by Nel Franks
There was a lot of giggling and joking as we fumbled getting into these strange outfits. The pants were enormously wide at the top, with narrower leg parts, that were pulled tight to the calf by laces. Many of the girls struggled with the arrangement at the waist where the fabric was folded over across the belly and was held in place with a strong cord tied at the front. It was a clever design, as the fold-over could be adjusted for any size body. There were many comments about how odd they felt to wear. But as soon as I had mine tied and discovered how easily I could move, I loved them.
‘We look like the men at Summer Festival!’ Tomma hissed, in fits of giggles as she tried to adjust her pair.
That made them even more attractive to me. I was still so curious about everything to do with men and the Male Enclave. Ever since I had seen them at Summer Festival last year, I had envied them. They were so lucky their bodies had not betrayed them, as mine had. I had sprouted breasts and bigger hips that I didn’t want. They had been allowed to go on being capable and unchanged, which I desperately wanted. Somehow, dressing similarly to men let me imagine that one day I might find out what it would be like to live as they did.
We straggled back out to the sports ground, and Zenar and Polla moved around the group straightening, tightening, lacing up the legs, and for one very embarrassed girl, reversing the new trousers. Finally, they were satisfied.
‘Right, now girls, we’re going on your first training patrol. We’ll be walking for several hours this evening, in some of the less visited areas of our Enclave, so listen carefully.’
Zenar gave us instructions about staying close to the person ahead of us in the line, not changing the order in which we were put, and keeping silent — she demonstrated the command hand signals they would use instead of calling out. They were exaggerated versions of the subtle hand signals we used every day, enlarged so they could be seen from a distance. The funniest part was trying to imitate the call of the night parrot, a harsh ‘brer-rrk’ on a rising note. According to Polla, who made it sound easy, night parrots were rare here, so it was a natural sound that we couldn’t confuse with any other bird’s call, but which wouldn’t alert a stranger who didn’t know the area. When we heard it, we were supposed to look to the leader for more signals. After rehearsing passing on whispered instructions without mixing them up, and responding to hand signals, we set off up the road towards the hills behind the Core.
Most of the evening was quite good fun. We practiced walking as quietly as possible in leafy and rocky ground, relaying messages up and down the line, and tried to spot each other camouflaged in broken scrub. Then the half-moon rose, making impenetrable shadows that confused the shape of everything around us.
‘Move down into the gully, go upstream, no talking,’ came in a whisper. We started to scramble down a short steep slope on our left to a shadowed dry creek bed. There were tough scratchy bushes and shrubs dotted across the slope, and thin brittle grasses with spear-like tips and serrated edges. I made a mental note not to touch them again after the first time I ran my hand along one. It resulted in a stinging scratch that continued to burn for much longer than I thought it should. I was grateful for the close-woven fabric of my new pants, that kept most of the spikes from penetrating. As we stumbled down the slope there were rounded pebbles that made us slip. The girl in front of me, Lanit, fell down and cried out, and as I bent down to help her up, Zenar appeared, crouching over her.
‘Be quiet!’ Her voice was so low it was hard to hear, but her fierce face was pressed nose to nose with Lanit’s. ‘Pretend you’re tracking some Outcasts. You can’t make a noise, no matter what.’
Lanit nodded, her face frozen in mid-whimper. Zenar glared at her a moment longer, and then moved quickly and silently back to the head of the group. The girls around us glanced at each other with widened eyes, grimacing a little at Zenar’s over-reaction, and stepped forward, picking their way with greater care in the confusing moonlight.
I helped Lanit up, and together we tried to move quietly down the slope. Polla, who had been covering the tail of the group, waited calmly till we had passed her, and followed us down. I thought she had dropped back, but when I glanced over my shoulder, she was right on our heels. She was so quiet. It was a skill I really admired and wanted. After a little while Lanit removed her arm from mine, with a grateful smile, and moved back to her position in front of me.
