Angel Manifesto

by Michael Foot

  Andrew shifted his weight to get more comfortable – the chair was at best utilitarian and with little padding. “But that can’t be all, can it? Who really calls the shots? Where is your ‘long and winding road’ supposed to go?”

  Freddy did bridle a little at this last remark and it was a few seconds before he turned to look Andrew in the eye and respond. “There are perhaps 4,000 people who are ‘angels’ and who determine what the Angels do and where they should go. They are, if you like, the Founder Members chosen initially by Michael himself, though we’ve now got so big he has to delegate increasingly. Those 4,000 are the ones who roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty if need be. They are the ones who organise and facilitate the cosy cuddly bits – all the counselling and support – but who also make and implement the hard decisions. Chloe isn’t a typical Angel. She has just been around for years and she has put herself on the line for the Angels a number of times, so no-one here could doubt her commitment. She’s one of the Inner Circle. Above them is a Council of Seven. You won’t be surprised to know we call them Archangels; of whom one, Michael, is the centre, the key to everything. And ‘no’ his name isn’t Michael. But with St Michael being just about the only Archangel any normal person could name, it was kind of obvious.

  Anyway” Freddy glanced at his watch “you’ve probably had enough for one go. Come back sometime later in the week if you want. Now, I need to get your bands, so you won’t be completely out of it if Chloe takes you out with her usual gang.”

  Freddy rose, disappeared for around a minute and came back clasping a thin box about 20 cms in length. Freddy resumed his rather one-sided conversation. “I’ve brought the bands I assume you’ll want – you don’t look either gay or a monk!” Freddy opened the box. “If you stay around, you’ll find the Angels have a variety of bands of different types. But they all have just one purpose, to avoid any misunderstandings about sexual preferences. Clo goes with a pretty lively crowd so these are what you need. Wearing these, even though you’re not an Angel, will help you get accepted by those who are.” Freddy produced three seemingly elasticated arm-bands about 2cm wide, discarding several others. “These go below the elbow on your left arm. The top band you wear shows your sexual preference; white for straight, pink for gay, the two alternating if you swing both ways. I assume you will want white. The second band shows your sexual appetite. Light blue for ‘willing and ready’, dark blue for ‘not interested’ or ‘not now’. I’ll give you both of those. The third is designed to show your current involvement with anyone else. If you’re going with another Angel or an ordinary partner, and not interested in anything else then it’s black. If you’re open to offers then it’s green. Again I’ll give you both but I would point out that Angels who are out on the razzle take it pretty badly if they proposition someone with a green band and that person then turns them down. That’ll get you through one night with Clo’s friends. Just think what bands you want before you go out, not during! And remember to get the order of the three right if you don’t want to look stupid.”

  5

  Andrew got a text from Chloe about 10 a.m. the next morning. The suggested venue was only about 10 minutes’ walk from Andrew’s apartment – a pub where Chloe’s message said that the Angels often met with newish members. Andrew had a relaxed, free, day. He took considerable care over his wardrobe for the evening. The weather was fine and warm enough for him not to need to wear a jacket. The main problem was finding a shirt the colour of which would fit aesthetically with the three bands Andrew intended to display – white, light blue and green. He was, at least grateful that the persona he needed to adopt and his preferences coincided. But he realised that, if he got accepted within the Angels, he might have to splash out on some new shirts of suitable background colour. In the end, his choice for the evening settled on a light yellow which did not show the white off to advantage but did blend into the background for all three bands.

  The text had said 7 p.m., presumably designed for people working locally but who worked for banks which typically expected the middle and back office staff at least to stay well after 6. The bar chosen was unremarkable but not hard to find. And at around 7.10 Andrew walked into the main bar area. There were enough people there to make it seem active but not overcrowded. No doubt the set that typically dived into a bar for a ‘quick one’ on the way home had already left for their suburban commute. At one end of the bar, Andrew quickly located Chloe in a small group of ten or so. Now he knew what to look for, he could see that only three including Chloe were displaying bands. The others looked rather like him in age and dress. Presumably possible new recruits who were being introduced to their first taste of Angel life.

  He caught Chloe’s eye and she made room for him, asking at the same time “what would you like to drink? Most of us are trying the excellent range of gins they have on offer here.” Andrew said that would suit him very well and Chloe organised a glass for him.

  Andrew had already decided to stay as schtum as possible, to see how things were handled. He quickly established that there were two conversations in train, one a typical review of the life of over-worked young people having to commute long distances. The second – led by Chloe – was on something Michael had apparently recently been talking about, the need to clean up modern politics. Safe ground with people like this thought Andrew and he was right; Chloe had little difficulty leading her ‘group’ into a denunciation of all things associated with modern Government; and she did seem genuinely interested in the range and weight of points made to her by the sub-group she had. Every 15 minutes or so, another round of drinks appeared on the bar but no money seemed to change hands.

  Over time, Andrew was able to chat briefly to the other two Angels, both girls. One worked in the Oxford Street store and was clearly new to the scene. The other introduced herself as Vivienne (“call me Vy”). And she was much more interesting – dark haired, athletic and striking if not classically pretty. Andrew was quickly able to establish that she was a single mother who lived in an Angel commune.

