Scarred for Life

  "I would like that very much," Nicole replied.

  Dane breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Me, too."

  "Um…Danny, please, don't get offended when I ask this, but you know how relationships have been for me. You won't change, will you?" Nicole doubted she'd be able to take Danny changing. She'd probably drag herself through Hell and back trying to get Danny back to the person for whom she fell.

  Danny was silent. She readjusted her grip on Nicole and pressed the lawyer firmly to her, tenderly petting the older woman. Nicole sighed as she felt the soothing thump of Dane's heart. After that move and sound Nicole didn't need a response.

  "I'm going to be just the way I always am. I will not get lazy on you…well, lazier. We both know I need my twenty hours of sleep," Dane quipped with a cocky grin.

  Nicole laughed. "Yeah, where would you be without those twenty hours?"

  "I won't be changing, Nick. I'm not taking this as a signal to take advantage of you. Even if I start doing it – which I don't plan to do, you should tell me. You can speak to me. You know that. I want this to work, Chem. I want us to be a couple," Dane insisted, stroking Nicole's thigh, which was carefully propped up on her legs.

  "I do, too, Danny. I do, too."

  Dane smiled and leaned in for another kiss. Nicole believed Dane's lips fit perfectly with hers; Dane's body fit perfectly against her. She was certain she'd never get enough of Danny. She wrapped her arms around Dane's neck, pulling her closer, craving more. Moans echoed through the room as they tried to get impossibly closer, clutching and caressing one another as if they were scared that they might shatter the other person. They only pulled away when they required oxygen, but they didn't pull far. They rested their foreheads against each other, elfish smiles lit up their faces.

  "You're so beautiful…" Dane put her hand to Nicole's face and stroked her cheek with her thumb.

  Nicole giggled. "You're not too bad yourself."

  Dane couldn't help grinning. "Oh, man, you're making me cheesy and clichéd. Can't help it, though. You're just beautiful, inside and out."

  "Stop. What should we do now?"

  "I've got a few ideas." Dane came in for more, thoroughly kissing Nicole. She was left panting by the time Dane pulled away.

  "I meant beyond that," Nicole said when she finally caught her breath.

  "What? I'll cook dinner and we can watch a movie or find some game shows to yell at." Dane looked skittish and Nicole could guess why. Danny probably thought she wanted to go on a date and Danny disliked going out.

  "You don't have to cook. Let's order something and then watch a movie."

  "Sounds good."

  They decided this was their first date and they spent it in a manner that they both liked. They had Chinese food and watched a couple of movies, remaining curled up on the sofa. Nicole rested her head against Dane's chest and listened to her heartbeat just as much as she watched movies. Dane occupied her time with brushing her fingertips up and down Nicole's arm and occasionally placing a kiss to the dark auburn locks. After the second movie ended, Nicole began yawning and rubbing her eyes.

  "It's someone's bedtime," Dane commented with a small smile.

  "You're not going to try to carry me upstairs, are you?" Nicole narrowed her eyes on Danny, warning the younger woman not to try it.

  "I will not start off our relationship by damn near putting you in the hospital," Dane remarked with a light chuckle. "But, if the lady would allow me to walk her to her door?"

  Nicole's face lit up from the idea even though it was so ridiculous. "I would love for you to do that."

  Dane grinned, flashing Nicole a smile she recalled from the first few days of Danny's stay at the house. The expression was bold, bordering on cheerful and goofy. They tore themselves from the sofa and Dane took Nicole's hand. Nicole felt that connection, an exchange of warm energy between them. The way Danny squeezed her hand made her believe Danny felt it, too. Nicole never wanted it to end. And then, she yawned again, which reminded Dane of where they were supposed to be going.

  "Let's get you to bed. You do have to work in the morning."

  Nicole frowned at the mention of work as they started upstairs. She wished she could remain wrapped around Danny for the rest of her life. The walk to her bedroom door didn't last long enough.

  "Well, here we are." Dane glanced at the door, as if that would make it farther away and they could continue walking with each other.

