by Tom Marcoux
Remember, the idea is to effectively express gratitude and create good, friendly feelings.
An important part of creating a good interaction with another person is to learn to shift your own internal state. We’ll now learn from Dr. Ginny Whitelaw’s insights.
How You Can Release Stress and Build Trust
in Relationships
An Interview with Dr. Ginny Whitelaw
Tom: How can we release ourselves from feeling overwhelmed?
Dr. Ginny: We get a sense of feeling overwhelmed when we’re fighting with time. That’s when we’re trying to take on too much and cram it into time slots. We’re racing through our day. We feel that things are heaping on top of us, and we go into a coping mode. It may sound ironic, but the solution is to drop into time. We slow down and breathe with it rather than fight with it. The sensation of how to do that is to start inside out, slow down your breathing, which is one of the fundamental frequencies informing your experience of calm vs overwhelm.
Life does not ask us to exhaust ourselves. Instead, we’re exhausting ourselves by trying to do too much, with too much forced effort. It’s better to relax into what is really called for right now—in this moment. We become more naturally sensitive to what is happening in this moment. This is what happens when we slow our breathing down—and drop into time and pay attention.
Tom: What new angle or advice would you offer for building trust in relationships?
Dr. Ginny: In building trust, and having communication that resonates, there’s a deep sense of listening that is necessary. This is how we connect with another person and get on the same wavelength.
We have to sense them. We have to sense where they’re coming from. Like ripples on the water, when we slow down our vibration it's easier to sense and reflect another person. We listen for and feel for where the other person is coming from. Once we match their energy then we might want to take it this way or that. We don’t necessarily have to stay in their original energy pattern, but we do have to go there to join. We create a basic kind of resonance or harmony. The neuroscience of this is clear. Communication that is resonant occurs as your brain and my brain actually start to synchronize. This is the condition that builds trust—because you feel heard and I feel heard.
We start to get a sense of “I know what to expect from you.” We start to make little maps of each other inside our own bodies. When we get what we expect, there’s a sensation of “Yeah, I get this person.” That builds trust.
On the other hand, if we are each stuck in our own positions or off in our own worlds and just bounce off of each other, that’s when conflict arises and communication breaks down. Then, trust does not establish. We need to remember to have a deep sense of listening.
Tom: How can we make ourselves better heard?
Dr. Ginny: Become better listeners, because when we listen—and I’m going to the physics of this—we vibrate with someone. When we vibrate with someone, that means that we are making an internal map of them. We’re getting a sense of them. We’re taking them inside ourselves. This mostly passes beneath conscious awareness, but it's happening anyway.
When we match what we say to what we’re hearing and we match frequencies, then we can be heard. We don’t bounce off and deflect, with the other person coming back saying, “Huh? What?” And, if we do get that reaction, we notice it because we are in tune. We can pause and say, “Wait, I think I just said something that thudded with you. Let’s go back …” So, we can start to play in that dialogue. When people feel listened to and heard, they get smarter, and they get more generous. They get more open. They relax more. They get connected.
In this time of technology speeding us up, it’s necessary for us to slow down, which means slow down our breathing, pace ourselves, fall into time, not fight with it. With the right inner condition, we avoid being distracted by the noise, texts, emails and more.
Dr. Ginny Whitelaw is the founder and CEO of the Institute for Zen Leadership, a Zen Master in Rinzai Zen, as well as President of Focus Leadership. A biophysicist by training, she combines a deep scientific background with senior leadership experience at NASA, and 25 years coaching and developing global leaders. She is a recognized expert in leadership development and mind-body, and has written several books, including The Zen Leader and Move to Greatness. She also co-developed the FEBI®, which measures 4 patterns in the nervous system linking mind, body and behaviors, and trains practitioners worldwide in applying FEBI in their work.
Dr. Whitelaw spent 10 years at NASA, where she became the Deputy Manager for integrating the International Space Station, for which she received NASA’s Exceptional Service Medal. She holds a Ph.D. in Biophysics, as well as a B.S. in Physics, a B.A. in Philosophy, and a 5th degree black belt in Aikido. http://www.zenleader.global
Principle: Develop positive business relationships. Help the person feel good by showing the value gained through your presence and by expressing your gratitude.
