Above the Fold & Below the Belt (An Avery Shaw Mystery Book 14)

by Amanda M. Lee

  “I want chocolate chip.”

  “Kisses?”

  “If you can manage that, I’ll massage the heck out of you later.”

  Challenge accepted. “I’m running to Lexie’s yoga studio,” I explained. “I’ll swing by the courthouse when I’m finished.” He didn’t immediately say anything but I could hear the judgment heavy in his silence. “What?”

  “Is there a specific reason you’re going to Lexie’s studio?”

  My cousin Lexie was often a sore spot between us. When Eliot first met her, she had a few issues – and was in desperate need of a rehab stay – so he wasn’t her biggest fan. He actually got hurt because of her during a rescue operation, and he’d never let me (or her, for that matter) live it down.

  In truth, Eliot was a patient and forgiving man. Lexie often rubbed him the wrong way, though. She has a penchant for dating dealers and never thinks before she acts. I suffer from the same affliction but, for some reason, I naturally manage to avoid the same sort of trouble Lexie collects like cat figurines.

  “Are you going to make this is a thing?” I whined.

  “I haven’t decided yet.” His voice was flat. “Why do you need Lexie?”

  “I’m asking her for a favor.”

  “What favor?”

  Oh, geez. He was turning into a total killjoy. “I believe this falls under the ‘I can’t tell you because you’ll melt down’ codicil of our relationship.”

  “I knew it. Tell me what you’re going to do.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll help.”

  “You say that now, but you often flake out on me when it comes time to break the law.”

  “Ugh.” I imagined him rubbing his head on the other side of the call and smiled. “You’re not going to be in danger of getting hurt, are you?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “That’s not very encouraging.”

  “I can’t guarantee that absolutely nothing will happen because I tend to attract trouble in really odd ways sometimes. Even I don’t know how I manage it.”

  “Fair enough. You’ll have your phone and you’ll call if you’re in danger, right?”

  “I will. This excursion won’t be until after dark, though.”

  “Oh, well, that’s encouraging.” He let loose a sigh. “I’ll keep an eye on the courthouse. Things look pretty quiet – at least where dueling protests are concerned – and Jake’s men seem to have a firm hold of the happenings.”

  That was exactly what I wanted to hear. “I’ll stop by the shop when I get back. I’m just arranging my outing with Lexie right now. We can eat dinner together later if you want.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to. Did you ever consider that?”

  Oh, good. Now he was going to be petulant. “Fine. I’ll eat with another guy. I’m sure there are tons of them at the protest who will jump at the chance to eat the cookies I plan to provide you.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I’ll spank you if you share my cookies with someone else.”

  “Ooh. I’m shaking with fear.”

  “You will be.”

  “I’ll see you in an hour or so.”

  “And tell me what you have planned tonight.”

  That was a risky proposition. “I’ll consider it.”

  “I guess that’s the best I’m going to get for now. I’ll watch your protest. You stay out of trouble until we talk.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  LEXIE’S YOGA STUDIO – Yoga One for Me – was now a thriving business in the heart of Roseville. I “donated” the money for the start-up thanks to a reward I didn’t feel was deserved. She had an idea for a business, one that I was certain would fail, but I wanted to encourage her because it was the most ambitious thing she’d ever attempted. Somehow she’d turned it into a success, which filled me with pride … and fascination.

  At less than five feet tall, Lexie was a diminutive soul with a huge personality. The personality was normal for my family. We either boasted loud mouths or were ridiculous prudes. There was no in between. Right now, she was putting on a good show of being quiet as she led a class but I knew better.

  I offered a wave so I wouldn’t interrupt her and then headed for the juice bar in the corner. My best friend Carly – who was starting to look huge thanks to being pregnant – sat on one of the stools sipping a strawberry shake and glaring daggers at the women bending themselves into pretzels on the floor.

  “What’s your problem?” I asked, hopping on the stool next to her.