  "Indeed. Thank you for a wonderful time out," Nicole quipped, smiling impishly as she spoke.

  "It was my pleasure, sweet lady. I enjoyed this date. I hope we can go out again sometime."

  Nicole was near grinning now. "I'll be sure to call you."

  "I'll be waiting. Will the lady honor me with a goodnight kiss?"

  Game over. Nicole leaned in for the deepest kiss of the night. For the first time in her life, she was certain she had a soul because she could feel Danny touching it with each movement of her lips. Endless emotions seemed to pass between them, making them light, weightless, and infinitely pleased. Mouths slowly opened and tongues touched shyly but curiously. The taste was sweet as nectar and she craved more, trying to take Danny in and share one body.

  This driving need to merge ignited passions in them, which flared up as the kiss continued. Their hands began exploring each other, first gently, but with each touch the desire for more grew fanning the flames of their ardor little by little. Dane put one hand behind Nicole's head to bring her closer and Nicole responded by pressing herself closer, sliding her tongue against Dane's with more fervor and desire. Dane's hand settled on Nicole's shoulder blade began to slip down to the small of her back. Nicole's hands were doing similar things; one roamed temptingly close to Danny's breast and the other caressed her hip. With each passing second they could feel a tug, but they finally broke apart from their intense embrace when they needed to breathe.

  "I really want to ask you to come in…" Nicole whispered as they broke apart. Her body was humming and she wished to give into the feeling.

  "I'd really like to accept that offer," Dane replied in a low tone.

  "But, it's too soon."

  Dane nodded in complete agreement. "Understood and agreed. Goodnight, Chem."

  "Goodnight, Big Dog." Nicole smiled playfully. Stepping into her room, she quietly closed the door behind her.

  Nicole couldn't help thinking about Danny as she lay in bed waiting for sleep to come. Her body was starting to cool down, but thoughts of Danny kept her awake. For a long time, she thought she knew how she should feel when she was in a relationship, but the feelings that Danny brought her were totally new and extremely intense. She had never felt like this with anyone. Tyler in the beginning didn't come close to this.

  Danny is special. She never thought of Tyler as special. Despite how great things were initially, Tyler never felt different from any other partner that she had. He had been a decent lover, but Danny was off the charts and they hadn't even been intimate yet. The kisses alone had been enough to curl her toes. She was sure when she and Danny finally did make love, it would be divine. Danny would be a great lover in all senses of the word. She felt safe and secure with Danny. She trusted Danny and was sure that all that she was would be in very good hands.

  ***

  Dane had smiled back as Nicole disappeared into her bedroom. Her hand went through her wild, short ebony hair. She shook her head as she went down to her own room. Every fiber of her being was aflame burning for Nicole. But, she didn't want Nicole to think that this was all about sex. She'd like nothing more than to make love to Nicole, but she wanted them to build a real relationship and be a real couple instead of friends with benefits.

  Can't believe I agreed with that. I do agree with it, but it's just weird that I agree. In the past, I would've been all over Nick, trying to bed her from the first second I thought I could. But, then again, Nick isn't like any other girl. No, Nick is definitely in a league of her own. This relationship will work. We'll make
it work.

  She hoped Nicole wouldn't suddenly change, too, and abruptly find herself needing to be more social. Dane wasn't looking forward to being asked to go out every night like Gloria tried to pressure her into doing. She loved lounging on the couch with Nicole doing nothing in particular, just taking pleasure in their existence together.

  She wouldn't mind going out occasionally, but she didn't want to do it constantly. She was relieved to know Nicole wouldn't expect her to spring for drugs like most of her previous girlfriends—if they could be called that. She still wasn't totally sure what Nicole was looking for in a partner, but she was willing to take the risk and learn.

  She settled down on her pallet and stared at the ceiling and smiled. Life is looking up. She felt good for the first time in a long time, maybe the first time ever. Nicole has to be an angel. "Delivered right to me. Wonder what I did that was so good in a previous life?" she muttered as the excitement of the past few hours started catching up to her. She drifted off to sleep praying for her dreams to be filled with Nicole.

