A Shiver of Light

by Laurell K. Hamilton

TWENTY-FOUR

  QUEEN ANDAIS WAS on the large mirror in the dining room again, but it was a very different call. She was wearing a sleek black pantsuit that covered almost all of her; only the lack of a shirt underneath the vest left more cleavage than Auntie Andais should probably have been flashing around her nephew and nieces, but the outfit was such a concession that I wouldn’t have dared complain. This was as much as she dressed for a press conference; it was a big step in the right direction.

  Her consort, Eamon, was at her side in a tailored black suit, but he’d added a round-collared white shirt with pencil-thin black stripes under his vest so he was showing far less chest.

  Doyle was at my side, along with Mistral, Rhys, and Galen. Kitto was back in his place under my feet as my footstool. I’d let him know that this was an informal conference and he could pass on his role, but he had said, “I still do not believe that I am so lucky as to be one of the fathers of the babes, and I would have a place at your side, Merry, even if it is under your feet.” What could I say to that?

  Kitto was wearing yoga pants today, shirtless, no shoes, because the men were working out after the call. Doyle had insisted everyone learn how to protect themselves at least a little, no exceptions. Doyle and Galen were in jeans, and it was slacks for Rhys and Mistral, because their weaponry needed a belt and fitted waistband to fit properly. They’d change after the phone call. Doyle’s weapons blended in with his all-black clothing, but Galen’s blue jeans and green T-shirt showed every weapon he had. Mistral and Rhys were in suits with jackets designed to go over weapons, so it was less obvious. One of the exiled lesser fey here in L. A. had built them all leather holsters that were magically less visible under clothes, but the men had decided they wanted the queen to see that they were armed. Well, except for the pregnant lady. I knew how to use a gun and a sword, but when my doctor approved it I was joining the training. It probably wouldn’t have helped me against Taranis, but I wanted more options if there was ever a next time. I was wearing one of the purple dresses that was actually fitted around the waist. It was good to be back in real clothes again, though the strappy black sandals with their stiletto heels were just for show. I so wasn’t ready to walk in anything like that yet. We’d learned that Kitto liked feeling heels in his back during sex, so he was very okay with the shoes.

  “You must make Taranis afraid of you, Meredith; only fear will hold him in check.” She’d requested to see the babies, but we were talking business first.

  “He’s already attacked Doyle, and we believe that was motivated out of fear. The king would not willingly meet him in a duel,” I said.

  “Yes, he feared the Queen’s Darkness, but he does not fear Doyle in the same way. He feared me, Meredith, and my Darkness as an extension of me, but without my protection and threat he sees Doyle as only your strong right hand; chop that hand off and it makes you even weaker than you are. You must make Taranis fear you, Meredith, you and no other, if you are to rule the Unseelie Court. If he does not fear you, then it is only a matter of time before the Seelie try to take your throne and combine it with theirs.”

  “He’s made it clear that he would welcome me as his queen,” I said, and looked carefully at nothing when I said it, because I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my eyes and Andais had used my emotion against me for years.

  “I thought about using his rape of you as a reason to challenge him to a duel.”

  That made me look at her again. “I didn’t think you cared that much about my fate, Aunt Andais.”

  “It’s not your fate, Meredith, it’s the insult of him thinking he could kidnap and attack my heir with no retribution.”

  “Of course, it’s an insult to you,” I said, and just shook my head. She didn’t understand that she’d just admitted that what happened to me was important only because it showed a lack of respect for her.

  Eamon laid a hand on her shoulder and looked at me. His face showed that he at least understood, and understood that she didn’t. I tried to tell him with my eyes that I appreciated it. Andais went on talking, oblivious.

  She said, “It is, but I believe Taranis is actually insane. He has convinced himself that you went willingly with him and were kidnapped from him by the evil Unseelie. The King of Light and Illusion seems to be truly deluded.”

  “I agree,” I said.

