Bitten & Smitten

by Michelle Rowen

  After a moment of silence she nodded and smiled patiently at me. “I told you to lay off the Anne Rice books for a while. And buying every season of Buffy on DVD? It was only a matter of time before you’d start thinking this way.”

  “No”—I shook my head—“this has nothing to do with any of that. Besides, those DVDs were on sale. But forget all that. I really am a vampire.”

  She smiled and nodded at me. “Whatever you say, Sarah.”

  Amy tended to be frustrating at the best of times, but this was just annoying.

  “Okay, I’ll prove it to you.” I bared my teeth. “Look. I have fangs.”

  She leaned closer to inspect them. “Cute. But Halloween was over a month ago. We shouldn’t leave the boys at the table much longer. They’ll end up eating all the bread.”

  I thought I was going to have to bite her to prove it. No, wait, there was a better way right in front of me. I grabbed her upper arms and moved her around to look in the mirror. When she stared at her reflection, that’s all she saw. Just her. Not me. She looked at herself, then turned to me. Then she looked at the mirror again. Then turned to me again.

  This went on for a while.

  Finally her eyes bugged out in shock.

  “See?” I said, feeling slightly triumphant that I’d finally gotten through to her. “What did I tell you?”

  Amy opened her mouth and started to scream.

  Chapter 17

  I clamped my hand over Amy’s mouth before she’d let out more than a second of the bloodcurdling sound.

  The door swung open and a gray-haired older woman entered the bathroom holding the hand of a little girl, about six years old, probably her granddaughter. She took one look at me, clutching Amy tightly from behind, and her eyes widened. A look of disapproval came across her features and she shook her head gravely at us.

  “Honestly,” she said. “I’ll never understand you lesbians.”

  She covered her granddaughter’s eyes and turned to leave.

  Amy strained to move and face me, my hand still firmly across her mouth. She said something, but it was too muffled for me to hear.

  “What?” I asked and removed my hand.

  “You’re a vampire.” Her eyes were wider than the bread plates at our table.

  I nodded. “Good to see you’re finally catching on. Now please don’t scream again. I’m not going to hurt you or anybody else.”

  She looked at me for a long moment, then ran into the closest toilet stall and locked it behind her.

  “Amy—”

  “Go away! Leave me alone!” Her voice trembled.

  I crossed my arms and paced around the small bathroom nervously. “There’s no reason to be scared. Seriously. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “Why did this happen? I don’t understand! Does this have anything to do with why you got fired? Did you try to bite Ms. Saunders?”

  I thought about that for a moment. “No.”

  Finger sucking and neck biting were two entirely different things. Finger sucking being the less disgusting of the two. Marginally.

  “Then what happened to you?”

  “Come out of there and I’ll tell you.”

  “No! Tell me first and then I’ll come out.”

  I let out a long sigh. “It’s all your fault, you know. You should be feeling bad instead of freaking out.”

  “My fault?” I saw her look through the narrow space at the side of the stall door.

  “Yeah. This whole thing is because you set me up on a date with Gordon Richards. He was a vampire and he bit me.”

  “You’re kidding! He seemed so normal.”

  I let the fact sink in for her without saying anything else.

  “That asshole,” Amy said, louder now, a bit of the fear and shock leaving her voice. “I’m going to kill him the next time I see him.”

  “Yeah. You do that.” I decided not to tell her that the deed was already done, and by her date, too. It might put her right over the edge.

  There was a long pause, and then…

  “So, are you trying to say that you’re a good vampire?”

  “Yeah. I’m a good vampire.” I paused. “Like Angel. With a soul and everything.”

  “But Angel wasn’t always good. Do you turn all evil when you have sex?”

  I rolled my eyes. In the name of all that was holy, I shouldn’t have lent her those Buffy DVDs. “You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. I’m good Angel. All the time.”

  I waited for another minute in silence.

  “Amy,” I finally said. “Are you okay in there?”

