“Didn’t you just tell me you’d been working on a new book? I think that happened to be our discussion right before…y’know.” I give her a smirk and she smiles back at me.
“I know,” she sighs, swinging our hands a little like she’d done before. I loved it when she did that, it made my heart light. “I just am afraid is all.”
“I’m pretty sure the girl in the wilderness wouldn’t have let fear dictate her life like that.”
We stop for a moment and Olivia stares at me with her bright green eyes.
“You really are reading my book?”
“Of course I am,” I smiled at her. “It’s amazing.”
“You’re amazing,” she breathes and leans in to kiss me softly.
12.
Olivia
All you really need to ask yourself is – what does it mean to you?
.........................
Days turned into weeks that turned into months. I didn’t think I could ever be so happy in my life. We spent every waking moment we had together. I pretty much lived at her house. So when she finally asked to come over to see my apartment, I’d panicked.
“She’s not going to break up with you just because you aren’t filthy rich like she is,” Lauren comments as I’m scrubbing down the hardwood floors. “I think if she were that shallow she would have done it already.”
“Will you help me clean or not?” I snap at her, probably more than I should have. She rolls her eyes at me and starts wiping off the countertops.
“Why are you so wound up anyway?” Lauren looks over her shoulder as I stand up admiring my handiwork. “It’s not like you’re going to propose to her or something.”
When I don’t answer her, still catching my breath, she turns to me.
“Olivia, you’re not going to propose to her, right?”
“I was going to ask her to go on a trip with me this weekend,” I breathe softly, turning to face her. “And then I was going to propose.”
Lauren turns back to look at me again and when she sees my face, she throws the rag she was using in my direction. I laugh, moving the furniture around.
When we’d finish, Lauren looks off in her own little world, distracted.
“Are you okay?” I ask her as we relax on the couch.
“I have something I need to tell you,” she says. There is a mixed state of emotions coming from her that is hard to read. I nod to her and she continues.
“You know Stephanie, right?” Lauren had been dating Stephanie almost as long as Megan and I had known each other. I nod.
“Well, Stephanie’s aunt owns this huge art school in France. It’s literally the biggest art school in the entire country.” I still can’t see where she’s going with this but I nod regardless. “She was in town a few days ago visiting, and she came by my studio.”
“And, she wants you to move to France?” I joke, giving her a smile.
“She wants me to come teach at her school for a year.”
I hadn’t been expecting that. I stare at her in shock, not sure what to think. There are a million emotions running through my head all at once.
“Oh my God, that is amazing, Lauren! I can’t believe it!” She looks relieved, as if she was waiting for my approval. “You’re going to go right?”
“Of course I am Oli, are you kidding me? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
“But,” I can hear it coming from a mile away. The minute I say it, I regret it. Because the minute she continues, I really wish she hadn’t.
“I want you to come with me.”
Just as I’m about to make some sort of effort at a reply, there is a knock at the door. Megan is right about on time. I’m grateful for the chance to put the incredibly intense conversation I’d just had on hold. I open the door to greet her and she takes my breath away. She wears a beautiful red business casual looking dress. Her dark brown hair lays around her shoulders, slightly curled. I stare at her for a long time before she clears her throat.
“Are you going to let me in or not? I brought Chinese.”
I scoot out of the way and watch her as she moves swiftly to my kitchen table, dropping the bags.
“Wow,” I breathe, pulling my frazzled hair up in a bun. “If I had known you would come in looking like that I would have made sure I looked better.”
“You look beautiful,” she smiles and kisses me.
“Am I interrupting?” I hear Lauren’s voice call from around the corner of the entryway to the living room.
“No, of course not,” Megan splits from me and turns as she enters the room.
“You must be the infamous Megan,” Lauren says, pulling her into a hug. Megan laughs and hugs her back gently. “That would be me. You must be the infamous Lauren.”
“That would be me,” Lauren smiles, shaking her hand. “Pleasure to finally get to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Megan says. “I brought some Chinese if you’d like some dinner.”
Lauren is already digging through the bag curiously.
“Don’t mind her,” I apologize, rolling my eyes. “She has the manners of a three year old.”
Lauren scoffs at me as she pulls out the cartons one by one.
“Would you like the grand tour now or later?” I ask Megan as we meet eyes.
When she smiles at me, it sends my heart aflutter. Part of me hoped she’d say yes and we’d just never come back from my room.
“Sure,” she says. I take it to mean now, so I grasp her hand in mine and lead her into the living room. My tour lasts all of two minutes before she stops me at our studio.
“Is this Lauren’s art?” There are several pieces hanging from the walls. Most of them are portraits or still-life.
“Yeah, she tends to be a space hog in here,” I smile awkwardly, thoughts flooding my brain about our conversation from earlier.
“She’s really talented.” I watch her as she turns towards my desk and sees my manuscript open on my laptop. “Oh! Is this your book?” I manage to get there first and shut it.
“You’ll get to read it soon enough,” I promise. Her body leans into mine, pushing me slightly into a sitting position on top of my desk.