We began walking up the stony creek bed. I was beginning to feel more comfortable with picking my footing on the rocks, glimpsing which ones had moved under the feet of the girls in front of me. As I stepped up on a particularly big rock in the centre of the stream, I felt a touch on my arm. Startled, I swung round and almost collided with Polla, who gave me the hand signs to ‘hide’ and ‘be still’ as she passed me, moving with silent speed across the rocks and signalling each girl as she passed. Her manner was tense and serious, very different to her earlier tolerant patience. I flattened myself in the streambed beside the large rock, and only then realised how effective the odd patterns of grey and brown were. Lanit became another rock as she crouched down.
Suddenly I could hear small separate sounds, from the top of the gully. I could hear the occasional slip of stone, and a grunt as something landed heavily. I felt my stomach contract and found I could only breathe in shallow open-mouthed huffs. Had there been another group out training? Or was it an animal? Why had Polla looked so concerned?
As slowly as I could, I turned my head till I could peer over the top of the rock beside me. I couldn’t make out anything along the rim of the gully, just the uneven profile of bushes and grasses silhouetted against the paler sky, the moon behind them. The sounds had ceased, but I still had the feeling that something was close by. The cool rational part of my mind went off on its own path, trying to work out how I could have the sensation of something being close by when I could detect nothing by sight, hearing or smell. The rest of my mind was focussed on the rim of the gully above my head.
The moments of frozen stillness seemed to stretch out endlessly. Eventually, my right knee started to ache. I decided that there had been nothing there, nothing that was a threat anyway. Perhaps an animal, a sheep or a cow, had come down the slope to the gully looking for water. I began to shift my weight, ready to stretch out my leg and relieve my knee. I knew I couldn’t get up until I received orders from Zenar or Polla, but surely I could change my position to get a bit more comfortable? Before I could move, the moonlight was blocked out. I froze and slid my eyes sideways to look up at the sky.
Right above me at the rim of the gully, two figures stood silhouetted against the moon. One tall, one short, the cool part of my mind noted. Instinctively my body shrank, pulling in on itself, trying to disappear. I tried to quieten my breathing, but I couldn’t close my mouth, and the back of my throat was dry.
One of the figures made a dismissive move with its hand and turned towards the other.
‘Nothing here. I told you, Quett, you been out so long you seeing things. You know the Enclavers don’t come here hardly ever. Musta been a dog you saw.’
The voice was so soft I couldn’t tell anything about the person who spoke. Who would refer to Enclavers? My mind had gone as cold and still as the rocks I lay on. Who would say Enclavers? Only outsiders ... Expelled? Outcasts? Men? What were they doing here inside? Oh, Goddess, what was I supposed to do? I could feel panic gathering, fluttering and flustering, till I couldn’t think. I pushed back at it, forcing myself to focus on my body instead. I knew I had to remain motionless. The smallest quiver could reveal me.
Did Zenar and Polla know about them?
Oh. Of course. This must be what Polla had reacted to. What were they doing about it? Where were they? What did they want us to do? Just keeping still didn’t seem enough to do in the face of such an unknown threat.
I tried to control my mind, using techniques I had learned in meditation: slow breathing, and softening my muscles into the position I was in. I turned my eyes to a rock in front of me,
traced its shape in the moonlight, concentrated on the dim variation of shade and shadow on its surface, and tried to achieve a state of calm.
Someone yelled, almost on top of me. I flinched, terrified, and heard the thump and grunt of bodies hitting the earth, crashing down the slope. Something brushed past my face and I startled, jumping away from the body that crashed beside me. It flailed onto the big rock, face down, the head snapping back with a brutal crack. I stared, crouching rigid on the rounded stones of the creekbed. The body did not move. Nothing moved. Then slowly, like a winter snake, thick fluid seeped out across the top of the rock, black as death in the thin silver light.
Above me, I could see a figure standing on the gully edge, and a large moving lump on the ground. The lump resolved suddenly into a figure kneeling, bent forward over the rest of the mass on the ground. The standing figure turned sideways, faced down the gully and raised its head.
‘Brer-rrk! Brer-rrk!’
