The Monkey Theory

by Sfurti Sahare

  It is pretty similar to a drunk person acting up under the influence of alcohol and then wondering the next day why he did what he did.

  Some more examples:

  Your intention is to save money. But in the heat of the moment you blow it all away in buying a dress that you hardly wear now!

  You had every intention of seriously listening to your brother talk about his business idea. But something took over and you reacted funnily making your brother think that you were rude and selfish.

  Your in-laws think you are difficult because of your quick temper! You are unable to control even it though you want to.

  There are days when you clean up your entire room and resolve to keep it that way going forward. Then you receive a call that puts you in a negative mood and your resolution crashes!

  Last night you over-committed your contribution for a party, and now you are wondering why you did that.

  Thank the Drunk Monkey for all these situations. It is the driver of human emotions and loves to take the lead. Our first reactions are usually the Drunk Monkey’s responses.

  A human being displays a variety of contrasting emotions: happy-sad, grateful-complaining, caring-jealous, secure-insecure, love-hate and so on. Emotions are natural and spontaneous. It is normal for human beings to experience contrasting emotions through the day.

  But what many of us lack is the control over these emotions. We feel that they just happen. That’s the Drunk Monkey at work—your emotions just ‘happening’. High performers, on the other hand, know exactly how to deal with this monkey.

  In my last book, Think and Win like Dhoni , the crux was how M.S. Dhoni keeps calm, handles pressure and acts against his wild monkeys to allow his best judgement behaviour to prevail.

  Dealing with this monkey can take us ahead in life. The Eagle of Wisdom says, if this monkey becomes your friend, the world is yours!

  You will be the master of your own emotions and know how to drive the mind to perform optimally when required!

  You will know when to increase your speed, when to slow down and relax, when to stay calm and when to react. But more importantly, you will not just ‘know’ but also be able to ‘apply’ this knowledge.

  People talk of ‘knowing’ what is good for them, but not being able to actually act upon it. The simple solution to that is being able to control your Drunk Monkey!

  How? Read on.

  Let’s do a small check! Analyse the week that went by and figure out all the possible emotions you felt during the course of the week.

  You might have been very happy when your boss praised you, or vice-versa.

  You might have felt grateful about having a loving family. Maybe you had a difference of opinion with your family and you complained that they didn’t understand you.

  Did you feel superior about your work and position? Or did you feel inferior when you saw someone in a better position than you?

  Did you feel excited and joyful about something good that happened or were you cranky about the rain and traffic jam?

  As stated previously, we feel a variety of emotions throughout the day. Some emotions are good and keep us healthy while some are dangerous because they are a cause of misery.

  Let’s discuss some good emotions. They are the ones that make you smile, sing, love, laugh and dance! I am sure you must have experienced happiness on seeing a cute baby and felt overjoyed on hearing news of your promotion. You were probably passionate about marrying the person you love, grateful for the family you have and so on.

  We also experience anger on seeing a person ill-treated, frustration when things don’t go our way and many other such emotions.

  All these and more are the shades of the Drunk Monkey.

  But why are we calling the monkey ‘drunk’? Because these monkeys are subconscious observers. The Drunk Monkey concocts a cocktail of the behaviour and attitudes it observes and they determine its mood at the moment.

  The Many Shades of the Drunk Monkey

  The Drunk Monkey can be broadly classified into two: the Green Drunk Monkey and the Red Drunk Monkey. While they are twins, they are complete opposites.

  The Green Drunk Monkey is subtle, soft and joyful. The Red Drunk Monkey is responsible for anger, ego, jealousy, hatred and all the negative emotions we experience.

  We must try and be in the company of the Green Monkey as far as possible. It will help us feel good, understand people better and improve the quality of life in general. Here’s how the Green Monkey makes you feel:

  Miss Grateful: She reminds you to be thankful for who you are and all that you have. How blessed you are to read this book with two eyes. How fortunate you are to get food every single day. How privileged you are to be alive. To feel grateful is to feel whole and to possess the ability to attract whatever you love.

  But, it is incredibly difficult to feel grateful always. Wild monkeys forever attack you when you are in this blissful state. Fighting these monkeys off is quite a task.

  But how do you prevent the monkeys from showing up?

  Wait … for THE PURPLE ISLAND!

  Mr Secure: It provides the Human Monkey a sense of assurance on being free from danger—whether emotional or physical. Without it, the Human Monkey feels insecure.

  Miss Hopeful: Hope is what lends substance to our existence. It offers us reasons to live, work and dream. Often people lose hope and give up on life. But it is important to know that with self-affirmation and self-belief, hope can always come back.

  Mr Passionate: Passion is the adrenaline coursing through your veins giving you the energy to outperform competition. Passion is a necessary ingredient for achieving greatness.

  Miss Charming: Creativity, charm and being vibrant are essential to lead an interesting life. Dullness has no place in Miss Charming’s domain.

  Let’s understand the Red Monkey better.

