His head hurt. Sean had thrown him against the wall last night for taking a ‘tone’. He threw his good arm over his face and closed his eyes. He needed his fix, but Sean wouldn’t be home with it for another hour.
Dammit.
He found a semi-comfortable position and looked at the radio. The numbers on the clock were blurring together. He wondered if he had a concussion. He didn’t think so-his pupils were the same size as always. It was too light in the room.
He hated this room, now that he thought about it. It was too cold, with hardly any color except for a few drops of blood on the carpet and a rusty stain on the far wall. That was blood, too-Sean had shaken him back and forth by the wall and he’d hit his head hard enough to knock him out. Apparently he’d bled some, because when he regained consciousness Sean was scrubbing a stain off the wall. He put the memory out of his mind-it would only make him feel worse. He decided to think of Nancy again. That was a nice topic.
Their fingers had brushed together earlier. The sensation had been like an electric shock. He wasn’t sure who had pulled back, and it didn’t matter. It had been a start. He was just so damn nervous around everyone, but her especially. He didn’t know why.
Next time I go in there, I’ll talk to her again.
Chapter Nineteen
Nancy was leaning against the wall, smoking. She loved cigarettes. They soothed her.
“Oh, so you’re a rebel.”
She jumped and nearly dropped the cigarette.
“Excuse me?”
Cole pointed to the sign next to her.
“Says no smoking.”
“No one pays attention to the sign.”
He smirked. That fit his face better than a proper smile.
“Want one?” she asked.
Might as well make nice to the guy.
“Sure.”
He took one, using only two fingers to take it. He had his own lighter.
“Want a spot by the wall? You’re getting wet.”
“I’m okay.”
“Are you still sick?”
“Not very.”
“Still. Come out of the rain.”
He did, keeping close to the edge of the awning. Maybe he was a germophobe. Or just shy.
“How’s it going?”
“It’s going okay. I can’t drop the dose anymore until I’m better.”
“It’s a long process.”
“You’ve seen it before?”
Never like you.
“Yes.” she said.
“How long does it take?”
“Depends. A few months, at least.”
He nodded and took a drag of the cigarette. He still looked very pale.
“What are you in school for?”
“I’m studying to be a nurse.”
“In?”
“An upscale rehab clinic. I want to deal with the mental part of addictions, if I can. Cravings and depression and stuff.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s great.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else but didn’t.
“You’re a little early.”
“Good traffic.”
In the road, someone rolled down their window and screamed at the car in front of them to drive. They both laughed.
“Thanks for the cigarette.”
“Yeah, sure. It helps. By the way…if it gets really bad, one of our other patients said video games help him take the edge off.”
“Video games?”
“Yeah. He said it was a good distraction.”
“Thanks for the tip.”
“Sure.”
“He have any tips for the itching?”
“Don’t scratch. Someone a while back said an ice bath helped, though.”
“Thank you.”
“Sure. It’s a bitch.”
He nodded.
“Have you lived in Seattle for a long time?”
“My whole life. You?”
“Yeah. Well, that’s a lie-we spent a year a little outside of it, but that was when I was little.”
“Where were you?”
“I don’t remember.”
He coughed and leaned against a support column.
“I’m gonna go in now. You coming?”
“Yeah.”
He got the door for her.
“Thank you.”
“Sure.”
There was the hint of a smile on his face, but it was gone a second later.
“What do you do after work?”
“I’m kind of a homebody.” she admitted. “I stay at home and watch cartoons.”
She knew better than to ask what his activity was. It was obvious, and he acknowledged that.
“I’m looking for new hobbies.”
“Sit down. Let me get the thermometer.”
She could feel his eyes on her. It unnerved her a little.
“Here.”
His fever had not gone down.
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“No. I’m sick a lot.”
She brought him a water and retreated behind her desk.
“N-Nancy?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think maybe I could have a cough drop?”
“Yeah, hang on. Cherry or honey?”
“Which tastes better?”
“Honey, but they’re both nasty.”
“Honey, then.”
“Here.”
“Looks like undercooked egg.”
“Just eat it.”
He did.
“Ugh.”
“I warned you.”
He dropped his head back.
“How much longer?”
“Five minutes.”
She accidentally knocked a pile of papers off the desk.
“Fuck!”
Cole laughed but got up and helped her pick up the papers.
“Thank you.”
“Sure. Never heard a girl use that word.”
“Sorry.”
“Just surprised is all.”
“I normally don’t do that.” she lied.
Cole dropped the papers on her desk.
“Did they have an order?”
“Yes. I’ll reorganize them today.”
“Want help?”
“I got it.”
“You sure?”
She thought about it. She felt safer with someone in the clinic.
“If you’re sure you don’t mind.”
“No, not at all.”
