It's just for a couple of days, Nicole thought as she tried to will her insides from feeling as if they'd fall out of her. She tried to ignore the slightest twinge of separation anxiety that decided her belly was a splendid area to colonize. Loneliness was already trying to nip at her insides, pressing her to miss Danny before she was even two blocks away. She was plagued by wishes for the trip to end already, but she continued onward.
"I guess this is what happens when you live with someone for a couple of months and they don't get on your nerves." Nicole smiled.
Fleetingly, she reflected on living with Danny. They shared wonderful meals, conversation, recreation, and relaxation time. Danny introduced her to all sorts of good music and helped her gain a better understanding of how to joke around and how to be playful with someone that she hadn’t known for half of her life.
She didn't have to worry about picking up after Danny. She didn't have to worry about money missing; most of the time, she almost had to kick Danny in her bad leg to get her to take money for groceries, dry cleaning, and other chores. She didn't have to fret over coming home and having to cook. Danny took care of the house and household chores. It was the first time that Nicole had ever lived with someone like that. It's such a relief. Ever since Danny, I don't feel worn out when I come home and I don't have to worry about the house.
***
Dane was lying on her back on the sofa. Music was playing, but she wasn't really listening to it. Her arm flung over her eyes, her mind focused on nothing but the stillness around her. She felt the quiet underneath the music. The emptiness that surrounded her and crept closer to her to devour her and she was almost willing to allow that. It's only a couple of days, and then Nick'll be back and everything'll be fine.
"Since when do I give a shit."
Once upon a time, she remembered that nothing mattered. There was no such thing as loneliness. There was no such thing as caring. There was only emptiness. A different emptiness than this, one that suited her just fine…once upon a time.
"Fuck," Dane snarled, tearing herself off the couch. She changed her clothing, marched out of the house, and took off on her bike toward the city.
It was past midnight when she showed up in a club. She got a backbreaking hug from Ares and staggered into the smoky area full of moving bodies and pulsing music. She found a corner to settle into and listened to the band play, nodding her head with music. She glanced to her side when she felt a presence. She was expecting Crow, but was pleasantly surprised by who was there.
"Hey, Stace," Dane said in a smooth tone. She wrapped her hands around the slim waist of the petite, young woman next to her. She had long, flowing black and brown hair and coffee colored skin with a rounded nose.
"Hey, Wolfie," Stace replied as she molded herself against the tall, solid form of the former musician. She closed her dark brown eyes and settled her head against Dane's shoulder.
This was actually how they met. On Dane's third night out a couple of weeks ago, she was minding her own business and listening to music. Stace came out of nowhere and parked herself on Dane's lap. The outrageous behavior didn't get to Dane and she had just continued what she was doing, so Stace had gone a step further, resting her head on Dane's shoulder. Stace had refused to move until Dane not only paid her some mind, but also held a conversation with her. That boldness captured Dane's attention, and the fact that Stace was new to the scene was enough for Dane to see if they could be more than friends and also more than fuck buddies. She was tired of using women for sheer physical pleasure and being used as a sexual object.
Though the relationship had barely started, Dane was already beginning to consider it a mistake. Nicole had been pushing her to get something that resembled a life and she was willing to try because of Nick. That in and of itself was bizarre, but she didn't consider why. She just continued to try, so she tried with Stace since the woman was interested in her. It didn't hurt that Stace was gorgeous and didn't really know who Dane was.
"You've been being good without me?" Dane asked, running her hand along the thick thigh settled on her legs.
"You know I have. I was waiting for you, hoping you'd show up. You know how I much I miss you, babe," Stace cooed and gave Dane a quick peck on the lips.
Dane resisted the urge to roll her eyes and let any negative feelings be washed away, purified by the music. She pressed Stace closer to her, reminding herself that someone was there. It's not an "old" someone. This was someone new, someone that she was willing to give a chance because Nicole thought that she needed to give people a chance. Someone that could be much better than the "old someones" as long as I give Stace a chance.
