Black

by Angelina J. Steffort

  “You called?” He practically chortled when he saw my reaction. I clapped a hand over my face.

  “You need to stop doing this, Jaden,” I muttered.

  Jaden ignored that and said breezily, “Now that we are all here, what’s so important I need to hear it right away?”

  Ben laughed and pulled out a chair for Jaden.

  “Claire knows how Chris can get his powers back.”

  “That’s great!” Jaden’s enthusiasm seemed real. “How?”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Meditation.”

  I waited for them to laugh. It had made sense when it had been Liz’ words, but coming from my mouth it suddenly sounded trivial—ridiculous.

  No one laughed. Three Gallagers and my guardian angel were all sitting there, staring at me, as if I had just enlightened them.

  Temptation

  “Details, Claire.” Jaden was the first to react.

  “You all know how I still carry Adam’s mark—a fragment of his soul.”

  The four angels nodded in unison.

  “Well, apparently that’s the key.”

  “How?” It was Chris this time.

  “You marked Adam, when you spread your wings for the first time. When a person is marked, they transfer part of their soul to the angel. There is a part of him in you, too.”

  “We all know that,” Ben stated impatiently.

  “Yes, you do.” Jenna gave him a warning look. “Now let Claire continue.”

  “When the marked person dies in a wrongful way, the soul of the angel is unhinged. And when the angel loses touch with the fragment of the mark that’s still with them, they lose their powers.

  “We need to reconnect you with Adam’s soul, Chris.” I looked at him mildly victorious. “And I have the best odds of guiding you in the right direction, because part of his soul is in me, too.”

  “Of course,” Jaden leaned forward and thoughtfully fingered a crimson flower.

  “This sounds almost too easy,” Chris doubted.

  “Is it really possible?” Ben asked, his eyes on Jaden.

  Jaden nodded.

  “Chris is lucky, Adam marked Claire.” Jaden pulled the flower from the arrangement. “It’s an old technique. It rarely works if the angel works by themselves. But with having another part of Adam’s soul within Claire, the odds are in our favor.” He plucked another flower and laid the pair in front of him. “You should really give it a shot, Chris.”

  Jenna had a tear in her eye. “You’ll be fine.”

  Ben watched us for a moment. It was impossible to read his expression.

  Geoffrey entered with a tray of bread sticks elaborately wrapped with thin slices of prosciutto, and cut melon. I raised an eyebrow appreciatively. I couldn’t help thinking this was never how Sophie and I started dinners in our modest kitchen in our little house on our time-worn street.

  Between biting a slice of melon and lifting a bread stick, Jaden nudged my arm discretely.

  “Can I talk to you in private?” he demanded and got to his feet.

  His face was the opposite of enthusiastic. There was concern written all over it.

  “Excuse us for a moment,” he said politely and gestured me to come with him.

  I did as he asked, and followed him to the large living room across the hallway.

  “What?” I eyed him suspiciously.

  “Your theories about recovering Chris’ powers,” his face got dark. “Where did you get them?”

  I was surprised by his distrust.

  “Liz.”

  “Who is Liz?”

  “The new librarian,” I answered childishly. I felt uncomfortable with the way he interrogated me.

  “How does she know about those techniques?” Jaden’s voice was slightly alarmed now.

  “I thought you always knew everything. How come you don’t know about Liz?”

  “Claire, I am serious. How does she know?”

  I took a deep breath.

  “She’s a Guard.”

  I waited for Jaden to react but he just stared at me.

  “Jaden?”

  When he eventually unfroze, the alarm in his eyes was gone, but the concern was still there.

  “You know, after Lucas Baker was murdered, she took over the library. She says she is here to help. That Lucas reached out to her before his death.”

  Jaden waited for me to continue.

  “You have heard of The Guard, right?” I asked, now worried myself.

  “Of course I have.”

  Of course he must have come across them in his millennium-long life.

  “Jaden, is everything ok?”

  He nodded.

  “I need to check a few facts about this Liz. She must be part of the inner circle in order to have access to such knowledge. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself.”

  “She said, The Guard is there to help angels. That’s true, isn’t it?” I was suddenly worried I might have given away too much.

  “They are. If any human can be trusted with information, it’s them.”

  That relieved me a little bit.

  “How much does she know?” Jaden bore his golden stare into me.

  “Everything—about the Gallagers. Your name didn’t come up.” I tried to withstand his eyes. “She knew about the Gallagers before. I didn’t tell her. I just filled the gaps in the story. Shouldn’t I have told her? Lucas’ last instruction to me was to trust Liz, and I trusted him, so I thought...”

  “No, that’s fine,” Jaden interrupted. “Let’s go back. We’re being rude.”

  When we were seated at the table again, Ben gave me a questioning look.

  “Everything ok?” he asked over the flowers.

  “Everything fine.” I guessed that was the truth.

  My eyes widened as Geoffrey placed a steaming platter on the table. Ben winked at the butler and said, obviously for my benefit, “Geoffrey’s saltimbocca would be world-famous if he ever decided to share the recipe.” It was clear from the smiles around the table that there would never be any encouragement for that. Geoffrey bowed slightly and left the room, where silence reigned for a while as we all turned our attention to dinner.

