Heartsong

by TJ Klune

  “I’ve always been that way.”

  He smiled, though it faded almost immediately. “I know. You did it, though, because none of us knew how to cut hair. When we were on the road going after Richard Collins, we shaved our own heads. I told you about that once and you all but demanded I do the same for you.” He laughed. “You told me later that you just used it as an excuse to get my hands on you.”

  I groaned. “Jesus Christ.”

  “Yeah, I pretty much saw right through you. Mom always used to do it for you, but then you asked me and I just….” He shrugged. “I couldn’t say no.”

  I looked down at my hands. “Couldn’t?”

  “Wouldn’t,” he said. “It was such a little thing, but it felt so big. I was pretty bad at it at first, but I got better at it. You trusted me, and so I made sure I knew what I was doing.”

  “I want it all gone,” I told him. “All of it. You don’t need to…. It doesn’t need to look like it was before. I just….”

  “I know. Here. Sit on the edge of the bathtub. It’ll make things easier.”

  I moved. My hands were shaking, and I wasn’t sure why.

  He watched me for a moment before motioning for me to spread my legs. I did, my feet flat against the white bath mat. He stepped between my legs, and I sighed as the scent of him enveloped me.

  Grass.

  Lake water.

  Sunshine.

  He ran a hand through my hair. I leaned into the touch. He gripped it slightly, pulling my head back to look up at him. My pupils felt blown out, my hands shaking as I curled them into fists on my lap. “You sure about this?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “There’s no going back.”

  “I know.”

  He hummed a little under his breath. He slid the switch of the razor up, and it started to vibrate.

  There was something extraordinarily intimate about what followed. We didn’t speak. We only breathed. He put his hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place. I followed the sound of his great heart, a minor drumbeat in the grand scheme of things, but something so terrifyingly precious in this fractured reality. He started at the front, and hair began to float down around me, onto my shoulders and back, individual strands clinging to my cheeks. It felt like we were the only people in existence. It didn’t take long, and there were times when he stepped back, gripping me by the chin, turning my face side to side. My eyes never left his. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t think I ever wanted to. And it filled me with a staggering fury, knowing I’d been torn away from this.

  From him.

  If I wasn’t in love with him yet, I knew I would be soon.

  It was inevitable.

  I needed him to understand.

  I did the only thing I could. I gave him back the words he’d once gifted to me.

  I said, “There was something… I don’t know. Endless. About you and me. We came here sometimes. Just the two of us. And I pretended to know all the stars. I would make up stories that absolutely weren’t true, and I remember looking at you, thinking how wonderful it was just to be by your side.”

  He gripped the back of my neck tighter.

  I could smell the sharp sting of salt and knew he was crying.

  Leaned forward and pressed my face against his stomach, breathing him in.

  He held me there for what felt like hours.

  Eventually I pulled back, and he continued.

  He slowly stepped into the bathtub so he could finish what he’d started.

  By the time he was done, the sky outside the open window was brightening. He stepped out of the bathtub and switched the razor off, set it on the back of the toilet. He ran a hand over my prickly scalp, brushing off the last few hairs.

  He put his finger under my chin again, tilting my head up.

  His eyes were bloodshot, but he was in control.

  “There you are,” he whispered. “Hey. Hi. Hello.”

  “Here I am,” I croaked back.

  He knelt before me slowly, hands resting on top of my thighs, the tips of his fingers under my sleep shorts. I shrugged until the towel slid off me, falling into the bathtub.

  Kelly’s eyes were shining, so human, but with the undercurrent of a born wolf.

  I cupped his face.

  I leaned forward until our foreheads pressed together.

  My thumbs brushed over his cheeks.

  His expression stuttered.

  And I kissed him with everything I had. I put everything I was feeling into it, my anger, my despair, my hope and dreams that one day all of this would be behind us and we could be as we once were. That all would be well and nothing could ever hurt us again.

  I pulled away, but only just, our lips still brushing together. I lifted one of his hands and pressed it against my chest, right over my heart. I needed him to feel it. I needed him to know. “I’m going to love you,” I whispered to him. “I’m going to love you, and I’m never going to let you go.”

  My heart remained steady and true.

  He laughed, though it cracked, and then he kissed me again and again and again.

  * * *

  The others were waiting for us as we descended the stairs, hand in hand.

  They were still in the living room, curled together, though they were all awake.

  Rico, of course, spoke first. He whistled. “Looking good, little wolf. Still got a weird-shaped head, though.” He rolled away, cackling as Elizabeth threw a pillow at his head.

  Gordo stood, Mark’s fingers trailing along the raven in the roses on his arm. He stepped over the others until he stood before us. His gaze searched my face. And then he grinned, and my god, it was blinding. “Good to see you, kid,” he said. “Missing something, though.” He reached up, and I didn’t even flinch when he carefully put my glasses on. He tweaked the tip of my nose before stepping back. “There. That’s better. You look ridiculous with those on.”

  Something settled within me, and it was warm.

  We all turned toward the front of the house a moment later at the sound of an engine coming down the road.

  Many engines.

  “That’ll be them,” Gordo said. “We ready?”