“You have to go in now. If you’re sure, meet me back out here afterwards. But you’re sick-are you sure you don’t want to go home and rest?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
He’d tensed up at the word ‘home’. She wondered what was so bad. Maybe his dad was a drunk or something. Or dying.
He went into the back room and Nancy started sorting out the papers.
* * * *
Cole was scared to death.
Well, Cole, you did it. You got time to talk to her. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?
He had to admit that yes, it was, but that didn’t help his nerves. He was always nervous talking to people, and Nancy in particular.
“Cole!”
“Y-yes?”
“Did you hear me?”
“Can you repeat it?”
Dr. Grey nodded sympathetically.
“I asked if your home life is suitable for this. Are you living with anyone?”
“Yes. My dad.”
“Is he supportive?”
Cole shrugged.
“He hasn’t gotten on my case about it.”
Well, it wasn’t a lie.
“Is he helpful?”
“He’s not home a lot.”
That wasn’t a lie either.
“Hmm. Do you feel like you have a good support network?”
“Y-yeah.”
The doctor didn’t believe him. He looked like he was abou
t to ask more, but he saw the clock and said instead, “You’d better get home and get some rest. Same time Monday?”
“Sure. Thanks.”
He was more than happy to get out of the office. It smelled funny back there, like old fish.
Nancy was still working her way through the pile of papers.
“Still want help?”
“If you’re up for it, I guess. Grab a chair. You look awful.”
Cole couldn’t pick up the chair because of his shoulder and ended up dragging it along the carpet.
“What do I do?”
“Put them back in alphabetical. The pile was A to L. That pile’s A, that one’s B, and so on.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you. I owe you.”
“It’s nothing.”
There was an awkward silence for several minutes. Cole’s sleeve slipped up when he reached across to set a paper down.
“What did you do?”
“What?”
Nancy pointed to his arm. There was a nasty greenish bruise a little past his sprained wrist. Sean had grabbed him and made it worse.
“It’s nothing.”
“Looks like something. Is that the sprained wrist?”
He nodded.
“What did you do?”
“It’s nothing…I tripped and caught myself out of habit, that’s all.”
“Are you sure? It looks almost like someone grabbed you.”
“It’s just a bad bruise.”
“Hmm.”
She didn’t believe him. That was bad. He fixed his sleeve.
“Why do you wear those gloves?”
“I don’t want to see the scars.”
She nodded sympathetically. There was another silence, this time a comfortable one.
“Do you want another cough drop?”
“No, thanks.”
“I can get the rest of these. Thanks, Cole.”
He felt very warm when she said his name.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Go home and get some rest.”
He stood up. He didn’t want to go home. Sean was probably home.
“See you next week.”
“Yeah. Feel better.”
“Thanks.”
He left.
* * * *
Cole was right. Sean was home.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Went for a drive…”
“Why?”
“It’s nice out, thought I’d go to the park…”
“Did I say you could go?”
“No, but…”
“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been, Cole? I get home and find you and my car gone! What am I supposed to think?”
“Dad, I…”
“Shut up, Cole!” He shut up. “I’ve spent the last hour wondering whether to call the police! Dammit, Cole, when I tell you to stay home, you better stay home!”
Cole shrank back against the wall.
“Dad, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…”
Sean grabbed him and pulled him away from the wall.
“You better damn well learn to stay home, Cole!”
Cole closed his eyes. His wrist and shoulder really hurt.
“Look at me!”
He opened his eyes. Sean’s face was white.
Uh-oh.
“Dad, I’m sorry…”
Sean shook him.
“It’s too late for sorry, Cole! You about gave me a heart attack! Are you trying to make my life miserable?”
“No, I just…”
“You just? Cole, if I had a dime every time you just did something…get out of my sight. I’ll deal with you later.”
That was worse. Whenever Sean planned out a punishment things got messy. It was always the planned punishments that gave him a broken bone or a dislocated limb. He went upstairs anyway. He needed his fix.
It was waiting for him on his dresser, along with his favorite spoon. He prepared it without paying attention to what he was doing, took half and threw the rest away. It was getting a little easier to do that.
Despite his fear about whatever Sean was going to do to him, he was in an okay mood. He’d gotten to know Nancy a little more. That was a step.
Sean did not come up at all that night and when Cole snuck downstairs to get a drink, he found him passed out drunk on the couch. Big surprise. He turned off the TV and dropped an afghan over him.
There. That’s enough interaction for one day.
He went back upstairs with a water and went to bed. He did not dream.
Chapter Twenty
Nancy toyed with her cross necklace. She hadn’t worn it for over a year now. It had been on her teddy bear instead.
She felt guilty for touching it. She was filthy now, she had no right to touch it.
She put it back on the bear, tucking the cross and loose chain into a rip in its tummy. Now she didn’t have to look at it.
