Huntress

by Malinda Lo

  It was even slower going than before. She had to search out small toeholds in the glacier wall, and then she had to find places to grip in the ice. Below her, Con still hadn’t reappeared, but they called to each other regularly, and she had no time to worry about him. Her shoulders burned, and all she could do was focus on each handhold, each step.

  At last she came to the place where Taisin had fallen, and the ground was less steep here, so Kaede turned over onto her backside and carefully scooted down to her. Some of her anxiety ebbed when she saw that Taisin still breathed; the snow beneath her nose was slightly melted. The blood seemed to have come from a long, shallow scrape on her chin. Kaede reached out and touched her shoulder. “Taisin,” she said. When there was no response, she shook her lightly, and then said her name more loudly. She was about to consider taking more serious action—though she didn’t know what that would be—when she felt Taisin stir beneath her hand. And then she let out a low moan, and her eyes fluttered open.

  Kaede was elated. “Are you all right?” she asked, and Taisin pushed herself up, putting a hand to her face where the cut on her chin was bleeding. Her fingers came away wet. “It’s just a cut,” Kaede said, attempting to reassure her. “Is anything else hurt?”

  Taisin felt her head gently. “I think… I think I hit my head.” Her tongue seemed to have trouble forming words, but oddly, she felt more like herself than she had for days. Perhaps the fall had somehow dislodged Elowen’s grip on her. She began to move, and before Kaede could stop her she slipped on the ice, sliding down several inches, and she gasped, scrabbling for hold on the slick surface.

  “Slowly!” Kaede called. “Don’t move too quickly.” Below them there was a crashing sound, and a cloud of snow flew up from the beach. “Con!” Kaede crawled down a few feet, but she could not see him.

  “It’s just the—the supplies,” his voice came back to them. “I’m all right.”

  Kaede looked at Taisin, who was gradually realizing the severity of the situation, and said, “We must go very carefully, on our hands and knees. Don’t try to rush it.”

  Taisin nodded just slightly. “I’ll follow you.”

  Kaede began to creep down the slope, the rope snaking between them like an umbilical cord.

  It was late in the day before they reached the bottom, and it felt as though every last inch of their bodies had been pricked by ice crystals. They were cold and stiff and hot and sweaty all at once, and Kaede would have done anything at that moment for a fire and a bath and a soft bed to collapse into. But there was only the frozen, sandy beach stretching as far as the eye could see, and Con, sitting on the ground propped up against the packs they had pushed over the edge. The bundle that had been packed with firewood had burst open when it hit the ground, and pieces of wood were scattered all over the snow. The dogs, who had climbed down on their own, waited nearby, their breath steaming out in the air.

  At first Kaede couldn’t understand why Con’s left leg was bent at such a strange angle, but as she walked the last few feet to him, she realized that his face was white with pain. He was pressing his hand to his knee, and it was bloody.

  “What happened?” she asked, halting.

  “My leg,” he said hoarsely. “I think it’s broken.”

  Taisin knelt down beside him, holding her shoulder back a little, as if it had been twisted. Kaede rubbed a hand over her tired eyes, leaving streaks of blood across her face. She winced; her fingers were raw and bleeding from the ice.

  Taisin bent over Con’s leg, and she said hesitantly, “I can set it.”

  “You don’t sound too sure of that,” he said, and there was yet a note of grim humor in his voice.

  “I saw Mona do it with Shae’s leg.”

  “But you are not Mona.”

  “I’m as good as you’re going to get.”

  Kaede looked back at the way they had come. The edge of the glacier was jagged, a series of huge steps torn from the earth. She saw that the crevice he had fallen into was a slim slash in the ground—little more than a couple of feet across. There was a smear of blood across the mouth of it. It must have taken a prodigious effort for Con to pull himself out of there. She said to Taisin, “What can I do to help?”

  They broke down one of the tent poles and ripped apart the canvas, using it to bind the pole to Con’s leg. Kaede had to hold him down as Taisin worked. By the end of it, he had nearly fainted, and Kaede wished she had thought to bring Shae’s flask with them.

