“Too bad I can’t trap you here in three feet of snow.” I lean over to kiss her.
Room 305.
We reach the door and I pull her around to face me and let my body fall into hers. Our foreheads press together while we breathe.
“Close your eyes,” she says to me in a whisper. I oblige and I feel her kiss me just briefly, barely teasing my lips. I hear the click of the door as it opens. She holds my hand as she leads me inside. Megan sits me on the foot of the bed and I feel her sit beside me.
“Okay,” she says. “You can open them now.”
17.
Megan
As my mother always told me, go live the life you’ve always dreamed.
.........................
Olivia’s smile is so big it fills the entirety of her face. I hold out a bite of tiramisu for her and I watch her laugh until she’d started to cry.
“Oh my God,” I put the plate on the tray in front of me. “Are you okay?”
She can’t stop laughing or crying and it starts to freak me out a little bit. Finally she catches her breath and looks up to me. “Megan,” she takes my hand softly. “I hate tiramisu.”
“What?” I could hardly believe it. “I thought it was your favorite dessert?”
“My mom used to make it for special occasions when I was younger,” she explains. “But I always just scraped off the custard and ate it. Do you know how much coffee is in that thing?” Olivia shudders just thinking about it.
“You got it just for me?” When she nods, my heart flutters in my chest a little.
“I probably wouldn’t mind it so much now,” she says, reaching for the plate.
“Screw the tiramisu.” I reach for her hand and pull her body to mine. She falls on top of me.
“You taste better than tiramisu anyway,” Olivia agrees as we meet eyes.
“Olivia.”
“What?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
The two of us fall together again, our mouths colliding. I feel her hands holding my face as we share soft kisses. She breaks away from me and trails her mouth down the side of my neck. I can feel each touch of her lips as they make their way down me. When she reaches the fabric of my shirt we both help each other undress and push ourselves against each other. Olivia straddles on top of me and pushes her body up so she can look down at my body.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispers to me, letting her fingers trail down my skin.
“You too,” I smile, rubbing my hands over her arms.
Olivia dips down and moves her lips over me. I let my hands run through her soft curls and close my eyes to listen to the quiet sounds she makes as she moves. When she reaches my middle, she brushes her fingers along me and I let out a sigh. I feel her bring her mouth close enough to feel the heat rolling off my skin.
My hands tighten as she pushes into me. It fills my entire body with electricity. She teases me, running her lips over me in the subtlest of ways. Her fingers gently follow the motions of her mouth until she’s gotten me so bothered I’m squirming at her touches.
“Olivia,” I gasp and I feel her face lift up from me.
“I want to feel you,” I beg her. She moves swiftly up over my body until our mouths meet. I feel her hand slide in between our bodies and down to my middle and I gasp when she touches me there. While her fingers move in circles around me, she props herself up with her other hand so we both stare into each other’s eyes.
It hits me hard. I buck against her when it does and a soft cry fills the room. Olivia’s mouth falls down into my neck. I feel her breasts against mine. I ride through it, letting each crest overtake me. When it finally settles, I run my fingers up the curves of Olivia’s body until she pulls up from me.
We roll over, so I’m on top. Those big beautiful longing green eyes stare up at me. I lean down and push my lips to hers and she breathes in deeply. My mouth moves in swift motions over her. I can taste the faint dewiness of her skin as I work down her body. She writhes as I fill her with kisses, into her neck, over her breasts, down the middle of her stomach.
When I reach her middle, she props up. The two of us stay locked on one another as I move my lips on top of her. I watch Olivia’s breath quicken as I stroke her. My fingers work in tandem with my mouth and before long I can see her body start to twitch. She lays back against the bed, panting. Her hands wrap around the bedsheets beside her in fists and her thighs squeeze around my face. I hear her let out soft little gasps as it takes her. When she relaxes, I pull away and carefully climb on the bed beside her.
There are no words between us while we lay there. Mostly we just steal kisses and stare into each others eyes. I roll myself over and press my naked skin into hers. Olivia wraps her arm around me tightly. My body fights off sleep for as long as possible. I can hear the faint breath of her sleeping behind me and I pull her closer. I didn’t want these moments to end.
Then morning came.
My alarm buzzed on my phone at six and I rolled out of bed to grab it. Olivia stirred and I heard her yawn as I turned to face her.
“Good morning,” she smiled at me softly.
“Good morning.” I leaned over to kiss her on the lips. “How did you sleep?”
“Like a baby.”
The two of us grab our things and check out. We hold hands tightly the entire walk back to what was once Olivia’s apartment. As we draw nearer, my heart races in my chest. We turn onto her street and I can hardly breathe. Lauren is waiting by her car when we arrive.
“Let’s get this train moving,” she says when we reach her. “We’re running late as it is.”
Olivia’s stuff is already packed into the car. All at once things are moving entirely too fast for me. She still hasn’t let go of my hand.
“Megan,” Olivia whispers to me and I turn to her.