"Wanna go for a walk?" Dane suddenly proposed. It seemed random, but she was proving to herself that Stace was someone new. Someone old would never want to go for a walk unless it involved Dane finding them a room somewhere with some decent drugs and alcohol; much of the time, a bed wasn't even a requirement. She hoped a nice stroll would lead to a conversation, getting to know each other, finding out that they actually enjoyed one another's company, and they could build something from there.
"I would love to." Stace smiled radiantly.
The couple exited the club before anyone else noticed Dane. They wandered around the city with Stace holding onto Dane, who had her arm around Stace's waist. They were silent for a while, which Dane appreciated. Usually, women liked to talk her ear off, filling the air with conversation that lacked depth. She understood they were trying to get her to open up, but that had never been her style, not now and not when women were throwing themselves at her. The only woman that got her to open up was Nicole.
"Dane, you know, some of your old friends were telling me you used to play the hell out of a guitar. Do you really play?" Stace asked.
"Used to. Don't anymore. Why're you talking to my old friends?" Dane countered with a tense smile. The expression was forced; these smiles didn't come as effortlessly as when Nicole was present. She focused on the fact that Stace was poking around about her, which she disliked.
"Well, whenever you're not around, a lot of girls always bug me about why I get to be with you, even though I don't know who the hell you are, so people like Crow come help me out. It wouldn't happen if you were around more," Stace teased right back and patted Dane's flat stomach.
"Has Crow talked to you?" That didn't sound like Crow's style, but Dane wasn't willing to put anything past anyone anymore.
Stace pouted, sticking her bottom lip out. "No, she won't talk to me much. Other girls talk, though. I'd rather hear it from you, but they filled me in on some things."
There was a nod. "They told you anything else?"
"Just that you're famous."
Dane nodded. She was famous…kind of, anyway; she was a local star, she supposed. She was popular enough to pack any club that she or her band played and sell enough homemade CDs to keep up a lavish, drugged-up, hedonistic lifestyle. There had been managers, talent scouts, and other people in the music industry that pretty much threw everything she and her band could ever want at them to coerce them into a contract. But that was another lifetime. She just couldn't get her so-called friends to believe that. They were trying so hard to tug her back into things and make her who she used to be. They ignored her silent resistance. Even Crow went on about it almost endlessly, seeming to think that Dane was happier when she was a rock star. They wanted her to be that person; a person that she knew was dead.
The one thing that Dane would give Crow was that the Goth woman seemed to know her happiness went beyond the local stardom. Crow knew her joy came from playing music. Unfortunately, she didn't know that Dane couldn't play the way that she used to, so she pressed the issue just like all of the other fans and groupies.
"You used to play in a really good band and then you disappeared."
"Yeah, that sums up my life pretty good."
They continued walking on, silence reigning again. The next time that the quiet was broken, it was actually by Dane. She
started pointing out clubs that she used to play at and how they were. Stace hung onto her every word, even when she suddenly switched from talking about herself to all of the musical talent that those clubs and buildings had seen. Dane knew plenty about the music scene of the city, past and present. Music was her life and she respected it immensely.
"It's getting pretty late. I should get you home or at least back to your friends." The sun was sneaking into the sky, greeting them with another beautiful day. It'd be a much better day if Nick were back.
Stace pouted briefly, but straightened up. "Okay. Can I call you later?"
"I'll call you."
Stace's pout returned. "You never let me call you, Dane. I know we haven't been dating that long, but I want you to treat me like your girlfriend. I want this relationship to go someplace." Deep brown eyes shone with hope and sorrow.
Dane sighed and ran her hand through her unruly locks. "You make a point." She could hardly call herself in a relationship if she were treating Stace like they were sneaking around.
"So, can I call you? Or better yet, can I come by your place? I want to see where you live." Stace bounced on her heels, smiling from ear to ear.