  The dogs were arrayed in a half circle around them, watching attentively. The sky was darkening. Kaede said, “We’ll just have to camp here tonight.”

  Taisin helped her stake out the remaining tent. There wasn’t enough room inside for the three of them and all the dogs, but at least the glacier wall created a sort of windbreak. Kaede collected the pieces of wood and built a fire, and Taisin brewed the same tea for Con that she had made for Shae when she was injured. After they ate their cold supper, several of the dogs curled up together, huddling against their packs, and Taisin and Kaede helped Con crawl into the tent. A few of the dogs followed, whining pathetically as the tent flap closed, and Kaede said, “Oh, let them in. We’ll be warmer with them inside.”

  Taisin had been quiet for most of the evening, but now as her two companions readied for sleep and the dogs nosed their way under the furs, she said, “I’ll stay up and keep watch.”

  “Watch for what?” Con asked, grunting as he lay down, trying to prop his leg up at a more comfortable angle.

  “I can’t go to sleep, Con,” Taisin said, though her face was drawn with weariness.

  “But you’re exhausted,” Kaede said. Taisin was still favoring her shoulder, but she hadn’t allowed anyone to examine it.

  “Yes. But we’re too close to… to her. Today—maybe because I was unconscious after that fall—she seems to have left me. At least temporarily. But if I sleep, it would be like opening the door to her again.”

  “Are you sure you can stay awake? Do you want me to sit up with you?” Kaede asked.

  “No. I’ll be fine. It’s been a long time since I’ve had the luxury of stillness.” She folded her legs beneath her and pulled the furs around her shoulders so that she wouldn’t freeze, and as Con and Kaede slept, she sat, her eyes half open, watching the dark.

  It took the better part of the morning for them to fashion a sort of sled for Con, for he could not walk long distances, and Kaede refused to leave him behind. They lashed together the remaining canvas from the tent they had torn up to create a sling, and tied it to the dogs’ harness. As long as Con held on, he could be dragged, albeit roughly, across the ground. They set off again after a quick noon meal that Taisin ate only because Kaede forced her to; she had sunk into a daze and had begun to murmur to herself. Kaede realized that she was reciting the Thirty Blessings repeatedly from memory, as though that would keep Elowen at bay.

  As the day drew to a close and the stars began to shine in the dark blue sky, Taisin was determined to keep going. Kaede suggested that they stop, but Taisin refused. “Just a little farther,” she insisted, and she did not wait to see if her companions followed. She knew they would. Elowen was so close to her now; it was like they were in the same room, divided only by a painted screen.

  It was pitch-black before Taisin consented to stop. There was a new moon that night, and even the stars seemed to be dimmed. The small fire they lit only served to make everything outside its circle of light seem darker. After they had pitched their tent, fed the dogs, and passed around their own rations for the night, Kaede was so tired she only wanted to crawl into her furs and sleep. But as she burrowed into the warmth of her bedroll, a curious sound began to knock at the edges of her consciousness. In the distance there was a gentle ringing, like two pieces of metal rubbing against each other. She wondered irritably what was making the noise, and why it was bothering her. But the dogs were so warm against her flank and she was so tired that it didn’t bother her for long, and soon she was fast asleep.
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  It wasn’t until morning that she learned what had been the source of the ringing sound. As soon as she stepped out of the tent onto the frozen shore, she saw a small dock scarcely twenty feet from where they had set up camp. At the end of the dock was a rowboat tethered with a sparkling silver chain. The boat bobbed gently on the ocean waves curling onto the shore. And there in the distance, like a snow-covered mountain erupting from the sea, she saw the fortress of ice, its windows glinting in the light of the rising sun.

  Chapter XXXV

  Taisin told them her plan while they ate their morning meal. Though she hadn’t slept in days, she felt unnaturally aware, as if all her senses were on high alert. The air here was frigid, but peculiarly exhilarating. “Elowen knows me,” she began. “She has been inside me; she has seen through my eyes. I think she expects me to come for her; she’s even a little curious.”