  Kelly squeezed my hand as I said, “Yeah. We’re ready.”

  until the end/sharp sting

  I bit back a scream as I shot up, covered in sweat, looking around wildly.

  “It’s okay,” a voice whispered. “You’re okay. You’re here. You’re here.”

  Kelly. At my back, breath hot against my ear. I nodded, rubbing my hand over my face.

  “Jesus,” Aileen said as she slumped into Patrice. He wrapped an arm around her, though he too looked on the verge of collapse. Gordo was panting, as were two other witches whose names I hadn’t learned before they’d invaded my head. The others stood at the edge of the clearing, watching us with concern but coming no closer. Patrice had warned them to stay away. This wasn’t a matter of pack. It was magic. “That was harder than I expected. You feel that? It wasn’t like it was before. Something’s shifted.”

  Patrice grimaced. “He’s fighting it. Learnin’ his place. It’s big. Dat ol’ magic Livingstone put on ’em is warrin’ with who he is. Pack. Duality. Split.”

  “Is that good or bad?” Kelly asked, and I was grateful for his voice, seeing as how I couldn’t find my own.

  Patrice shrugged. “For Robbie? Good. For Livingstone? I don’t know. Just might make him try all dat much harder.”

  “We did the best we could,” Gordo said, his hand on his lower back as he stretched. “Put as much distance between him and the door as we could. How you feeling, kid?”

  “Like you’ve all just fucked with my head,” I grumbled. I pressed my hands against my temples, trying to force away the painful fog.

  “It’s a stopgap,” Aileen warned as the other two witches stumbled away. They held on to each other, both of them looking back at me with wide eyes as they headed toward the others. “Won’t last forever. Especially if Livingst
one gets his hands on you. If we had more time, maybe we could—”

  “No,” I said. “We’ve waited long enough. We don’t know what he’s done to the wolves in Caswell. The kids. We don’t have more time. You did what you could, and I’m thankful for it. Even if you’ve dug around in my brain again.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness from my voice.

  Aileen knew what I wasn’t saying. “We aren’t like him. Our magic is white. His is black.”

  “Worse,” Patrice said. “Absence of color. Sucks all da light in. And he’ll use it ta his advantage. Can’t forget dat.”

  “He won’t,” Gordo said.

  Aileen glared at him. “That goes for you too, boyo. I know you’re in this up to your neck. Hell, we all are. But it’s more for you, given that it’s your daddy and what he did to your Robbie here. Don’t lose sight of what’s important. It’s not about revenge. It’s about the greater good and bringing an end to all this madness. It’s personal. I get that. But don’t make it about just that.”

  “I don’t know what you’re—”

  “Dale.”

  Gordo ground his teeth together. “Yeah, well. Maybe that one’s personal. But if he’s as gone as Robbie told us he is, then it doesn’t matter.”

  Aileen sighed. “Be that as it may, you shove that down as far as you can, Gordo. We can’t have you going off half-cocked because you’re pissed at your mate’s ex.”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that,” Gordo retorted. “He betrayed us. He used Mark to—”

  Aileen held up her hand. “I know. But we’ve got bigger fish to fry here. Remember that. Your father will use it to distract you. Don’t let him.”

  Gordo looked like he was going to argue further, but instead he scowled. I wanted to reassure him, tell him that I didn’t think there was any coming back for Michelle’s former witch, but my mouth was dry, my tongue like thick sandpaper.

  Kelly stood up behind me, helping me up as he did so. He came around and stood in front of me, searching my face as if he was looking for evidence of what the witches had done to me.

  Before he could say anything, Ox was there, looking at all of us. “Did it work?”

  “Yes, Alpha,” Patrice said. “Tink it did. Robbie is… you have found harmony again. Unity. It’s fragile. But it’s holding. If we’re to move, it must be now.”

  “Can you do anything for Kelly?”

  Aileen hesitated before shaking her head. “I thought we could. But it’s beyond us. The only way to break the magic is to destroy it. And the only way to do that is….”

  “To kill my father,” Gordo muttered. Ox grabbed his arm, but Gordo pulled away. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve known it would come to this for a long time.” He looked at Mark at the edge of the clearing, standing next to Elizabeth. “I promised him I would fix this. Make things right. And I’m going to do just that.”

  “We are,” Ox told him quietly. “Because we’re in this together.”

  Gordo laughed hollowly. “Until the end.”

  Ox nodded. “Until the end.”

  * * *

  It was strange, really.

  Leaving this place behind.

  Which is why I felt a mournful tug in the middle of my chest when we gathered in front of the Bennett house for the last time.

  We had a dozen wolves. The strongest fighters. Two additional Alphas. Eight Betas. The two Omegas who had the most control. They were itching for a fight. One of the Alphas said that he’d known Malik for years. He wanted blood.

  We all did.

  It was a pulse just underneath our skin.

  In addition to Aileen, Patrice, and Gordo, there were three other witches. Two of them had dug around in my head. The third was young, a boy who assured me he was twenty, though he barely looked like he’d started high school.

  And there was our pack. All of us. Standing together.