Power Questions: How can you gently remind the person of the value he or she has gained? How can you express your gratitude?
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Be Heard-20 Method #5
Continually prepare for the home run
We never know when a great, new opportunity will arrive. That detail inspires us to prepare daily for the big opportunity that can create a home run in terms of our personal success.
For example, nearly every day of the year, I am rehearsing, writing and improving my material for speeches and books. I’m learning from mentors daily.
Now, billionaire Andres Pira, a master of seizing opportunities, shares his insights …
Interview with Andres Pira
Tom: What does it take to rise to high levels of achievement?
Andres Pira: I like setting 101 goals. Most people have to understand that you have to put small goals into any goal setting because when you only have bigger goals, they become very hard to obtain. Blend small goals with big goals. Because as soon as you complete small goals, it feels like you’re moving forward, and then you can go to the bigger goal. You have the sense of moving forward every time. It gives you more confidence to achieve the bigger goals.
In my book, Homeless to Billionaire, I write about full-color goal setting. Many people set unspecific goals like gain a million dollars. It’s very hard to get something if it is not clear in your mind. If you want a new car, what color is it? How does it look inside? How does it smell? How often will you drive it? How will it feel? So, you need to be specific with any goal setting. And, that’s how it will come much quicker to you.
Tom: What is an essential practice for creating success?
Andres: I believe that if you want success make other people successful. If it’s money you want, help other people make money. If you want love, make sure to love yourself. Whatever you give comes back to you tenfold.
Tom: What’s next for you?
Andres: I consider myself a global citizen. Although I’ve built my empire in Southeast Asia, I don’t see any possibilities within this world that are out of reach. The mind-set is the most important gift I can contribute positively to both local and global society. A progressive shifting mind-set from one person can make a wave. This is the moment. Now is the time I would like to be a contributor to the change-making movements.
Andres Pira is the author, with Dr. Joe Vitale, of the book, Homeless to Billionaire: The 18 Principles of Wealth Attraction And Creating Unlimited Opportunity. Becoming a millionaire at thirty was only the beginning for Swedish billionaire, entrepreneur, speaker and author Andres Pira. At the age 35, Pira went on to gain a net worth of that of a billionaire! Based in Phuket, Thailand, his group of companies under Blue Horizon Developments is currently a luxury resort empire of 19 companies with 249 employees and growing. A serial businessman, his portfolio spans real estate, gyms, a law office, gas station, coffee shops, and live events company. Blue Horizon Developments has received over fifteen awards from internationally-acclaimed property awards
groups such as International Property Awards, Thailand Property, and Dot Property Group. A philanthropist at heart, Pira believes one's true wealth is the good one does in this world. In his spare time, Pira enjoys mountain climbing, skydiving, bungee jumping, skiing, bodybuilding, and football. https://andrespira.com
A vital part of preparation is identifying what you truly want. Here are Marc Allen’s (author, president and publisher of New World Library) comments on his discoveries about creating a life you truly love:
Move Beyond Abundance to a Life of True Fulfillment
by Marc Allen
The first step to discovering the secret of manifestation is to write your ideal scene on paper, your dream life five years in the future. Begin with the end in mind and keep it in mind. The day I turned thirty, I sat down and took a sheet of paper and wrote Ideal Scene at the top. I imagined everything had gone as well as I could possibly imagine and somehow, over the next five years, I was able to create the ideal life for me. What would it look like? What would I do and have, and who would I be?
I was surprised, even shocked in a strange way, at what came spilling out on paper. I imagined I had a publishing company, successfully publishing books and music, including my own books and music. Before I sat down and wrote out my ideal scene, I had absolutely no interest in business. I had never taken a business course. I had never written a book or recorded my music. The words that spilled out when I wrote my ideal scene surprised me as much as they were to surprise just about everyone else I knew.
