Living in Your Hell

by Barb Shuler

  “Yes, thank you for coming in on this. These are my Deputies. Senior Deputy Charlie McKenna, Andrew Landry and Jackson Landry.” We all gave a slight head nod. Ridgewood was new to town, but we knew Krueger and Seabrooks.

  “Can you tell us what happened? What is it we need to gear up to do?” Ridgewood asked. Gabe nodded and looked between where I stood and where Shelby was talking with Doc.

  “What we’ve gathered is that our families, their wives and kids, were out for a morning at the park. Two of the children,” Gabe gestures to Kaitlyn, who was still curled up against my chest, “Kaitlyn and Deputy Landry’s son Taylor were either approached by a man or encountered him by straying out this far on their own. When the assailant was noticed, he ran. Kaitlyn and Taylor were left as one of the mothers chased after him. We arrived as that occurred, but he was lost about two hundred yards from here.”

  “Do you know the assailant?” Ridgewood asked.

  “Yes,” Shelby said as she came up to where I stood and curled into my other side. “He’s my... father.”

  “Ma’am,” Ridgewood said, nodding in her direction with a smile. “Why would your father be a threat to the children here?”

  “Because, my boy,” Doc said, moving in closer to our circle. He rested a hand on Krueger’s shoulder as he spoke. “My son is an abusive prick that's been in and out of jail since my granddaughter there,” he bobbed his head at Shelby, “was six. He's trying to prove a point.”

  “What's that?” Ridgewood asked?

  “That he can get to her. I'll tell you all now, I'll put a bullet in him myself before I let him hurt her again.”

  “Now, Doc,” Kruger started.

  “No, I mean it. He could have hurt anyone here today. Thankfully he didn't. I'm not sure what his endgame is… but either you stop him, or I will.”

  “Can we speak to…” Ridgewood nodded towards Kaitlyn. Shelby stiffened, but I nodded.

  “Lil bit, hey. Can these officers ask you a question?” I asked before kissing her head. She nodded and sat up, three of her fingers in her mouth. She was sleepy. I could see it as she sighed softly.

  “Hi cutie. My name’s Lieutenant Dan. I heard a man came up to you today?” At Kaitlyn’s nod, he continued, “Did he say anything to you? Do you remember?” He spoke to her with soft and steady words and I was proud that she met his gaze the whole time.

  “Him- him gibs me somstin fors Sheby. Him tates us hands and nots go,” she says and lays back against me. I shift her slightly. My anger was spiking again.

  “Easy, Charlie,” Drew said softly. He rested a hand on my shoulder.

  “Okay, thank you. You’re a brave little girl,” Ridgewood said, stepping back slightly. “Officer Kruger will get his K9, Hulk, out and we’ll get started.”

  “Can I take Kaitlyn and go now? We’ll go to the clinic with Papa. I- I don't want to be alone, not yet,” Shelby says.

  “Sure thing, honey,” Gabe says.

  “Want me to take you?” I ask, my fingers running along her back.

  “Please,” she says. I glance at Gabe. At his nod I relaxed a bit.

  “Okay, I'll be back soon. Doc, need a ride?”

  “No thanks, I've got my truck. Meet you both there,” he said. We said our goodbyes and I walked my girls to my patrol car. Within a few minutes we were at Doc’s, and it was killing me that I’d have to leave them.

  I will myself to do it, knowing we had an asshole to track down. He wouldn’t get away, not this time.

  15

  Nightmares Return

  Shelby - One Week Later

  You hear me, bitch?!” Daddy's hand hit Mama’s face so hard she fell over onto the coffee table. With a shriek I moved from under the end table where I had been hiding. Mama was bleeding, but when she saw me, her eyes blazed with anger. Her hand came out across my face.

  “This is your fault!” she roared as she swung again. I scurried away. My tears fell harder and I tried to get enough air inside me.

  The laughter of Daddy’s manic voice filled my ears as I ran to my room. I jumped onto my bed, clutched my dolly and rocked in the corner of my bed. My bedroom door flew open, the handle slamming into the wall. My eyes jumped up to see Daddy coming in, his belt in his hand. I screamed as he swung it out and caught my legs. I tried to get under the covers but I wasn't fast enough.

