by Dawn Brower
Alexander was probably right. Why was he so afraid to tell Angeline he loved her? He should go find her and open his heart to her. It would perhaps be the scariest thing he’d ever done, but if she loved him back… Then they’d really have a future together. Maybe if he hadn’t let his fears rule him on their wedding day they wouldn’t be in the predicament they were now. He had to own his mistakes and make things right between them.
“Lucian.” He turned and met Angeline’s gaze. Someone or something was working to help him. She stood in the library entrance, waiting for him to respond. Her midnight locks were fastened back but some stray curls had escaped their bonds framing her lovely face. Her eyes had a kindness to them that hadn’t been there before. But she wasn’t by any means a fool—she was his rebellious angel, and he wanted a lifetime by her side. She would never be an easy target or someone that the world could push down. That was only one of the things he loved about her. He hated that he’d tried to tame that side of her. He never wanted her to be anything other than the wonderful courageous woman she had grown into.
“Come in, Angel.” His lips curled upward into his most rakish smile. Perhaps if he told her how he felt she’d finally allow him into her bed. He wanted her desperately, but he wanted her love even more. “There are some things we have to…discuss.” He had to seize the moment, and yes, he was inebriated, but sometimes a man had to take a gift when it presented itself. Even when they came at the most inopportune moments.
Chapter 14
Angeline had always liked libraries. There was something about the smell of books and seeing them fill a lot of shelves that spoke to her. Knowledge gave a person power, and she enjoyed learning, losing herself in fantasy worlds, and discovering new things. Books gave her all of that and more. Ironic that she planned to tell Lucian she loved him surrounded by leather-bound tomes. Fantasies had to be set aside and she had to take a leap of faith. If saying she loved him aloud wasn’t so difficult…
She glanced toward Lucian, not meeting his gaze. Instead, she focused on her surroundings. There were three glasses on a nearby table—all of them empty—near a decanter of brandy. She’d passed Alexander on her way to the library. Andrew had probably been here too. There was no way of telling how much they’d had to drink, but Lucian didn’t appear fully lucid. If she told him how she felt, would he even remember it later?
It might seem cowardly, but she didn’t want to speak it aloud yet. She wanted to make sure, when she said the words, he’d hear them and recall them later. It was supposed to be—magical. Deep down, she expected him to say those three words back to her. She counted on it. Even if she couldn’t voice her love yet, she could show them.
Slowly, she sashayed over to his side. When she reached him, she lifted her hand and brushed her fingers over his cheek. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes momentarily as if savoring the sensation. “Are you sure you want to talk when we could be doing something far more pleasant?”
“A conversation is what brought us conflict.” His breath hitched, and he leaned his face into her hand. “As much as I love your touch, perhaps we should consider clearing things up between us first.”
Angeline did want to do exactly that—later. She’d been keeping him at a distance for a month. It wasn’t an ideal way to start a marriage. They hadn’t consummated it. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted him and to be his wife—if they made love, undoing their vows wouldn’t be as easy. They would have a lifetime to work through their problems. She was willing to do whatever it took to stay with him forever. “Not now,” she said and leaned into him. “Kiss me.”
“Angel…” He brushed his fingers over her hair. “If I kiss you now, I’ll want more.”
He was uncertain, and she didn’t blame him. It would be up to her to show she desired him. That she craved his kiss, his touch, all of him… She wrapped her arms around his neck and reached up to press her lips to his. For a brief moment, he stood still—frozen as she moved her lips over his. Then he seized control and kissed her like she wanted—like the first time his lips touched hers on the train. He slid his tongue over her lips, enticing her to open them. Lucian tasted like the brandy he’d consumed earlier. His kiss intoxicated her, and she craved more of him. Angeline would never tire of him or his touch, even when he frustrated her. Her entire body came alive at his touch, and she needed…more.
Lucian pulled back and stared down at her. He reached up and slowly started removing the pins tying her hair back, then dropped each one on the table. They pinged against the wood as they hit surface. Her dark locks fell down her back in waves. “I’ve wanted to see you with your hair down for longer than I remember.” He ran his fingers through the thick strands, and she nearly groaned with pleasure. No one made her feel the way he did.
“Kiss me again,” she insisted. Angeline already missed the touch of his lips on hers. Heat spread through her whole body. Every inch of her was on edge and close to something, but she didn’t know what.
“You’re so demanding.” He chuckled and kissed the side of her cheek. Then trailed kisses over her jaw and down her neck. “I want to strip every stitch of clothing off of you and kiss you everywhere.”
Angeline was on the verge of begging him to undress her—no, she wanted to remove her clothes for him herself and allow him to kiss her as he described. Her gaze became unfocused as all the possibilities flowed through her mind. Angeline shook her head and took note of her surroundings. She had to gain control of her wanton desires. The library was probably not the best place for them to make love for the first time. Anyone could walk in on them, and she’d be so embarrassed to be found in flagrante delicto. “We have a nice big bed in our chambers. I stopped by there earlier looking for you,” she said huskily. “Wouldn’t you like to join me there? We could finish this there.”