  The Red Monkey doesn’t just represent anger. This monkey also makes the person egoistic, hateful, complaining, irritating and much more. Have you seen these kind of people? Yes, their Red Monkey dominates them completely. Let’s see how dangerous this monkey is!

  Mr Sad: Sadness is the primary reason for the birth of other negative monkeys. It must be kept away at all costs. Sadness is too high a price to pay for anything in life.

  Miss Ego: This monkey wants to be in control all the time. This monkey likes nothing better than being right all the time. She aspires to outperform anyone who comes in her path and is responsible for destroying relationships.

  Mr Hate: Hate gets activated when the ego becomes insecure. Hate destroys everything in its path and is the cause of damaging human behaviour.

  Mr Judgement: Passing judgement on others is routine for this monkey. Consider these statements:

  ‘She is too skinny!’

  ‘Celebrities must be very arrogant!’

  ‘News channels are forever showing paid news.’

  In the fight happening at the neighbours’, the mother-in-law is right.

  ‘Why is she wearing a blazer? Can’t she dress properly?’

  These are some instances of unwarranted judgement that he keeps passing. It occupies a lot of mental space and prevents us from doing any actual work. Criticism is a close cousin of this monkey.

  Miss Comparison: Comparisons with others is this monkey’s favourite pastime. You will find her frivolous in disposition and usually a scatterbrain. She is outwardly bubbly and very insecure within. With comparison comes misery closely followed by complaints. The Complaint Monkey is Miss Comparison’s constant companion.

  Mr Revenge: Plotting revenge on those who have supposedly ‘humiliated’ you is this monkey’s hobby. Rather than focusing on the present, the Revenge Monkey will keep reminding you of the past and cook up plots to right wrongs.

  The Green Monkey helps you see clearly, plan wisely and supports you in healthy decision making. The Red Monkey completely blurs your vision, clutters your plans and provokes you to make poor decisions. Clearly, a green signa
l from the Green Monkey and a red signal from the Red Monkey will result in very different behaviour.

  Let’s look at scenarios to understand the difference in behaviour when the Green Monkey is dominant as opposed to the Red Monkey and vice versa.

  Scenario I

  Your mother says, ‘It’s not safe to stay out late. Please be back in time.’

  The Green Monkey’s reaction is likely to be, ‘Okay, she said that because she cares about me. I must understand her intentions.’

  The security aspect is activated (Mr Secure).

  The Red Monkey’s reaction is likely to be very different. He is likely to say, ‘Why is this woman interfering. I can take care of myself! I am an independent woman.’

  The ego aspect is activated (Miss Ego).

  Scenario II

  Your friend wants to borrow a dress for a party.

  She says, ‘Hey, I really liked your pink choker dress. Can I borrow it for a party?’

  If you are in a good mood and the Green Monkey is active, the response is likely to be, ‘Yes, of course, you can take it. How can I forget how much you cared for me when I was sick!’

  The grateful part of the personality is activated.

  The Red Monkey is likely to make us react differently. It will probably worry about your friend getting all the attention and prompt you to refuse.

  Scenario III

  Your boyfriend and you decide to meet for coffee. He is late because of a traffic jam. The Green Monkey would take it in his stride and do something else till he arrives. But the Red Monkey is likely to get harried and plot revenge, or make a mental note to be late the next time ‘to teach him a lesson’.

  Here are a few ways in which you can handle the Red Monkey.

  Whenever you find that anger, hate or for that matter any negative emotion is overpowering you, try and first observe it from a safe distance. Let your Human Monkey analyse all the signals that have triggered off these emotions. A person should be able to determine what makes him angry, hateful, egoistic and so on. If anger is what you feel, ask yourself, how long do you generally stay angry? Ten minutes? Forty minutes? Two hours? Two days? List down the things that make you angry.

  Similarly you can write down your list for other ‘red’ emotions too!

  Identify the emotion and figure out how to deal with it.

  As mentioned in the chapter on the Fear Monkey, feeding cherries may be a good way to distract the Drunk Monkeys too. Divert their attention to something that is surprising or consumes more attention.

  Avoid the company of people who have a tendency to speak negatively or those who make you feel miserable. Hang out with people who have a fresh and optimistic way of looking at life. Be in the company of those who value you, will enrich your experience and offer you strength and confidence. This will make the Green Monkey show up more often.

  Relax and learn to let go. Things like traffic jams, power cuts, internet troubles so on are beyond our control. There are times when have to stop taking life so seriously, accept things as they are and let go. Sometimes you have tell yourself that things are okay and it’s just a phase!

  Points to remember:

  Drunk Monkeys are the various human emotions.

  If we are happy, positive emotions and actions follow, but the reverse is also true.

  On a bad day or during a bad phase, your reactions seem to change. This is when we can try specific ways to deal with them.

  They can be eradicated but you have to be very consistent in your approach!

  When the Monkeys Attack Together

  T o deal with one monkey attacking you is relatively easy. But, what do you do when they attack in a troop? And that’s often how it is in day-to-day life. The strength of the tribe grows manifold with the monkeys feeding off each other, rendering you powerless.