“It’s only a month. Okay? We’ll see each other in a month.” I can tell by the tone of her voice she’s trying to convince herself of this too.
“Only a month,” I whisper back to her. She pulls me close and I hold her tighter than I’ve ever held anyone in my life. I can barely let her go when she leaves me. Her lips press into mine and I can feel tears starting to stream down my face.
“Don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry,” Olivia laughs and wipes my tears away with her fingertips.
“I’m sorry,” I manage to say.
“Don’t be sorry. One month. Okay? Just one month.”
“Okay,” I breathe in deeply and watch as she hops into the car alongside Lauren.
“I love you,” she says to me as she rolls down the window.
“I love you too,” I reply. The car slowly pulls away down the street and I feel my heart going with it. Olivia sticks her head out of the window and looks back at me. I watch her till they turn the corner.
The next day Claire helps me load my car with the remainder of my things from the house. The movers have already taken off south towards California. Claire is sobbing the entire time.
“Geez,” I manage to laugh through sniffles. “I thought I was the cry baby of the family.”
“I’m okay, I’m okay.” Claire says, taking a deep breath. She holds my hands for a long while, staring at me. “Take care of yourself, okay?”
I smile at her. “I promise. I’ll be back to visit soon.”
“I know,” she replies, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I walk around to hop in the SUV and roll down the window.
“Can I give you a piece of sisterly advice before you go?” Claire asks me, leaning into the car. When I nod, she continues. “Go to France. Every chance you get. I’ve never see you so happy in my life. Don’t let her get away.”
I can feel my heart beating in my chest. “I won’t. I promise.”
“Okay. Drive safe. Call me when you get there. And pull over if you need to sleep!” We grasp for each other’s hands one last time before I pull down the driveway and off into the street. All at once I feel overwhelmingly alone, and
it is terrifying.
18.
Olivia
That my life, with it’s ebbs and flows, it’s chaos, it's never ending variety, could all the sudden be made so simple and succinct, is what was so astounding.
.........................
“Merci beaucoup.” I take the groceries from the bagger and haul them out to our scooter outside. If it weren’t for having my hands full, I would have walked. It was a beautiful day out, not a cloud in the sky.
Almost everything about living in Paris the past month was amazing. We lived on the outskirts in a small apartment close to the art school. Lauren was kept constantly busy, so I had plenty of time to myself for writing. I’d sit out on the balcony and drink coffee while I people watched.
When I got home, there were messages on my cell. Megan had called before she’d headed off to work. I’m sure by now she’d be in the heat of it, so I didn’t bother calling her back. Every time I heard her voice, it ached me. So it took me a minute before I was able to finally dial my voicemail.
“Hey there.” I forced myself to hold back the emotions I felt. “I’m sorry I missed you. I had to get up early this morning, so you must just be out doing something… I wanted to actually talk to you to tell you this but I know I won’t get to speak to you for a couple of days because of your and Lauren’s trip north. I am so sorry, but I don’t think I can come this weekend. I know we’d promised this would happen and we've been waiting for it for forever. I miss you so much.” I hear her sniffle loudly into the phone. “I just have this big case coming up and I can’t leave. I’m so sorry, Olivia. I thought maybe I can come in a few more weeks, when this is all done. I love you. Call me back when you can. Oh, and before I forget, Claire asked me to remind you to send your manuscript.”
I sank into the kitchen chair where I’d listened to the message. Getting to see her face is everything that is holding me together lately. I have counted down the days. Now it is a few more weeks away. I don’t think I can last that long.
As I put away the groceries, I hear Lauren’s keys rattling the door from outside. “It’s open,” I yell and she wanders in, covered in paint and who knows what else.
“Man, am I exhausted!” Lauren exclaims as she sets her stuff down by the door. She wanders over to help me put things away. “Thanks for going to the grocery.”
“No problem,” I say, more somberly than I meant it to come out.
“What’s gotten you all upset? Cheer up, we’re going to Beauvais today! You should be excited! And Megan will be here this weekend.”
I collapse back into a kitchen chair, staring at her. “Megan’s not coming.”
“What?” Lauren pauses, looking at me. “What do you mean she’s not coming?”
“She left me a message and said she had this big case coming up. It’ll be a few more weeks before she can make it.” I sigh, staring down at the table.
“You two have been looking forward to this all month.”
“I know,” I moan, lying my head down against the wood. “Believe me, I know.”
Lauren slides into the seat next to me and when she does I sit up to meet her glance. It’s turned very serious.
“Olivia,” she says, “I think you need to go to California.”
“What do you mean I need to go to California?”
“I mean it exactly the way I said it. I think you need to go to California. I think you need to go to Megan.” Lauren crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in the chair.
“I can’t just go on a vacation to California, Lauren.” I argue. “I have deadlines with the book. What about our trip north?”
“No, I don’t think you are comprehending, friend.” Lauren takes my hand in hers. “I think you need to go and be with Megan.”
.........................