  He grabbed my dolly from me and pulled her head off, laughing as he dropped her into two pieces. He stumbled and I wished he’d fall and get hurt. He turned when he heard me cry out wanting my Papa.

  “Your Papa can't help you!” he screamed as his hand came down across my hip. I cried out as bone deep pain shot through me. I shook as I clutched at my body., trying to get the pain out.

  “Shelby, baby, come on, it’s me.”

  I shook as I tried to open my eyes. My tears blurred the darkness surrounding us. Then I heard it again. A voice I knew. One I trusted.

  “Come on, darlin’, open your eyes for me,” Charlie’s voice wrapped around me as my sobs escaped me again. This time I was safe, the fear would fade.

  I curled into his warm body and cried as I came back to myself. God, I hated these nightmares. They were getting worse, again. I tried to pull myself together. I wiped at my tear stained face. When my eyes cracked open it was daylight… when did that happen? Charlie was in a t-shirt. Covered in sweat and… he smelled like wood. I sat up and rubbed the last of the tears from my face.

  “Where…” I cleared my froggy brain by shaking my head, and met his worried gaze.

  “You're in bed, baby. I heard you start screaming. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Kaitlyn!” I started to panic. God, how could I have fallen asleep with her here with me?

  “Calm down. Kaitlyn is outside with Trevor, Peter and the boys. I wouldn’t let her come up. I wasn't sure what I'd find,” he said, closing his eyes with a sigh.

  “I'm sorry, I… God, I was so tired. I only laid my head down for a minute.”

  “It's okay, Kaitlyn has been helping me stack wood. It's just when you screamed you scared us all. I had no idea what was going on. I hate that you’re having these dreams again. I want to take them away,” he said.

  I clutched his shirt as I tried to get myself under control. If he heard me outside… Jesus. I took a deep breath and sat up, pushing away from him a little before I took his hand.

  “Kaitlyn- she needs to know I'm okay,” I said, giving his hand a squeeze before I stood up. His hand shot out and pulled me back to the bed. His body half pressed me into the bed, his gaze hard on mine.

  “I don't know what- I can't imagine what you went through, but I promise, as God is my witness, he will never touch you, or Kaitlyn again. I'll take this badge off and show him exactly what it's like to be hit on.”

  “Charlie-”

  “No, you listen to me. I love you more than anyone. You are mine, and I will protect what's mine-” he trailed off and I cupped his cheeks.

  “I love you, too. I don't want you to leave me. If you hurt him- Just don't. He's not worth it. My brain just has to catch up and get out of the darkness his presence brought back. I'm okay, honest,” I said the last word as his lips met mine.

  A few minutes later he pulled back with a groan. “Come on, if I don't stop-”

  I smiled and kissed his cheek as I sat up. “Later, lover boy. I want to go see Kaitlyn. I don't want to scare her any more than I already have.”

  “Okay, come on,” he said. His hand gave mine a tug and we headed downstairs. I knew I had red puffy eyes, but I didn't care. I couldn’t let the nightmare win.

  One Month Later

  Every time I walked into this building my heart thundered. It was as if I was walking to my death. I let out a shaky breath and smiled as Charlie opened the door to the courtroom. We’d been here a few times in the last couple of weeks with Kaitlyn. Jimmy - her no-good father - had been arrested, had his trial and a sentencing for the things he’d done. Only problem was, he wouldn't be rotting in jail a
s we all hoped. There was one good thing coming out of this though, Kaitlyn would be free of him. He'd signed his rights over to the state, which was why we were here today.

  I took in the people in the room and couldn't help the tears that made my vision blurry. Our family and friends were already here. I swallowed down my anxiety and the wave of emotions as we moved to sit beside our attorney, Maynard Taylor. He was Brayden Taylor’s father. Brayden owned the bar in town. One day he and Charlie were talking, and he said he'd talk to his father about the possibilities of Charlie and I adopting Kaitlyn. Let's face it, I loved this kid like she was mine.

  Kaitlyn was brought in by Dani Lynn, who was a liaison for social services, as well as a foster parent. Judge Smokes addressed us all and minutes seemed to tick by so slowly. When Kaitlyn was called up to the stand in front of everyone she looked like she was going to bolt. Dani Lynn bent down and spoke to her and with a nod she climbed up into the chair by the judge’s bench. She tugged at the floppy ear of her elephant, Bubbles, as the judge spoke softly to her.