  Carly slowly tracked her eyes to me. They were an odd color, sometimes blue and sometimes gray. There were even times they looked green. Today they looked evil. “I haven’t seen you in eight days, nineteen hours and forty-five minutes.”

  “Wow. That’s very … specific.”

  “I’ve started keeping track of things.” She rubbed her belly, thoughtful. “I can’t do much else. The doctor insists I can no longer jog because he says I’m overdoing it. He even called Kyle to make sure he knew that I’d been forbidden from running and now I’m under house arrest with nothing to do but mark time.”

  That sounded like an exaggeration. “You’re on house arrest? Since when does house arrest include trips to the yoga studio?”

  Her glare was withering. “Eight days,” she repeated. “Almost nine days. Exactly what have you been up to that is so much more important than your best friend preparing to give birth?”

  And we were off. She wasn’t even near her due date yet and was already turning into the world’s biggest pain in the posterior. The bigger that baby got, the bigger her fury grew. It was starting to become a real drag.

  “Well, let’s see.” I made a big show of tapping my bottom lip. “Nine days ago the new Marvel Lego video game was released. It was a bit of a letdown after the first one. Some of the game play is stellar, but the hub world is disastrous. It’s nowhere near as fun as the original.”

  “So … you’ve been playing a video game?” She was incensed.

  “That only took up twenty-six percent of my time,” I lied. If she was going to try to punish me with math, I was going to retaliate in the same manner. “Then I had work, which takes up forty-eight percent of my time. It’s been a downer the past few weeks, but the protests at the courthouse look to be livening that up.”

  “You’re going to turn this into a thing, aren’t you?” Carly complained.

  I ignored her. “Then, a few days ago, I was covering a story at the courthouse and shots rang out,” I continued. “I didn’t die but was really close to a guy who did. Since then, the investigation into that guy has taken up thirty-nine percent of my time. In addition to that, I have the actual protest, which is another story and distraction, and that takes twenty-five percent of my time.”

  “You’re over a hundred percent now,” Carly pointed out.

  I pretended I didn’t hear her. “I’ve had to track down two ex-wives, one complaining secretary, one perverted father, and hang out on top of the building across from the courthouse because that’s where the shooter perched for the event. In addition to that, Eliot took me to the gun range so I could spy on a guy who may or may not be a suspect. Do you know how much time that took?”

  “Ninety percent?”

  “Of course not. I had to sleep and entertain Eliot. It only took eight-five percent of my time. Eliot took up another ten and I’ve been surviving on only five percent sleep. I’m a modern marvel.”

  Carly let loose an exaggerated sigh. “I don’t know why we’re even friends.”

  “Because you find me funny … at least when you’re not growing another human being, that is. You need to remember that when the evil being inside of you decides to take over and be hateful.”

  “It is evil,” Carly agreed, sipping her smoothie. “I’m going to get fat.”

  “Of course you’re going to get fat. You’re having a baby.”

  “I mean … really fat.” Carly’s eyes were plaintive when they locked with mine. “I re
ad that if you keep to your workout schedule until the ninth month you magically bounce back to your pre-baby weight within three days of giving birth.”

  That sounded like a load of malarkey to me. “Where did you read that? Oh, and if you say the National Enquirer this friendship really is over.”

  “I read it in one of those pregnancy magazines. A woman swears by it.”

  “Well, it sounds to me like that’s not a reality for you. I have to ask, how far were you running?”

  “Five miles.”

  “A day?” I couldn’t imagine running five miles a week. That would infringe on my television time with Eliot. “Of course you can’t run that far while you’re pregnant. Are you crazy?”

  “I just want to go back to the way things were.” Her voice turned watery, causing me to cringe. “I miss being able to drink … and hang out with you past eight o’clock at night … and run however far I want.”

  I extended a warning finger. “If you cry I’m turning on my heel and running out the door. I’m not kidding.”

