Dukes By the Dozen

by Alyssa Alexander

  “I’m sorry, Dougray but I can’t give you an answer before then. I won’t be forced or rushed into making another marriage. The next time I marry it will be to a man who loves me as much as I love him.”

  It broke her heart but she couldn’t say yes even if she wanted to. Then he’d be stuck with a woman who could not bear him an heir. She would not do that to him because she understood the craving to hold your own child in your arms. One day he would want that and then where would they be?

  He tried to stop her leaving but she brushed him off. “This is all just too convenient. If the King had not commanded you wed I wonder if you would have approached me at all.”

  “I would have as soon as it sunk in about you not bearing a child. I don’t know why I hadn’t realized sooner. I can risk loving you without risking your life.”

  “If you do love me you’ll let me go again. I can’t marry you knowing it will deny you the one thing you need and the one thing that in time you will suddenly want—an heir.”

  His hand dropped to his side. “You leave me with a choice of defying my King or picking someone else. I will have to marry another woman who I will never love. You talk about loveless marriages, and then condemn me to one.”

  “I’m not condemning you. You are. Ask the King for more time and use it to find a woman you can love and face your fear. Look at Angus. He’s a giant of a man yet Tessa has born him several children.”

  “And I’ve watched as each time he has sat in his study with bottles of whisky sick with fear for her. Each time he’s thinking will this be the birth that kills her.”

  “But it doesn’t. You’re not God, Dougray. Only God knows when our time on this earth is up. I could die of a fever, or of an infected cut, or from a fall from my horse. Life is full of risks but I’d risk my life gladly if it gave me a child. Look at Connor. Connie’s death gave you a great gift.”

  With that she pulled open the door and walked out. It was the hardest thing she had ever done and her legs could barely carry her they trembled so much.

  Chapter 6

  Flora’s head was still spinning as she reentered the crowded ballroom. She wondered if everyone looking at her knew what Dougray had been planning. Did everyone know he wanted her because she was the woman who could not bear a child?

  She spotted her brother ahead with Tessa at his side, and made her way toward them.

  “Sister, dear. We have been looking for you. Where have you been?”

  “Just the retiring room.”

  Tessa leaned close. “I don’t know if I’ll make it through the King’s visit. I’m exhausted and I’m out of polite conversation already.”

  She wanted to blurt out what had happened. She wanted to talk with Tessa and get her advice. Flora wanted Tessa to say she wasn’t being stupid. That Dougray and her would be silly to wed given her condition.

  Tessa continued to talk but Flora barely heard her as she tried to gather her thoughts. Just then a prickle at her neck made her look over her shoulder. Dougray had entered the ballroom and it was causing quite a stir. Already several ladies were vying for his attentions.

  Her hands shook as he began to make his way toward them. Not here. Not in public. She could not face him. Her breathing tightened.

  A hand landed on her arm. “Is everything all right, Flora? You’ve gone very pale.”

  She forced her lips to curve in a smile. “It’s so hot in here. Shall we take some air?”

  Tessa took one look at her face and slipped her arm through hers and led her toward the terrace calling over her shoulder, “Angus, we will be on the terrace. We won’t be long. Flora needs some air.”

  She didn’t look back; instead she focused on her breathing and tried to gather her somersaulting thoughts. Once they reached the terrace she did not stop. She pulled Tessa along with her and they almost skipped down the steps into the garden itself, moving away from prying eyes and ears.

  When they reached a small fountain area with a bench seat she indicated that Tessa should sit while she paced up and down.

  “Did you know that Dougray would ask me to marry him?”

  Tessa jumped to her feet on a squeal. “Goodness, how exciting. How long have you two been secretly courting.” Her smiled died. “Wait, it can’t be that long he was with Lady Carissa only the other…” She stopped with hand on hips. “The Kings visit.”

  “Exactly.”

  Tessa sunk down on the seat. “But this is what you have always wanted. He obviously merely needed a prod to finally face the fact it’s long overdue for him to settle down.”

  “So I’m a convenience? If only that were the whole of it.” At Tessa’s frown she added, “Dougray proposed, saying he has always loved me.”

  Tessa’s eyes narrowed. “Always? Then where has he been the past two years once you came out of mourning? I thought Dougray was an honorable man but why is he lying to get you to agree. Surely he knows you love him and would marry him in a flash.”

  She stood with her back to Tessa, shame and self-pity eating her soul. “He wants to marry me because he’s suddenly realized I’m barren. He wants me because I cannot have children.”

  She heard Tessa rise and come and stand next to her. She slipped her hand in Flora’s. “I’m confused. You are not making sense. He needs an heir. Why would he marry you if he thought you barren.”

  She let the tears fall once again. “He gave me up because he thinks any woman he gets with child will die in childbirth like Connie, and like his mother. He says he let me go to save my life but now…”

  “But now he thinks there is no risk as you have never fallen enceinte.” She hugged Flora. “I feel sorry for him. He must have lived with this fear and guilt for years. It’s does explain some of the stories I’ve heard about his sexual tendencies.”

  “What stories?”

