Caroline's Purpose

by Erica Zaborac

  Connor looked out across the pasture, where a light breeze ruffled the yellowing grass, searching for the milk-chocolate mare. He found her by the large stock tank, using her nose to splash herself with the cool water. It was easy to see she had been at it for a while, as a large mud puddle had formed around the edges of the tank. Connor sighed and began the trek across the grass.

  “Hope you’re ready to get wet,” his dad chuckled as he prepared the vaccine.

  “Always.” Connor rolled his eyes. He walked to the edge of Dream’s puddle, then stopped. “Hey, pretty girl. Why don’t you come see me?”

  Dream lifted her head, nickering at him as she took a few steps in his direction.

  “That’s my girl.” Connor lifted his hand toward the mare, encouraging her to keep coming to him. But Dream had other plans and stopped to paw in the mud, splattering Connor from head to toe.

  “Ah, Dream! That’s not nice!” Connor yelled as he turned away.

  “I guess I should have said ‘hope you’re ready to get muddy,’” Greg managed to call out between his rounds of laughter.

  “Yeah, no kidding.” Connor wiped his face with the back of his hand. He felt hot air on the back of his neck and turned to see that Dream had come up behind him. She bounced her head up and down, as if she was eyeing her work with the mud.

  “You’re pretty happy with yourself, aren’t you?” Connor reached over the mare’s ears to buckle the halter. Dream snorted and rubbed her head on his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go.” Together they walked toward his dad.

  Weeks had passed since the memory of Emily had played out in his truck, but he still hadn’t been able to shake it, to shake her. He couldn’t seem to put a lid on that box, and walking Emily’s horse, covered with mud, brought back another scene of his sister. He blinked to stop the image forming in front of him and discovered the wetness that had developed behind his eyes.

  Connor cleared his throat, working to hide his feelings from his dad. But when he looked up, his dad’s eyes reflected the same emotion he was trying to hide.

  “You know what this reminds me of?” Greg reached out to pat the mare on her shoulder.

  “Her first cross-country practice with Em?” Connor guessed.

  “Oh, yeah. Em was so worried about whether or not Dream would go in the water. Little did she know she would leap in, paw like crazy, and soak both of them. Ever since then, this girl has always played in whatever water she could find.” Greg rubbed Dream behind her ears.

  “We all thought she’d hesitate, but no. She’d do anything for Emily.” Connor looked down at the ground as he spoke, pulling at a loose strand of string coming off the lead rope.

  “Yeah, she would.” Greg coughed. “Alright, sweet mare, time for a little poke. Then you can go back to your swimming hole.”

  Connor refocused on Dream, to make sure she held still while she got her shot. Dream didn’t even acknowledge the needle, enjoying the attention she was getting. “Such a perfect girl.” Connor leaned his forehead into her soft cheek.

  Greg disposed of the needle and syringe and turned back to the mare. “Yeah, she is pretty perfect.” He rubbed the mare in the center of her forehead with his fingertips, sending shedding white hairs from her long blaze into the wind. Dropping his hand, he turned to Connor. “She’s all set, and we’re all done. You can let her go.” He bent down to gather his clipboard and the plastic tote he’d brought the vaccines out with.

  Connor looked into Dream’s gentle eye and gave her nose one last stroke. “Have fun, little missy,” he told her, unbuckling the halter. He watched as Dream trotted right back to the water tank, noticing how her belly was widening, beginning to show the foal she would give birth to in another five months.

  “Dream is starting to get a baby belly.” His dad held the gate open for him. “She’ll be such a good mom.”

  “Yeah, she will. That baby should be pretty, too.” Greg clicked his pen closed and put it in his shirt pocket. “We’ve been busy the last couple of weeks. I haven’t had much of a chance to talk to you. How’s school? How’s the weanling class?”

  “School’s good, and the weanling class is great. By far my favorite class. Dr. Carnes is pretty cool, very knowledgeable. The horses and the farm are impressive,” he replied in one breath.

  “Do you like your weanling?”

