Holden's Heart

by Jayna Morrow

  “I gotta get back to work. There’s a lot of paperwork to take care of before the weekend.” He backed out of the office. “If you need anything, text me.”

  An unusual statement. Text him if she needed him? Wouldn’t he be stopping by her office and calling and texting her throughout the day? He shut the door with a soft click. She wasn’t sure what he meant, but she dreaded it already.

  Irelynn sank into the leather swivel chair and rested her head in her hands. Every few minutes, she glanced at her cell phone. It didn’t ring or buzz. No annoying sound bites came through preceding a goofy question from Holden. She hadn’t accidently put her phone on silent either. She laid her head down on her desk and stared at the phone, willing it to come to life. She was too tired to do everything that needed to be done around the dairy. Her eyes grew heavier, as her thoughts turned to lucid dreams of painting. Then her muscles turned to liquid, and she closed her eyes, drifting into sleep.

  12

  Holden stared at the whiteboard that covered one wall of the compact conference room. Notes written in red, green, and black dry-erase ink filled every square inch. He should have consulted Irelynn on this project first, but she needed her rest.

  He’d seen the considerable effort it had taken to keep her eyes open this morning. When he came back later to offer to take her to lunch, he’d found her fast asleep with her head on her desk and her cell phone cradled in hand. He found her light snoring funny until a fleeting thought sobered him. She’d fallen asleep waiting for Emerson’s call. How many nights had he fallen asleep thinking of her?

  The situation distressed him. He’d thrown himself into his work, but with Irelynn upstairs asleep, he took the opportunity to make a few changes in the routine. No more playing it straight.

  Then the few changes in routine turned into a complete overhaul of operations, inside and out. He could imagine her reaction, but he didn’t regret his actions. She’d be shocked, maybe even a little confused at first, when he confronted her. Still, he had no doubt that she’d agree with him. After all, he’d overhauled this business once before with dramatic results. It was high time this company had a facelift.

  He never imagined how painful it would be to stay away from Irelynn. But once Emerson’s true worth materialized, he’d be free to fulfill his intentions, which did not include hurting her.

  But it wasn’t that simple. And Emerson wasn’t Irelynn’s only problem. There were also the issues surrounding her painting, and he was sure he factored in as problematic for her.

  Back to the drawing board. During his three days of working at the dairy, he’d uncovered several issues. With minimal tweaking and some trial and error on the dry erase board, he’d managed to create a schedule that would run much more smoothly. Irelynn had implemented many great ideas, so his new system took those and simplified them. Now he needed to wake her up and run everything by her. He capped the markers and left the meeting room. In minutes, he reached Irelynn’s office, where she still slept with her head on her desk. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her until she roused.

  She lifted her head, and a yawn escaped.

  “Wake up, sleepy head.”

  “How long have I been asleep?” She blinked, eyes adjusting to the light.

  “A few hours.”

  “Oh, no.” Panic marred her beautiful face. “I didn’t accomplish half of what I needed to.”

  “Don’t worry. I took care of everything.”

  Question replaced panic. “How could you get everything done so...Holden! What have you been up to?”

  He mustered up the biggest smile possible, hoping to charm his way through this. “I may have done things a little differently.”

  “Don’t give me that look, Holden. What did you do?”

  She wasn’t taking the bait. In fact, she crossed her arms, closing herself off from him.

  “I followed the schedule....out of order.”

  “There’s still something you’re not telling me.”

  “OK, I’ll admit there’s more. I have something to show you in the boardroom. I don’t think you’re ready for it though.”

  “Oh, really? Why not?”

  “You just woke up from a nap, and you’re cranky. You missed lunch. How about a snack or some coffee first?”

  She stood and crossed her arms. “I’m fine. Lead the way.”

  Ignoring the pushy advice from his brain to run to the boardroom, erase his ideas, and call this whole thing off, he followed a few steps behind her down the hallway. Her lead the way command had turned into her leading the way.