  “You can’t go,” Kaede said, shaking her head. “You’re not well.”

  “I agree.”

  Kaede’s brows rose. “What?” She had not expected Taisin to give in so easily.

  “If I go, I think it will be too dangerous. She could use me.” All night, Taisin had agonized over this, initially not wanting to admit it to herself. But Mona’s warning echoed in her head: You have a strong heart, but even the strongest heart can be tempted. And she had felt the temptation already. Experiencing Elowen’s power in her visions had awakened a disturbing hunger to have that power herself. Part of her yearned to go to Elowen immediately; she sensed that Elowen would welcome her as a disciple. Yet everything she had learned at the Academy told her that Elowen’s power was a gross perversion of natural law; and even if her teachers had kept some things from her, Taisin believed there had been a reason. She wanted to return to the ironbound fortress and ask her teachers, directly, for the truth.

  Last night, sitting awake in the dark tent, everything became crystal clear. If she went to Elowen, she would be tempted to join her and become as corrupt with power as Elowen herself. As much as Taisin wanted to believe she would be able to resist Elowen, she knew she could not take the risk. When she looked hard at herself, examined her deepmost desires, she realized that she did not entirely trust herself. The realization burned at first, but then it made the decision easy. There was one person whom she trusted completely. Someone Taisin knew would do the right thing. She looked at Kaede. “She could use me,” Taisin said, “but I don’t think she could use you.”

  “Why not?”

  “You’re by nature much more closed off to the energies than I am.”

  Kaede gave a short laugh. “This is why I’ve never been able to pass the Academy exams.”

  Taisin smiled faintly. “Yes, well, in this case, I think it will be an advantage. Because even though you are closed off, you’ve spent many years studying the practice, and I think it has made you quite self-contained. It’s like you’ve built a little wall around yourself.”

  “Good. Then I’ll go.”

  Con, who had been listening to the two of them silently until now, interrupted: “You can’t go alone. I’m coming with you.”

  Kaede protested, “Con, your leg—”

  “Damn my leg,” he said, frustrated. “You can’t go alone.”

  “She’s not going alone,” Taisin interjected. “I’m going with her.”

  Kaede’s forehead wrinkled. “You just said—”

  “Listen,” Taisin said fiercely. “Elowen has been inside me. But I haven’t just been helplessly letting her in. I’ve learned some things from her.”

  Con was uneasy. “What have you learned?”

  “I can do it, too.” She turned to Kaede. “I can be inside you, to help you fight her.”

  “Inside my mind?” Kaede said uncertainly.

  “Yes.”

  Con said: “Taisin, I’m sure you’re capable of a great many things, but this—this doesn’t sound safe. Look at what she has done to you.”

  “It will be different,” Taisin insisted, keeping her eyes on Kaede. Kaede grounded her. “If we are together; if you are willing; it will be different.”

  Kaede asked, “But if she can’t use me because I’m so… self-contained, why can you do it?

  Taisin’s cheeks burned. “Because you have already opened yourself to me.” There was an upwelling emotion in Taisin’s face that reached straight into Kaede’s belly and tugged at her. Her own face colored. Taisin said hurriedly, “I tried it very quickly last night, when you were asleep. I can do it.”

  “All right,” Kaede said, feeling awkward. She took a breath. “So, let’s say your theory holds: She can’t use me the way she might use you.”

  “Then you will go to the fortress,” Taisin said, “and I will stay here with Con. And when you need my help, I will be there with you.”

  “How will you know when I need your help?”

  “She has put so much energy into this place that it’s practically glowing with it. It magnifies everything that’s alive. I think I’ll be able to feel when you need me.”

  “What if you can’t?”

  “I know I can. I can already sense your feelings, even now.” Kaede’s stomach gave a little lurch, and Taisin had the grace to look embarrassed. She continued, “And when the time comes, I’ll help you.”

  Kaede said, “You’ll help me kill her.”

  The words hung heavily in the air.

  Taisin said, “Yes.”

