The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure

by Storm Constantine

  The landscape was draped in Fall robes when the boat docked at a tiny sagging jetty by a village that was fringed on the river side with ancient yellow willows. It looked beautiful in the late afternoon, with red sunlight kindling jewels and flashes of bronze in the bright leaves. The little settlement was carpeted in crimson and gold and the hara there did not appear so dour as others the travellers had come across. There were no walls or palisades to protect the dwellings. They soon found out why.

  Flick and Ulaume went ashore and made for the centre of the village, where there was bound to be an inn of some kind, which was always the best place to look for work. Sure enough, they found a hostelry next to a green that was strewn with leaves from the copper beeches that surrounded it. Tables were set outside the inn, and it was still warm enough to enjoy a mug of ale in the open air. It was too early in the day for many hara to be drinking, for this was the time when the land had to be prepared for the long winter ahead and there was much work to be done. Flick and Ulaume were grateful that they could settle themselves and take in the surroundings before applying themselves to the task of seeking a temporary employer.

  The pot-har was a curious, talkative creature, which again indicated this area had not seen much conflict. He said it was good to meet new faces, and the first drinks were complimentary. Flick was wary of this, used as he was to Unneah caution and he could tell that Ulaume felt almost threatened, even more so when the pot-har sat down next to them.

  ‘You’re from the west, aren’t you,’ he said.

  ‘No,’ said Ulaume.

  ‘Yes,’ said Flick.

  The pot-har laughed. ‘You don’t look like Uigenna…!’

  ‘We’re not,’ Flick said and Ulaume shook his head.

  ‘We are just travelling hara who like to keep our heads down in these troubled times,’ Ulaume said.

  Again, the pot har laughed. ‘Troubled times? You’ve been travelling too far and too long, tiahaara. There is nothing to fear around here. This is Parsic land.’

  ‘Parsic?’ Flick frowned. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Swift the Varr, who is the son of Terzian, a great Varrish warrior, toppled Ponclast with the help of the Gelaming. After that, the Varrs became the tribe of Parasiel. We are no longer Varrish but Parsic.’

  ‘I see,’ said Flick. ‘We have been out in the wilderness for a long time. This is all news to us.’

  ‘You can let down your defences now. Come, wipe those suspicious frowns from your faces. Rejoice, as we all do. The Golden Age has begun.’

  There was a fanatical edge to these suggestions that Flick balked at. Ulaume caught his eye and grimaced. We belong to nohar, Flick thought, and that’s the way it’s going to stay. ‘It’s good you feel that way,’ Flick said. ‘We’ve seen a lot of devastation on our journey east.’

  ‘It will soon be cleared away,’ said the pot-har. ‘Lord Swift will see to it.’ He stood up. ‘Well, I’d best be back to the kitchen, because this place will be heaving with hara within the hour. Enjoy your ale, tiahaara.’

  ‘Well!’ Flick said, after the pot-har had disappeared back into the inn. ‘This is all a bit surreal.’

  ‘Swift the Varr,’ Ulaume said, his eyes narrow with thought. ‘Didn’t Terez mention him in connection with Cal?’

  Flick sighed deeply. ‘Yes. The name is familiar. I think Cal mentioned him to me too, but I can’t remember what he said.’

  ‘We are in his lands,’ Ulaume said. ‘Flick…’

  ‘I know,’ Flick said. ‘We could use this opportunity to glean information about Pell.’

  ‘You don’t sound happy or enthusiastic about it.’

  ‘We are here because of Lileem. We shouldn’t take risks of being delayed or worse.’

  ‘You don’t want to know, do you?’ Ulaume said. ‘Not really. You want Pell to stay dead.’

  Flick merely shrugged.

  ‘Have you ever thought he might be responsible for what’s happening to Lee?’

  ‘Yes I have,’ Flick answered abruptly.

  ‘Then…’

  ‘You don’t understand, Lor,’ Flick interrupted. ‘It’s complicated for me. My feelings for it all are so mixed, I don’t know what they are.’

  ‘We don’t talk about him,’ Ulaume said. ‘We don’t talk about anything seriously, and perhaps we should.’ Unconsciously, he’d reached up to touch his head. His hair had grown past his shoulders, but he was too careful about it, kept it wrapped up when he didn’t need to. ‘If the Parasiel and the Gelaming rid the world of Uigenna, can they be all that bad?’