For some reason, Cole crept back into her thoughts. She was a little worried about him. All those injuries didn’t make sense. And he’d been sick for a long time…never mind. She didn’t need to worry about him, it was none of her business.
So why are you still worried, Nancy?
She shook her head and went to get a drink. Maybe some vodka in a soda. That would be nice. And after that maybe she would have one of the chocolate pudding cups sitting in the fridge.
Or maybe she should have the pudding first.
She decided on having her drink first and got an orange soda. She put it back a few minutes later and decided on a shower instead.
The water burned her skin. She stood there for a while, not thinking about anything, until the heat went down and she remembered she needed to wash. She needed a new scrubbie, she noticed. She’d try to keep that in mind next time she went to the store.
Her mind turned to Cole again. She didn’t want to think about Cole. She was very tired of thinking about Cole, actually, but he wouldn’t get out of her head. Maybe tomorrow she would get a paper and see about a new job. That was what she needed. Then she wouldn’t have to think about Dr. Grey or Cole ever again.
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m crazy. Cole thought, looking at his reflection in the mirror. She’ll never say okay. She hardly knows me.
“Say it. I’m crazy.”
The reflection didn’t say anything, thankfully.
Sean had forgotten about Cole’s punishment the other day, and Cole had been careful to avoid him as much as possible. For once his reflection wasn’t bruised too badly, and his arm was out of its sling. It still hurt, but the sling was itchy. He tried a smile. It came out as a grimace and he stopped and dropped his eyes to his hands.
He hadn’t taken his gloves off since the night before, and they were crumpled up. He hated them, but they were his security blanket. As long as he wore those, he didn’t have to look at the scars on his hands.
He swallowed a dose of cough medicine, gagged, and hoped it would turn out okay. He really did like Nancy. She seemed like a very nice person.
He took one last look at the mirror before leaving the house. He felt like he was going to be sick. His head hurt. But on the bright side, Sean was out of town on business for two days. Two whole days of peace.
Sucks that it’s not forever.
* * * *
The door opened and Nancy jumped. It was only Cole. She felt a wave of relief.
“Hi.”
“H-hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay, thanks.”
He looked nervous. That was nothing new.
“You’re early again.”
“Good traffic.”
“That’s what you always say.”
“That’s always the case.”
“Go sit. Or do you want a mint?”
“I’m okay. I took some medicine this morning.”
“Good.”
About time.
He was fussing wi
th a loose thread on his sweater and he looked like he wanted to ask her something.
“Cole? Are you okay?”
He took a deep breath.
“Um…I know you don’t know me that well, but I was wondering if maybe you would…um…if you wanted to do something. After work or something.”
She thought about it. She didn’t want to, not really, but she trusted Cole. Well, she trusted him not to drag her into a dark alley. Besides, she could probably take him if need be.
“I’m busy after work.” she said. “But I have my lunch hour off. Would that work?”
“Sure.”
He gave her a shy smile. It made him look a lot better.
“Go sit, okay? You don’t look so well.”
He did.
Five minutes later she sent him in to see Dr. Grey. When he was gone, she leaned back and wondered if this was a bad idea.
You idiot! Now you’re going to get kidnapped or worse because you went and said yes!
She didn’t think he would. He didn’t strike her as the type. Hell, that one day, when their fingertips had touched, she’d been positive he’d pulled back first. He wouldn’t do anything to her.
She hoped.
* * * *
Cole wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or dead or what. He hadn’t thought she’d say okay. But she had, and now they were sitting at a coffee shop watching the rain fall. The silence between them was a comfortable one, but Cole wasn’t sure how to act, what to do or say.
The waiter refilled their coffees and shot an icy look at Cole. Cole dropped his eyes to his hands and kept his mouth shut.
“Cole? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“It’s hell, huh?”
For a minute he didn’t know what she was talking about.
Oh. Right. Heroin.
“Yeah, sometimes.”
“You’re doing good, Dr. Grey says.”
“I guess.”
She gave him a tight smile. He noticed she was gripping the cup hard enough to make her knuckles white.
“Are you scared of me?”
“No! Why would I be?”
He gestured to his arms.
“Oh. No, I’m not scared of you. What gave you that idea?”
He shrugged.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not scared of you.”
Her grip on the cup relaxed a little. Good.
He was trying not to screw this up, but he had no idea what to do. He hoped he was doing this right.
“What are you gonna do this weekend?”
“Try to get rid of this cold.”
“How long have you been sick?”
“It just keeps coming back. I’m sick a lot.”
“That’s norm…that sucks.”
“You get used to it.”
“Do you have other hobbies?”
“I draw sometimes.”
When my dad’s not home to tell me it’s ‘sissy stuff’.
“You should bring something in! I’d like to see it.”
“Maybe I will.”
He took a sip of the coffee and burned his mouth.
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