  “Yeah, her name is Luna. She’s a thoroughbred, a little bit of a diva, which can be challenging sometimes. She’s put together really well. Here, I can show you.” Connor reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone. His finger slid across the screen as he went through his photos, searching for the one of him with Luna and Caroline they had taken in class last week. He tapped to make it bigger, then handed it to his dad.

  Greg studied the filly for a moment. “Wow, she is pretty. Look at her shoulder and her neck conformation. Just about perfect. I’ve never seen such a dark-black bay. Is that a crescent moon on her head?”

  “Yeah, I think that’s why they called her Luna.”

  “It fits her.” Greg examined the picture for another few seconds before handing the phone back to Connor with a wide grin on his face. “The girl is pretty too. Who’s she?”

  Connor felt heat in his cheeks even though he tried to control his reaction. “My partner for the class, Caroline Davis.”

  “Doug and Holly’s daughter?” Surprise clouded Greg’s expression. “I thought she quit horses after the accident?”

  “She did. From what I can tell, she hasn’t been around horses until this class started. I’m not sure why she’s taking it.”

  “Did you ask her? Or tell her who you are?”

  “No, I didn’t. On the first day of class, Dr. Carnes told me he partnered her with me because she has no prior experience. He wanted me to help her out. I figured if she’s lying about her past, she doesn’t need me asking too many questions, or telling her I know who she is.” Connor shrugged his shoulders, leaning back on the pasture fence.

  “I wonder why she’d lie, though.” Greg pinched his eyebrows together, as he moved to lean next to Connor.

  “It’s probably easier. Then she doesn’t have to explain to everyone what happened, or that she quit. I think she’s just trying to save herself from any pain the truth could cause her.”

  Greg nodded his head at Connor’s words. “How is she with Luna?”

  “She’s amazing,” Connor breathed. “I mean, when she manages to put her fear aside, she’s incredible. She’s a natural, and talented. I wish I had her instincts.”

  “You like her.” Greg elbowed Connor’s side.

  “I want to help her.” Connor ignored his dad’s lighthearted teasing. “She reminds me of Emily.” He dropped his eyes, studying the toes of his boots. “The other day, she got Luna’s halter on her for the first time. Luna started to fight her, but Caroline was perfect. She stayed with her, stayed patient. When I tried to compliment her on it, she wouldn’t take it. She told me it wasn’t her, that it was all Luna.”

  Connor heard his dad inhale and looked up to see his eyes. Greg blinked several times before he spoke. “Yeah, that sounds like Emily.”

  “I know, right? But she gets so worried, even when things are going just fine. I don’t know what to do for her.”

  “I think you just keep doing what you’re doing. Like you said, there’s a reason she’s hiding. Just be her friend, be supportive.”

  Connor sighed. “It doesn’t feel like enough sometimes.”

  Greg grasped Connor’s shoulder. “Well, there is one other thing you can do. The most important thing. We can even do it right now.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We can pray for her.” Greg closed his eyes as Connor nodded in agreement and followed his dad’s lead. “God, we want to lift up Caroline to You. You know the journey she has been on to bring her into Connor’s life and to the weanling class. Please show Connor how to be the friend she needs.” Greg paused, collecting his thoughts. “And Lord,
if You could, say hi to our Emily for us. We miss her, and we’ve been thinking about her a lot today.” Greg swallowed. “In Jesus’s name, amen.”

  “Amen,” Connor echoed as his dad squeezed his shoulder. He lifted his lips in a small smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Anytime, buddy. Come on, your mom is probably wondering where we are.”

  They walked in silence past the barns to the winding stone path that led to the house. They climbed the steps to the white porch, and Connor fingered the vines of ivy that wrapped around the railing. The creaking screen door announced their presence as Connor followed his dad inside.

  “Greg? Connor?” his mother’s voice called from the kitchen.

  “It’s us.” Greg sat down on the bench in the entryway to take of his boots, scooting over to make room for Connor to join him.

  “Connor Jacob!” Jessica Taylor gasped. “Don’t you even think about taking another step into this house like that! What happened to you?”