  Tessa looked uncomfortable. “Let’s just say that there are many ways to pleasure a man and he is known to vary rarely make love to a woman. He prefers other methods.”

  Flora sighed and shook her head. “You are right. I do feel sorry for him. I’m also so angry with him I could—hit him until I’m exhausted. I had to marry Iain because of his fear. But perhaps God does have a plan for us and knew we were not suited because he needs an heir even if he won’t admit it.”

  “You don’t know that you can’t have a child with him.” Tessa the ever optimist said.

  “I lost two babies before I was two months along, and after the last one the doctor told me there was no hope, and I never fell with child again.”

  Tessa’s eyes welled. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you can’t have a child but you are the best Auntie ever. I blame Dougray’s father. If he had not ordered that no one could help Connie, none of this might have happened. I can understand the guilt Dougray carries.”

  “He must worry about—that is it must play on his mind every time he lies with a woman. No wonder he wants me… if he thinks I cannot get with child.”

  Tessa led her back to the bench and they sat. “Perhaps you are meant to be his wife. He can finally open his heart and love. And if he really does love you then it is almost perfect.”

  “Except I really can’t have children. What if he loses his fear as he gets older and then he’s stuck married to me.”

  Tessa shrugged. “But if he loves you, won’t that be enough? If he gave you up and let you marry another, thinking to save your life, I’d say he loves you a great deal. Would you have been able to be that strong? I doubt I could have walked away from Angus even if I thought there was a chance he might die. I’m too selfish.”

  Flora hadn’t considered that. All she saw was that he had let her go. “Are you saying I should marry Dougray?”

  “It’s Glengarry isn’t? The idea of those three young children. But while those children will learn to love you unconditionally, they can’t keep you warm at night. They can’t stir your body, or your heart, or your soul like a husband can. During the day they become your world, but at nigh
t your only company will be loneliness. Especially with Glengarry. He’s always been a rake, be it a gentlemanly rake, but a rake all the same.”

  Flora nodded at Tessa’s assessment.

  “Don’t let pride cloud your thinking. This could be the happy ending you crave. There are plenty of orphans you could raise as your own if you were married to Dougray.”

  “That’s true. I just wish he’d given me more time to decide what to do.”

  Tessa smiled. “You don’t need more time to know you still love him.”

  She turned and hugged Tessa. “Yes. I still love him. I’ve always loved him.”

  “You accuse him of not facing his fears, aren’t you doing the same? You have a chance to find love, grab it with both hands and never let it slip away again, but it looks like you’re too scared to take it.”

  “Then best I go inside and face my fears.” She held out her hand and the two women walked back towards the Palace ballroom with determined strides.

  Dougray watched Tessa and Flora reenter the ballroom and he was relieved to see a smile on her face. He wondered if Tessa might have tried to dissuade her of the match but it appeared she hadn’t. He wondered if he had Angus to thank for that. Did Angus confide in his wife?

  He was about to make his way to her when he saw Lord Glengarry get to her first, bow before her, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. Dougray’s hands curled into fists. How could Flora consider this cretin? He wanted to rip Glengarry’s eyes out for even looking at her. And his smile… It spoke of familiarity and possession, but Flora was his. Would be his.

  His feet picked up speed as he made his way to her side, only to see her slip her arm through Glengarry’s and be led to the dance floor. A waltz started up and he had to count to one hundred to stop himself tearing Flora from Glengarry’s arms as they glided by. He would not lose her a second time. Not to this man. Not to any man.

  A delicate hand touched his arm pulling his gaze away from the dancing couple. “So there is more to this marriage than appeasing a King. You look as though you want to ring Glengarry’s neck.”

  At Tessa’s words his jaw loosened. “He’s not good enough for her.”

  “And you are? Please don’t hurt her. She is too good a person to be disappointed again. If you don’t love with her, then set her free. You could have any woman you chose as your wife.”

  “I could have any woman, but I choose her. I want her. I love her.” He looked at his best friend’s wife and hoped she understood. “I’m getting closer to five and thirty every day, and I want more in my life, more from my life. I want what you and Angus share. The closeness. I watch you. If he looked at you now from where he stands on the other side of the room you’d know what he was thinking.”

  “That’s because he loves me. We complete each other.”

  “I love Flora and I hope one day she will forgive me and love me too.”

  Tessa studied him for a moment before nodding. “I believe that you think you need something that is missing in your life, but you had your chance eight years ago. You broke her heart when you let her marry Iain. You’ve also had your chance the three years she has been a widow. It makes me wonder why you are so fixated on marrying Flora now, just as the King is arriving on Scottish soil.”

  He did not flinch or look away under her calculating stare. “You don’t think she is right for me? Or is it you don’t think I love her?”

  She gave a wistful sigh. “I think you are not being honest with yourself. You say having a son is not important to you, in fact Flora told me it scares you to think of a woman carrying your babe. I can sympathize with your fear. But life is long. What happens if suddenly you crave a child? You’d destroy Flora if she found that out. She had five years of disappointing a husband, and she didn’t even love him. She would wither and die if she found you felt the same.”

  “I won’t change my mind. Flora means too much to me.”