I began to rise, so relieved to hear the now-familiar sound that tears sprang to my eyes. But the cool part of my mind cut in. Was this a trap? Was it the outsiders, whoever they were, trying to trick us? I hesitated and watched the figure carefully. It turned again, looking down towards me, then stared along the creek. I caught a glimpse of Zenar’s profile, and a flood of relief swept through me, so strong I nearly sobbed. But I saw her wave the hand signs for ‘come’ and ‘silent’, so I swallowed the call that had risen in my throat and tried to scramble silently to the top of the gully.
As we gathered around her at the rim, she kept repeating the hand sign for ‘silent’ as each girl hurried towards the group. Many of us had tear streaks shining on our cheeks, but she said nothing, just touching each girl, briefly but firmly. The warmth of her hand on my shoulder was a comfort that sank into my cold stomach.
She counted us, again and again, until we were all present. Then she smiled, the relief on her face visible even in the poor light. Around me, the girls huddled together, holding on to their friends. They were staring at the lump that Polla was kneeling on, or into each other’s faces, silently seeking information, comprehension or comfort. I felt Tomma and Rosie crowd around me, and Rosie’s hand crept into mine. We all stared at the unknown figure.
Polla rose to her feet, hauling up the body she had subdued. The person was squat, thickset, and had stiff short hair. They were wearing several thicknesses of padded clothing. I could see blood dripping blackly from their forehead, running down their cheek, but in the poor light, and with dirt smeared all over their face, I couldn’t tell if they were male or female. Their arms were pulled back tightly behind their body, and as Polla shoved them ahead of her to start walking, I saw that their elbows were tied together with a belt. Even then, their thick clothing disguised their shape. I felt frantic to know who they were. Zenar pointed to me, and then to Lanit, motioning us towards her.
‘Bring up the rear,’ she mouthed against my ear. I nodded, disturbed to be left at the back of the group, I would rather have been in the middle with my sisters around me. But I was a little glad to be thought responsible.
With a wave of her hand, she led us off along a barely discernible track. We crept behind her, trying to watch every step. Silence was still essential. I walked behind Lanit, checking her limp at short intervals. But she didn’t falter, just hunched down and kept going.
I kept wondering about the body that had landed on the rock beside me. Who was it? What were they doing there? Were they dead or was it a severe head injury? Who would retrieve them? The thought that their compatriots might come after them made the hair on the back of my neck prickle, and I kept glancing over my shoulder. I would never have thought to check behind myself in the Enclave before, but intruders had been found inside the Enclave. Inside. It changed everything.
THINGS MOVED SWIFTLY when we got back to the sports ground. Black robed Traders appeared, surrounding Polla and the stranger and heading off towards the Temple. Zenar took us to the small Reverencing Hall, disappeared briefly and returned with two of the Mistress Counsellors from the Healing House. They listened carefully as we each described what we had seen, and felt, and thought on the way back. Most of the girls had not known what had happened; they had just heard a shout and had seen the stranger when Zenar had summoned us. They were shocked to hear there was another one, who had landed on the rock. Some of the girls became shaky, now the moment had passed. I knew how they felt: when all the pressure on me was relieved, I had nothing to hold in the tears.
After we had talked ourselves out, the Most Elder Sister appeared. She gathered us more closely around her and spoke quietly.
‘My young sisters, you have been through an ordeal tonight, not something we would ever have wished for you, especially at such an early stage of your training. I need to tell you that these intruders are found sometimes. We don’t make a big fuss about it, but you can see why we must keep the Perimeter Squad active.’
There were fervent nods around the group.
‘The adult women all know that such things can happen. Each of your older sisters is a part of the Squad, everyone plays their part in the defence of the Enclave. But we don’t talk about such events to the little girls, because we don’t want them to be frightened of every shadow they see. So I must ask you not to spread word of this encounter around the Core. We need to be alert, but we don’t need to be scared. The Squad will increase their regular patrols, and we will cut back on the training trips until we are sure there is no further threat. A patrol will retrieve the body tomorrow, and they will be decently buried. Now, are there any questions?’