  I heard the toilet flush. Then the latch clicked and the door opened slowly. Amy peered out at me nervously. Her bottom lip quivered. “I’m so sorry I set you up with that jerk!” She staggered out and hugged me tightly.

  I patted her back. “Me too.”

  She sniffed, then backed away from me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! That’s not very nice.”

  “I’ve been hoping I could get back to life as usual before anyone noticed anything different about me. Unfortunately, it’s not turning out to be that simple.”

  “Why would you want that?” Her voice was getting stronger, and her wide smile was making another appearance. “My best friend is a vampire. I am so completely jealous.”

  “Don’t be. Trust me on that.”

  “So, what about Quinn?”

  “What do you mean, ‘What about Quinn?’ ”

  “Does he know?”

  I took a deep breath. “That’s one of the reasons I wanted to bring you in here to tell you. Quinn’s a vampire, too.”

  “Get the hell out of here!”

  “Wish I could. Long story short, Quinn used to be a vampire hunter. He even tried to kill me a couple of times. Then he got turned into one of us.”

  “And you two fell in love.” She sighed. “Oh, my God, that is so romantic.”

  “I’m not in love with him,” I said firmly.

  “But you two are so cute together. The wedding pictures would be amazing.”

  “Not enough of a reason to fall in love, I’m afraid. But there’s something else I have to tell you. Something bad.”

  Her breath caught. “What?”

  “Peter’s a vampire hunter.”

  She gasped. “But he said he was in pest control.”

  “Yeah, let’s put it together now, Amy. Pest control. As in killing vampires. They think vamps are evil, but take it from me on this one, we’re not. He’s the bad guy.”

  “Do you think he hurt his eye out hunting vampires?” Amy looked so confused that I felt sorry for her. It was usually hard enough for her to follow the plot of The Young and the Restless, let alone The Fanged and the Fashionable.

  “That’s the thing, Amy. I was the one who did that to his eye last week. I had to. He was trying to kill me, and I was just protecting myself. I haven’t seen him again until tonight. There’s no way he’s going to let me out of here alive. And to top it off, he has no idea that Quinn’s been turned. He just thinks that he’s still one of the boys. Ready to go out later tonight and do some more hunting.”

  “Peter tried to kill you.” Her voice was full of disbelief that her shiny new boyfriend would be capable of anything so unsavory.

  “Yeah.”

  “And you think he’s going to try to kill you again.”

  I shrugged. “He’s a vampire hunter. That’s what he does.”

  “But you’re my friend.”

  “I don’t think he sees things quite that simply, unfortunately.”

  “Well, that’s not good.”

  “Major understatement. I just can’t believe that out of all the guys in Toronto, you ended up dating him.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.” I sighed. “It’s not your fault. Just fate giving me a swift kick in the ass.”

  “So, what’s the plan?” she asked.

  “Plan?”

  “The plan to get you out o
f here safely.”

  “We’ll have to kill Peter,” I said.

  Amy gasped and put a hand to her mouth.

  “Kidding.” I patted her shoulder and tried not to laugh out loud at her reaction. Maybe I was evil, after all. “Just kidding. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I don’t know how to get out of here. There’s no way he’s going to let me go this time, after what I did to his eye.”

  Amy opened her purse and pushed through the contents. “I think I might have an idea.”

  There was always a first time for everything.

  “What are you looking for?” I said.

  “I know I have them in here somewhere. Oh, good, here they are.” She pulled out a bottle of pills.

  “Are those sleeping pills?” I suddenly imagined Peter curled up in a corner of the restaurant, dozing away while we safely slipped into the elevator. “Because that would be perfect.”

  “No,” she said. “They’re muscle relaxants. For cramps.”

  “Sorry to spoil your brilliant plan, but I don’t think it’s Peter’s time of the month.”

  She shook her head. “Trust me, they’ll do the trick.”