  They decided that Kaede would leave that very morning. There was no reason to wait any longer.

  She decided to bring nothing but the clothes on her back and the iron dagger that Fin had given her. She unsheathed it and looked at it again. Its blade was dark, inelegant; the textured skin that covered the hilt was nearly black, as though many hands had held it over the decades. It was cold and heavy and sharp, and it had been made for killing. Though she had carried it at her side ever since she had left the Academy, it seemed oddly unfamiliar to her, as if she had never truly looked at it before. She thought she could smell the tang of iron in the air. She wanted for this to be finished.

  She moved to resheathe the dagger, but Con said, “Wait.” He was sitting by the fire, his broken leg covered with a blanket. “You shouldn’t wear it at your waist.”

  “Why?”

  He held out his hand. “Let me see it.” She gave it to him and then squatted down nearby. Taisin watched them both curiously. Con ran his hand over the edge of the blade, turning the dagger around. “It’s a solid knife,” he said. “This is what the Fairy Queen was talking about? Your weapon?”

  “I think so. It is made of iron.”

  “The Xi can’t tolerate iron,” Taisin said.

  He was silent for a few minutes, thinking. Finally he looked at Kaede seriously and said, “I am not a guard, but I have spent my life in the company of them, and I hope you’ll take my advice.”

  “Please,” Kaede said, “tell me.”

  “You should conceal this dagger. If you wear it openly, she’ll see it; from what Taisin has said of this woman’s power, I believe she could easily disarm you. Your only advantage—besides Taisin—will be surprise. And you’ve seen how open the land is here. We can’t surprise her with our approach—surely she knows we’re here already—but you can keep this weapon a secret until you need to use it.”

  “Where should I conceal it?”

  She was dressed in the clothing the Fairy Hunt had given them all: fur-lined boots, warm woolen leggings beneath supple leather leg guards, tunic and fur vest and cloak. Con tapped at her boots. “You can slide it in here. Give me your scabbard and I can fit it into your boot.” She took it off, and while he worked out a way to tie it to her leg, he said, “Don’t forget your goal. You’re not there to negotiate; you’re there to kill. Take every advantage you can, Kaede. I don’t think it’s going to be a fair fight.”

  After he had lashed the scabbard onto her shin, she fitted her boot over it. The dagger was like a hard splint against her leg, but the boot concealed it neatly,
and she could reach in and pull it out without much effort. When she was ready to go, Taisin offered to help with the boat and began to walk toward the dock, leaving Kaede with Con as he inspected the boot and the dagger one last time.

  “I wish I could go with you,” he muttered.

  “You have to watch over Taisin,” she told him. “She does things in her sleep sometimes, when she is being visited. She’ll talk, or start shaking. You have to make sure she’s all right.”

  “I will.” He smiled faintly. “You watch out for yourself. I mean to bring you back to Cathair after this, you know, and make sure you don’t have to marry that Lord Win.”

  She surprised herself by laughing. “I can’t wait to have that conversation with my father. Thanks for giving me something to live for, Con.”

  The corners of his mouth lifted, but his eyes were sad.

  At the dock, Kaede surveyed the rowboat. It was small; it looked as though it had never been used before. Elowen had made it especially for them.

  Taisin stood beside her. “Are you ready?” she asked.

  “As ready as I’m going to be.”

  “I will be with you.” Taisin bit her lip and then asked hesitantly, “Do you trust me?”

  “Trust you,” Kaede repeated, as if it were an odd thought. “I love you.”

  Taisin’s face twisted with sorrow and fear. This was the moment she had seen in that vision, and she felt it anew, and it was so much worse than she had ever anticipated. Yet she was the one who was sending Kaede to do this terrible thing. Had she always known it? Had part of the dread always been because she knew, somehow, that she was the reason Kaede left?

  She cupped Kaede’s face in her hands and pressed a hard kiss to her mouth. She whispered: “And I love you.”

  Kaede wanted to put her arms around Taisin, but she forced herself to step away. It would be easier, she told herself, if she didn’t linger.