Acolytes (The Enclaves Book 1)

by Nel Franks

  But could I risk it? If anyone else found out, I could be in serious danger of whatever reprisals the Enclave had for absolute betrayal of the life of women.

  Could Lenna be such a risk to me?

  I looked at her enquiring face. This was a woman who had no friends other than us. I had never seen her talk socially to anyone else. In fact, most people believed she couldn’t talk. I knew the Mistress Cook she worked for always communicated with gestures, to get through the noise of the kitchen.

  Lenna loved me, I knew. She was deeply and inarticulately grateful for having been brought into our room, away from the teasing, ignorance and bullying of the other girls. Lenna would never betray me.

  I took a deep breath and leapt into risk.

  ‘I don’t like being a girl, Lenna. I want to be a boy.’

  Saying it out loud seemed bald and a great relief. Lenna looked very confused. I told her about my realisation on the way home, the great and momentous questions it had brought up.

  She listened carefully, sometimes looking puzzled. Then she said, ‘Gah, goh way?’ Tears building against her lashes trembled.

  ‘Oh no, Lenna. I can’t work out how I could ever leave the Enclave or be allowed to come back. But it’s too hard, Lenna. I don’t like being the way I am.’

  She gave the saddest smile I had ever seen. ‘Meh too.’

  The Tunnel

  Gaia, Summer, Year Two, Initiates

  I SPENT THE NEXT FEW days trying to avoid everyone—Ellina, my friends, my workmates. I was so shaken by my realisation that I couldn’t face anyone. I spent a lot of time in the small Reverencing Hall trying to look as though I was meditating. It was the only place I could be sure no one would talk to me. Old ideas and experiences I hadn’t thought of for years surfaced again, agitating my thinking.

  I remembered that ghastly session some years ago, for all the girls who were showing signs of puberty. The session had focussed on how our bodies were changing, and what else was to come. It was so awful I kept my head down so my hair hid my face. I couldn’t bear for anyone to look at me. The way it was described, these changes looked like an inevitable slide into womanhood and fertility. But I didn’t want my body to change! I wanted to stay strong, able to do everything I ever wanted. All around me I could see fit, active playful girls, who were going to turn into the type of women I saw throughout the Enclave—soft, rounded, with babies on their hips. I didn’t want to have babies! I wanted... I wanted everything else the world had to offer.

  When I had started bleeding a few months later, I was disgusted. I had the compulsory session with the Mistress from the House of Healing about managing the cloths and any pain. I had asked her if there was something I could do to stop the bleeding, and she looked very shocked. She scolded me harshly and told me I would be a disgrace to the Goddess and to the community if I tried to deny my womanliness. I resolved never to speak of it again to anyone else. But I began watching the Acolytes I would soon be joining. I wondered how they had all felt when their bodies changed. Did they feel betrayed, as I did? The Initiates looked like young girls, but I could see clearly how in Novices and then Apprentices, the acolytes looked more and more mature. And I had looked at the adult women around me. Most seemed happy enough to be fertile. There were many who were childless at any moment, but they all had the option of breeding. There was a flood who were pregnant after each Summer Festival, and they all seemed happy to be so. None of them seemed to live the life I craved, where I could focus on whatever it was I wanted to be.

  There was one woman who fascinated me. She was very senior artisan in the House of Craft, an ornamenter, who made the most beautiful embroidery on the formal robes for senior House members. She was also a senior member of the Perimeter Squad, a formidable warrior. She had no children, and I envied the way she had been able to keep her lean and fit physique. I had told her I wanted to grow up to be like her, able to do anything, and able to focus on my career, whatever it might be. She had been kind when I said how I envied her concentration on her chosen profession. But she had winced when I added she was lucky she had no children.

  Regardless of how disturbed my thoughts and feelings were, my work still went on. I was glad of it; it was almost the only way I could stop ruminating on my feelings. Summer Festival was approaching and there was a lot of activity in the Administration office as it was also a major trading time. There were many requests for files by the Traders and once I was even summoned into the private office of the Most.