  When we reached the stage of second helpings, Jenna took up the conversation again.

  “When shall we start?” she asked, her eyes wandering between Chris and me, her expression showing anxiety and urgency.

  “Uhm—I am ready when you are, Chris.”

  He hesitated a moment. “This upcoming Saturday.”

  Our eyes met and I saw commitment in his.

  “Let’s get your wings back.”

  It was late at night when we were finished talking. We had lingered over the dinner table long past dessert and through several coffees. I wondered how they all stayed so fit and healthy, with Geoffrey in their kitchen every day, but perhaps it was one of the angelic powers. I’d have to ask when I had the chance. The three Gallagers and Jaden had made a schedule for Claire-duty, making sure I was never unprotected. Jaden would take day-shifts at school, Ben and Jenna after school and weekends. Most of the night-shifts belonged to Jaden, but every now and then I would stay at the Gallagers’ overnight. It underlined my helplessness as an ordinary mortal, but it also threw the spotlight on Chris’ situation, unable to protect me or his family or even himself. It was good we were starting to work on it soon.

  “Ready?” Ben asked with his hands reaching out to me.

  I nodded.

  “Let’s get this over with.”

  The group consensus was that I should spend the rest of the week at their house. It would be easiest to protect me there and the others wouldn’t have to divert forces.

  It was Ben’s honorable job to teleport me to my house to pack my things. Jaden had taken off to find out more about the demons. He had mentioned a trail, and that made me worry even more.

  I knew it was only a matter of time till they would come and take us apart one by one. I shuddered.

&nb
sp; Ben grabbed my shoulders and I felt like being pulled through ice-cold water for a second as everything went black. I lost track of time and orientation. Then my feet hit the floor in my living room.

  I pulled away from him and rushed up the stairs. It was still awkward to be alone with him.

  Three nights. One schoolday. I needed to put together a bag that would last me that long.

  “Do you need any help?” Ben called after me. His footsteps were light and effortless as he was jogging up to my bedroom.

  “I think I have it under control.”

  I dove into my dresser drawers and pulled out random shirts.

  Ben was waiting right behind me, ready to catch whatever was flying towards the bed. He placed them neatly with my jeans and toiletries on the to-pack pile.

  “Are you sure you need all of these?” He pointed at the shirts.

  “Positive. These and something else.” I had to grin. “Turn around.”

  Ben raised his eyebrows.

  “Why?”

  I pointed at a drawer.

  “The moment I open this, I want your eyes facing the other direction. Observe whatever you find interesting on the opposite wall.”

  “You are embarrassed,” he noticed, reading my emotions.

  “Of course I am,” I admitted. “My underwear drawer is really none of your business.”

  Ben laughed and turned away.

  It took me less than a minute to put together everything I needed and stuff my things into a bag.

  “Done?” he asked and peeked over his shoulder.

  “Done.”

  I dropped the bag on the bed and turned towards the door.

  “I’ll be back in a moment. Just need to get something to drink quickly.”

  I rushed down the stairs and to the kitchen. The fridge was almost empty. I was rarely home and the fridge was a mirror of my absence.

  I found a soda between an expired yogurt and a bottle of soy sauce, and opened it.

  “Do you want anything?” I asked. I didn’t bother yelling. Ben would hear me with his supernatural senses.

  “No thanks.” The answer came from right behind me.

  I jumped.

  “Good. Because even if you had said yes, unless you enjoy drinking soy sauce, there is nothing I can offer.”

  Ben chuckled. It was a strangely compelling sound. It made me want to smile.

  I turned around and felt my lips twitch.

  Ben stood still. He was fairly close. Just a step away. The atmosphere in the room had changed completely.

  “We should go,” he said, unmoving.

  I nodded and gulped down the soda before I set down the open can on the counter with an outstretched arm.

  Ben watched me and waited for me to turn back to him. His smile was still in place.

  “Shall we?” He held out his hand.

  “My bag.” My eyes wandered up to the ceiling, as if they could see my room through joists and flooring.

  Ben reached for my hand with his fingers and gently pulled me towards the stairs.

  We walked up side by side. There was a familiar tension between us.

  “My bag is over there,” I pointed to my bed without thinking.

  Ben stopped me in the doorway. He disappeared for a heartbeat and popped up in front of me, my carry-on strapped over his shoulder.

  “Now we are ready.” His words didn’t mirror in his eyes. They were searching mine. I didn’t know what he found there, but whatever it was made him lower his gaze.

  I tried to read them, but they were hidden under his lashes.

  “Claire—” he took my hands.

  “Ben—” I tried to stop him from saying it.

  At the sound of his name his eyes looked back at mine, liquid steel.

  Ben knew how I felt. Even if he couldn’t read my mind, my emotions were an open book to his angel senses. Besides which he could probably hear my heart beating as loud as any drum.

  He gave me a brief smile, as if asking for a permission he knew he didn’t really need, and moved closer.

  His breath came as a quiet sigh before his lips brushed mine ever so slightly.

