by K. C. Crowne
It was the middle of the night, which meant people were sleeping. Hopefully Tim was right, and the houses were condemned. Hopefully none of them had anyone living in them, or if they did, the people were able to get out. Getting called in to help another team wasn’t unusual, but it was only when things were bad. My heart sank as I thought about what might await us.
I glanced over at Jax. He’d had an exceptionally hard time handling the losses of the job. It had taken a toll on him, more so than anyone else. He’d lost someone close to him in a fire, and sometimes, I wondered how he was able to do what we did day in and day out.
The highs and the lows of the job were hard for anyone, but for Jax, they were personal. He’d gotten better over the last year or so though, and for that, I was thankful.
“This could be bad,” I said.
Jax nodded, not saying a word. His mouth was pursed into a thin line. He didn’t even look over at me.
And I’d thought it was going to be a slow night.
The acrid smoke burned my nostrils as I stepped into the building. The fire had been extinguished, but we were walking through, making sure there were no other fires or hazards. We were also looking for survivors, and as much as I hated to think it, bodies as well.
Many of the buildings were condemned, but it didn’t mean people weren’t living in them. The homeless occupied a few of the spaces, others, like Tim had said, should have been condemned, but were housing families who slipped through the cracks. I’d already seen a couple of children huddled outside under blankets, EMTs checking over them. Hopefully all the kids had survived.
So far, so good. No bodies, only survivors were found.
A shrill cry startled me, causing to turn on my heels. A woman’s voice called out, “Oliver! Ollie, baby, where are you?”
She was standing in the doorway, only Jax was keeping her from entering what was probably her home. Her shirt was stained with something red, and at first, I thought it was blood, but she seemed uninjured. Jax looked her over, having the same thought I had most likely, and seemed to come to the same conclusion.
“Oliver!” she cried out again.
It was the sound of a mother looking for her child. I knew it just from the tone of her voice, the sobs that could be heard from across the room. Jax was holding the woman back, tears streaming down her face. The first thing I noticed were her eyes because they reminded me of someone. Before I even knew what hit me, I was rushing over to her side, my heart aching for the pain in her voice.
“Miss, calm down,” Jax said. “We’ll find your son.”
Our eyes met, and the woman gasped. For a moment, I think we both forgot where we were at. Memories rushed back to me, and I knew that she didn’t merely look like someone I used to know - she was someone I used to know.
Someone I used to love dearly.
Jax continued talking to her in a calm tone. “What’s your name?”
Before the woman could answer, I did it for her.
“Chelsea? Chelsea Peabody?”
Jax looked at me, then at the woman.
Chelsea’s eyes went wide. “Finn, I--I’m looking for my son. I was at work, and he was here with my roommate and--”
She spoke a mile a minute, and there was no time for pleasantries. I was still shaken up by running into her. My head was filled with memories of the two of us - senior prom, being king and queen together, and the night before we both went our separate ways.
What was a girl like Chelsea doing in a place like this, I wondered? It was a dump. Last I knew, she’d gone off to study pre-med, to improve her lot in life, and I had no doubt in the world she’d do it too. She was the smartest, most ambitious woman I’d ever known.
I didn’t have a chance to ask her about all that, however. Jax was already talking to her about her son, Oliver. Hearing that she had a kid shouldn’t have bothered me, but it felt like a punch in the gut all the same.
Caleb must have heard the commotion and walked up the steps to the house. “There’s a little boy named Oliver with one of the EMTs over that way,” he said, pointing down the street a bit, away from the chaos.
Before I could ask Chelsea anything else, she took off down the stairs and off toward the ambulance. I took off after her. Jax called for me, but I ignored him. I’m not sure why, but I felt like I should be there just in case she needed me.
Chelsea and I both came to a halt at the same time, and her sobs turned to tears of joy as she fell to her knees. A little boy with her same dark brown hair and brown eyes was there at her feet. He couldn’t have been more than four years old. He was a little thing, adorable as all hell too. I stood back, relief rushing through me as I realized the boy didn’t have a scratch on him.
A woman stood nearby, and she fell to her knees too. She was crying.
“I was awake,” she said. “I heard the alarms, and we got out as fast as we could. He’s fine, Chels. Oliver is fine.”
“Thank you,” Chelsea said. She repeated it several more times, holding her son’s face in her hands and wiping away his tears. The child was clearly afraid.
Feeling out of place and like a third wheel, I stepped back from the family reunion. Little Oliver pointed at me and whispered something to his mother. Chelsea turned, and she saw me again, and seemed a bit surprised.
“Uhh, he wants to say hello,” she said softly, not meeting my gaze. “He’s never met a firefighter before.”
I was used to children wanting to ask questions and talk to me, especially in uniform. It was part of the job. But seeing that this was Chelsea’s son, a woman I once imagined having kids of my own with one day, was strange to me. I couldn’t let it get in the way of talking to the little boy though.
“Hey there. Oliver, is it?” I asked.
The kid nodded, nibbling his thumb and staring at me with wide eyes.