  Let’s consider a scenario.

  Scenario I

  It’s the beginning of the month. Your salary has just been credited and you are out window-shopping. At least, that’s what you tell yourself. Your Human Monkey reminds you at the beginning of your shopping expedition, ‘You will not shop. You will save money this month and in the months to come, to buy your dream car.’

  As you walk around the mall, confident in your resolve, you spot something in a shop window—that magical dress that you must have! You walk up to it. Only looking, you tell yourself. The Human Monkey senses that things aren’t looking good and it reminds you again, ‘You have enough clothes for the moment. Save money! Remember! Save!’

  You look at the price. It’s steep and will result in a big hole in your savings plan. It’s definitely not for you. You are about to walk away when a thought occurs, ‘Maybe, I could try it on and click a selfie. No harm in that!’

  You step into the store and pick up the dress from its rack. The Human Monkey raises his voice, ‘This is what you do all the time. Do you know how much you have to work to earn what you do?’

  Then, the P-Monkey steps in, ‘You have a great deal of work waiting for you back at home. Enjoy your leisure. A selfie. Maybe two. That’s it! You have plenty of time tomorrow to work. Today, enjoy your break.’

  Now it’s the Drunk Monkey’s turn to contribute to the discussion. ‘It’s been a long day. You are entitled to some stress relief. Go ahead. Wear that dress. Click that selfie. Enjoy this moment.’

  It’s almost as if the Drunk Monkey and the P-Monkey are talking to each other. The Human Monkey is attempting to get things back on track, but failing.

  P-Monkey: ‘I am just trying the dress on!’

  Human Monkey: ‘Why? We have a lot of work at home!’

  P-Monkey: ‘Wow, it looks very good! This is awesome. You could wear it to your next conference. You will look amazing!’

  The Human Monkey is frustrated!

  The Drunk Monkey is observing all of this and waiting for the right time to make his move.

  Drunk Monkey: ‘Life is short. You should enjoy every moment and what will you do with all these savings if you don’t know how to enjoy today. Buy this dress. Look, there’s a discount on it too.’

  P-Monkey: Yes. Do it. Buy this dress and enjoy the evening. Tomorrow, you have to get back to work. Not today. Tomorrow!

  What happens next is anyone’s guess. You buy the dress, the Human Monkey is silenced and the savings plan is pushed for ‘later’.

  A Few More Scenarios

  ‘I won’t write a new book because I am afraid it will fail.’

  At first sight, it appears that this is clearly the Fear Monkey attacking you. Pause and think again. It is also the P-Monkey who simply doesn’t want to work. The duo, a deadly combination, are working together to come up with excuses on why you shouldn’t work.

  ‘My cousin humiliated me the last time we met. Not this time! I will teach him a lesson!’

  This isn’t an uncommon scenario. Somebody tried to put you down. You are upset and want to settle scores. Both the Ego Monkey and the Revenge Monkey are set to work together to blind Human Monkey’s vision.

  Pause. Recognise that it is your Drunk Monkey that’s acting up. First, try and understand why the person behaved the way they did. Perhaps their Drunk Monkey was acting up?

  Secondly, ask if it really was humiliation? Maybe he meant something else and you misunderstood. But your Ego Monkey and Revenge Monkey are making you think otherwise and gunning for retribution.

  Finally, analyse your response to all these questions and evaluate your Drunk Monkey. Make a conscious decision.

  How do you deal with a combined monkey attack?

  Observe: Firstly, understand and label the monkeys. Write down your current challenges and try to figure out which monkeys are responsible.

  Once you know what monkeys are at work, decide which one you want to tackle first. We have discussed strategies like feeding cherries, lighting up the Candle of Hope, taking the monkey for a walk and so on. Choose the option that seems best suited.

  Even if you are dealing with one monkey
at a time, make sure to handle all of them. Don’t take care of just one monkey and ignore the rest. To ignore one of them is to leave the door half-open for the monkeys to get together and stage another attack.

  But there is one place where these monkeys cannot attack you, where you can live without fear of being overpowered by them. The Purple Island. Now before the P-Monkey tells you to put down this boring book and look for something else more exciting, let us go to the Purple Island. Let’s experience this ultimate space.

  The Purple Island

  Y ou have problems in life?

  You have this one particular problem which has occupied your mental space. It has taken away your liveliness and what not!

  Before you think more about it, hang on!

  Just close your eyes and use your biggest weapon!

  Biggest Weapon?

  Yes! Many don’t realise it! And I don’t know if you have realised it yet!

  Alright, let’s do it together. If you are reading this, just keep everything aside and take a long and deep breath. Breathe in till the oxygen goes down to your abdomen, filling in all the space. And then breathe out slowly till you feel completely empty. Imagine yourself feeling empty. That’s important!

  Close your eyes and allow yourself three such long breaths.

  Now did you feel the cold whirlpool of energy? A soothing balm of serenity? A calming nothingness that settles you from within?