  It was a warm and soft touch. Controlled. Somehow I could tell that he was holding back, and I could understand.

  This was an experiment. For him as much as for me. I was one-hundred percent sure he could never be for me what Adam had been; but couldn’t he be right for me, all the same? Just for now? Did I have to make a choice?

  Ben’s hands were still holding mine, their touch so light, I couldn’t be sure I wasn’t just imagining it. It felt nice. Familiar somehow.

  Like Adam’s touch, the voice mocked. Nothing like Adam, I snapped back at it. The voice and I were both right, and I flinched away from the thought. Straight into Ben’s kiss.

  Eagerly, he responded by trapping my hands against his chest and pulling me in tight with his free arm. His lips pressed mine urgently. It was a mistaken response, but I felt a flood of heat anyway.

  What can you lose? the voice in my head murmured temptingly, and for once I just stopped thinking, giving myself over entirely to merely feeling.

  Ben moved his lips away from mine, moving them thrillingly along my jaw and down the side of my neck. He sank his hands into my hair and played with it down my back.

  “You don’t have to do this,” Ben breathed onto my skin, “I can understand if you’re not ready.”

  My breath was becoming uneven. I hadn’t planned for this. With everything that had happened, I couldn’t have seen this coming, that kissing another boy would feel right to me—if only for a minute.

  “No, I want to.” My fingers moved up his arms and behind his neck, to prove I meant it.

  Ben caught them before they reached his hairline.

  “You sure?” he asked, a hint of doubt written in his features.

  I nodded, not trusting my voice.

  He kissed me again. Carefully this time. Like he was waiting for me to change my mind.

  I wanted to be close to him. He made me feel better. But how will you feel when you wake up tomorrow and you know you made a mistake? The voice in my head started just in time to make me hesitate. I knew I would hate myself tomorrow if I continued now. I would feel bad—guilty. I already did.

  Ben felt the difference. He had seen it coming and he pulled back immediately.

  “I’m sorry.” I looked at the wall, not daring to meet his gaze. I didn’t want to see the disappointment I had caused.

  Ben let me go and stepped away.

  “I’ve got time,” he whispered. “Let me know when you change your mind again.”

  When I looked up, there was the hint of a smile on his lips.

  But I knew I wouldn’t. My heart and soul were Adam’s. Even if he was dead. I couldn’t help it, my heart beat for him—every single beat in remembrance of his existence.

  “Can we go, please?” I was embarrassed. Ben must have felt everything. He must know exactly how there was no way this would work.

  “Sure.”

  He took my hand and pulled me towards him. The next thing I saw was the familiar guest room.

  Jenna was pulling back the sheets. She didn’t seem startled by our sudden appearance, like she had been waiting for us.

  “Everything is ready,” she walked over and took my bag from Ben’s shoulder, eyeing the two of us carefully.

  I was wondering what she saw there in his and my emotions. Right now, I couldn’t even tell myself how I felt.

  “Good night, Ben,” I said when he turned to leave. “And thank you.”

  He paused and gave me a smile before he disappeared through the door.

  The sound of a zipper being opened called my attention.

  “Everything alright?” Jenna asked with motherly worry in her voice.

  “Sure.” I shrugged and walked over to sit on the bed.

  Jenna sat beside me.

  “He means well.”

  I pondered that for a moment.


  “You must understand, all his life he has been in the shadow of his older brother. And even now that Adam is dead, he loses against him.”

  Did I understand her right? Was Ben chasing me just to prove he could get something his brother had?

  “Don’t get me wrong. He loved his brother—he still does. And he suffers a lot. Adam was his idol. He is trying to figure out what man he wants to become.” Jenna’s face was between proud and worried.

  “What type of man do you think he is?” I wondered aloud.

  Jenna took my hand.

  “He is a boy. He is still undecided. But one thing I have seen when I look at the two of you together. His feelings for you are real.”

  I gulped. “What should I do?”

  “Give it time.” She smiled. “What you and Adam had was special. I doubt there is a person in the world who can replace him—”

  “That’s exactly how I feel,” I interrupted.

  “—but maybe replacing him is the wrong approach. Maybe you’ll find room in your heart for a new person without replacing your love for Adam.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Adam is dead. He didn’t leave you, he didn’t betray you. What he left behind is pure.”

  She was right. Not to forget, that a part of my soul died with him.

  “Hold on to that pureness. Don’t let anyone rush you. One day you may be healed enough to let someone new in.”

  Jenna stood up.

  “Sleep well, Claire.” She left the room without a sound other than the rustling of fabric rubbing against each other when she moved.

  “Good night.”

  Meditation

  “Breathe—” I instructed.

  I was sitting on the floor of the Gallagers’ library, crosslegged and surrounded by hundreds of books. Chris was sitting across the room, near the window. He looked slightly uncomfortable.

  “Why again do we have to do this on the floor?” Chris asked with a crease in his forehead.

  “Liz said it is the best way.” I shrugged and took a deep breath myself.

  Chris’ shoulders were tense. I didn’t need to be able to read his emotions to know he’d rather be anywhere but here.