“Are you sure I can’t read it now?” She says quietly, bringing her face close to mine. I swallow hard, meeting eyes with her. “I’m getting closer. I want you to read the entire thing when it’s done.”
Megan breaks away and it sends a shiver through me when she does. “Well, if it’s anything like Amber Dreams, I’m sure it will be amazing.”
I give her a smile as she wanders out of the studio. Her hips sway back and forth and it is mesmerizing. As I stand up to follow her, she turns back to me.
“I never asked you. Why did you name it Amber Dreams?”
I laugh. I can’t count the number of times people have asked me that question. Mostly I give them a generic answer, something easy that didn’t take a lot to explain. Megan didn’t need the generic answer. I could give her the truth without fear of judgement. “I named it after my mom.” I say with a small smile. When I reach her she takes her hand in mine and kisses me softly on the cheek.
“That’s beautiful,” she says.
“You’re beautiful.”
Just as we’re about to go back to the kitchen, I pause, holding her hand. I want to tell her about France but the words just won’t come.
“Are you okay?” She asks me, her face growing concerned.
“Yeah,” I shake it off, smiling at her softly. “I’m fine.”
Lauren, Megan and I pile on the couch together and watch the movie Alien while we eat the best Chinese I’ve ever tasted.
“I’m a master of take-out,” Megan says proudly.
“I would never have imagined,” I smile at her and she rolls her eyes, nudging me in the side. “I can see why I’ve never watched this movie before. Ugh.” Megan shields her eyes from the gore on the television.
“Lauren is a horror movie buff,” I explain.
“How ca
n you not like Alien? It’s a classic.”
Lauren and Megan seem to get along great, in spite of their vast differences. It is nice to see the vested interest Megan takes in her life and how she paid attention to the small details. It is what I have admired about her from the get-go. The three of us sat and talked for what felt like hours. Finally, Lauren stands up.
“I think I’m going to head over to Stephanie’s,” she says, stretching. The mention of her name again makes me sick to my stomach but I ignore it. “Do you think you children can behave while I’m gone?”
I give her a smirk and look to Megan. The two of us exchange a playful look. “Of course. Perfect angels.”
“It was nice to meet you,” Lauren says, offering Megan a handshake. The two smile at one another. Lauren looks at me and gives me a wink. “Good luck there, friend.” I watch her as she disappears into the kitchen. “Don’t stay up to late!” she teases as I hear her pick up her keys and shut the door behind her.
Megan laughs for a moment before she turns to me. “What did she mean by ‘good luck’?”
I clear my throat and turn towards her slowly. My face burns and I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. She must sense my anxiety because she take my hands in hers and squeezes them. “Olivia?”
“I have a question I want to ask you,” I say, looking back up to her. “And I’ll understand if you say no.” The expression on her face is priceless. I watch her eyes grow wide and can see her struggle to catch her breath.
“Megan Riley,” I say, holding her hands in mine. “Will you—go on a trip with me this weekend?”
I swear, if I had paused any longer, she likely would have fainted. She recovers quickly and shoves me.
“Seriously?”
“As serious as a heart attack,” I reply. “God, I hate that joke!” She smiles at me and places a hand on my cheek.
“Olivia Ellis,” I hear her whisper, leaning in slowly towards me. “I’d love to go on a trip with you.” And then she pushes me backwards and the two of us fall into the couch together, a tangled mess of bodies.
13.
Megan
There are so many people in the world who live unhappily yet won’t try to change their circumstances. They are conditioned to the security of their conformity. It seems like this should give you some sort of peace, but to me it just dampens the spirt of the brave soul within.
.........................
“Where are we going?” I ask again. I think I’d questioned her at least ten times since we’d left. It felt like we’d been in the car forever. Olivia had blindfolded me and it had caused me to have a massive anxiety attack. Being the control freak that I was, it was even worse when I didn’t know what was going on. Plus there was the fact that Olivia didn’t drive that often.
“Hold on,” she laughs as she makes a sharp left turn. I cry out cusswords as the car turns and I hear her rev the engine. “Wow that was close.”
“What?!” I gasp, reaching for the blindfold. “If you would have just let me drive!”
“Hold your horses,” Olivia says, reaching over for my hand. “We’re almost there. I promise I won’t kill us.”
“You better not,” I sigh, holding on to her hand tightly when she offers it to me.
When Olivia parks, she comes to my side of the car and helps me out. She still won’t let me take the blindfold off. I hear her rustling for something in the back of her Subaru and then she takes my hand.
I can tell by the sounds around me that we’re outdoors somewhere. There are birds whistling overhead and when the wind blows I can smell the faint hint of the trees. It takes about fifteen minutes of her carefully leading me down a path until we finally come to a stop.
“Are you ready?” I hear her whisper in my ear from behind me. Her voice sends a shiver through me. When I nod, she carefully removes the blindfold and I gasp at the sight in front of me.
Olivia had set up a small tent overlooking a huge forest below us. It stretched on for miles and miles. The misty morning air made it look magical.