“If I take you upstairs, we’re not leaving our room until morning.” He pressed his lips to hers quickly. “We should stop now before we go too far. We haven’t gone past a point of no return—yet.”
“No,” she insisted. “I don’t want to stop. Take me to bed.” Angeline placed her hand on his chest. “Love me—all night. Show me what I’ve been missing.”
Lucian didn’t need to be told twice. He picked her up in his arms and carried her out of the library, then up the stairs to their chambers. Her heart beat rapidly inside of her chest. This was what she’d wanted for so long but had been too afraid to ask for it. Once inside the room with the door closed, he set her down and kissed her hard and with so much passion it consumed her. “I’ve needed you.” Lucian spun her around and unbuttoned her dress. It fell to her feet in a pool of silk and lace. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice was so husky she almost didn’t understand him, or maybe it was her own daze of desire overtaking her muddled brain. Either way, she didn’t care. All she wanted to do was feel and let the passion overtake her.
“Please,” she begged. He cupped her breast with one hand and squeezed lightly while he caressed her hip with his other one. “That’s marvelous.”
He circled around her and leaned down and sucked her nipple into his mouth. She’d thought his hand on her breast astounding, but this was almost…miraculous. He stepped back and removed the rest of his clothes, then picked her up. Lucian set her on the bed and spread her thighs. “I need to be inside you.” He pressed himself against her, pushing himself into her sex. A sharp pain filled her with his initial thrust and she couldn’t stop from flinching. “I’m sorry,” he said a little breathlessly. “Didn’t want to hurt you.”
Angeline had known the first time it might hurt some. “It’s all right. Don’t stop.” She’d been told it shouldn’t happen again. The first time wasn’t always pleasant for everyone. So far, she’d loved everything he’d done. Lucian thrusted again, and this time it felt more pleasant. Each thrust felt even better than the one before it, and she started to move with him. Angeline wanted something more and her body was urging her to find it. Her moans echo
ed through the room as their lovemaking became increasingly more impassioned.
Her heart beat faster, and she was on the edge of something. She needed him to continue moving inside of her so she could reach it. Angeline raked her nails over his back and moaned. Stars exploded between her eyes as everything inside of her came undone she reached a peak of something so incredible she had no words to describe it. Not long after that, Lucian groaned and stopped moving. He pulled her into his arms and rolled her to his side, then trailed kisses on her neck and then her cheek. “I think I’ve died,” he muttered under his breath. He pressed his lips to hers in a slow devastating kiss. Angeline’s heart nearly burst with happiness. He lifted his head and met her gaze. “I can’t wait until we can do that again.” Lucian brought her close and whispered, “Sleep, Angel. You’re going to need it. I have a lot of plans for you tonight.”
Angeline smiled. For the moment, she was happy and hoped she’d stay that way after she told him she loved him. Until then, she’d hold on to the feeling that had settled in her heart. Tomorrow, she might need the memory to get her through the day.
Rays of sunshine spilled into the room and bounced off the back of his eyelids. Lucian had never felt so sated in his entire life. He couldn’t believe Angeline had come to him. That they had made love all night long, and he’d discovered one undeniable fact—he never wanted to go another night where he couldn’t have her next to him. He wanted to go to bed each night loving her and wake up each morning with the opportunity to kiss her. She was the one person he loved beyond reason, and he needed her.
Angeline’s eyelids fluttered open. “Good morning.” Her voice was still husky from sleep. She nestled closer to him. “Do we need to leave this bed?”
He wanted to say no. The night had allowed him some precious moments to forget the pain of the past month. He wanted to pretend they didn’t have any problems and that making love to her made everything right in their world, but Lucian wasn’t a fool. They hadn’t come close to working through their issues. They would have to talk in order to do that. He had to admit how he felt. She deserved to know he loved her and he hadn’t wanted to marry her solely to protect her. Lucian hadn’t realized it at the time, but he’d always wanted her. Angeline’s indiscretion had given him a reason to claim her. “All the family will be here today. If we don’t go down to breakfast, someone will come looking for us.” He kissed her shoulder. “Do you really want them to waltz in and find us enjoying our marital bed?”
“Well,” she said as she ran her hands over his back. “When you put it like that, we should definitely make an appearance at breakfast.” Angeline pressed her lips to his. “But then maybe we can continue more of this later.”
Lucian certainly wanted to find his way back to their bed. He would follow her anywhere. As long as he was by her side, he’d gladly follow along. “It’s time to dress for the day. As much as I enjoy you naked, we don’t want to scandalize the family.”
Angeline laughed and rolled out of bed. She walked over to the armoire and pulled out her dress, then went to the dresser to gather her under things. “I’ll be in the dressing room getting ready for the day. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Lucian stretched and admired her from the bed. She hadn’t been shy about walking around the room without her clothes on. He should have known she’d be brazen. His Angel was the bravest person he’d ever met, and he had yet to tell her he loved her. He should tell her now before they were surrounded by their family. If he waited, he might not get another chance for hours otherwise. He pushed the covers off and dressed as quickly as possible. Angeline would be out of the dressing room soon enough, but he couldn’t wait. He had to stop being afraid.