  Vy explained it this way. “There I was with a 3 year old, no man. I needed somewhere where I could get good childcare and still be able to earn a living. There was this Angel group, about 30 women in the same boat, roughly two-thirds of who went out to work, the rest minded the children. I became one of the two-thirds. You pay in about half your net earnings, to give the childminders some income and pay for food and the group’s expenses. And my little daughter now has so many ‘mothers’ she knows and trusts that I often feel she doesn’t need me at all!” After a little prodding by Andrew, it became apparent that this was just one of many such communes – each almost self-sufficient after the Angels had bought the initial property – and clearly, he thought a potential hotbed of pro-Angel sentiment and recruitment.

  An hour – four drinks – later Andrew was starting to feel light-headed and in need of food, when Chloe spoke up over both groups “Right, time I let you all get home. It’ll be £20 a head” which to Andrew, who knew his way round City bars, was at least 50% under the normal going rate for what they had had.

  As they spilled out onto the street, Chloe took the lead. “Same time next week, if you want. I’ll arrange somewhere to eat next time and I’ll bring a couple of our gig organisers along so you can find out what’s coming up that you might enjoy.” People started to head off, mostly alone though one couple left arm-in-arm. Andrew, of course, didn’t know if they had arrived that way too. When it was just Andrew and the three Angels, Chloe smiled at him and said “we often eat at the Thai round the corner. Do join us and you can ask a few of the questions I suspect are buzzing round your brain.”

  Andrew said that would suit him well and they were soon seated in a pleasant small local restaurant, being fussed over by a small Thai national who clearly knew Chloe well. A short but lively discussion followed on the respective merits of green and yellow curry. When they had ordered food and Singhas ea
ch, Andrew thought he had better take his chance.

  “Well now, first question – what was with the charging back there? Four generous gins each don’t cost £20. Is that one way you guys start to introduce people to the joys of associating with angels – by giving them discounted drinks?” “Well yes and no” replied Chloe. “You’re right that the cost to the public would have been higher. But this is one of the ways in which we offer a good time for people who come into our orbit. We have a small book of pubs, restaurants and the like where anyone with Angel connections can get discounts; and nearly always this is because the owner has sympathies with us or knowledge of us and anyway offers discounts to get more business. So we don’t need to end up subsidising the drinks. If we did, I guess even the Foundation would run out of money pretty quickly. In a restaurant like this, where the owner is himself an Angel, we shall be hard put to get him to accept any money at all but Vy can be quite hard-nosed when she wants. So you are about to enjoy a really good meal and it will cost you roughly half what a member of the public would pay. Think of it as another Angel benefit.”

  “Where did the kids at the drink come from? asked Andrew. This time it was the younger girl who chipped in. “I’ve met all of them over the last 10 days just going round, being in places and making it clear I was an Angel. These are all people who have heard something about us and like at least some of what they hear; but who want to understand a bit more about us before any commitment. A bit like you, perhaps, according to Chloe.”

  “OK, fine” replied Andrew. “So, people like you gather up potential recruits in various ways, and then start off selling them some of the benefits of being with Angels, like cheap alcohol and cut-price gigs. Then what happens?” “There’s no set pattern” replied Vy. “Some of them will stick around, come to a few gigs or a rave, maybe bring a few friends. And that’s how they will get to know us. One in 10 of them perhaps will get much more involved – maybe like me because the Angels offer something (like a decent home environment) they need. The Angels anyway are a great dating agency. And, for this group of people, the emphasis is on being ‘fun’. That’s what most of these people lack, in their work-ridden commuter existence. Go North and you’d find the same kind of programme but with important local tweaks in Manchester, Birmingham, wherever.”

  Andrew felt he’d better not show too much interest beyond what he had already done, so the evening then moved into a relaxed, jokey phase. Chloe had been right. At the end, she had managed to press £25 a head on the very reluctant owner but only that after a heated debate and Chloe promising to bring another, larger, group very soon.

  They spilled out into the street. It was now about 10.30 – the evening had gone very pleasantly thought Andrew. “Hope you’ve enjoyed your first outing with us” said Chloe to Andrew. “Look out for a text from me very soon about what next – if we still interest you” she added with what Andrew thought a very obvious smile round her lips. “Yes, thanks” said Andrew “it’s been fun.” And with that he turned away to walk back to his flat which was at most 15 minutes leisurely walk – enjoyable in this weather.

  He had got only about 10 yards down the road when a female arm looped through his left arm and Vy appeared by his side. “It’s a bit late for me to get back to the Commune – we have a kind of deal where we try to avoid waking the smaller children by coming back when they’re sound asleep. Chloe says your flat is near. Would you like some company tonight? I can see the colour bands on your arm match mine; and I can only assume someone explained to you what they mean.” “Yes” said Andrew “Freddy back at the Oxford Street store, though I didn’t expect them to get called into use quite this quickly.” Vy squeezed his arm. “You were probably hoping it would be Chloe not me – I’ve seen you watching her when you thought no-one was looking. But I’m afraid I’ve never known her go with a man who wasn’t an Angel. I’m not so fussy; my tastes are broad and my reviews are very good.”