  “He babbles of taking you as queen if he can only strip you of the abusive Unseelie that are poisoning your mind against him. If I wanted to strip you of your protection I, too, would begin with the Princess’s Darkness. It really doesn’t have the same ring as the Queen’s Darkness, does it?”

  “No, Aunt Andais, it does not.”

  She looked just past my shoulder to where Doyle stood, as he had once stood by her, though he had his hand on my shoulder, a gesture I don’t think I’d ever seen him make to her. I raised my hand to lay it over his.

  “No need to remind me that I neglected my Darkness.”

  “I didn’t touch his hand to remind you of anything, Aunt Andais; I did it because I wanted to touch him.”

  She made a small movement with her mouth that meant she was unhappy, and then smoothed it into a smile. She really was trying, on this first call since I’d laid down my ultimatum that she behave like a sane person or she couldn’t see the babies.

  “I believe that, though I do not understand it.”

  What I wanted to say was, How sad for you, but my aunt had never taken well to pity. She didn’t understand it and always saw it as an insult, and she certainly never gave pity to anyone. She was pitiless in the true meaning of the word.

  I looked past her to Eamon with his own hand on her shoulder. I was sorry for him, too, and if he had been mine I would have reached up and touched his hand, as I did Doyle’s, but he wasn’t mine to worry over, and he loved Andais utterly. I’d never understood why, but I knew it to be truth.

  “You are the Queen of Air and Darkness, my aunt; all fear you. How do I make Taranis fear me?”

  “You disfigured him in the dream, Meredith; that did frighten him.”

  I tensed, holding tighter to Doyle’s hand, my heels involuntarily digging a little harder into Kitto’s back. “I told you that I used my hand of power on him in the dream, but not what hand of power I used. How did you know that?”

  “Darkness is not the only one with spies at the Golden Court, Meredith. Taranis’s sleep is troubled, for he keeps seeing his arm melted and crippled from your magic. If you would do that in reality to someone that he could see, a constant visible reminder, it would be a good start to his fearing you.”

  “Are you actually suggesting that I pick some random Seelie sidhe and partially cripple or disfigure him, just as an object lesson to Taranis?”

  She nodded.

  I saw Eamon’s hand tighten on her shoulder, as if to caution her. She patted his hand absentmindedly but did not hold on to it.

  “There is no one I hate that much at the Seelie Court,” I said.

  She frowned at me. “It’s not about hate, Meredith, it’s about practicality. You asked how to frighten Taranis; well, I’m telling you how to do that. If you don’t want my help, then do not ask for it; it is most irritating to suggest things and watch you make that face.”

  “I wasn’t aware I was making a face, Aunt Andais; I will try to school my expression better from now on.”

  “And there you go again, that tone in your voice, never a word out of place, but your tone says, clearly, ‘You are a fucking psycho bitch and I hate you.’”

  “I would never say such a thing, Aunt Andais.”

  “No, you would never say it, but you think it hard enough.”

  “I don’t believe I’ve ever said, or even thought, those exact words about you, my aunt.”

  “Then what words would you say aloud, if you dared?”

  “Are you simply incapable of having a conversation where you don’t threaten me or imply something unpleasant?” I asked.

  She startled visibly, and this time s
he did reach for Eamon’s hand. “I … I hadn’t thought about it, niece of mine. I have spent many centuries where my threat was all that kept me and my court safe. You see what Taranis will do if he does not fear another royal.”

  I nodded. “I do understand that. So you’re saying that it’s just habit for you to threaten people?”

  She seemed to actually think about it for a moment and then said, “Yes, I believe it is.”

  I sighed and squeezed Doyle’s hand. Mistral moved closer to me and laid his hand on my other shoulder. I reached up and took his hand, too. It helped steady me to touch them, though I knew that Mistral did not understand why such casual touch pleased me so; he was the least affectionate of the fathers outside the bedroom, but once he’d accepted that I liked and needed it, he’d tried to do more. I appreciated his efforts and did my best to tell him so.

  “That must be very lonely,” Galen said.