  ‘I thought the Kakkahaar scorned Gelaming,’ Flick said.

  ‘I am no longer Kakkahaar. We are unthrist, Flick, without a tribe.’

  ‘By Aru, you’re not pining for it, are you?’ Flick asked, louder than he intended. ‘I thought you liked it this way, just the four of us.’

  ‘I was simply stating a fact,’ Ulaume said. ‘To be honest, I don’t know what I want.’

  The hara who came to drink at the inn all appeared sleek, well fed and fit and were more than happy to talk to strangers. Everyhar suggested that the best place to seek work was in Galhea, which was only a few miles north east. The biggest farms could be found there, which always needed extra labour to make ready for winter.

  Flick could tell Ulaume took this as an omen, and wondered whether they’d be arguing about it later. There might be little to argue about though. Galhea was a big place and Swift a prominent figure. Flick and Ulaume were inconsequential, small hara in a vast world. There was no reason why they shouldn’t seek work there for a while and do some investigating at the same time. Any newcomer to the area would be interested in recent history. Flick and Ulaume’s questions wouldn’t be seen as suspicious and they had learned how to be unnoticeable.

  On the way back to ‘Esmeraldarine’, Ulaume was silent, and Flick intuited he was formulating the right spell of words to invoke the response he wanted. For a while, Flick let him struggle, then said, ‘We could go tomorrow. We probably have enough fuel.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Ulaume asked.

  ‘No, but you are.’

  ‘I am,’ Ulaume said. ‘Thanks. I was expecting a fight over it.’

  ‘I know. So was I.’

  Ulaume laughed and wrapped an arm around Flick’s shoulder. ‘We know each other too well now.’

  Domestic crisis awaited them at the boat. When they went below deck, they found Mima comforting a distraught Lileem in the main salon.

  ‘What’s happened?’ Flick demanded.

  Mima indicated he and Ulaume should go above deck with her. Lileem had not even acknowledged their arrival. She appeared inconsolable.

  Out in the crisp night air, Mima hugged herself. Her expression was pinched.

  ‘Well?’ Ulaume said.

  ‘Something’s happening to her,’ Mima said. ‘She told me what she learned from the Unneah Rofalor. She thinks this feybraiha thing is happening to her.’

  ‘I’m sure it isn’t,’ Flick said. ‘She’s just afraid it will. I think she’s likely to manifest symptoms because she’s scared of them.’

  ‘What’s feybraiha?’ Ulaume asked.

  ‘You explain,’ Flick said to Mima. ‘I’ll go talk to her.’

  ‘You?’ Ulaume said. ‘I think we both should. What’s going on?’

  ‘Let Mima explain,’ Flick said. ‘I’m sorry, Lor, but this something Lee and I have talked about before. I’m sure she’ll talk to you too, but for now, just let me handle it.’

  Lileem was a pathetic sight, appearing more like the child she really was than the young har whose origins it was easy to forget. Flick sat down next to her on the couch, where she was sprawled face down, her head in the cushions. He put a hand on her shoulder. ‘Hey, it’s me.’

  For a moment, Lileem didn’t move, although her sobs subsided to snuffles.

  ‘We’re going to Galhea in the morning,’ Flick said. ‘That’s where Terez said Cal went to after Saltrock, remember?’


  Lileem turned over. Her eyes were swollen, her face red and blotchy. She’d clearly been crying for hours. ‘Why?’ She rubbed her eyes and nose with her hands.

  ‘For work, but Ulaume wants to do some detecting too.’

  ‘Will it be safe for us?’

  ‘I think so. It’s a big community and therefore it’ll be easier for us to stay invisible.’

  Lileem wriggled up the cushions into a sitting position. She clasped her knees with her arms. For some moments, she was silent, her expression intense as she stared at her hands, then she looked up and said, ‘Flick, I think it’s happening.’

  ‘OK. Why?’

  Lileem’s face and neck had gone scarlet. ‘I had a weird feeling today. My body went all hot, and… I don’t want to say, it’s so vile. I hate it.’

  ‘Have you told Mima?’

  ‘Not really. I don’t know if I can. Is she like me or is she something else? I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Have there been physical changes?’