  Andrew thought that, even if he had not actually felt the urge to accept her offer, which he did, he should probably go with it. He was trying to get accepted by the Angels, here was one throwing herself at him. “I’ll just send a text to the house mother who’s on duty for my kid tonight to let her know I won’t be back. And then let’s go and have some fun.” Which Andrew had to admit the next morning was exactly what then happened.

  6

  Vy didn’t hang around in the morning. She was up by 7 and, having made coffee for them both, she was very business-like, kissed him and left by 7.45. “My office like me to be in by 8.30” she said “And I always keep a change of clothes there, so that’s alright. I like your flat and I enjoyed you. Let’s get together again some time if you like – but leave it a few weeks; I don’t do regular dates.”

  Andrew lay in bed for a bit relaxing. He probably shouldn’t have had her back last night. But what else could he have done? And surely it would help him get to be accepted within the Angels? Anyway, he’d enjoyed it. Eventually, he got up, had a long relaxing shower and took himself off to a local coffee bar. Despite the ads on its windows, he couldn’t help but compare the coffee and muffin he bought there unfavourably with what he had enjoyed at the Angel store two days earlier. And the latter hadn’t cost him £6.50.

  While he was finishing up, he checked his mobile, to find a message from Chloe. “Vy says she had a good night and she thinks u’re OK. I’ve been on to Michael and he says u sound interesting, he’d like to meet u soon. I’m attending a week-end away with him this Saturday and Sunday. If u’re free, I’ll pick u up from your flat, say 2pm Friday. Go and see Freddy, to get briefed”

  Andrew didn’t have to think long about his answer. This was just what he wanted and it was unbelievably lucky that it had happened so quickly; no point in playing hard to get. So he texted back that he would see her on Friday around 2. The only bit he wasn’t quite so happy over was the news that Vy had obviously been talking. Did Angels not understand some things were private?

  The invitation certainly gave shape and purpose to Andrew’s day. He needed to get back, contact Freddy and find out whatever he could about what he might expect at the weekend. About 3 p.m. therefore – he had decided there was little point trying to track Freddy down in advance, as he didn’t have contact details – Andrew was back at the Oxford Store. He quickly established that yes Freddy was around; and, after what already seemed like the inevitable offer of free coffee, it was only about 20 minutes before Andrew found himself again on the uncomfortable chair near the back of the shop, with Freddy.

  Freddy sat down and his opening remark made Andrew even crosser with Vy. “I see your first evening with Chloe’s lot went well. Vy’s written up a very positive account of you. You’ll find quite a few of the girls who go for new men like you will be in touch. Just choose wisely and sparingly would be my advice; but then you’d probably say I’m jealous.”

  Andrew was cross. “I thought Vy had a job. Obviously it doesn’t stop her ringing all and sundry to gossip about me the morning after.” Freddy laughed. “That isn’t how it works – obviously no-one told you. What all the Angels do is keep an open diary online– what they’ve been doing, who they’ve been seeing, what they’re thinking. And someone like me, who knows a lot of them, can just read through their daily thoughts. Anyway, Vy did more than just write briefly about you. One of the great innovations here is that Angels now always write up any shared experiences in full, scoring their partners – if they have one – out of 10. One of the great benefits is that any sign of ‘undesirable’ habits, liking non-normal sex for example, gets written up. Every future prospective partner from then on afterwards will know what to expect – indeed, whether to go out with them at all.”

  Andrew felt angrier still. “What happens if someone lies or misrepresents what happens? Doesn’t the partner – me in this case – get to put the record straight if it’s wrong?” “Well that’s why every encounter gets written up. First, most Angels lean o
ver backwards to be nice and fair-minded. If not, that’s the kind of word that gets round the circuit and will damage the Angel’s reputation with exactly those people the Angel wants to be liked by. Second, you ignore the odd critical remark. But if say three partners in a row record similar things, it’s pretty obvious there’s a potential issue. And, believe me, it’s a great way for an individual – boy or girl – to check out partners in advance. Especially valuable I’m told in some of the more esoteric areas of sex. And, if you do have any ‘quirks’ in your sexual preferences, it also means that anyone who still fancies you can focus right in.”

  Andrew thought he had heard enough for now. “Listen, Freddy, I haven’t come to discuss my recent sex life. Chloe says Michael wants to meet me and she’s taking me away to some week-end retreat, to do just that. What do I need to know?”

  “You’re very honoured” replied Freddy. “Chloe must really have laid it on with Michael about you. Well, I’m not privy to what the great people get up to. What I can tell you is that we have a number of out of town places –usually where something else goes on regularly, drug or alcohol rehab for example. And Michael uses some of these to hold policy-fests – where he discusses what the next stage of the overall plan needs to be. I suppose he’s decided to let you sit in on the edge of one of these fests, so he can get a sight of you; and hopes you will come away fired up with the latest Angel thinking and having met an amazing man.

  As to what you need to know, I guess my main advice would be to stick with Chloe and, if in doubt, ask her help. The only other thing I can probably usefully do is sketch who might also be there, that is if it is really a senior meeting.