  “So you’re willing to drug your boyfriend to help me out? You are such a good friend.”

  She hugged me. “You’d do the same for me.”

  Would I? Yeah, sure, why not?

  “Peter will be mad at you after this. I don’t want to ruin your relationship.”

  She threw the bottle of pills back into her purse. “Forget it. Besides, this makes up my mind for sure that he’s not the one for me. My real Prince Charming would never mess with my best friend. Peter deserves what he gets.”

  We went back to the table. Quinn and Peter seemed involved in an intense discussion. They stopped talking as soon as we approached the table.

  “Everything okay?” Quinn asked as I sat down.

  “Peachy,” I said without looking at him. I was still fuming that he went out hunting last night.

  “Good.” He downed the rest of his beer.

  “We went ahead and ordered dinner,” Peter said. “Couldn’t wait forever.”

  “Speak for yourself,” I said under my breath.

  “Quinn and I were talking about what we should do after.” Peter was staring at me intensely. “Amy wanted to go dancing, but I’m thinking about something a little more intimate. I’d like a chance to get to know Sarah a little better.” He said my name like it was a four-letter word. “Maybe even introduce her to a few of my other friends.”

  That was so not going to happen. But I smiled at him, anyhow.

  “Only if they’re all as incredibly charming as you are.”

  The appetizers arrived. Peter had ordered salads all around, and had gotten himself an order of escargot. Amy would grab him and kiss him every so often to distract him as she slipped a tiny blue pill in with the snails. He tossed them back without even flinching. Quinn was too busy staring out the window or down at his refilled glass of beer to notice what was going on.

  When dinner was served, I picked at it nervously, noticing that Quinn did the same. I wondered if solid food made him throw up, too. I didn’t want to take the chance tonight. I had too many other things to think about.

  I glanced over to see Amy push a blue pill into Peter’s mashed potatoes. He scooped them into his mouth without a moment’s hesitation. What if Amy’s plan didn’t work? What was I supposed to do then? I attempted to make some kind of vampire telepathy happen between Quinn and myself, trying to get a message to him about a potential escape plan, but it didn’t seem that telepathy was one of my new talents. He was barely even meeting my eyes anymore.

  It would have to be something a little more out in the open if I wanted to get his attention.

  I jabbed him in the hand with my fork.

  “Ouch.” He snatched his hand away and finally looked at me.

  “What do you think about Peter’s plan?” I asked. “Meeting his friends after dinner. Do you think that sounds like a good idea?”

  “They’re my friends, too.”

  “And your point is?”

  “I don’t have a point.”

  “No, you really don’t.” I was so frustrated with him. Had he forgotten that he was a vampire, too? Or was he completely delusional? I’d almost believed it when he’d told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Obviously, he’d meant that he couldn’t stop thinking about ways to piss me off.

  I frowned and looked across the table at Peter. He ate his dinner with a vengeance. Hunting vampires must be hungry work. His finesse with the fork and knife didn’t show any sluggishness, no awkwardness that would hint at successful muscle relaxation. Did that mean the pills weren’t working? I didn’t know what to do next. He was going to take me to meet his friends, and Quinn was going to go along with it all, living “la vida denial.” I wasn’t happy with that plan at all.

  The waiter came to clear away the plates and took our dessert orders. I ordered a Spanish coffee. I liked things that reminded me of the trip to Mexico. It was like my shiny finish line. If I could just make it till then, everything would be okay.

  I tried to be patient while I sipped on my after-dinner drink and waited desperately for Quinn to stand up and defend me. To punch Peter’s lights out, or something. Anything would be nice, instead of sitting there acting like he was afraid to make waves.

  “Peter, I want to tell you something,” I said suddenly, desperate for a way out of this.

  He didn’t look up from his dessert—a multilayered slice of moist chocolate cake.

  “What?” he snapped, and I noticed he had a little chocolate icing on his black eye patch.

  “It’s very important. You could at least stop shoveling food into your mouth for half a second.”