  It was much larger than I expected, but it wasn’t grand; instead, it was rather comfortable and homely. It was lined from ceiling to floor with gleaming wooden shelves full of books of all shapes and sizes, their spines in shades of brown, autumn green, gold and red, so that the whole room seemed warm and welcoming. Tall narrow windows with leaded panes separated the bookcases. In front of the fireplace at one end of the room there was a group of comfortable armchairs around a low table. At the other end was a large formal table surrounded by ten tall-backed chairs. Two low lamps, with wide shades patterned with autumn-leaf designs in red and orange, glowed on the table, their light reflecting upward from the high polish.

  The Most sat at a large desk in the centre of the room, between two windows. The desk was covered in papers, neatly arranged in stacks. Using a large quill pen, she was steadily signing papers from one pile, waving them dry, and placing them on another. Then she looked up.

  ‘Ah, Gaia, isn’t it? I need a copy of a file from the private area. Please ask Sylva to get this one,’ she handed me a slip of paper with a number on it, ‘and then bring it in to me.’

  She trusted me to handle a private file! Sylva however was not impressed; she sniffed loudly when I conveyed the request and said she would take it in herself. I protested that the Most had asked me to deliver it, but Sylva sailed on regardless. I went back to filing documents. It was the pattern of my days for weeks on end.

  One evening, as I was finishing the last of an enormous box of filing, Mistress Panddra came rushing in from the Most’s office. ‘Gaia! Where is everyone?’

  I was very startled to see her, as I had thought the Most’s office was empty.

  ‘I’m the last one here, Sister. Sylva has gone home with a sick headache, and the other clerks are off duty. Two of them have the summer fever that ...’

  ‘Never mind, you’ll have to do. It’s not really a job for a junior acolyte, but we’re so under-staffed now ...’ frowning, she ran her fingers through her short hair till it stood up in spikes.

  ‘What do you want me to do?’

  ‘You’ll have to swear not to reveal anything, Gaia; Say True.’

  I was uneasy, but I trusted Panddra. ‘I say True: I will not reveal anything to anyone.’

  ‘Good. Come with me. We have to go down the tunnel. The warning bell has just rung: the men are coming early. The Most is caught up in some Temple business. We’re the only ones available to meet them.’

  I was dumbfounded. Panddra dashed into a storeroom and returned with some lanterns that she lit with a taper. ‘This isn’t proper Gaia, you haven’t been through the full orientation as a senior clerk or trader, but I need some help to do this. We’ll probably have to answer some awkward questions later, but don’t worry, I’ll absolve you.’

  ‘Absolve me from what?’

  She grimaced but did not answer. I took a deep breath, and decided to jump in. This was an adventure, I told myself, with a woman I really admired who worked in an area I found fascinating. What could I possibly lose, I thought.

  ‘I’m not worried, Sister Panddra. We aren’t doing anything wrong, we’re just helping, aren’t we, so we’ll be alright.’ My tone was not quite as firm and positive as I had hoped, but she flashed me a grateful smile.

  ‘Yes, that’s it. Now come on, we’ve got to go. We’re supposed to be half-way down the tunnel by now to meet them.’ She led the way into the Most Elder Sister’s private office. I stood in front of the desk, puzzled, as she began tidyi
ng it. It seemed a strange thing to do when she was so frenzied, but suddenly, as she moved a desk-lamp from one position to another, the desk slid back towards the bookcases, and a dark pit opened right at my feet.

  ‘Stand back, Gaia! Oh Goddess, I keep forgetting you don’t know any of this yet. Just stay behind me, do what I tell you, and don’t say anything.’

  We ran down some slate wide steps, the lantern-light jangling around us. A stone-lined tunnel stretched ahead as far as the light penetrated. Arching over my head, it was taller than me by more than my arm’s length, and, and wide enough for the two of us to walk side by side. Every twenty paces there was a niche carved into one of the blocks of the left wall. Each niche held a small candle lamp. The floor was paved in stone blocks similar to those used in the floor of the Temple. It was cool, and absolutely black outside the range of our lanterns. The air felt like it had never moved. Panddra stopped and lit a lamp in each small stone niche we passed.