So, the body in the creek was dead. I had seen death at first hand for the first time in my life. I wasn’t at all sure how I felt about it.
There was a silence as most of the girls glanced at each other. I raised my hand.
‘Most Elder Sister, who were they? Were they men?’ My voice shook more than I expected. There were sharp indrawn breaths from the girls around me.
She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.
‘Men don’t sneak around inside the Female Enclave. The intruders were Outcasts. And you know the Outcasts are all women. We find them occasionally on reconnaissance inside our borders. Now don’t worry about it further, we have it all under control.’
Somehow, that didn’t help.
In the Hills
Gaia, Spring, Year Two, Initiates
STILL TRYING TO SHAKE off the night’s drama, I went with Tomma the next day on our planned trip to the Gate. It shocked me how much my awareness of the landscape had changed. The trees were in full leaf with fresh, thin, bright leaves. They looked lovely, but I saw them as increasing the cover for intruders. We detoured through the orchard, hoping to find some early fruit. There were piles of old fallen blossom, that would normally look beautiful, but I could only think of how it would deaden the sound of creeping footsteps. Tomma was whirling about, being a woodland sprite she said, but really looking more more like a poddy calf. I couldn’t believe she could be so carefree after what we went through. We gradually lengthened our stride, and I began to loosen up, enough to talk to her.
‘Tomma, how can you be dancing, after what happened?’
She stopped twirling and came back to my side.
‘It must have been awful for you, Gaia’ She looked up at me, her brows drawn level.
‘I was terrified. Weren’t you?’
She glanced down at the ground as we continued walking.
‘I was, when I found out what had happened. But I was up the front, Gaia. For me, all that happened was we were told to hide for ages, and then Zenar went away. I thought they were testing us on how well we could obey orders. I heard a bit of a yell and a thump, and I thought one of the girls behind me had fallen over. When they called us all together, I was really surprised to see they had captured someone. And I didn’t know anyone had been killed until we got back to the debriefing.’
She looked around the peaceful landscape. ‘Were you really terrifi
ed, Gaia?’
I nodded, unwilling to say any more about how affected I felt.
‘I get bothered, Gaia, when you get scared. I’ve always thought you were ... something, sort of unmovable. Like you could deal with anything, and I could rely on you. But I guess you’re more like me than I thought.’
I think she meant it kindly, but her words shook me up. I had always thought I could deal with anything too. I wanted to be able to deal with anything. Finding out I had limits was a shock. What if something happened that I couldn’t deal with?
Tomma moved ahead again, leaving me with my thoughts. I shook my head at her blithe outlook. Then she turned back.
‘Lucky we live all together, isn’t it? Imagine if you had to live on your own, and you didn’t have grown-ups who could manage everything.’
Oh, dear Tomma! Her simple clarity undid the knot in my chest. Of course, there were others, elders, to rely on. I took a deep breath and jogged up to Tomma and grabbed her in a bear hug. She hugged me back, pounded on my back to make me let go, and grinned at me. We strode on together.
As we approached the Gate, we began discussing the little bits and pieces we had gleaned about the Male Enclave.
‘It just amazes me how little I ever realised about men, as a child,’ I said.
Tomma nodded. ‘Even though we wondered about them all the time, I never had any real ideas of what they were like. Like when we used to run down to the Gate, I imagined they might be some kind of monster. And Rosie always says they are brutal, but I don’t know where she got that from. We’ve always been taught they’re unnecessary, except for procreation. But they’ve turned out to be people, a bit like us,’ she said.
‘We are a bit like people, I agree.’ I grinned. ‘But I don’t even remember seeing men come in for Festival before we Transitioned. I suppose, we were always taken away before the beginning of the ceremony, so we never saw them.’ I thought for a while. ‘We were given a whole set of expectations about men, weren’t we? Unnecessary, unemotional, only useful for sex, and only interested in it.’ I looked at her. There was so much about men, and how fascinating, and troubling, I found them that I could not share with her. ‘But look at us now, Tomma! Sneaking off to meet your boy, who has turned out to be a quite normal person like us.’