  “Kaitlyn, can I ask you a few questions?”

  “Y-yes, S-sir,” she stammered. Judge Smokes glanced at Dani Lynn, who moved to sit on the edge of the box, letting Kaitlyn take her hand. That seemed to ease her nerves.

  “No need to be scared, sweetheart. Can you tell me how you like staying with Charlie and Shelby? Are they nice to you?”

  Kaitlyn’s face came up and she looked from us to the judge and nodded. “Dems bery nice to me. Dem not likes…” she trailed off and sniffled. Charlie squeezed my hand as I fought the urge to run over and scoop her up.

  “You like living there, with them?”

  “Yes.”

  “What would you say if I said you could stay with them from now on? You remember what I talked to you about earlier?” He asked, with a grin playing at his mouth.

  Kaitlyn nodded. “I lites dats bery muches. I lubs dem.” She looked directly into his eyes as she spoke and my heart swelled.

  “Well, I'm very glad you do.” He paused and then spoke again, “So without further ado, this court sees fit to grant full custody of the minor child, Kaitlyn Elizabeth Givens, to Charles Hunter McKenna and Shelby Rae McKenna, on this day, the 13th of June, 2016.” As the last words were spoken the Judge's hand ran across the papers before him. With a smile he looked out across the room at us and said, “Congratulations.”

  I jumped up as Dani Lynn helped Kaitlyn down. She ran to me. I scooped her up and hugged her tight. It wasn’t until she whimpered that I pulled back. “You smushes me.”

  My smile was so big it hurt. “I'm sorry, my sweet girl.” I kissed her cheeks and leaned back against Charlie as our family and friends came to our side.

  “Can- can yous be my mommy and daddy nows?” Kaitlyn asked out of nowhere and everyone got quiet. I looked up at Charlie and he smiled down at the little girl in my arms.

  “If that's what you want, lil’ bit. We’d love nothing more,” he said. I could see that he, too, was fighting his emotions. My tough guy wasn't all that tough after all. She thought about it for a minute and nodded her head, throwing herself at Charlie. I laughed as he embraced her and my heart completely melted. I hugged Papa as he came over to me. His arms squeezed me tight like he always did.

  “I'm so proud of you, Sweet Pea. You've overcome so much.” he said, looking over at Kaitlyn as she giggled in Charlie’s arms. “Now, you get to show that precious little girl what real love is. What it means to be a family.”

  “Oh, Papa,” I hugged him tighter and buried my face in his chest as my tears started to fall. He chuckled and pulled me back after a moment.

  “You gave us all something special today. I hope you and Charles know that. You gave us all a sweet baby to spoil and love on.” I chewed on my lip and grinned to myself.

  “I'm glad she has us all. You did the same for me once, if I remember correctly.”

  “I tried to, Sweet Pea. I'm so glad it all came full circle. I hate that you and that little one suffered for a time, but in your case it's made you the girl- the strong woman - you are now. Can't fault that.”

  I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You raised me right, that's all that's about.”

  “I habs ice cweams now?” Kaitlyn bellowed out and a few people laughed as she stared at Dani Lynn. Dani Lynn leaned in and stage whispered, which we could all hear.

  “You just sold me out, kid.” She kissed Kaitlyn’s cheek and grinned before straightening up and giving me a wink.

  “I promised if she was good and told the judge what he needed she could have ice cream so… looks like we’re having ice cream.”

  “Looks like we're all going to Mary Jo’s-” Papa started but was cut off by Dani Lynn.

  “No, everyone meet at our house. We have a freezer full of ice cream,” she chuckled. The doors to the courtroom burst open and Derek's flushed face moved over everyone, locking in Dani Lynn.

  “It's Colton,” he panted. “Mama Jay needs you now. Shelby, you too,” Derek panted out.

  “What happened?” Dani Lynn asked.

  He shoved the doors back open and growled out the words, “His father.”

  Everyone followed out after them. The other men couldn't go because of the abused women there. No sense in freaking someone out when they didn't have to, but Kaitlin wanted to go.

  “Baby girl, you stay with… your Daddy and Papa, I'm gonna check on Colton, okay? Then we’ll go have ice cream,” I said.