  ‘Take your lantern and go ahead, Gaia, and light the next one, and then I’ll overlap you. We’ll be faster then. On the way back, it’ll be your job to extinguish the lamps as we go.’ I held my light high and stepped forward, praying it wouldn’t blow out.

  The tunnel seemed to have no end in the darkness, and I heard Panddra counting as she passed me. ‘... twenty-eight, twenty-nine ...’ A bright pinpoint of light was drifting towards us down the tunnel.

  ‘They’re nearly here, Panddra!’ I hissed.

  She flew past me. ‘We have to get to thirty-five!’

  I raced ahead of her and we finished the last lantern, set by a low timber and stone bench, as the men approached.

  The senior man had silver hair, and I thought he might be the same one I had seen at Summer Festival. There were two other men behind him. He bowed gravely to Panddra, and looked at me, taking in the lowly two bands on my robe with a raised eyebrow.

  ‘Is there a problem, Sister Panddra? I saw the lights being lit as we arrived. Usually they are done, and the Most Elder Sister waits for me here.’

  Panddra stood tall. ‘I beg your indulgence, Senior Lord. The Most Elder Sister has been held up by urgent Temple business. She asks you to come along with us, and she will meet us in her office. Sister Gaia here will douse the lights behind us.’

  He nodded curtly and fell in beside Panddra as she turned back up the tunnel. I raised my lantern high as the other two men passed, one tall and one wide, and began to snuff out the lanterns. The rising black behind me seemed to bring its own faint stir of air, which made the hairs on the back of my neck rise, but I gritted my teeth, and counted the lanterns as I went.

  As I climbed the last of the steps back into the office, I saw the Most. She was still wearing her Temple robes, shimmering white silk with pleats in both the skirt and long hanging sleeves. She approached the Senior Lord with outstretched hands.

  ‘Dolphus, how lovely to see you again.’

  He grasped her hands and leaned forward to kiss her on both cheeks.

  ‘Ellie, you look as wonderful as usual,’ he said, smiling broadly, and was suddenly transformed from a severe official into a warm man.

  The Most smiled. I was transfixed; this was a side of the Most I had never imagined.

  ‘How is our daughter, my dear?’ Dolphus said.

  I could feel my jaw dropping and snapped it shut.

  ‘Dolphus!’ She glanced quickly at me, then Panddra. ‘We can talk about her later. Let us get to business. Please join me at the table. Gaia, please get a tray of refreshments ready.’

  Caught off guard, I looked at Panddra who pointed with her eyes towards a door set among the bookcases. Through it I discovered a small pantry. I found a wooden tray with a low silver rail around its edge, two hand blown glass jugs and some elegant, fluted glasses. In a stone cool-box filled with cold water there was some fruit juice in a sealed glass bottle. Beside the cool box, in an airy cupboard where each shelf was protected by pierced metal screens, I found a box of hard cheese and some flat crackers. I pushed them all onto the tray and then decided I should set it more gracefully. I searched in some drawers, found a tray cloth embroidered with herons, which must have taken painstaking hours to do, and laid out the food and some cutlery, filled the jugs with juice and water and set out the glasses.

  As I set it down on the table in front of the Most, she smiled appreciatively, and leant back, putting her feet up on the stool beneath the table.

  ‘Thank you, Gaia. That looks lovely. Please serve our guests.’

  My hands were shaking as I poured juice for each man. I was about to cut cheese and put it on a cracker when Panddra coughed quietly. I glanced at her and she gave me the slight hand sign to stop. Using tiny movements, she mimed picking up the tray, so I carried it to each man who helped himself to food. I glanced again at Panddra and she eye-pointed to the Most, so I took it to her. She smiled again and helped herself to a single dry cracker as the Senior Lord resumed speaking.

  ‘We must be allowed to bring more men to the Festival, Ellie.’ He gestured towards the tall man, ‘Lord Rabbern here represents the Great Trading Families, and they urgently want more sons to pass their businesses on to. And Lord Moxwall,’ he waved towards the wide man, ‘represents the Domain of Agriculture. Many of our Agricultural families are aging, and desperately need more workers. We must have the opportunity to sire more sons.’