  Connor froze, confused by his mom’s tone. His dad started laughing, and Connor switched his eyes back and forth between his parents. Jessica was squinting at him, moving her glare from his shirt to his pants.

  “Dream happened.” Greg stood up, put an arm around his wife with a quick kiss on her cheek, and joined her in staring at their son. Connor looked down and remembered he had taken a mud bath.

  “Oh, right. Dream thought I needed a mud facial, but she didn’t stop at just my face.” He grinned at his mom. “I’ll go straight to my room to change. It’s pretty much dry. I don’t think I’ll get it on anything.” Before she could send him out to the barn to hose off and change in the wash rack, he bolted up the stairs.

  “You better not! Or you’ll be scrubbing the floors!” Connor could hear her laughing through her threat.

  The door to his room shut with a click. Squeaking open the door to his closet, he found a clean t-shirt and a clean pair of jeans. He peeled off the muddy shirt and pants and pulled on the new ones. Gathering the dirty stuff up in his arms, he examined the floor, making sure no dried mud had been left on his carpet.

  Once he was sure the floor was clean, he stood and headed with his muddy mess to the washing machine. His eyes fell on a picture of his sister and him with Dream, after their first competition together. The blue ribbon clipped onto Dream’s bridle matched the shining blue of his sister’s eyes. She had the largest smile on her face. Connor had been so proud of them, and his smile was just as big.

  He tore his eyes from the picture and forced himself to walk down the hall, away from the reminder of how life could change as quick as a lightning strike. Away from the ache of missing Emily.

  He couldn’t do anything to bring Emily back, to make more memories with her. All he could do was remember her and treasure the connection they still had through Dream. Putting his clothes in the washer, he realized there was one other thing he could do to help keep his sister with him.

  He could help Caroline overcome her fear and face whatever truth she was hiding from.

  Eight

  The pattern was simple enough. Four orange traffic cones were laid out in a straight line. All Caroline had to do was walk Luna from cone one to two, trot her from two to three, walk from three to four, then halt and back up five steps. It was an easier practical than she had been picturing. There were no turns or other requirements that would make it tricky. But there was one thing that had kicked her anxiety up a few notches, one thing that would make Luna, and all the babies in class, much more likely to misbehave.

  The wind was blowing twenty-five miles an hour.

  Caroline’s shirt whipped around her as she worked to keep her eyes open through the dust to see Connor and Luna. Connor was up next to do his practical. His light-brown hair flipped over his head as the wind pushed against it. The muscles in his forearm were taut as he led Luna around at the walk, pausing every few moments to ask her to halt and back up. The filly was doing her best to stay focused, but the spooking and spinning antics of her friends were making it difficult for her.

  “Connor?” Dr. Carnes looked up from his clipboard as Laura finished her pattern with Rebel. The colt was going through a growth spurt and towered over the other weanlings. As Connor passed Laura and Rebel, leading Luna to the first cone, a gust of wind knocked it over. Rebel squealed and leapt up off the ground, kicking his hind legs behind him at the cone. Luna spun in response, afraid that the large colt was coming after her.

  “Whoa, Luna, you’re alright.” Connor tightened his grip on the lead rope and circled the filly. As Rebel arched his neck and pranced away from her, Luna stopped, but kept her head high and her eyes on Rebel. Caroline reminded herself to breathe.

  “Connor, you can have a minute if you want. Make sure her attention is back on you.” Dr. Carnes moved to reset the cone.

  “Thank you.” Connor turned and walked Luna a few steps, then asked her to trot. She did everything he asked. He turned her back and made eye contact with Caroline.

  “We’re okay. Nothing like a little wind to make things a bit more interesting.” Stopping Luna next to Caroline, Connor smiled at his partner.

  Caroline studied Connor’s eyes but found no trace of the fear or concern she was feeling, even after what had just happened. She pressed her lips together and nodded her head, the one way she was able to acknowledge that Connor had spoken to her. Luna pulled against the lead rope to reach for Caroline. Caroline stiffened but lifted her hand to stroke the filly on her nose.

  “Ready, Connor?” Dr. Carnes clicked his pen as he wrote Connor’s name on the practical rubric.