I hate flying. It’s been one of my biggest fears since I was a kid, and there were very few things that scared me. Once the plane touched down in NYC, I feel relieved.
There hasn't been another time in recent memory that I craved caffeine more than I did as I got off the plane. Red eyes are exhausting. There is a small coffee shop directly across the way. After five minutes of waiting in line trying to convince myself to get a regular coffee, I opt for a hot chocolate instead. I think of Megan as I sip it and wander down the halls of the airport.
There is a bookstore open. One of those overpriced places that I couldn’t afford with my income. My hands graze over the books as I wander through.
When I get back to my seat at the gate, I root through my bag for something to read. Surprised, I find something I haven't seen in a long while. My hands glaze over its familiar green and gold binding. There’s a sticky note attached to the front from Lauren that reads: I thought you could use some light reading on your long-ass plane ride” I laugh softly at the sentiment.
After I’ve stowed my bag, my hands run over its worn out cover again. It’s been read so much that the front of it is starting to tear slightly. I turn the pages slowly, until something stops me. Written neatly across one of the blank pages is a small note.
“The stars don’t hold our destiny, our destiny is what holds the stars.” – I love you, always. Megan
19.
Megan
I’ve learned a lot of things in my short time on this Earth. Like when you really want something in your life – I mean really, truly want something, you have to dive in and get it. There’s no holding back. No questions. Bravery has no time for questions. Only action.
.........................
“Alright, thank you Mr. Richards, I’ll get those documents to you first thing in the morning.”
When I hang up, I stare down at my cellphone in agony. It had been five hours since I’d called Olivia and left that terrible message. I should have never left a message in the first place. Now I don't know what is wrong, whether she has gotten it or not, whether she is angry or depressed. And it is too terrifying to call her back and find out.
The view from my office is spectacular. It’s right on the outskirts of the city, overlooking the bay. We’re in a high rise that faces towards the bridge. You can see for miles and miles in every direction. Sometimes when I’d look out I’d remember the view from the overlook in the forest, where Olivia had taken me a month ago. Today, it is all I can think about.
Had it already been a month? Of course it had been. I was supposed to be on an airplane this weekend to see her. My wonderful and amazing adventure girl who’d flown all the way across the world in pursuit of her dreams. Suddenly I’d never felt more captive in my life.
The phone interrupts my thoughts. I panic and quickly reach for it, thinking it might be Olivia finally calling me back. I’m surprised when I see it is my mother.
“Hello?” I answer, standing up from my chair. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m just calling to see if you were free for lunch, dear.” She says to me.
“I’m pretty swamped with work—wait, what?” It takes me a moment to process what she said. “You’re here? In San Francisco?”
“Just outside this beautiful building you work in. I thought you could use a break.”
“I’ll be right down!” I smile as I hang up the phone.
My mother and I end up in Chinatown in this cute little restaurant that is jam packed for lunch. We share a table with another couple, which sends her into a fit of complaints.
“I wish you would have picked someplace a little more…quiet.” She mutters.
“What? I can’t hear you!” I tease her and she shakes her head at me. “You’ll like it once you get your food,” I tell her.
I am pleased with myself when I end up being right. My mother seems to calm down once she’s devouring her dumplings and her egg drop soup. She pesters me with questions about work and I ask her about the country club and her bridge group.
The entire meal I can sense she is worried. She doesn’t bring it up till after we’ve gotten our leftovers and head back outside to catch
a cab ride back to my office.
“So, how is Olivia?” She asks me after we’re situated in the car.
“She’s fine,” I answer bluntly. “I think she’s really happy in France.”
“Are you still going out to visit her this weekend?”
I shake my head. “I have a big case coming up. I had to push it back a few weeks.”
“You have been looking forward to that trip since she left,” my mother stares at me. I look away out the window for a moment, sighing.
“Sweetheart,” my mother says, taking my hand into hers. “You know, I never understood what happened to you and that girl while you were in law school.”
“Her name was Alejandra,” I say, turning back to look at her.
“Between you and Alejandra,” she corrects herself. “It took me a long time to come to terms that you weren’t the woman I expected you to be.”
“Gee, thanks mom,” I start to take my hand away and she stops me.
“Let me finish.” I nod and she continues. “Megan, my sweet child. That woman knew you for a day and she was so bound and determined to find you, she came to me. She was the one who told me to call you.”
“She told you to call me?” I repeat and my mother nods.
“I was married to your father for thirty years and we never had a love like that. That kind of love that you just know the minute that you see them that it was meant to be."
"That it was destiny," I whisper to myself.
"Do you love her?"
I smile softly. “I really do.”
“Then go and get her,” she says, kissing my hands. “Go have your grand adventure. Not everyone gets that chance.”
I paid for my mother’s cab to her hotel when we’d got back the office. “Are you sure you’re okay that I’m not staying?”
“Sweetheart,” she smiles at me through the back window of the car. “I’ve been doing things on my own for close to ten years now. I think I’ll manage.”
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