"Uh…" Dane hesitated momentarily, thinking how troublesome that could be. If something went wrong, it wasn't her place where they'd go wrong. But, Nicole was the one that wanted her to have human interactions and she was trying to believe that her interactions could be meaningful. She just needed to try, like Nick wanted her to. "I guess…" she mumbled.
"Great. Could we just go now? I've got a car," Stace offered with a grin so overjoyed that her whole being seemed to glow.
"Nah, come by later. I need to get some sleep and shower and shit like that." Dane ignored the fact that she didn't feel much excitement from the idea of Stace coming over to the house. Maybe the lack of enthusiasm was from the fact that she was out of the habit of being with a woman. It had been over a year since she was sexually involved with anyone, and she hadn't cared that much about that woman when she was with her.
"Oh, right. Me, too."
"So, let's get you back to your car."
***
Dane was awoken by the sound of the doorbell chiming. It was now a normal bell again, but she had been eyeing some other tunes she thought would fit the door. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, shuffling to the door. She wasn't surprised to find Stace standing in front of her.
"Good afternoon, Wolfie." Stace leaned in to give Dane what she felt was a proper greeting— a deep, open mouth kiss. She got her way for about one second.
"It certainly is a good afternoon. Now, get in here before the conservative neighbors see you and try to hang us on the lawn," Dane joked, yanking the petite woman inside. She gently shut the door as Stace let loose a long whine.
"I'm not too early, am I? I know you said that you were probably going to sleep late, but I really wanted to see you," Stace explained quickly, speaking rapidly and leaning against Dane's body. The ex-musician arched an eyebrow because of how hastily Stace was talking, but she didn't think a whole lot about it. Stace was often frenetic.
Dane shrugged. "It's okay. I would've slept until you showed up no matter what."
"Oh, okay. I brought us some lunch and beer." Stace grinned and presented her bounty, which was in a plastic bag. Dane paused again and regarded her girlfriend, trying to determine if Stace was being her usual hyper self or if she had help in that department. She didn't appear under the influence, so Dane brushed it off.
"Cool." It certainly was cool that Stace brought food since Dane had no intention of cooking. She didn't feel like it and doubted that she would've changed her mind, even if Stace was hungry.
Dane went to go put on something more appropriate to entertain company, which meant putting on a plain white t-shirt over her tank top. Stace gazed around the house, bounced on her heels.
“This place is really, really nice, “ said Stace.
“Yeah, well, it’s not mine and we’re going to treat it with the utmost respect.”
Stace nodded her assent. They ate lunch after Dane put on some alternative rock; Stace drank a beer with her meal and Dane had water. Stace retired to the couch when they finished and Dane joined her after washing the dishes. Stace parked herself on Dane's lap immediately, straddling her waist. Dane bit back a wince as the girl made herself comfortable on Dane's bum leg, putting pressure on her ailing knee. Dane didn't say anything, but she wondered why it was no one on Earth noticed that she had a messed up leg aside from Nicole. The limp was pronounced enough for people to see it whenever she walked. She suspected Crow might have noticed because every now and then she spotted the Goth woman staring at her leg. Crow never said anything.
Stace leaned in and crushed her lips against Dane's, ravaging the taller woman's mouth. Dane followed Stace's lead and went with it. She could feel the smile that Stace was sporting before Stace parted her willing lips with her tongue. Stace moaned from immediate contact while Dane tried to force her mind to stay focused on the task at hand and not think about how she'd rather be sleeping than making out.
Dane tried to scold her brain. How could I prefer sleeping to having a beautiful woman in my lap willing to put her tongue who knows where? Why does it feel the same as it used to—bland, forced, and like I couldn't give a fuck less? I might as well hit it and quit it the way I feel right now. Stace was supposed to be different, so things should be different, she reasoned. Instead, things were the same—hollow and insipid.