  ‘A bit. Sort of.’

  Flick lowered his head and pressed the fingers of one hand against his brow. He sighed. ‘Lee, we can’t mess around like this. We have to know. You’re going to have to show one of us, and tell one of us everything, then we might know how to proceed.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘It’s just so embarrassing.’

  ‘Lee, it could make you ill if you don’t start helping yourself. None of us know how to deal with this, and we need more information. Yes, it’ll be embarrassing, but it’ll be over in a moment. We are your family. You don’t have to feel ashamed or scared. OK?’

  Lileem writhed uncomfortably on the cushions. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes. ‘Why is this happening? Why? I don’t want it!’

  ‘We don’t know if it is yet,’ Flick said gently. ‘Now, tell me what happened.’

  ‘It was so sudden,’ she said. ‘I was just sitting on deck in the sun and I was making a new model of Lunil. It was going really well too. Then this pain just shot up my body, like I’d been stabbed or something. Some liquid came out of me. I knew at once it was something to do with… well, growing up, I guess. I’d read in books about puberty in humans and how girls menstruate. Do you know about that?’

  Flick nodded, repressing a smile. ‘I think I can just remember.’

  ‘Well, at first I thought it was that, and it would prove I was female, har but female. And that would be good, wouldn’t it? Because I might not need aruna, but… Anyway, I went below deck and looked, thinking I’d find blood, but it wasn’t blood.’

  Flick was silent.

  Lileem put her hands against her eyes. ‘By Aru, Flick, it was awful. Just strange stuff, almost like the elixir you made for Terez. Does that make sense?’

  ‘Mmm, a little.’

  ‘I was all swollen and sore, it was so weird. And this is the worst…’ She uttered a nervous giggle. ‘I touched myself to see if I was OK and I nearly bit my own hand off!’ She put her fingers over her mouth and shook with laughter, although tears still coursed down her face. ‘I’m sure there were teeth.’

  Flick struggled not to laugh as well, although he was bursting to. ‘Oh, well, if you ask me, that sounds fairly har. But there are no teeth, Lee, just strong muscles and an instinct. Did you notice anything else?’

  ‘Yes. My ouana-lim has changed as well. It’s more there than it used to be.’ She groaned. ‘It is happening, isn’t it?’

  Flick drew in his breath. ‘Something is, obviously. Will you show me or would you like Mima or Ulaume here instead?’

  Lileem covered her face with her hands again. ‘Oh, I don’t know! I know I have to but I don’t want to. Give me a moment.’

  They sat in silence, while Lileem rocked on the cushions, uttering a low humming sound. It was the sort of noise she used to make as a child. Eventually, she lowered her hands. ‘We could all do it, all see. That would be best, wouldn’t it? Then we’d all know about each other.’

  ‘Lee, I don’t think so. That would be… well, I don’t think it would be right.’

  ‘Why not? If I was truly har you wouldn’t think twice about it, would you? That means you think I’m different, you look down on me.’

  ‘No, it doesn’t.’

  ‘I won’t show myself unless you all do. It’s only fair. What are you afraid of?’

  ‘Instinct,’ Flick said. ‘I’m afraid for you. If hara shared a moment like that, I know how it would end up. You’re so young.’

  ‘And that wouldn’t happen if it was just you and me?’

  Flick stood up, agitated. This conversation was heading into territory he had not anticipated. ‘I’ll talk to the others,’ he said. ‘Wait here.’

  Outside on deck, he took deep breaths. How stupid not to consider that if Lileem ever did come of age, like a normal harling, one of them would have to be her first aruna partner. But that might not even be possible. She could be poisoned by it, or worse.

  Mima noticed him standing in the darkness and came over, Ulaume following. ‘Well?’ she said.

  ‘She will show herself to us, but only if we show ourselves to her at the same time in return.’

  Mima turned away abruptly.

  ‘That’s reasonable,’ Ulaume said. ‘We shouldn’t prod and poke her like a freak. She should be as aware of the similarities and differences as we are.’

  ‘Mima?’ Flick said. ‘Could you do this?’

  She would not look at him.

  ‘This is a hurdle that needs to be overcome,’ Ulaume said. ‘For too long there have been big secrets between us. Once it’s out in the open, we’re all a lot wiser and there’s nothing to fear. We live together as family, but we don’t even know if we’re the same species.’