  Tessa’s mouth curled down. “Because you are an honorable man I will take you at your word.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But if you break her heart I’ll…Well, I’ll get Angus to beat you senseless.” She pushed him toward the floor. “Now go and break in and claim the woman you are about to marry before this crowd forms the wrong idea.”

  He pressed a kiss to Tessa’s cheek and did as she suggested. As he strode determinedly through the dancing couples he could see tongues wagging.

  When he tapped on Glengarry’s shoulder the man’s face looked like thunder but he handed Flora over graciously, too concerned at making a scene. If someone had tried to step in while he was dancing with Flora he would have punched the rotter out.

  No sooner had they begun to twirl about the floor, than a sea of decorated fans started to flutter and heads turned.

  “That was rude and uncalled for,” Flora held herself stiffly in his arms. “Is this what I can expect when I become your duchess.”

  He swore his feet left the floor at her words ‘become your duchess’. He felt his heart burst from his chest. He’d never been so happy.

  “You will not regret this,” he whispered in her ear. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  He almost tripped over his feet. It was the first time she’d said that to him in eight long years. He didn’t care that the whole of society was watching, he turned and almost dragged her from the ballroom. He didn’t stop until he reached the bedchamber he had been given in the Palace.

  The minute he pushed the door closed with his foot, he swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed. As he laid her down, he whispered, “I’ve been waiting what seems a lifetime to have you in my bed.” He lay down beside her so that they were facing each other, the rampant desire still there and heightened by the knowledge he could make love to her the way a woman should be loved.

  Her smile faded, and he saw the emotion pass over her face. She must be remembering too.

  “I hope you can forgive me for letting you go. But I swear I’m never letting you go again.”

  “While I will always regret out lost years, I can understand your reasoning, although I don’t agree with it. My marriage was not horrid but I found little joy in it.”

  Pain ripped across his face. “I thought what I was doing was right.” He looked away and began to talk. “I was ten years old when my mother died in childbirth. I remember it like it was yesterday. The screams went on for hours, getting weaker and weaker until there was silence and I heard a baby’s cry. My father was not home and I was trying to be the man of the house. I went racing up the stairs and into her room and all I saw was blood. There was so much blood on the floor I skidded on it and fell onto the blood soaked sheets of her birthing bed. Something went wrong with the birth and she bleed to death. The midwife said the baby was too big for my mother. I would have had another brother if the babe had lived.”

  Flora sucked in a breath. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, and at such a young age.”

  “Then when I learned of Connie’s agonizing death and the reason why, that the child was too big… I vowed I would not be the cause of another woman’s death in childbirth.”

  She pressed a kiss to his cheek and turned his head to look at her. “I wished you had talked to me about your fear. Even if I could not dissuade you from your notion about childbirth I would have understood why you did what you did.”

  “I think it was better that you did not know and that you could hate me.” He gave a bitter laugh. “If you had stayed my friend during your marriage I don’t know if I’d have had the strength to stay away from you.” His voice was ragged.

  Flora cupped his face, and she pressed a kiss to his lips. She blinked back tears because she wanted none shed in this room or in his bed. They had both cried enough tears to last a lifetime. This would be their new special place.

  “No more recriminations. Only words of love, desire, and need.”

  Iain had been a considerate lover. She had not found her wi
fely duties terrible but neither did she understand how some woman craved their husband’s attentions, like Tessa did. “I’ve never made love before because I could not give Iain my heart. Care to show me what I have missed all these years?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m scared that when I open my eyes this will be but a dream. I can’t believe you have forgiven me.”

  “I would not be here if I thought I could not put the past behind me. Open your eyes. I’m here. For as long as you want me.”

  The look of pain reflected in Dougray’s eyes when he opened them made her heart ache. She wrapped her arms about his neck and snuggled closer. “Make love to me.”

  He shuddered against her as he pulled her tight into his embrace. She felt safe. Loved. All she could think was how fervently she wanted Dougray, how much she needed him to show her how much he loved her.

  His mouth found hers and gently sought entrance. All it took was a sigh into his mouth for his kiss to grow desperate, as if he needed her to save his soul.

  Her questing hands began to undress him, and when she broke from his kiss to press her lips to his bare chest, he gathered himself and began to unhook her gown.

  “You unman me,” he whispered.

  “I hope not. I’m expecting wonderful things,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

  Praise God. He really didn’t deserve her. She kissed him tenderly, letting her warm mouth linger against his as she undid the buttons on his breeches. He drank in her kiss, soaking in her forgiveness. He used his hands to free her copper rich tresses and watched them tumble like waves of sunset over her shoulders and the breasts he’d bared. God, she was so beautiful.

  He tried to stop the shudder of fear that hit him. What if she wasn’t barren, what if she fell with child. He could not bear to lose her.

  As if sensing his mental withdrawal, she urged him to lie back as she finished undressing him and then herself.

  Once they were both naked she kissed his entire body slowly, letting her soft tresses sweep his body in a sensual caress as she moved lower. He was already heavily aroused, and the erotic image of her leaning over him, her full breasts hanging tantalizingly over his chest, caused him to harden even further. When Flora’s tongue licked the tip of his erection his hips rose off the bed.