  He pushed his plate away. “What.” It was a statement, not a question this time.

  I took a breath. “What I’m going to tell you is going to change everything.”

  He cocked his head to one side. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, it’s so.”

  “Then spit it out, darlin‘.” He hesitated and looked at Amy. “I mean, Sarah.”

  I glanced at Quinn. “It has to stay a secret.”

  “You have my word of honor.” He grinned at me. His word of honor was worth less than squat in my books. Squat minus twenty.

  I took another deep breath. Here it goes. “Quinn’s a vampire, too.”

  “Sarah!” Quinn knocked his water glass over, gaining us the momentary attention of a couple of neighboring tables. The entire restaurant went silent for a split second, but then the noise picked right back up again. He desperately tried to dry the tablecloth with his napkin, and looked at me with astonishment.

  “What in the hell did you say?” Peter hissed.

  “Vampire. Quinn is one. Just like me. Has been since the weekend. So that means if you’re planning on killing me, you’ll have to make it a two-for-one deal. It’s only fair, after all.”

  “I can’t believe you,” Quinn said, and his voice sounded strangled.

  “Believe it, buddy boy. I’m not going down alone.”

  Peter shook his head slowly with disbelief and then, after a moment, began to laugh. “You’re funny. But your lies won’t work on me.”

  “It’s not a lie,” Amy said. “She’s telling the truth.”

  He turned to her. “And let me guess, you’re a vampire, too?”

  “I wish!” She pulled her purse up to her lap and zipped it shut. I guess she was finally out of pills. Dammit.

  “Quinn,” Peter said, “say something to this bitch.”

  “I…” Quinn began. The look on his face was desperate. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “It’s not true, is it? It can’t be true.”

  “It’s true,” I said and put an arm around Quinn. “That’s why we’re together. Show him your fangs, honey. Yup, we’re vampires. Both of us. Vampire lovers, together for all eternity.”

  I kissed Quinn fully on th
e lips, then turned to smile widely at Peter, fangs and all.

  I watched Peter’s expression turn from confusion to rage as he stared at his old hunting buddy. He grabbed his steak knife, his one good eye full of fury. “That bitch did this to you. That bitch made you an evil bloodsucker.”

  Amy stood up and stomped her foot. “I won’t let you talk about my best friend like that.”

  “I’ll talk about her any way I damn well want to,” Peter snarled. “Quinn, I am sorry, I truly am. If you were me, I know you’d want me to do the same thing and end your life. Please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be.”

  Quinn was still in shock by what I’d said. I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty. In one sentence I’d basically screwed his life up beyond repair. But I only did what I had to do. Anything to take attention off myself. Unfortunately, it seemed like it was going to work in reverse. Peter’s attention was now fully on me, his rage multiplied by the thought I’d ruined his friend in such a monstrous way.

  “Please don’t tell my father,” Quinn finally said, his voice weak. “I beg you.”

  Peter raised an eyebrow at that and clutched the knife tighter. “I will only tell him that you died with honor at the hands of one of these evil creatures. It would be better for everyone that he never knows the truth. Now let’s go.”

  He rose to his feet. He was taller than I remembered, must have been at least six foot five. He was a tall, imposing man, built like a Mack truck, easily able to crush me with his bare hands as any good pest-control career man could do.

  He took a step toward us, and his legs crumpled beneath him. He fell in a heap to the floor, regaining the stares of the restaurant patrons. A waiter narrowly missed stepping on him as he went by with a tray full of drinks for a nearby gawking table.

  “What the hell?” Peter tried to brace himself against the table, attempting to get up but failing. “What the hell have you done to me?”

  Amy let out the breath she’d been holding. “Thank God. I didn’t think the pills were going to work. But I figured twenty of them should probably do something.”

  Quinn leaped to his feet, and I grabbed his arm to stop him from getting too close to Peter. “You poisoned him?”