Before Dane could get anymore philosophical with herself at such an inappropriate moment, she felt something small and round touch her tongue. Her mind jumped to an instant conclusion and her body reacted with a jump of its own. She leaped off the couch to her feet, dropping her girlfriend to the floor in the process. She spit out whatever was in her mouth and watched it roll under the end of the long, curved sofa.
"Dane," Stace whined with a pained tear in her eye. She rubbed her hip, which had hit the coffee table before she ended up on the floor.
“What the fuck was that." Dane pointed to the discarded item under the couch.
"Just a little X. I heard you really like Esc—"
"Fuck!" Dane ran off as if her whole body was on fire. The walls shook when she slammed the bathroom door.
Dane paced back and forth in the bathroom. The only noises in the room were her bare feet softly hitting against the floor tiles and her heavy breathing. She stopped when she got to the counter the fifth time and stared at herself in the large mirror. Her eyes were wide and she was trying her best to tell if her pupils were dilating.
Quickly, she turned on the water and shoved her hands into the freezing cascade. She wasted no time splashing herself in the face three times. She rested her shaking arms on the sink and watched herself with anxious grey eyes. Her breath started coming in pants and her heart raced.
"You're okay. You're okay. You didn't swallow it. You're okay. You're okay. You didn't swallow. You're okay. You are okay, dammit." Dane chanted over and over. She wasn't sure why she was panicking so much, but she found that she really didn't want to break her sobriety.
Crumbling to the floor and throwing her hands over her head as if to protect herself, she continued her chant. Eventually, she picked herself up, rushed to the toilet, and forced herself to vomit more than once. Rinsing her mouth out, she returned to staring at herself in the mirror.
"You're okay. You didn't swallow it. You're okay. You're okay," she promised herself.
Her chest heaved as she continued to pant and wait for signs of being high. She wasn't sure if she was feeling effects of the drugs or if it was her trepidation, but she didn't move. She wasn't sure how long she had been in the bathroom, pacing, washing her face in cold water, and throwing up in that order several times. Slowly, her ears started picking up noises outside over the rush of the faucet and the bathroom fan. The sounds drew her attention from her own plight to wondering what was taking place in the rest of the house.
&n
bsp; She strolled to the door and could feel music slamming against the walls; the bass was thumping so heavily that it vibrated through her bones. She tore out of the bathroom to be greeted by loud rock and louder voices. Her mind screamed, Oh, Hell no. There better not be a party going on.
"Hey, Dane," an obviously intoxicated male greeted her, huffing his alcohol charged breath into her air. She didn't know him and she didn't know what he was doing trying to go further back into the house. She didn't hesitate to grab him by the collar.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Dane demanded.
"Party on the Great Dane Wolfe." He howled like a canine.
"Shit. Who said there was a party?" she inquired, shaking him silly just for doing what used to be her signature cry.
"I dunno."
Dane flung him aside without caring if he was all right or not, and bolted out to the foyer. There were people wall to wall, talking, dancing, and doing so much more than that; if they were outside, they would've been arrested for lewd behavior. Cups, cigarettes, and other less-than-legal contraband were being exchanged. If it were possible, Dane's eyes would've fallen out of her head and rolled across the floor. Her jaw would've been on the floor with her tongue rolled out like a red carpet.
"Stace." Dane called out, instinctively knowing that her girlfriend was responsible.
"Wolfie, sweetheart." Stace threw herself against Dane and eagerly pulled her into the crowded living room. The way that she was tugging on the taller woman let Dane know that Stace was wired. Her energy was much too familiar now for Dane not to know that Stace was as high as the sun in the sky.
"Stace, what the fuck is the deal with all of these people?" Dane demanded with a tight scowl on her face.
"Since you didn't like the X, I made a call to get you something else. My friend brought a gift for you and a couple of people came with her." The hyper woman looked like she might rocket right out of her shoes.
Dane motioned angrily around the house. "A couple of people? This isn't a couple of fucking people."
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