All words died in Dane's throat when she saw what was on the coffee table. Stace's grip on Dane's body tightened and her bouncing became more pronounced; it was shocking that she wasn't a blur yet.
"That's my gift." Stace grinned.
"Coke?" Dane felt her chest grow tight and heavy. She wasn't sure if she would breathe ever again. "How much fucking coke is in this house right now?" She saw five lines waiting for her. There was no way that coke would still be waiting for her if the guests didn't have drugs of their own.
"It'll help relax you since you didn't like the ecstasy," Stace explained, missing the musician's hostility altogether. She was still smiling like the cat that got the cream and pressing herself against Dane like they were glued together.
"I don't do drugs anymore and I don't want drugs in this house. Everybody get the fuck out." Dane roared. The party paused, everyone looked at her as if she was joking before they went back to partying.
"Wolfie?" Stace yelped. The ex-rocker knew the shock came from the fact that Stace listened to everything that she heard from other people about Dane.
Dane snarled like a mad dog and moved to get everyone out of the house. She wasn't going to stand for illegal activities going on in Nicole's home, nor was she going to stand for people disrespecting Nicole's home. She acted like a woman possessed and literally began throwing people out of the house. Yelps, groans, and even some screams accompanied bodies as they soared over the porch and into the front yard.
The music stopped and the crowd thinned as the sun made its nightly descent. It took a couple of hours, but Dane was able to empty out the house of most of the people, especially since almost no one wanted to leave under their own power. Of course, she got plenty of resistance and was cursed out more times than she liked, but she didn't give a damn.
"Dane, dude, you owe me a little bit for my goodies, you know?" a woman commented as she hung on Dane's shoulder.
"Fuck." Dane sucked her teeth. "Cam, shoulda known you were supplying this shit. What the hell do I owe you?"
"Well…" An impish smile settled onto Cam's face as she leaned onto the former musician. A price was whispered in a copper-toned ear.
"Shit." Dane rubbed her face. "Stace."
"She left already. Cursed you out on the way if I'm not mistaken. Said you weren't as fun as everyone claimed you were. Guess she wanted the goddess of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll, like everyone does," Cam purred, running her fingers across Dane's jaw.
"Get the fuck off me. I'm not that bitch anymore and you all need to get that shit through your hard fucking heads," Dane growled, moving out the woman's grip. She couldn't look more disgusted if she tried, but that didn't affect the other woman.
"I think you just need the right woman to ease you into it. Not some little girl like Stace that calls me crying because you ran out on her and she doesn't know what to do to impress you. You need a woman that knows exactly what to do. A woman willing to do anything…" A sexy smirk and a dangerous wink followed her statement.
"Fuck anything. I don't do that shit anymore and I don't want to do that shit anymore, not with you, not with anyone." The scene was phony and dishonest. She refused to deal with it anymore.
"Fine. Be that way for now, but we both know you'll be back. You like me too much, Dane. So, when do I get my money?" Cam inquired, her hip cocked out to the right.
"Tonight. I'll get it to you later tonight." Dane sighed. Heaven knew she didn't need to cross anyone else in the underground by arguing over money and Cam already pegged her as the purchaser. She'd just settle the tab and leave everyone alone from now on.
Cam nodded, knowing Dane was good for it from many past experiences. She left and Dane was alone with a huge mess, including spilled alcohol, discarded cigarettes, napkins with food, spots of forgotten drugs, and a few substances that Dane didn't even want to speculate on what they might be. The house smelled like the dump that it looked like. Dane's body started to shake with uncontrollable rage.
"I'm not that fucking person anymore and I don't want to be. Who the fuck are they to come in here and assume I am? Who the fuck are they to assume I'd be happy with this shit? Who the fuck are they to come in here and disrespect Nick's fucking house." Dane screamed as loudly as she could, hurting her throat in the process, but not succeeding in making herself feel any better.