He went into the dressing room as Angeline slid into her dress. It was an emerald-green, silk, day dress. She glanced over her shoulder and met his gaze. “I thought I told you to go down without me.” Her lips tilted upward. “But since you’re here, want to help me with the back of the dress? I didn’t think this through.”
Lucian swallowed hard and stepped toward her. The back of her dress gaped open. He pressed his hand to her back and kissed her shoulder. It would be so easy to seduce her. She wouldn’t argue with him enticing her back into bed, but that was the cowardly thing to do. He stepped back and buttoned the dress. “I didn’t go because I thought we should talk before we’re surrounded by the family.”
She glanced down and didn’t look at him. Why wouldn’t she meet his gaze? “Angel,” he said softly. “Turn around.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want the magic to end. As soon as we start discussing our problems, it’ll disappear.” She lifted her head and then faced him. “I made wish upon a shooting star the night before we left. You joked about it, but when one presented itself, I couldn’t stop myself. I thought—why not? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a chance at finally having the one thing I want more than anything in the world.”
“What did you wish for?” Did he dare hope she wanted a future with him? Was that why she’d come to him last night? “Tell me what you want most in this world, and I’ll make sure you have it.”
She cupped his cheek with her hand. “Ever since you ordered me to marry you, I’ve been simultaneously holding on and letting go.” Angeline licked her lips. “It was hard for me to believe that we had a chance at something real. That day, hope sparked inside of me, and I’ve never been more terrified. I wanted you, always have, but hope can be a dangerous thing. I couldn’t fully believe it because, if I did…”
“What?” Strangely he understood a lot of what she’d been feeling. “You might lose everything you’ve ever wanted but didn’t dare believe you could have? If you lost it, you’d lose the one thing that mattered to you.” He kissed her lightly. “Angel, trust me. I felt the same things. We can’t let fear drive us or we won’t truly be able to live.” Lucian picked up her hand and kissed her palm. “That’s why I came in here to talk to you. I want a real marriage—nights we won’t forget and days to live for. You’re my wife, and I love you—have always loved you. I’m sorry…”
“Wait,” she interrupted him. Her eyebrows widened as she met his gaze. “Repeat that.”
“If you would’ve let me finish—I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I let my fears stand in the way, and I hope one day you’ll love me too, even if it takes the rest of our days. You’re my everything.” A tear fell down her cheek. He wiped it away and kissed her cheek lightly. He hated seeing her with tears in her eyes. It gutted him in ways he never thought possible. “Don’t cry. It’s ripping my heart out, and I can’t stand it.
“My tears aren’t ones of sadness,” she said softly. “I’ve never been happier. I love you too.”
Lucian’s lips tilted upward. The heaviness in his chest lightened, and he finally embraced the love he’d feared for so long. “Promise me forever.”
“As long as you do in return.” She wrapped her arms around him and set her head on his shoulder. “And I promise I’ll love you until the end of time.”
Lucian didn’t know how much he needed to hear those words from her until that moment. He’d never been one to put a lot of hope in finding love or being loved in return. Angeline had become the most important person in his life and he couldn’t even pinpoint the exact moment it had all changed for him. He was in the middle of being completely devoted to her before he had a chance to grasp its full importance. “I’d love nothing more than to spend eternity with you. I love you desperately.” Lucian leaned down and kissed her. They still had to go down to breakfast and spend the Christmastide season with their family, but now, at least, he had a reason to celebrate. He had Angeline’s love, and it was the only gift he’d wanted. Lucian didn’t need anything else. One angel was enough for a lifetime…
Epilogue
Christmas had always been a time of gathering and family for the Marsdens. Angeline stared at the tree, full of decorations—minus the topper—and smiled. She’d gotten her Christmas wish. Having her family,
both immediate and extended, around her made it better.
“What are you thinking about that brought that smile forward?” Her aunt Lily crossed her arms and lifted a brow. Her dark hair was wound into an intricate chignon with a few loose strands framing her face. Her dress was a warm yellow like sunshine in the middle of winter; it brightened her appearance and gave her a soft glow. “I suppose you have Lucian to thank for that happiness pouring off of you.”
Angeline hugged her and laughed. “He loves me.”
“I’d hope so.” Lily laughed. “You did marry him. Though I did want to attend your wedding and was disappointed you and Lucian eloped.”
“Where are William and Brianne?” Angeline glanced around the room feeling a little guilty she’d ignored the majority of her family since her arrival. “They did travel here with you, didn’t they?”
“Brianne is upset because I wouldn’t allow her to wear something—inappropriate. She’ll come down when she gets over her temper tantrum.” Lily nodded toward the corner. “William is brooding over there. “Angeline glanced where her aunt gestured. “He wanted to stay in South Carolina, and we had to practically force him on the ship.”
“He’ll come around.” It sounded as if her two cousins were as headstrong as all the Marsdens were. Stubbornness ran in her family. “If you want, I can talk to him.”
She shook her head. “He’s grown up and doesn’t think he needs to listen to his parents anymore. One day he’ll realize we have the best of intentions.” Lily glanced across the room at her husband. “Rand is better with him than I am. He’ll talk to him later.” She leaned down and hugged Angeline. “Now, go spend some time with your husband.”