  He wasn’t about to allow her to burst into that room and let the shock of his calculations overload her brain. She was a bit obsessive when it came to the dairy. He’d have to explain how he’d taken her routine and made it run smoother. And hope for the best.

  She opened the door and entered the room, her gaze falling on the jumble of notes in multicolored ink. He could visualize the mechanisms of her brain working through each section on the board.

  “These are new operation schedules for each of the dairy divisions,” he said.

  “Independent schedules?”

  “Trying to make the separate divisions operate on the same schedule causes a majority of the problems here. Some areas do more work than they can handle in a single workday. Then other areas have considerable downtime. I visited each department, spoke with the supervisor, and produced a responsibility chart for each one. Then I came back here and worked everything out. Two separate schedules will allow the three divisions to work at maximum efficiency.”

  The unreadable expression on her face worried him. “I...uh...you did that in two hours?”

  “I’ve been going over it in my head since day one but officially jotting everything down, yes, two hours. I met with the supervisors this morning, before Emerson showed up, and while I was doing zigzags. By the way, those zigzags are now back to rounds.”

  “It sounds as if you changed everything. I’ve seen enough.”

  She didn’t make it three steps to the door before he reached out and caught her hand. “I changed the schedule and order of things, but not your methods.”

  Irelynn, caught up in a culmination of emotions regarding her life, jerked her hand back as if his skin repulsed her. “Since you’ve come into my life, everything has changed.”

  He captured her hand again and brought it to his cheek, refusing to let go. She pulled back, but he responded by seizing the other hand and bringing it to his other cheek.

  She bristled.

  “Stop fighting me, Irelynn. Aside from a few suggestions regarding work schedules, I haven’t changed anything in your life.” Once she stopped resisting him, he loosened his grip but kept her hands where they cradled his face. She softened in his grasp. Her eyes teared up.

  “I know...it’s me. Truth is I was an unhappy mess before you even arrived. I’m still a mess.” Her body wilted.

  He released her wrists, expecting her to slide back and get a hold of her herself.

  She did, though she remained standing near.

  “But are you still unhappy?”

  Her nearness made him lose all sense of time and place. He took the liberty to lace his fingers with hers and held them. How many times had he imagined holding her hands? Now that the moment was here, every daydream he’d had paled in comparison. Thoughts held pictures, but they lacked sensation. Nothing could have prepared him for the softness of her skin, the scent of her body wash wafting up...

  For several long moments, they stood with hands locked. Their breathing aligned. Their heartbeats attempted alignment but paced faster and faster.

  She shook her hair off her face, revealing a cheek splattered with a few freckles. Her eyelids fluttered open, and her soft, blue eyes drifted upward. “I can’t answer that yet,” she murmured. “I feel different, like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t have words to describe it. Sometimes it feels like happiness, but other times I’m lost and confused.”
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br />   He took a step back, so he could look into her eyes, and timbered his voice. “It sounds to me as though you’re discovering what you want in life. What is it that you’re wanting, Irelynn?”

  She shook her head.

  Her usual defeated response, but this time he crooked a finger and used it to lift her chin up.

  She let out a shaky breath and shook her head.

  He lifted his hand and laid it across her cheek. His thick, callused pointer finger, the nail still black from when she’d slammed it in her car door days before, moved across her cheek. He clued in on the fact that making eye contact was trying for her in situations like this, but she fixed her gaze upon him nonetheless. “It’s OK to be yourself, to live your life, and to go after what you want. God wants you to be happy. He made you unique, and He blessed you with certain gifts. Don’t you believe that?”

  She stepped back and bit her bottom lip. After a moment, she released it and sighed. Her eyes glistened, but she wouldn’t shed a tear. She was much too strong for that.

  The sight of her, so full of beauty and vulnerability, made his breath catch. His heart screamed at him to stop pushing her; she’d been through enough. He’d do it, too, except that he didn’t want her to retreat back into her nest and end up the hollow shell of a person she was when he’d arrived. “You’re an amazing person, Irelynn.” He offered a warm smile.