“I’m Finn,” I said, reaching out my hand. He stared at it, not sure what to do with it. I don’t know what I expected either, he was a bit too young to shake hands, so I patted him on the head.
He grinned at me, and I found it hard not to smile back at him. God, he was an adorable little guy and I found myself once again wondering about his father.
I heard Jax calling my name behind me, and I knew I had to get back to work. But I didn’t want to just leave Chelsea like that either. It had been so long since we’d seen each other, and seeing her again was a shock, but I wanted to get to know her now. To see what she’d been up to since we’d parted ways years ago. Obviously it wasn’t medical school like she’d always talked about.
“Finn, we need you--” Jax stopped short when he saw me with Oliver, and a smile stretched across my best friend’s face. “Why hello there, little guy. You must be the infamous Oliver everyone keeps talking about.”
Oliver’s eyes went wide, and he reached out his hand for his mom. When she stepped closer, he hid behind her, peering out at the two of us with both curiosity and fear.
“Thanks for everything,” Chelsea said, her voice soft and hardly audible over the sounds around us.
Her voice was almost lost amongst the sirens and the cars, the madness around us as people were being rushed to the hospital. For the most part, the scene had been contained. The fire was out. People were being taken care of. So far, no one had died, which was a good thing in a fire as large as it had been. But people had also lost their homes. A whole row of houses and buildings were gone, including Chelsea and Oliver’s home.
“Do you have somewhere to stay?” I asked.
Chelsea looked puzzled at first, but she shook her head, telling me all I needed to know. She didn’t meet my gaze, focusing on the ground before turning her attention to the other woman with her.
“You have family you can stay with, right?”
The other woman nodded, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
“I can ask around, see if anyone had a spare couch or--”
Before her friend could finish, I stopped her.
“You can stay with me
,” I said.
Both women looked at me, surprise on their faces. I’m sure her friend though I was just some random fireman offering up his place, but Chelsea knew who I was. I knew her family, she knew mine. We might not have been in touch over the years, but we were far from strangers.
“Finn, that’s very nice of you, but I can’t.”
Her eyes fell again, landing on her son. She stroked the top of his head gently as tears welled up in her eyes. Before she could finish what she was saying, she was crying again.
Her friend reached for her and held her close, but I knew that it wasn’t what she needed. I knew Chelsea, and I knew she was afraid. Not for herself, but for the little boy at her feet. She had nowhere else to go. Even if her pride had tried to convince her to turn me down, she knew she had no choice.
“Really, it’s not a problem,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “I live in Jersey too, not too far from here. I have a spare bedroom. It’s just for a few nights until you get things straightened out, Chels.”
Her brown eyes were still full of tears when she looked up at me. God, it pained me to see her hurting like that. It took everything in me not to run over to her and hold her close, just like old times. Leaving her, or rather letting her go, had been the hardest thing I’d ever done. I knew back then, it was for the best. She was so smart and ambitious; her dream was medical school and I had no doubt she’d be a doctor one day. What’s that saying again? If you love someone, let them go? Well, I did that. I didn’t want to, and even though years had passed, I found myself aching for her just like I did the day she’d left.
It had been the best though, or so I thought. Now, looking at her in a stained shirt, living out of a home that should be condemned, I had to wonder if I’d made the right choice.
“Okay, I guess a few nights wouldn’t hurt,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “As long as you’re sure it’s okay?”
“Of course I am,” I said.
Jax was still standing beside me, a sheepish look on his face. Now, it was our chief calling for us.
“Just wait here,” I said. “Let me finish up with everything, and I’ll get you taken care of.”
“Alright,” she said, and I swear there was a soft smile on her lips.
God, she was still as beautiful as she was back then, I thought. My heart raced. I scolded myself immediately, however. Don’t get any ideas, Finn, I told myself. Nothing can happen between the two of you. A lot has changed. She has a kid, that kid probably has a dad out there somewhere. Maybe she’s still married to him, maybe she’s not. It doesn’t matter. She has a kid, and you’re not ready for that level of responsibility.
Just for a few days, I’d told myself as I hurried over to my chief. I’d give her and the kid a place to stay for a few days, nothing more. Maybe we’d catch up, talk about our lives. We’d be friends, that’s it.
Jax let out a low whistle as we walked back over to truck.
“What is it?” I asked.
“So that’s Chelsea from high school, right? The one that got away?”
“Yep,” I said, wanting to leave it at that.
“And she’s going to be staying at your place for a few days?”
“Yeah…”
“Dude, I saw the way you looked at her, I know your history,” he said, his lips curling back into a grin. “You said you’re not looking to date or settle down, but I’m not sure you’re going to have much of a choice.”
I punched him in the arm just as Tim turned his attention toward his. Frowning, he said, “You think this is a time for games?”
“No, sir,” I said, putting on my best serious face.
“Good. Because people lost their homes, others were injured,” he said. “So stop fucking around and get back to work.”
Jax was still stifling his laughter, and I rolled my eyes at him. He was wrong, I told myself. I could handle it. So what if she looked the same as she did back then - only with more curves and shorter hair. Didn’t mean we’d fall into old routines. Didn’t mean shit.