  We all turned to him slowly, like you do in a horror film, because that was pity and you did not let the queen know you pitied her, ever.

  She looked at him, head to one side like a crow about to peck the eye out of a corpse. “What did you say?” Her voice made it plain that she didn’t believe he’d repeat himself, and that he certainly shouldn’t repeat it.

  “If people are afraid of you, how do they love you?” he asked.

  “Love,” she said, and made it sound like a very different kind of four-letter word.

  “Yes,” he said, softly.

  I wanted to say, Stop this, don’t make her look at herself that closely, but hadn’t I done just that the last time we spoke to her? Had my boldness made him bolder, too?

  “I do not need to be loved, Galen. I need to be obeyed. I need my people to follow me unquestionably.”

  “Everyone needs to be loved, my queen,” he said.

  “Now you remember I’m your queen; how convenient and how too late.”

  “Too late for what, Aunt Andais?” I asked. My heart was thudding in my throat, and I had to swallow past it to speak clearly. Galen had been one of her lesser guards; he had no special place in her esteem, which meant he had no cards to play here. What was he trying to accomplish?

  “If Merry disfigured members of the Seelie Court, they could go to the human media. They would think her a monster, and they’d be right.”

  She frowned and gave him a very unfriendly look. “Perhaps being thought a monster is the price a queen must pay to keep her people and those she loves safe.”

  “Perhaps,” he said, “but Meredith must win the media’s love, or the Golden Court will win their sympathy and all the good work you’ve done over the years in America will be undone. Haven’t you wished for Taranis and his people to be as reviled and feared as we once were?”

  She still didn’t look happy, but there was a considering look on her face. He had her thinking, which in this case was good. “Go on,” she said, voice still unhappy, but under that was another tone. I couldn’t quite interpret it, but it wasn’t anger.

  “What if we make Taranis the monster in the press? What if we use the modern media to win the hearts and minds of viewers to our side?”

  “Viewers? I don’t understand.”

  “We’ve been offered a television show.”

  “We had decided not to take it,” Doyle said.

  Galen turned to Doyle. “But don’t you see? Taranis will never be able to control himself forever. If we give him enough on-camera rope, I think he’ll hang himself.”

  “You want him to attack us on camera,” I said, staring at him.

  “I think I do, yes, I do.”

  “He could hurt or even kill one of us, not to mention endangering the human camera crew,” Rhys said.

  “True, it’s a risk, but maybe we don’t have to make him fear Merry, but fear looking bad on TV. He’s the King of Light and Illusion; he prides himself on being desirable, right?”

  “He does,” Doyle said.

  “What would he do if he saw himself on film being monstrous and terrifying?”

  “The cameras could capture your deaths on film very nicely,” Andais said in a voice thick with disdain.

  “Or capture us fighting for our lives and defending ourselves.”

  “You’re planning to kill him on camera,” Andais said, and she sounded astonished and almost happy.

  Galen nodded. “If he attacks us, yes, why not?”

  She laughed, head back, her hand in Eamon’s swinging, almost like a child skipping beside you.

  “We’d be up on murder charges, for one thing,” Rhys said.

  “Maybe, but the camera crew would be our witnesses, don’t you see?”

  “It is possible, but Taranis would have to lose complete control on camera,” Doyle said.

  “And we would have to have the camera crew in the house with us for weeks, months before the chance might come,” Mistral said. His hand was tense in mine.

  I turned and looked up at him. His long gray hair had more glittering strands of gold, copper, and silver, as if the “light” were getting stronger with his anxiety.

  “The thought of them filming us truly bothers you,” I said.

  “Yes, do you honestly want them filming everything here?”

  “There are things that we do, or that happen around us, that we might not want on camera,” Doyle said.

  I turned and looked at him. He was right, but … “No, Mistral, I don’t, and Doyle is right.”

  “If we just want to kill the king, then let’s do it. Why do the television show? Why give the courts proof we did it? We could go back home and simply execute him for what he did to Merry.”