  Instead of nodding in understanding, she burst into tears and forced me to stare at the door. Unfortunately for me, Lexie’s yoga class was letting out and several women blocked my exit … all while giving me dirty looks because I wasn’t consoling my blubbering best friend.

  “What did you do to her?” Lexie asked, approaching the counter. Her face was red and sweaty from the class and her ample chest was on full display in her low-cut top. “You didn’t pinch her or anything, did you?”

  “Yes, because that sounds just like me,” I groused, flicking the ridge of her ear as she passed. “She just started crying for no reason.”

  “I doubt that.” Lexie shook her head. “You did something.”

  “She did,” Carly agreed through tears. “She said I was fat and would have to put up with it until I gave birth, and then she yelled at me to stop being a baby.”

  That was not how I remembered things at all. “Do you want me to give you something legitimate to cry about?”

  Lexie shot me a warning look. “Knock it off.” She was calm as she slowly patted Carly’s arm. “Ignore her. She’s a borderline sociopath and doesn’t realize it. She has no idea how to console a pregnant woman – even her best friend – because she lacks empathy. She left her dolls out in the woods to die when we were kids. Did I ever tell you that story?”

  Oh, now she was hitting below the belt. “I only had three dolls. I left one of them in the woods.”

  “That’s a thirty-three percent fail rate.”

  “Yes, but … that doll was evil. It was possessed. It stared at me when I was trying to play with my Star Wars toys. I’m convinced my mother bought it to spy on me.”

  “It was expensive and your mother freaked out when you destroyed it.”

  I smiled at that portion of the memory. “Yeah. She screamed as if I was killing a real baby. That was so funny.” It took me a moment to realize Lexie and Carly were staring at me with horrified eyes, causing me to sober. “What was I saying? Oh, right. Dolls are different than babies. For the record, though, don’t leave me with that baby either. I can’t guarantee it will survive.”

  Miraculously, Carly’s tears had dried and she was back to glaring. “I can’t even deal with you right now. I just want to rip all your hair out of your head and choke you with it.”

  That was a rather detailed death fantasy. “Good to know. I … .” I forgot what I was going to say when movement on the other side of the counter caught my attention. I almost fell off my stool when I recognized the face. “Hello, Lily.”

  The young woman feigned surprise, but I was fairly certain she’d already seen me and that was why she’d decided to cross the room. “Ms. Shaw, what a pleasure it is to see you again,” her voice thick with disdain. “I didn’t know you frequented this establishment.”

  Her word choices were precise but her delivery was flat. “Yes, well, I frequent numerous places.”

  “Like cemeteries and strip clubs,” Carly muttered. “Anywhere her best friend isn’t hanging out.”

  “Stop being a drag,” I warned before focusing my full attention on Lily. “I didn’t realize you attended classes at my cousin’s studio.”

  “Oh, Lily is a regular,” Lexie said. “She’s been visiting since almost the beginning.”

  Huh. I thought for sure I was about to find out that she’d miraculously discovered the studio a few days before. I was thrown. “Oh, well … .”

  Lily pushed forward as if I wasn’t about to speak. “I’ll see you at the next class, Lexie.” She beamed at my cousin. “As always, I feel like a new woman after one of your workouts.”

  “I wish I could feel like a new woman,” Carly complained.

  Lily smiled at me. “Do you take yoga classes here?”

  “No, there are already three women trapped in my head,” I replied.

  “And all of them ignore their best friend,” Carly said.

  “Do you want me to call Kyle and tell him you’re jogging in place?” I challenged. “I will. I don’t care if it’s a lie.”

  She flicked the end of my nose. “You’re breaking my heart. I hope you know that.”

  “And you’re manipulating for two now. As for yoga, it’s not my thing.” I turned back to Lily and found she was gone. “Where did go?”

  “She left when you were talking,” Lexie replied, grabbing a glass from the shelf behind the counter. The studio was now empty except for the three of us. “I think she found you boring.”