  ***

  Dane woke up and started on her morning routine. She glanced at her guitar and felt a stronger pull than usual to play it, but she knew from last night she couldn't do it on her own. Her fingers ached and twitched, but she resisted the temptation. She considered Nicole might be willing to be her fret fingers once again later. It had been sublime and Nicole seemed to enjoy when they played together.

  She showered and thought about how wonderful it felt to play her guitar with Nicole's assistance, how heavenly it felt to hold the kindest woman in the world, and how right it felt to kiss those soft lips. She doubted that she'd ever get enough of those kisses, already loving the feel of Nicole's mouth against her own. She had wished last night would never end, but it did mean for a promising today.

  "I hope we have a million tomorrows," Dane said to the water cascading onto her, washing away her troubles.

  She never thought she could spend a few tomorrows with a girlfriend and now she was thinking about—forever with Nicole. It was somewhat overwhelming, but she was still high off last night's merriment, and even the uncertainty of unfamiliar emotions wouldn't take that away from her. She smiled as she got dressed and went to start breakfast.

  I'll take care of Nick in ways that no one could, especially that dipshit, Tyler. The name caused her to pause and it slammed the brakes on her intoxicated moment, sending all majestic emotions crashing through the proverbial windshield. Nicole dated Tyler for six months. And before last night, Nicole hadn't shown much interest in women.

  "Wait, am I Nick's first woman? Shit," Dane's mood plummeted.

  As much as she had feelings for Nicole, she wasn't interested in being the experimental first. There were too many things that could and probably would go wrong with that. She doubted the million tomorrows she wished for not even twenty minutes ago would end up being a few months, and then Nicole would either decide that women weren't for her or she'd find a better woman.

  "What do I have to offer, anyway? Just a broken musician that had a drug problem," Dane grumbled as a sorrowful frown worked its way onto her face without her knowledge.

  "Morning, Danny," Nicole said in a yawn as she entered the kitchen. She immediately noticed the expression on her girlfriend's face. "Danny, sweetheart, what's wrong?" She urgently rushed to Dane's side.

  She embraced the younger woman, but Dane didn't return the hug. She was too lost in her own troubles. She stood there, stiff and bewildered.

  "Danny, it's okay…" Nicole whispered as tears gathered in her eyes. She sniffled and that got Dane's attention.

  "Hey, Chem, what's the matter?" Dane asked gently, wrapping her arms around Nicole's waist.

  "You want things to go back to the way they were, don't you?"

  "What? No, do you?" Dane stared deeply into emerald eyes that were shining with unshed tears.

  "I don't…I just thought you did…" Nicole sniffled.

  "Well, nothing to fear. I do want to ask you something, though. Um…it's a little personal…"

  "Well, if we're going to be a couple, we have to be willing to share a few personal things, correct? So, ask me whatever you'd like." Nicole wiped her eyes and smiled.

  Dane nodded and took a breath before working up the courage to ask. "I was just wondering…have you ever dated a woman before?"

  Nicole chuckled. "I have dated women before, yes. Quite a few in fact. Although I'm sure my numbers wouldn't rival yours."

  Dane's face hit the floor and her eyes were wide as dinner plates. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "And you never mentioned that," she shouted incredulously.

  Nicole blushed, looking a tad sheepish. "Well, it never really came up in a conversation. We don't usually talk about past relationships and things. We just glanced over them, saying a few words and moved on. Hell, if you weren't here when I broke up with Tyler, you probably wouldn't know too much about him, either, would you?"

  "Well, I'd know he's a dipshit that harasses you at work, but other than that, you're right. All you ever talk about is how fucked up your past relationships were, but you never mention names or anything in real detail. Wow, I didn't think…I mean, I was getting vibes from you, but I thought it was my imagination from when I started to realize I was attracted to you. So, you've seriously dated women. For how long?"