  I thought Ox would give a grand speech, tell us all that we were stronger together than we’d ever be alone. That it was time for us to fight back, to bring an end to those who would do us harm. That we would return victorious. Every single one of us.

  He didn’t.

  Because he knew, as we all did, that there was a chance none of us would return. That this would be the last time we all were together.

  He said, “It’s almost time.” Then he stepped away toward the blue house, hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped. We watched as he stood near the porch, head bowed. I heard him whispering and made out the words hey, Mom, and I tuned him out. It wasn’t meant for me.

  Elizabeth was staring up at the pack house. Carter and Joe stood on either side of her.

  “You know,” she said, “your father would be proud of us.”

  “You think so?” Carter asked.

  She smiled at him. “I know so.”

  Rico stood away from the others, hands on Bambi’s waist. She was poking his chest, her words curt. “You don’t do anything stupid,” she said. “You get there, you kick some ass, and then you come back. I swear to god, Rico, if you die, I will have one of these witches bring you back to life just so I can murder you myself.”

  “I don’t think that’s how it works, mi amor—ow! Would you stop hitting me?”

  “Then you fucking listen to me!”

  And then they were trying to eat each other’s faces. Humans were so confusing.

  Jessie made a noise as another car appeared down the road, an old junker I’d seen Dominique driving. The car had barely come to a stop before she jumped out, a determined look on her face.

  Jessie looked confused. “Hey, I thought we already said goodbye.”

  “We did,” Dominique said, eyes flashing violet. “But I need to do something before you leave.”

  And then she kissed Jessie.

  “Whoa,” Tanner said. “That is… huh.”

  “That’s my sister,” Chris growled at him, elbowing Tanner in the stomach. “Stop staring!”

  Jessie looked dazed as Dominique pulled away. Dominique nodded, satisfied. “There. Now you have even more of a reason to come back. You owe me a date, Alexander.”

  Jessie nodded as she blushed. “Ah. Yeah. I can… I can do that.”

  “Finally,” Bambi muttered. “Now I won’t have to hear them both pining after each other. It was getting pretty awful.”

  “We are literally the gayest pack that has ever existed,” Rico said to no one in particular. “I see no problem with this.”

  Ox finished his business at the blue house. He walked back toward us quickly. His eyes were red and violet. We all turned to him.

  And the Alpha said, “Let’s go.”

  * * *

  Our caravan slowed as we reached the main street through Green Creek.

  “What the hell?” Carter asked as he leaned forward against the steering wheel. “What are they doing?”

  “Holy shit,” Kelly whispered, taking my hand in the back seat without looking.

  I had no words.

  The people of Green Creek had lined the sidewalks. They stood in front of the shops, in front of their houses. Will was in front of the diner, surrounded by a group of men and women.

  He was the first.

  He tilted his head back and howled.

  It was… well. It was a human trying to sound like a wolf. His voice was hoarse with age, and it came out as more of a yell than anything else.

  But then the others joined in, their voices mixing together.

  I saw a boy and a girl beating their chests as they sang the song of the wolves.

  It went on and on and on as we drove down the road.

  They filled the streets as the last car in our caravan passed by, walking slowly after us.

  The last sight I had of Green Creek was its people, its strange and wonderful people, letting us know how to find our way home.

  * * *

  We drove without stopping for as long as we could, switching out drivers so everyone could get a chance to sleep. We avo
ided major cities. We stopped briefly in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, mountains rising up around us. We stretched our legs and ran under stars that seemed infinite in the black sky above us. We spotted a few bison, and though I knew we felt the urge to hunt, we let them be.

  Carter sang along with the radio. Elizabeth joined in with Dinah Shore and Peggy Lee.

  Once, at near three in the morning, when Kelly was driving and Elizabeth sleeping soundly, her head resting on her son’s jacket against the window, I looked out the back to the bed of the truck. The timber wolf lay on a blanket, head raised. Normally he was hidden in the back of a van that Aileen had brought, but he’d started growing irritated. We were on back roads in Iowa, so we weren’t too worried about someone seeing him. Carter slept next to him, head lolling side to side with the movements of the truck, the wolf’s tail curled over his lap. The wolf must have felt me watching, because he turned to look at me. He flashed his eyes in acknowledgment before laying his head on Carter’s chest.

  “He’s close, isn’t he?” I whispered as I turned back around. “To figuring it out.”

  Kelly looked at me through the rearview mirror. “Carter?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I think so.”

  “You never thought about telling him?”

  Kelly snorted. “All the time. Mom said he needs to figure it out on his own. But I think part of him already knows.”

  “Why?”

  “I haven’t smelled another person on him in a long time.”

  We drove on.

  * * *

  Close to dawn of a summer day in early July:

  “We’re close.”

  Ox glanced at me from the driver’s seat. “I know.”

  Gordo and Mark were in the back. “How much longer?” Gordo asked.

  I stared out the window at familiar sights. “Less than an hour.” I glanced at him. “You ever been here?”

  “No.” He narrowed his eyes. “Never had a reason.”

  This was it. I’d never have another chance. “There are good people here. Innocent people.”