  “Noooo! I go sees Colson, too,” she whined as we made it to the car. I grabbed my bag from the trunk and traded my heels for sandals. With Charlie blocking me I pulled on a pair of shorts under my dress, then pulled the dress off. My camisole thankfully covered enough of me until I got my tank top on over it.

  “Uh, I don't know what's going on there, princess. I'll come back and we’ll see him later, okay?” She nodded and I gave Charlie a quick kiss. I grabbed my bag and climbed into Dani Lynn’s SUV.

  “Derek, start talking,” she said as my door shut.

  “His dad showed up. We shooed him off with threats of calling the station, but the minute Colton saw him on the monitors, the kid lost it. No one should be that afraid of a parent. Or anyone.”

  “Son of a bitch!” Dani Lynn cursed as she sped down the road.

  My heart thrummed as she pulled into the drive for the shelter. We jumped out and ran inside. I could hear the kid screaming as we got to the hospital wing of the center.

  My heart broke for him. I understood that pain, and fear.

  16

  It Can’t Be

  Shelby

  By the time Dani Lynn, Derek and I got to the Center, Colton was in a full blown panic mode. His lips were turning blue. His panic attack was going to kill him if he didn't get it under control. Kristol and Thor showed up only minutes later, along with Stella, Shayna and Mrs. Talbert - Shayna’s grandma. Mama Jay was sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around Colton as she spoke to him in a soft, calm voice.

  “You're fine, lil’ man. I gotcha. Mama Jay ain't lettin’ no one mess with you. You hear me? I gotcha. Come on, calm down for me.”

  “Here, let me through,” I said. I pulled out a syringe and held it out of sight. I knelt down and injected the mild sedative into his thigh. It took a good five minutes, but it worked. He calmed and his body lay slumped against Mama Jay as he cried. Thor took that opportunity to crawl up against them both and lick Colton’s face. He clutched the dog like his life was dependent on the dog’s presence and nearness.

  “He gonna be alright, Sug?” Mama Jay asked me, her brows wrinkled in concern.

  “I- I hope so. Derek said he saw his - that person on the camera? Was that all?” I hesitated to say “his father” just in case the meds didn't have him fully relaxed. Mama Jay looked haggard as she clutched him against her. Thor whined as Colton shifted in Mama Jay’s lap.

  “Good boy, Thor,” Kristol whispered as she crouched down and helped Colton sit up so Mama Jay didn't have
a hundred pound kid and a ninety pound Lab laying on her.

  “Yeah. He was up at the desk helpin’ me, ya know. He's always wantin’ to help, so I let him. All of a sudden a man walks up towards the front gate and he lost it. Took me five minutes to calm him enough for him to stutter out,” she mouthed the word “Daddy” and then continued, “The poor boy had an attack like none I’d seen before. I hollered for Derek, who was in Dani Lynn’s office, to go get help. I wasn't sure if he’d seized or what so I sat here on the floor until Derek got help here.”

  “Okay,” I said, standing.

  “Now what?” Stella asked as she looked down at Kristol, Mama Jay and Colten.

  “Can you get the guys into the conference room, and let them see what the danger is?” I asked Dani Lynn, who nodded. “We have to stop the threat and keep this poor kid from giving himself a heart attack, or worse.” I shuddered.

  “I agree,” Kristol said, her brows pulled together as she frowned.

  “He-he's c-coming f-for m-m-me,” Colten stuttered out in a sobbing breath. I ground my teeth and knelt back down beside him where he was now lying against Kristol’s side. I gently cupped his cheek and made him look at me, and everyone around us.

  “No, he’s not. We won't let anything happen to you,” I said.

  “Colton, sweetheart, no one can get in here unless we let them in. He won't lay a hand on you. I promise you that,” Dani Lynn said. I saw her exchange a look with both Derek and Stella.

  I chewed on my lip. I knew both Stella and Dani Lynn carried concealed weapons. Dani Lynn never left home without her gun - not after her own kidnapping a few years back. I was sure the same went for Stella since she was a bounty hunter. As Papa had said before, I was my own weapon. If I have to make an extra effort to be here more, I will. Anything to help him. We had to make this poor kid and everyone else around here feel safe.