  The Most regarded him coolly for a moment. ‘But we are limited by the number of women who are willing to come to the Festival Field. How many men have tickets in the lottery this year?’

  Dolphus grimaced. ‘We have limited the number of tickets to five hundred. But I would like to be able to pick three hundred to come.’

  The Most shook her head. ‘There are not three hundred women who want to be impregnated, Dolphus, you know that. I can perhaps encourage more to attend, but I cannot force them. If you want more sons, perhaps the Great Families can be persuaded to use the privilege of attending the Temple. Then you will know exactly who the child’s mother is, and that the child is yours. Whereas with Festival...’ She shrugged. ‘Lord Rabbern, what prevents the Great Families from coming to the Temple?’

  Lord Rabbern, the tall thin-faced man, frowned. ‘Alas, my brethren are unwilling to pay such large fees, when they can pay so much less to enter the lottery for the Summer Festival. They feel assured of winning a place,’ he glanced quickly at Lord Dolphus who affected not to see him. ‘Some say they prefer the night of revelry than the particular focus upon them when they attend the Temple.’

  The Most regarded him for a moment. ‘It seems there are some things there which can be attended to, to make the Temple more appealing. Surely the Great Families are rich enough to afford the fee, but if it is so high as to put wealthy men off, then perhaps it needs adjusting. We cannot reduce our component; it is little enough as it is to care for a woman while she is pregnant, and it is only one third of the total.’ She smiled sweetly at Lord Dolphus. ‘So perhaps the Council of Lords will need to review the fees it charges.’

  Now it was Dolphus’s turn to frown. ‘You know we do this every year, Most Elder Sister,’ he said formally, ‘but I can bring up the matter again with the Senior Council.’

  The Most smiled and nodded. ‘And we can perhaps make it more comfortable for the men when they come to Temple. A little less obvious attention perhaps? Perhaps provide some food and brew in the Conception Rooms to make the event more festive?’

  She looked at Rabbern, who nodded. She glanced at Panddra who made a note on a writing-pad on her knee.

  ‘And for you, Lord Moxwall. What would make it more possible for the members of the Domain of Agriculture to sire more sons?’

  ‘Thank you, Most Elder Sister.’ He inclined his heavy head. ‘It is often our less resourced families who need more sons. They need shepherds and field workers, and labourers in the slaughterhouses and the orchards. We need opportunities for young men who are not wealthy. Festival is the best way for them to have access to women. B
ut of course, there is always the difficulty of being sure whether the woman you lay with has given birth to your son, or to someone else’s. Some of our men would wish that women might be restricted to lying with only one man at the Field, and that there might be a way of knowing whether to expect a son – as you know, it is hard to make long-term plans for the family when we must wait for a year and a half to know whether we have successfully sired a son who will work on the family farm.’

  The Most shook her head. ‘We will not restrict women to lying with only one man at Festival. There is no way to police such a restriction. And you know as well as I do that not all men are fertile, so a woman must maximise her chances of becoming pregnant. Besides,’ the corner of her mouth lifted the merest amount, ‘part of the attraction of Festival is the opportunity to give full vent to heterosexual appetites.’

  She did not look at Dolphus, but I saw his eyes twinkle.

  ‘We could perhaps do something about giving some certainty to families about whether they can expect a son or not. We could ask women when they give birth if they know who the father may be, and we could let you know immediately after the births approximately how many sons with named fathers, and how many without, will come through the Crawling Gate in about eight months’ time. I assume you have a system to allocate families for boys with unknown fathers.’

  All the men nodded.

  ‘Having offspring at all is a lottery in life,’ Dolphus affirmed. ‘Men come to the Field and to the Temple with great hopes, and many come away with good memories but without a son. We know, or we dream, we have daughters here too, which is some comfort, but does not help our need for boys to assist the growth of our Enclave. It is a gamble we all hope to take at some time.’

  The Most frowned and looked down at her hands. Her knuckles were patchy red and white. ‘The gamble may not pay off in a number of different ways. Unfortunately, there are more babies being born with disabilities.’