  "Ever since I started dating. I always went for guys and girls. I actually had a girlfriend for my senior prom. We went together and everything. Of course, she was an asshole like most other people I've dated," Nicole shook her head. "Bitch dumped me right before graduation," she recalled with a light laugh.

  "And your parents didn't have a problem with it?" Dane asked in disbelief. Her mouth was still hanging out and her eyes were still wide. She thought Nicole's parents would've picked out a husband for Nicole when she was in kindergarten, but apparently they were less controlling than she believed.

  "Not really. My mother had some issues with it, especially since that first girl broke my heart. Her biggest problem with it was it was something that was just me. She wants me to be just like her, like her clone. She used to tell me all the time that I'm her legacy to the world and she wants me to be perfect."

  "So, being bisexual isn't perfect?" Dane stated angrily. She had heard more than her fair share of bigotry dealing with sexual orientation and it left a tiny raw spot in her. She didn't want what she experienced to happen to Nicole, especially when it came to Nicole's parents.

  "Calm down, honey. It's not that. It's that she wants me to be just like her. I actually used to like it when she told me that I was her legacy in the world. It made me feel so important…" Nicole smiled. "You know how it is, little kids love to hear praise from their parents and all."

  Dane shook her head quite seriously. "No, I don't know how it is." I don't have a fucking clue.

  ***

  Nicole blinked hard and gazed into grey eyes, trying to read Danny's mind. She couldn't hear the thoughts, but she realized something. Danny almost never talked about her parents, and when she did it was always connected to Tyler. Danny never said anything about her parents that had anything to do with her.

  "Tell me about them, Danny," Nicole entreated.

  "I should get back to breakfast," Dane mumbled and made a halfhearted attempt to escape the embrace. Nicole held onto her tighter, not letting her go.

  "Tell me, please. Let me in, Danny."

  Dane was silent for a long moment. "Out of all of the things that goes on with me, I'm pretty sure the fact that I'm a lesbian ranks pretty low on the reasons my parents are ashamed of me, even though they gave me shit for it, too. It's something that they'd ignore as long as I didn't come around them with a girl, which, depending on my mood, could happen often or rarely. My drug problem, they'd ignore that. I walk around the house sniffling, they'd just say I was sick or it was allergies or something else. Alcohol problem, hell, who doesn't have one of those in the world I come from." More silence.

 
"So…why are they ashamed of you? How do you know they are?" Nicole tilted her head slightly and her forehead wrinkled.

  "My mother goes out of her way to ignore me, always has. Tries her best never to look directly at me and if she has something to say to me, even if we're in the same room standing elbow to elbow, she uses a messenger. There's no talking to Dane." The report was made in a flat monotone, but the look in those grey eyes spoke of pain and resentment from being ignored by the one person who was supposed to love her unconditionally.

  "Why?" Nicole couldn't imagine going through life not talking to her mother. As much as the overbearing woman irked her, they had plenty of meaningful conversations throughout her life and she wouldn't trade them for anything.

  "Well, apparently, the Great Dane ruined her marriage. Not that she ever told me that, because that'd require us to be on speaking terms. I've heard, though."

  Nicole's face scrunched up, creasing her forehead more and squinting her eyes. "How did you ruin her marriage?" She considered herself a fairly intelligent person, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out how a child could ruin a marriage…unless the child was being used as a scapegoat to cover up for the parents' shortcomings.

  "Her husband, my dad, doesn't claim me. He refuses to believe I'm his daughter, despite what two paternity tests said," Dane reported with a hollow laugh. She ran her hand through her hair.

  "What? Why?" Nicole shook her head, like the action would sort out everything that she was hearing. Nothing about Danny's parents made sense and she could almost understand why the musician never talked.

  Dane leaned down and gave Nicole a gentle kiss on the lips. The kiss was to change the subject, but the redhead went with it. She could feel Danny smiling against her lips as they embraced. Dane pulled away before the show of affection got out of hand.

  "I really should finish breakfast. Don't want you to be late. We'll save the long soap opera that was my life with my parents for another time, okay?"