head.

  He folded his arms. ‘The secretary, in her office at six on a Friday night, uninstalling software from the school computer.’ He tilted his head. ‘Have you been watching porn?’

  Under normal circumstances I would’ve burst out laughing, I would’ve found it funny. I registered that he was making a joke, but there was no humour in me.

 
‘Hey –’ he came over to me ‘– what’s wrong?’

  I opened my mouth to tell him, about all the evidence that Will had. How someone close to me must have told him. And then a wave of nausea washed over me as I realised who it was. The hurt so raw that it almost took my breath away.

  ‘It’s you,’ I said. ‘You’re the one who’s been telling Will everything about me. Helping him build up his case so he can take Sam away.’

  Glen was silent for a moment, and then: ‘Ruth, what are you talking about?’

  ‘Just admit it. Was it all lies? Everything you told me?’

  ‘Will? Your ex-husband?’ Glen shook his head. ‘I don’t even know him, wouldn’t know what he looked like.’

  ‘Is that why you got the job here?’ I pressed. ‘So you could find out things about me and report back to Will? It makes sense now, my life all began to unravel when you started working here. How do you know him? The rugby club, is that it? You and him good mates, are you? I’ll bet you’re even friends with Rob and Janine.’

  ‘Ruth –’ he came over and gripped me by the shoulders ‘– you’re making no sense. I haven’t been spying on you for anyone. I got the job because the agency told me there was a short-term vacancy at the school. What’s going on?’

  I took a deep breath. Searched his face. My stomach was a tight knot, my throat closed up and for a moment I wanted to lean on him. To crumble into his shoulder.

  ‘I just saw Will,’ I told him, ‘and he knows everything I’ve been doing and he’s going to use it to get Sam, to take Sam away from me. He’s gone to Ashley now, that solicitor. Someone has been helping him, and I thought it might be you.’

  ‘You think I might be a friend of Will’s?’ He frowned. ‘I have never met Will, wouldn’t know him if I fell over him.’ He paused. ‘And you think I came here so I could spy on you? Go to the trouble of getting a job, of getting to know you, of taking you out, all so I could report back to your ex-husband?’

  I stared at him – hearing him say it, explain it like that, made me sound paranoid. Will’s voice about my conspiracy theories loomed in my mind, the way he’d called me delusional, the way he’d threatened to get me sectioned.