  “I like this plan,” Doyle said, and his deep voice was a little deeper with emotion. I knew he’d wanted to slay Taranis for raping me. It had been tempting to let him do it.

  “No,” I said, “no, the risk is too great.” I squeezed his hand in mine and looked up at him. “I will not lose you to vengeance.”

  “He’s tried to kill me twice, Meredith; if he attacks us on camera my life may still be forfeit.”

  “Then no,” I said, “no. We will not lure him here to help us kill him on camera, and we will not go home and slay him there. We will leave the mad king alone.”

  “He won’t leave us alone, Merry,” Galen said.

  “The boy is right,” Mistral said.

  “He’s going to hunt us in our dreams, Merry; we can’t protect ourselves there, so bring him out here where our power is greater.”

  “What power do we have that is greater?” I asked.

  “You are Princess Meredith NicEssus, the first faerie princess born on American soil, and now you have triplets. You are a media darling, or have you forgotten that the police had to help us drive out through the press and people?”

  “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Merry, you are the face of faerie right now. If you take this moment and run with it, really embrace it, you will have the power of the media.”

  “They’re already trying to climb the walls and using telephoto lenses on us, Galen. I’m not sure I want more.”

  “You asked what power we have that is greater than Taranis; well, that’s it. You can be the biggest star, the biggest illusion in all faerie, because we pick and choose what they see. We can take this moment and show the Unseelie as good and loving, and eventually the king will lose it and have to come to us. He won’t be able to resist, because above all else he has to be the star, the center of attention.”

  “He always has been a media slut,” Rhys said.

  “No,” I said, “just no; I just want to enjoy my children and the men I love. I don’t want more attention.”

  “You can do what the queen suggested, and maim someone with your hand of flesh, but then you will be the bad guy. Let’s just for once make the Seelie Court the bad guys.”

  “This is conspiracy before the fact,” I said.

  “No, it’s not. We won’t do anything to lure him here or set him up; he will come on his ow
n, because he won’t want anyone, not even you, to outshine him, Meredith. His ego is too big to stay away.”

  “It could take months for him to finally break down and come here,” I said.

  “It could, but we’ll be getting paid pretty handsomely the whole time, and maybe Maeve can stay home with Liam, so that he starts thinking of her as mommy, not just his mother.”

  “Oh, don’t go and spoil it now,” Andais said.

  “Spoil what?” Galen asked.

  “You had a lovely plan to kill the king, and now instead of fear or revenge, your motive is all love and sunshine; please, just let me have a few more moments of thinking that there is an Unseelie heart trapped in that overgrown pixie body.”

  The smile left his face, and he looked … cold. “Trust me, my queen, I am Unseelie.” And just as Andais had accused me of my words being mild but my tone being insulting, so now Galen’s words were fine, but the tone was … ominous, even threatening.

  She looked at him, and there was something in her face I’d never seen before when she looked at Galen. She “saw” him, considered him in a way I don’t believe she ever had before. Andais had a very binary way of looking at most men. They were either barely considered, victims of the moment, or potential lovers. He’d been her victim before, as had we all, and he’d been barely considered for most of his life, but now I watched that third choice cross through her eyes.

  “If the genetic tests do not come back with your genetics listed, then perhaps I’ll give you a night to prove just how Unseelie you are, Galen Greenknight.”

  He tensed, visibly, his newfound boldness stumbling. My heart was back in my throat, and I was clutching Doyle’s hand a little. Mistral had actually moved a little apart from us, so that he was at Rhys’s back, as if he thought she might try some violence, and in a way he was right, because she didn’t have sex without violence. She was like the anti-vanilla, Auntie Vanilla, and once I thought of it, it was funny and I laughed.

  I laughed and I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard it began to ache in places that even sex hadn’t bothered. I laughed until tears ran down my face, and I heard other laughter. Galen came to stand by my chair, taking my hand and joining me in helpless laughter, but we were the only ones. Everyone else stayed silent, and when I could wipe the tears away enough to look at the mirror I saw why: The queen was not amused.