  That was interesting, because she was still a suspect in my murder investigation. Sure, she wasn’t the lead suspect, but her appearance at the yoga studio didn’t help her odds. “She’s been coming here for a long time?”

  “Like almost from the start. Why?”

  “She used to be married to the guy who died at the courthouse the other day.”

  “Oh.” Lexie furrowed her brow. “I didn’t realize that. She never mentioned being married.”

  “She probably wouldn’t. Dan Crawford was a total tool.”

  “Well, it’s good that he’s dead then, right?”

  I merely cocked an eyebrow before turning to the business at hand. “You’re not doing anything tonight, are you? I need you to help me spy on someone.”

  Lexie didn’t as much as blink. “Who?”

  “One of the women accusing Bart Savage of rape. She’s the only one not talking to the media and I got word today that she was having an affair with him at one point. I’m trying to figure out what’s up with her, but she won’t willingly talk to me.”

  “So you decided to spy on her?”

  “Yup.”

  She exhaled heavily. “I guess I can spare some time to spy. We haven’t done that in a few weeks.”

  “Great.” I sipped the bottle of water Lexie handed me and turned to the door. “I’m going to finish this and get going. I’ll pick you up later.”

  “Just text before you come,” Lexie suggested. “Or we can go to dinner before and we can meet there. I’m not picky.”

  “No problem. I’ll talk to Eliot and figure it out. See you guys later.” I slowly got to my feet. “I hope you feel better soon, Carly,” I said pointedly. “I hope the demon baby starts thinking nice thoughts so you don’t go insane.” When I risked a glance at her I found fury clouding her eyes. “Now what?”

  “You’re going spying without me. I’m supposed to go with you on adventures like this. It’s always been you and me.”

  Uh-oh. “Um … .”

  “You can’t go with us this time,” Lexie said, her tone soothing. “You’re pregnant. You need to rest. It’s what’s best for the baby.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Carly’s expression twisted. “I don’t want to do what’s best for the baby. I want to play with you guys.”

  “We’re not playing,” I said seriously. “This is dangerous work. It’s best you stay home and watch out for the little one.”

  Carly’s glare was scathing. “I really hate yo
u right now. You have no idea how much.”

  How could she blame me for this? “I’m not the one who knocked you up. Blame Kyle.”

  “Oh, I blame him, too.”

  “Well … .” I held out my hands. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I’m done talking to you.” Carly was petulant as she stared at the wall. “I can’t even believe you’re my best friend. I mean … I just can’t even.”

  Ugh. This baby couldn’t be born soon enough. “Do you think an apocalypse is going to accompany the birth of that kid you’re carrying or is this a random demon instead of the antichrist?”

  “Stop talking!”

  Finally there was something we could agree on. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way, Lexie. Standard black clothes and rules apply. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but just in case … .”

  Lexie nodded as she patted Carly’s hand as a form of solace. “I’m on it. You should probably go before she kills you.”

  “Yeah. I’m out.” I flicked my eyes to Carly. “Hey, you might know this. Where can I find really good chocolate chip cookies to bribe Eliot with later?”

  “Cookies?” Carly was incensed. “I don’t want to talk about cookies! Why can’t you see that?”

  Hmm. Apparently I’d made things worse. I tended to do that even when I didn’t realize why. Ah, well. The Earth would keep spinning … and Carly would eventually pop that thing out.

  18 Eighteen

  I headed back to the protest long enough to conduct interviews and then filed my story from Eliot’s shop — which agitated Fawn to no end — and he graciously allowed me to take over his office. He worked the front, which was busy, and when I finally emerged after finishing he seemed to be in a good mood.

  “All done?”

  I nodded. “I’m ready for dinner.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Okay, but we have to eat in town. I have plans tonight.”

  I was immediately suspicious. “You have plans?” I ignored the pleased look on Fawn’s face and gave him my full attention.

  “I do,” he confirmed.

  “Hot date?”

  He snickered. “I guess you could call it that. I’m going to the sports bar over on Walnut to watch the football game with Jake.”