  “I don’t feel amazing.” Her words were shaky.

  “You are. Once you find out what you want and go for it, then you’ll come to believe it.”

  Was she incapable of seeing the truth?

  “That’s just it, Holden. I already know what I want. I’ve known it my entire life but denied it. I’ve compensated for it at work, but it’s not enough to fill the void. Still, by keeping busy, I’ve managed to survive. Then you arrived and chipped away at the only things in my life that keep me grounded. Emerson may not be the most attentive man, but he tries. He’s faithful. And now...” She pointed to his notes on the board. “You want to change everything I’ve worked so hard on.” Her voice cracked. Her eyes filled to the brim with tears, and her arm dropped.

  “They’re suggestions, Irelynn. We don’t have to change anything. I have a reason for drawing up this plan.”

  “I bet you do, Holden. You always have an answer for everything.”

  She left the room and returned to her office without giving Holden the chance to defend himself. She walked away, and he let the words he meant to say slip out into the empty room, unheard by the intended recipient. “I did it for you, Irelynn. And Gabriel. This schedule will give you both more time off to be with those you care about...and those who care about you.”

  13

  Groggy and listless, Irelynn stretched out the aftereffects of her morning nap. Naps sometimes made her want to sleep more. The couple hours were good this time. After that whole scene in the boardroom with Holden, she’d have a restless night thinking about it.

  She needed a caffeine boost, a little latte love for her brain drain. The regular brew the dairy provided wouldn’t cut it. Moments like these called for Jolly Joe’s. She often left the dairy to run errands for Gabriel, so she didn’t feel guilty about sneaking out. She’d be back before anyone noticed. She grabbed her keys and purse and headed out the door.

  Her little car sat in Gabriel’s parking space, the round logo on the door matching the one on the sign that marked the spot, followed by the words RESERVED FOR THE BOSS MAN. That would be her. For the time being.

  Not that she was in any way eager to fill the boss man’s shoes, even if it was a blatant attempt to restore her self-confidence. Gabriel wore big boots, ready for action. Until Holden’s arrival, a weak cry for help tumbled around in her mind that spurred her on and convinced her that she was prepared to take on this task. Using coffee and a cloudy brain as an excuse to run away for twenty minutes of downtime was a quick fix, and the effect would dwindle like the caffeine in her system.

  Still, she was glad that she’d uncovered the real Holden. This whole week had been another puzzle for him to solve, and she was a piece of it. She didn’t want any part of it. Instinct told her to keep her distance, and in time, he’d leave. But they would never go back to the way they were before his arrival. He’d opened her eyes to several areas in her life that had to be handled.

  “Irelynn?” His voice, laced with defeat, carried across the parking lot.

  That brought her to a halt with her hand on the car door. For a moment, she considered ignoring him. But a vision of Gabriel’s big boots giving her a swift kick in the rear for ignoring business matters reminded her that responsibilities came first.

  “Randy’s on the phone for you.”

  His first phone call in almost a week.

  “Coming.” She ambled to him, digging through her purse. No sign of her cell phone. She reached the front door, which Holden held open. In his other hand was her elusive phone. She’d grabbed her purse and keys, but had forgotten her most vital piece of equipment. “I wondered why I didn’t hear it ring. Thank you.” She summoned up a tiny smile and accepted the phone from him. “Hello, Randy. How are you feeling?” She walked back to her office as she talked.

  “I’m as miserable as I’ve ever been.” He gave a soupy cough from deep within his chest sounding much worse than before. “They admitted me to the hospital. My walking pneumonia has turned into full-blown pneumonia.”

  Irelynn dropped into her chair. It was evident that Randy was not well. And here she was whining about the little things. She put her purse on the floor and pushed it back with her foot. “Randy, I’m so sorry. Tell me what you need.”