  “Be good, little one.” Caroline whispered as she dropped her hand. She crossed her arms over her midsection, locking her eyes on Connor’s back as he led Luna a few paces away from where they had been standing. He gave Luna one last sideways glance before he looked straight ahead and began the pattern.

  Luna walked from the first cone to the second like an angel. Her steps were in sync with Connor, the hold on the lead rope light, as it should be. As they reached the second cone, Connor increased his speed, prompting the filly to trot. She bounded forward, her tail arching over her back as another gust of wind kicked up the dust. Connor steadied her and continued on with the pattern. They went back down to the walk, stopped, and backed up, finishing the practical without any extra excitement. Connor rubbed Luna on her shoulder, praising her for staying with him throughout the practical.

  “Well done, Connor.” Dr. Carnes looked up at Caroline as he spoke. “I have five to go, then it’ll be your turn, alright?”

  Caroline’s throat went dry as she opened her mouth to respond to her teacher. Again, no words formed, but she managed to nod her head once. Dr. Carnes turned to call on the next student as Connor brought her Luna.

  You can do this. Just breathe. She clenched her fists together, trying to steady herself before she took the lead rope. As her fingers touched the cotton, her stomach dropped, and she thought she might throw up.

  “Hey, are you okay? You’re as white as a lily.” Connor kept one hand on Luna’s lead.

  “I’m not sure I can do this.” Caroline gulped as she stared down at her boots.

  “I think you can.” Connor placed his hand on the back of hers, forcing Caroline to look up at him. “Just walk her around for a few minutes before you have to go. I’ll be here if you need anything.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes. You’ll be fine. Don’t even think about the wind, alright? Just think about leading her. It’ll be great.”

  “Alright, I’ll try.”

  “Thatta girl.”

  Connor let go of the lead as Caroline took Luna. She ran her fingers through her short black forelock and took a deep breath, pushing the air out of her mouth in a rush. She turned and led Luna a few yards away before she asked her to halt. She pivoted around to face the filly and asked her to back up. Luna listened to the cue, doing what she was told without hesitation. Caroline took another deep breath as she asked her to t
rot. Again, the filly sped up without misbehaving.

  Caroline slowed her step and walked back to Connor. He was smiling at her, but she wasn’t feeling enough relief to smile back. She still had to get through the practical. She still had to deal with the wind.

  “That was perfect. I told you it would be fine.” Connor rubbed Luna’s crescent moon as he looked at Caroline. Caroline wished she could feel the confidence that shone through his rich brown eyes.

  Another gust came through the field, whistling through the grass and vibrating the wires of the field fencing. Caroline tensed as Luna did, but the filly stood still. Caroline gazed at Connor with doubt.

  “See? She didn’t do anything. The only reason she did earlier was because of Rebel. And besides, she got it all out of her system with me.” Connor shrugged his shoulders and grinned at her.

  “I hope so.” Caroline lifted one side of her mouth, trying to joke back at him.

  “Caroline? Are you ready?” Dr. Carnes searched the pasture.

  She nodded her head. “Here goes nothing.” She led Luna toward the first cone.

  Connor fell into step with her. “Remember what I said, don’t think about the wind. Lead her like you just did and it’ll be over before you know it.”

  Caroline didn’t answer as she focused on the cone getting closer with each step. Just one foot in front of the other. That’s all we have to do.

  That thought carried their steps to the second cone. Just as Caroline began to ask Luna to trot, the wind howled, lifting Luna’s mane straight off her neck. The filly’s head went straight up in the air as she screeched to a halt. Caroline turned, finding Luna’s gaze locked onto something behind her. The whites of her eyes showed around the black, expressing fear. Caroline looked to see what she was staring at.

  The dumpster across the parking lot had blown open. Pieces of trash were racing through the air. A plastic shopping bag was rattling its way straight for Luna.

  Caroline froze as the bag dove down and crinkled against Luna’s hind legs. The filly spun around. Caroline gave the rope a quick tug, but it was too late. Luna reared, standing up on her hind legs, pawing the air inches above Caroline’s head with her front hooves.