The fury that pumped through her was like nothing that she ever felt. She didn't even know what to do with herself, but resenting all of the idiots that ruined Nicole's home wasn't getting her anywhere. She thought about how Nicole would react when she came home, and body went on autopilot. Dane tore through the house and cleaned up as best she could. She checked all of the rooms, hoping that nothing was missing. There were plenty of things broken. She wasn't sure what she'd do about those things, but she needed to get the house presentable before Nicole returned from her business trip.
"Shit! She's not going to want to see all of this shit after a day with fucking clients she hates."
The more that she worked, the more frenzied she became. The trepidation gradually replaced the anger that she was feeling. Soon, her mind was consumed by how Nicole would react and feel when she came into the house. The more she thought about it, the worse the reactions got in her mind. They ranged from Nicole throwing her out, to Nicole calling the police on her. to Nicole bursting into tears and screaming foul words at her and hating her.
"Shit, shit, shit," Dane muttered and quelled the urge to throw up. She blamed that on the odor of certain things as she was cleaning them up, but she knew the real reason for her stomach threatening to rebel.
The day only got worse as she heard a car pull into the driveway. Long ago, she had been convinced that whatever force governed the universe detested her, so she wasn't surprised to see the familiar car coming into the house driveway. Usually, she would've accepted fate and moved on with her life, but not now. Something inside of her was too dismayed to let Nicole see the house as it was. She wouldn't be able to move on like she used to.
Dane's hysteria reached its zenith when she heard the engine of the car turn off. Everything around her seemed to blur and an assortment of colors flashed before her eyes. Time and space warped around her. She swayed like she was about to faint, but stopped herself from doing so by sheer will. Now wasn't the time to have a breakdown.
She tried her best to move at the speed of light to finish cleaning. It didn't work and she stood like a deer in headlights when the front door opened. Her throat seized on her as she locked eyes with Nicole, who scanned the ruined house. The lawyer dropped her keys and her bag at her feet. Dane swallowed down some bile trying to escape her empty, disturbed stomach.
"Danny…what…what happened?" Nicole asked in total shock as her eyes swept through the house in sheer confusion.
"I…I…" Dane stammered. "They…it…" Brain, just make a fucking complete sentence.
"Was it burglars? Oh, god, what did they steal? Were you hurt?" Nicole hurried over to Dane, putting her hands on shaky arms.
The younger woman started hyperventilating. Nick's worried about me? After all that happened and the state of the house, Nicole's concerned about me? Dane felt like she was yanked under water, drowning from an overwhelming amount of emotions that her brain couldn't even process.
Dane dropped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. She howled as if in absolute agony while curling into a ball. For a few seconds, bawling and trembling were the only things that she could do because her brain couldn't handle the tidal wave of sensations rushing through her. Eventually, her mouth took off without permission, seemingly knowing what she needed to say.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of this." Dane doubted an apology would ever be enough, but it was all she had.
Nicole kneeled by Dane's side instantly, her own shock forgotten for Dane's tears. She wrapped her arms around the sobbing woman, embracing her, engulfing her. She gently shushed the
taller female, rubbing her back to soothe her.
"Danny, it's okay," Nicole tried to assure the younger woman, but Dane wasn't convinced. Her house was in shambles, and from the stench about the place they'd be in plenty of trouble if anyone bothered to call the police about a large party. It wasn't okay.
"I'm so sorry. You trusted me and I let this happen," Dane hollered, her voice was raw with emotion and from agony. She didn't even know where the intense torment came from, but it was there, dicing her into a million emotional pieces.
"Danny, calm down. Please, just calm down. You can explain what happened. I'm sure things aren't that bad."
Dane didn't respond and continued weeping. It felt good, which stunned her, especially since underneath that she felt fear. After almost ten minutes, she finally stopped. Nicole continued holding her, even as she sat up with the intent of explaining herself. She found that Nicole's touch kept her calm and it felt like they had hugged like this a million times.