  “I’m in good hands. I ain’t gonna die or nothing, but I ain’t coming back to work anytime soon.” His voice cracked, and another round of coughing and gasping for air ensued. He sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m not supposed to be talking. I’m taking oxygen, and I have orders to be still and quiet. But you know I’m a workaholic.” Another drag of breath. “I had to at least check in and make sure everything was going all right at the dairy.”

  Irelynn drew her legs up within the soft confines of her seat and set about reassuring Randy. “Everything is fine here. Gabriel sweet talked Holden into filling in...”

  “Holden!” The word came out a bit too loud and hard, sending Randy into a horrible coughing fit.

  He rasped and wheezed for so long that she almost hung up the phone to call the nurse’s station to check on him. “Is there something wrong with Holden helping out in your place?”

  Finally, he managed to respond, voice breathy but stronger. “No, no, not at all. I’m surprised is all. Last time Holden worked at the dairy...”

  There was some commotion on the other end of the line, rustling of sheets and a female voice. His nurse maybe?

  “I’ve been discovered. Nurse says I gotta go. I’ll call again in a few days.”

  “Oh, no, you won’t.”

  Irelynn heard the female voice loud and clear.

  “Bye, Irelynn.”

  “Goodbye, Randy. I’ll be praying for you.”

  The nurse’s voice chided in the background and was cut off by Randy hanging up.

  She understood, but she sure wished he could have finished what he was talking about first. Confusion and curiosity added to the cloudiness in her brain. “Coffee, coffee, coffee,” she muttered out loud.

  “You want me to make a fresh pot?”

  Holden’s words startled her. He, bless him, was forever...there. How many times had he scrambled to do her bidding? Even before she asked, he responded. She stared at him for several moments. Then she blinked and managed a smile. “I need something stronger and much more complicated than what we have here. I’m making a run to Jolly Joe’s. That’s where I was going when Randy called.” She gathered purse and keys, made sure to place her cell phone inside, and then tried to get past Holden.

  But he wouldn’t let her pass. He placed his hand at the back of her head, his long fingers nested in her thic
k hair, and brought her head forward as he leaned in. His lips pressed against her forehead, a sweet, chaste gesture that she imagined was his way of apologizing.

  No! He couldn’t do this to her. He should be upset with her for not approving of his plans, maybe a wee bit angry that she’d stormed away. First, a stare that penetrated her soul. Now, this unsettling ability to remain calm and thoughtful. The man really did have superpowers. She didn’t deserve his kindness. He should be living up to his reputation of Dallas’s most eligible bachelor.

  It took a mighty force of will not to stand on tiptoe to bring her lips up a few inches to the perfect height to meet his. But he wasn’t hers to kiss in that way. She shouldn’t even think about kissing this man. Another was waiting in the wings. Really, she was the one waiting in the wings, but that didn’t mean the situation shouldn’t be handled in a Christian manner.

  “I’d love some Jolly Joe’s, Irelynn. Let’s go get it.” His voice was uplifting and hopeful as if he depended on her approval. “I’ll drive. And it’s my treat for upsetting you. I didn’t mean to.”

  He placed another quick kiss on the top of her head, causing her stomach to flip-flop before he pivoted and ambled toward the front doors.

  Lord, You know the things in my life that I need to handle. I need your assistance, so I don’t end up in a bad situation. The sooner, the better. Amen.

  Her quick, silent prayer was met with an almost instantaneous response, in the form of an urge to go after him. Reluctance slipped away, and one thought filled her head. Everything within her drifted to the point she thought her legs would give way, but she gained new understanding. Get him to talk. Ask him questions. Study him. Find out the who, what, when, where, and why. Still, she couldn’t throw common sense out the window. Their responsibilities came first. “We both can’t leave the dairy. It’s too early.” There. She’d become the voice of reason. A sense of accomplishment eluded her, though.

  “Sure we can. That’s what I was trying to explain earlier. With a few changes, the dairy will run much more efficiently, so you and Gabriel can leave earlier.”