  ‘No,’ Mima said. ‘You do it, if you want to, but I won’t. I’m not a side show.’

  ‘What good does this attitude do you?’ Ulaume said. ‘For Hubisag’s sake, Mima, stop being stupid and coy and start being har. It’s what you want, isn’t it?’

  In response, Mima jumped off the boat onto the bank and ran off up the path beside the river.

  ‘Sensitive of you,’ Flick said.

  ‘It’s senseless,’ Ulaume said. ‘We’ve indulged them too much, Flick. We should have known these things years ago, now it’s so much more difficult.’ He clasped Flick’s shoulder. ‘Mima can stew for a while. Maybe she’ll come to her senses. Let’s go to Lileem.’

  Ulaume was the best har for the job. Flick was amazed it was ultimately so easy, and wondered why he’d put himself through those awkward moments with Lileem. Ulaume made it fine, because he was so matter of fact about the whole procedure.

  They returned to the cabin and Ulaume said. ‘We’ve talked about what you asked, Lee, and we agree to what you suggested. Mima hasn’t, and she’s charged off in a huff, but if you want to know about me, you’re welcome.’ He began to unbutton his shirt. ‘One thing about being har is not to be ashamed or frightened of your own body.’ Off came the shirt. ‘Perhaps it’s my fault, and I should have been more open with you from the start.’ He pulled off the rest of his clothes and stood before her. ‘So, let’s compare.’

  ‘OK.’

  Flick could tell she was so fascinated by the sight of a naked har, she had lost some of her own fear of revealing herself. Lileem’s rampant curiosity was often a blessing. She began to undress and Ulaume said, ‘Come on, Flick, take part. I can give Lileem a biology lesson with you as the subject for dissection.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Flick said.

  Never could Flick have imagined that one day he’d be lying on his back, legs spread, while someone described his parts and their functions to someone who’d never seen anything like them before. Lileem explained to Ulaume what had happened to her and Ulaume said, ‘When the soume-lam is stimulated, it can bite, believe me! It has five energy centres within it, almost like five clitorises. Humans would have loved to possess such a thing. It often has a mind of its own, more so than the ouana-lim, which is a bit of a reversa
l to the way things used to be with humans. The ouana-lim itself is refined as a male organ, and much improved. I can vouch for it.’

  ‘It’s quite pretty,’ Lileem said, pointing at Flick. ‘I saw the pictures of humans and they were scraggy.’

  ‘As you can see, we do have organs similar to testicles, but they are smaller and can be withdrawn into the body during aruna and I expect during birth. You can push them up yourself, like this.’

  ‘Have you quite finished!’ Flick said, flinching. ‘This is a bit much.’

  ‘OK, let’s have a look at you,’ Ulaume said to Lileem.

  ‘I’m not the same, not quite,’ she said shyly, sitting down.

  Ulaume gently pushed her back and parted her knees. ‘Hmm. That’s interesting. Flick, what do you think?’

  The soume-lam looked normal, but the ouana-lim was less developed than in a normal har and she had vestigial seed sacs. Her body was slightly wider around the hips than a normal har’s and there was still the suggestion of breasts upon the chest. ‘She’s not completely female,’ Flick said, ‘but the male side of things does appear to be underdeveloped.’

  ‘I think,’ Ulaume said, moving away, ‘that you are har, Lee, but you have physical abnormalities, like a birth defect.’

  ‘Oh,’ Lileem said, sitting up again and clasping her knees. ‘So, what does that mean for me?’

  ‘I think it means we need to know more. Try stimulating the soume-lam yourself and see what happens. I don’t think we should rush into anything, because you’re still so young.’

  ‘But Rofalor says feybraiha happens when harlings are six or seven,’ Lileem said, ‘so doesn’t that mean I’m more than old enough?’

  ‘Your feminine aspects are dominant,’ Ulaume said. ‘Hara don’t have breasts, but you do, even though they’re small.’

  ‘You said once that some hara do. I remember.’

  ‘I know, but it’s not the same. In humans, some men had quite fleshy chests and in hara it’s no more than that. Your body is also more female-shaped than ours. I don’t think we should take risks. If feybraiha is upon you, and you need aruna, you must try to do it yourself.’