"Sorry for the emotional outburst. I think everything just caught up to me…" Dane said, running a shaky hand through her hair. God, I don't think I've ever felt anything this intense. I'm scared, overwhelmed, and a complete mess.
"It's okay. Take your time," Nicole said, tenderly caressing her friend's shoulders.
"It's just that…I was trying to be…normal, I guess. Go out more, like you said. Went to some clubs. It was nice. God, the music. Fantastic…The people…just as I remember. They think I'm just…I used to party like this. All the drugs and women. I used to have a good time with it…I think, anyway. But, I'm not…that person anymore…and they don't believe it." Dane sniffled.
"So, they came here ready to party with you?"
"Didn't even invite them…Just invited my girlfriend. Was trying to be more open, maybe feel again. Trying to be social, normal. But, I didn't feel…and she had E…and then brought coke…and all these people. They just party like it was old times when I keep telling them it's not. All the parties aren't for me anymore. I don't wanna party anymore." She clutched onto Nicole as if the woman was a life preserver in rough waters. "I just thought she wanted to be with me…with the new Dane…"
"It's okay, Danny. They'll learn," Nicole tried to assure her friend, shifting and stroking the side of Dane's head.
"I'm different. I don't want to be that Dane anymore. I don't want to live a lie. I just don't want to do it anymore."
"I believe you, Danny."
"I kicked everyone out as soon as I found out. Took a while. Been trying to clean up. Didn't want you to see the place like this. I didn't want you…I didn't want you to kick me out…" Dane realized why she was afraid. She was frightened Nicole would throw her out and despise her because of the party. She tensed and sniffled, thinking that she had just given Nicole the opening to throw her out.
Nicole tightened her grip and continued cuddling Dane. "I won't, Danny. I won't kick you out for this. I believe you."
"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to…" Dane began shaking again. She wasn't sure what it was, but a quiver in her gut let her know that she didn't want to leave Nicole. She didn't want to leave this one person that didn't expect the old Dane.
"It's okay. Come on. Let's get this place cleaned up. It's all right."
Dane nodded and weakly climbed to her feet, even though she really didn't feel up to standing. She watched Nicole move and wondered if things really were that easy. It couldn't be that easy, not with all of the damage that was certainly her fault. She had never seen just an apology fix things. Her stomach tied itself in a knot and her guts continued to tremble as she cleaned up the house with Nicole. Dane would quietly wait for the other shoe to drop.
CHAPTER 10
Nicole watched with a frown as Danny trudged through the kitchen, making sure everything was perfect. The movement was painful and Nicole could feel it in her stomach, spreading slowly but surely. Sooner or later she'd feel totally ill, so she needed to step in.
"Danny…" Nicole said, hoping to get a word in. Unfortunately, she waited a second too long.
"Breakfast'll be done in a second. I've got your dry cleaning and everything ready. If you want to get dressed first, you can," Dane answered in a rush, grabbing a couple of plates for the meal.
Nicole sighed, exiting the kitchen to go get ready for work. Talking to Danny had been next to impossible since she came home Thursday night. Whenever she started to say something, Danny would chime in with something else, usually a list of things that she had done and run down the list as quickly as possible. It was like Danny was trying to prove something and Nicole could guess why.
Nicole could almost see the aura of uncertainty and anxiety clouding Danny. The apprehension gathered in her eyes like a building storm and the sorrow seemed ready to pour out like a hurricane as she waited for the hammer to fall. All of her activity and chores were her way of showing that she apologized for everything that happened, and also her way of begging for forgiveness.
The thing was that Danny didn't need to beg for anything. Nicole believed Danny when she apologized for the party. She had to believe Danny because she had never seen her such a bundle of emotions before. She had never seen Danny breakdown and it was bordering on scary, but she'd see her friend through it.