I feel her arms wrap around my waist from behind and her chin rest on my shoulder. “This is where I spent my first night when I came out here.”
“Your wilderness adventure?” I turn to look at her as she nods. “You took me here?” My heart fluttered in my chest. I turn to look out at the beautiful sight in front of us.
“Do you want to go for a hike?”
What I really wanted to do was see the inside of that tent but I smile and her and nod.
Olivia takes me through the woods where she’d spent her first few days getting to know her surroundings. I can’t imagine what it had been like for her out here alone. She helps me when we travel down steep rocky terrain and lets me catch my breath every now and again.
“You weren’t kidding when you said you never exercise,” she teases me.
I shove her playfully as we walked. “I don’t know how you did this.”
“Very carefully,” she laughs as she takes my hand and led me across another rocky path. When we reach the other side, we come to a small lake.
“Wow,” I whisper to myself as we approach the edge.
“So,” she says, pulling her pack off of her back. “Do you want to learn how to fish?”
As it turned out, Olivia didn’t catch fish with her bare hands. Nor did she live completely without the luxuries of modern society. She’d planned carefully and brought enough supplies with her that she could successfully withstand an entire month alone. One of those supplies had a fishing pole.
“My Dad used to take me out to my grandparents farm and we’d catch bluegill in the pond,” Olivia explains as she helps me tie the hook on my line. She adjusts some things and hands it back to me. “Now we have to find some bait.”
“Find some what?” I repeat her, watching as she roots around and finds a rock. When she lifts it up, there are earthworms crawling underneath.
“Aha!” She plucks one from the ground and wanders back over to me. When she holds it up to my face I squirm.
“You’re going to feed the poor worm to the fish?”
“Hey, the fish have to eat too. And you’re going to feed it to the fish.”
She stands focused and prepares the pole. Once she’s finishes, she places it in my hand and steps behind me. I feel her arms wrap around me and I nuzzle my head into the side of her face for a moment.
“Alright now, pay attention,” she says, as she wraps her hands around mine. “ I want you to point the rod at where you want the hook to land.” Olivia motions out towards the lake. I scan across it till I find a good spot. “Now watch me.” She steps away and I look back towards her as she walks it through. “You’re going to do this in one swift motion. I want you to bring the rod up,” she demonstrates with her hand, “and as you’re bringing it back down you’re going to let go of the line. Got it?”
I look at her overwhelmed. “I don’t know."
“I bet you’ll be better at it than you think.”
When I get up my nerve, I ready myself, aim the rod at my target, and move it in one swift motion. I release it just as it starts coming down and the line sails through the air towards the water. It lands with a splash in the middle of the lake.
I squeal in happiness, looking towards Olivia. She puts a finger to her lips and motions back out towards the water. The two of us wait quietly for a moment. For a little while nothing happens. Just when I am about to ask her what we should do, I feel a sharp tug on the line.
“Oh my God!” I yell loudly, “Oh my God! I think I caught something!” Olivia sweeps behind me and comes to my rescue. She wraps her hands around mine and snaps the lever back. “Okay now, pull your rod up and start reeling him in.”
It takes a minute or two but I manage to bring a small fish out of the water. It wiggles in the air as I hold it on the line. Olivia pulls out her cellphone and snaps a picture of me standing next to it. It was the most satisfying feeling in the world.
�
�And now, we feast!” She says, starting to take it off the hook.
“We’re really going to eat the poor thing?”
Olivia gives me a smile as she tosses him back into the water. “Of course not. I brought hotdogs.”
We spent the afternoon hiking around the area. I’m in awe about how much Olivia knows about nature. Of course I’d learned a lot about her from reading her book but seeing her in action and in her element made it that much more real. She names the types of trees and flora off the top of her head. When I spot birds, she tells me what they are just by the sounds they make.
When we finally arrive back at the campsite, it is starting to get dark. Olivia shows me how to start a fire using flint steel and some tinder. We roast hotdogs and eat s’mores until we are both so full we are cradling our stomachs. While the fire crackles near us, we lay spread out on a blanket, looking up to the vast open sky above us. I’d never seen so many stars in my life.
Olivia reaches and holds my hand in her own. I can hear her breathing beside me softly.
“Do you ever miss it?” There had been so much silence that it feels strange to hear my voice finally.
“Miss what?” Olivia looks at me, stroking my fingers with her thumb.
“This. Being out here in the wilderness. Doing the whole adventure girl thing.”
“I’m sure I’ll do it again at some point,” she says, and I sit up to look at her.
“Really?” When I sit up, she joins me. “You’d do all of this again? Why?”
“It’s a part of who I am,” Olivia looks to me, smiling. “There’s nothing like it in the world. Putting yourself into the wind and seeing where life takes you. I don't think I could ever give that up.”
“Yeah, but don’t you see yourself settling down? I don’t know, having a family?” The words come out of my mouth before I can take them back.
It takes her a while to respond. “I don’t know. Maybe, eventually.”
Part of me fears what the next part of the conversation might lead to, so I quickly change it.
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