She had a kid, I had my job. I was just doing what any old friend would do. I had to go back to the station and get my car, but I swung by and picked her up as soon as I could. Until I could get back to her, they were hanging out in a twenty-four hour diner, and I’d bought the three of them dinner. I hated making her wait until I got off work, but thankfully, it was nearing the end of my shift anyway.
Oliver had fallen asleep in the booth by the time I got back to the diner, and I carried him out to my car. Chelsea said goodbye to her friend Lydia, and they parted ways. Lydia made sure Chelsea knew what she was doing, and I thought it was sweet she had someone looking out for her.
But now, it was my turn to look out for her.
Holding the little boy in my arms, he weighed nothing at all. I was just happy he was sleeping. Some kids struggled with anxiety and nightmares after something like this, but Oliver seemed to roll with the punches pretty well.
“He’s been through a lot,” Chelsea said as she helped get him into my car. She’d managed to pull his car seat from the burned husk of her old home, and while it smelled like smoke, she still made sure to buckle him in properly before climbing into the front seat.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, as soon as we were both settled in the front. “He seems like a pretty resilient little guy.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” she said. She smiled, briefly, then wiped it away as quickly as it had come. Biting her lip, she continued. “We’ve had a bit of a rough time lately.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
I wanted to ask for more details, like about Oliver’s father and what had happened to college, but it felt too personal. Instead, I tried to let her control the flow of the conversation.
“Yeah, me too,” she said. “I hate that it has to be this way. You know me, Finn. You know this isn’t what I wanted for my life, and especially not what I wanted for his.”
The tears started flowing again. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, resisting the urge to take her hand or to touch her in any way. Staring straight ahead, I let her cry, not knowing what to say to make things better. We drove along in silence until I got to my apartment.
Originally, I’d had a roommate, but he’d moved out about two months prior, and I hadn’t really had the time to find a new one. It killed me to pay the full amount of rent each month, but thankfully, I still had a bit of a nest egg saved up from my folks. Some of us were lucky enough to have parents who could help us out.
Chelsea had no such luck. She’d been on her own for most of her life, even in high school. Sure, her parents were around, but they weren’t really parents. How she turned out so smart and ambitious, I’ll never know.
I found a spot on the street, not too far from my place. Chelsea went to grab Oliver, but I insisted on carrying him.
“I can do it by myself, you know,” she said. “I have been for a while now.”
“Ah, still the spitfire, I see,” I said, chuckling to myself.
She scowled at me, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“You’ve had a rough night, Chels. Let me help you, alright?”
I knew that when it came to her, asking for help was hard. Accepting it was even harder. But I could see the exhaustion written across her face. Anyone who’d experienced what she’d been through would be worn out, but it seemed to go deeper than that.
She nodded, and I lifted Oliver out of the seat. The boy’s eyes opened, briefly, and he let out a soft cry.
“Mommy’s here,” Chelsea said, taking his little hand in hers.
That softened the boy’s cries immediately. My heart swelled at the sweet moment between mother and son.
His eyes closed again, and I carried him into my building. Luckily, the elevator was working that night. I could have made the trek up eight levels, but Chelsea seemed to be barely holding on. I pushed the button for my floor, and we waited.
“I’m sure you’re wondering what happened to me, h
uh?” Chelsea asked, her voice stiff.
“I’m curious to catch up, to see what you’ve been up to,” I said, trying to phrase it as gently as possible.
“Come on, Finn. We both know that this isn’t what my life was supposed to look like,” she said.
The elevator opened, and we stepped inside.
“Life is funny, Chels. We never know what it has in store for us,” I said. I leaned against the back of the elevator, and caught my reflection in the doors. Oliver looked so small and fragile in my arms. My brown hair was cut short, but I had to admit that if Chelsea and I had ever had a child, he - or she - might have looked a lot like Oliver.
A knot formed in my throat as I pushed that thought away.
Neither one of us said another word until the elevator opened on my floor. I let Chelsea step out first, but she needed me to lead the way. I moved past her. My door was at the end of the hall, and I had to maneuver Oliver a bit in order to get to my keys. I marveled at how a little thing like Chelsea did it every day.
I pushed open the door with my foot and motioned for Chelsea to step inside. She did so without hesitation, looking around at my place.
It wasn’t what I’d imagined for my future either, but it wasn’t bad. No need for anything nicer when it was just me, and I was rarely at home anyway.
“Sorry for the mess,” I said, stepping over a trash bag I’d forgotten to take out earlier. “I don’t get much time at home.”
“I can see that,” Chelsea said, laughing as she walked through my living room and into my kitchen. “Do you ever eat food that doesn’t come from a box? Did you forget how to cook, Finn?”
“I still know how,” I said. “But what’s the point when it’s just me, you know?”
I carried Oliver down the hall to my spare room. Thankfully, it was still mostly furnished. I’d been considering renting it out as an Air BnB so I picked up a few cheap pieces of furniture from thrift stores and gotten some from friends. It was mismatched and not the prettiest, but it would do.
I put Oliver down on the bed and covered him up. Staring down at the little boy, the knot from earlier re-formed in my throat.