Nicole had been trying to assure Danny through Friday and the weekend that things were fine. She wasn't getting through because with each second Dane looked more and more like her execution was approaching. She guessed this was something that only time would prove, but that didn't make it any easier to stomach. Any fury that she could've experienced because of the party was definitely gone just from watching Danny punish herself for things that happened
"So…how was your trip?" Dane asked as they sat down for breakfast. She hadn't asked about the trip, probably to avoid reminding Nicole about the scene the redhead had returned home to on Thursday.
"It was fine. I settled it as quickly as possible so they wouldn't be able to back out again. They were pissing me off and I just wanted to get away from them. It was a pain, but going there in person did the trick," Nicole answered, shaking her head with the hopes that it would rid her of memories of that accursed trip.
"So, it was a bad trip and then you had to come home to my bullshit," Dane growled, eyes looking away in shame.
"Danny, it's not like that. I told you it's all right."
"It's not all right. You could've gotten into so much trouble because of everything going on in here. If the cops knocked on the fucking door just because the music was too fucking loud, that would've been it." Dane's jaw tensed and her eyes flashed with anger.
Nicole didn't argue that since it had crossed her mind the second that she entered the house. The drug use at the party had been blatant and out in the open. As they cleaned up, she came across more than enough forgotten marijuana joints, pills, and powder that had nothing to do with makeup or donuts. She didn't know what to do with all of the contraband and left them for Danny to clean. Dane did so without a word.
"Danny, there's no reason to dwell on things that didn't happen or things that you didn't mean to happen. It's done and over. As long as you don't bring drugs in here anymore I don't mind you having friends over. But I have to draw the line at drugs."
"There won't be anymore parties. I'm never bringing anyone over here again." Grey eyes were cold as steel and made it easy to tell how sincere she was.
"I don't mind you having people over," Nicole insisted, softening her voice. "But, I don't want any drugs in here." She didn't want Danny to cut off all social ties because she believed Danny required human interaction beyond what she offered. At that thought, she recalled Danny mentioning a girlfriend. Her heart briefly beat just a little heavy, but she shook that away. It quelled her desire to ask questions about the girlfriend, but eventually her curiosity would get the better of her.
"I don't want drugs point blank. I don't want to be around anyone using them, and I damn sure don't want people over here disrespecting your place. Obviously,
everyone I know will do just that because that's what they did the other night."
Nicole nodded. "Danny…can I ask you a personal question?" Her voice was faint and her eyes shifted to the right.
"Yes, I used to use," Dane confirmed nonchalantly.
The lawyer wasn't stunned by Danny's candor. While the younger woman didn't converse much about her past, she tended to be blunt about things when she was asked. There was no remorse or chagrin except for her outburst a couple of nights ago. There was never pride or glee in her tone whenever she talked about such things. It was like talking about the weather.
"Were you an addict?"
Dane shrugged. "Probably. Never went out itching for a fix or anything, but then again, never had to. I was a party girl. Partied almost every night. Hung out with dealers and people that knew how to get stuff if we couldn't find our usual dealers. I never stole anything to get drugs. I don't think I ever would've, but I did it so much, I had to be an addict. Shit, I did coke like people eat cookies."
"When did you quit?" Nicole inquired quietly.
The ex-musician scratched her shoulder. "I guess I quit around a year ago. Maybe a little over a year. I don't know the exact day."
"How'd you quit?"
"Just cold turkey. Stopped one day and never felt the need to start again. Never felt the need to start a lot of things again. It was pretty bad for a while, but I had already gone through the worst shit of my life, so it wasn't a really big deal."
Nicole nodded and kept her desire to bombard Danny with a million questions at bay. She knew she had barely scratched the surface with Danny. She hoped they had enough time for her to get to know all of Danny.
"I'm glad you stopped using….I hope you don't start again…" Nicole said in a quiet tone.
***
"I haven't planned on it…" Dane replied. What was the point of it? What was the point of anything? But now was different. It wasn't about not feeling like it, it was about having a conscious plan of not doing drugs anymore. To please Nick? Myself? I dunno.
Scarred for Life Page 17