I imagined I wrote successful books and recorded beautiful music as well. I imagined I had a lovely white house on a hill in northern California, one of my favorite places on earth. I imagined I had a wonderfully loving relationship. I dared to imagine my ideal, so I imagined I had plenty of time for it all: creativity, a successful business, friends and family, and plenty of time alone for myself as well … That was my ideal: success with ease, and success without compromising the other things that were important to me in life …
The second step to discovering the secret of manifestation is to write your goals as affirmations, beginning with “In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way … ” Years later, looking back, I realized how powerful those words were—so powerful, in fact, that by repeating them daily, I overcame many of my doubts and fears …
The next step to discovering the secret of manifestation is to write a one-page plan for every major goal …
The final step to discovering the secret of manifestation is to take action …
We know the secret, deep in our hearts. We’ve always known the secret. To love one another and all of creation, is the greatest secret of all. Love overcomes fear and transforms our lives and our world.
Marc Allen is a renowned author and president and publisher of New World Library, which he co-founded with Shakti Gawain in 1977. Guiding the company from a small start-up with no capital to its current position as one of the leading independent publishers in the country, Marc has shepherded some of the most influential non-fiction books of the past 30 years, including The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra, and Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain.
Marc is the author several life-changing books, including Visionary Business, A Visionary Life, The Millionaire Course, The Greatest Secret of All, the newly revised Tantra for the West, and his most recent publication The Magical Path.
As a gifted speaker and seminar leader, Marc works with people around the globe to craft lives of lasting abundance and prosperity. www.MarcAllen.com
Several people report that implementing Marc’s suggestions allows one’s possibilities to expand.
Principle: Devote time and effort daily to preparing for upcoming opportunities.
Power Question: What might be a terrific opportunity that you need to prepare for now—before such an opportunity is offered?
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Be Heard-20 Method #6
How you can use the Internet
for networking
Bestselling author Guy Kawasaki uses his blog to solidify relationships with his current customer base and with new people who come into his Web site via Google.com and other search engines. When I contacted Guy about a previous edition of Be Heard and Be Trusted, I knew what a fast-moving person he is. He invited me to pick something that would fit from his blog. So, here is an excerpt from …
Guy’s Blog … https://guykawasaki.com/blog/
October 25, 2007
A Night in the Life of Guy Kawasaki Plus Cool Stuff Friday
by Guy Kawasaki
It’s 10:30 pm, and I’m sitting on a baggage cart on the tarmac of the Monterey, California airport. My U. S. Airways flight was set to depart and then an engine warning light went on—this was two hours ago. The reason we’re all on the tarmac is that a fire alarm went off, so we had to evacuate the terminal.
Still, this is better than the last time I flew on U.S. Airways. That time one of the plane’s engines died, and we made an “unscheduled stop” in Kansas City and then had to wait four hours for another plane to fly in. What’s all of the got to do with this entry? Nothing except that I’ve had two hours to compile a short list of cool stuff.
It’s been one of those days. This afternoon I spoke for my buddies at Cisco [Systems]. Just before the speech, I discovered that the recently dry-cleaned pants that I packed were my son’s, not mine, so I had to give the speech wearing jeans. One high point: Reggie Jackson was on the flight too, but he left after two hours of waiting. He was giving out autographs—though he didn’t ask me for mine. :-) If I get to Las Vegas anytime soon, I’m speaking for the Entrepreneurs’ Organization.
[At this point, Guy shared a number of links. It has been some time since then, so I’ll forego reprinting the links here. The relevance of certain links diminishes.]
Here is a more recent excerpt from Guy’s blog:
The Art of Branding
In the real world, you don’t have infinite resources; you don’t have a perfect product; and you don’t sell to a growing market without competition. You’re also not omnipotent, so you cannot control what people think of your brand. Under these assumptions, most companies need all the help they can get.
This is my advice to help you.
Seize the high ground. Establish your brand on positive conditions like “making meaning,” “doing good,” “changing the world,” and “making people happy” —not destroying your competition. When is the last time you bought a product to hurt a company’s competition? (Other than maybe Macintosh users.) If you want to beat your competition, establish an uplifting brand but don’t try to establish a brand based on a silly desire to destroy your competition.
Create one message. It’s hard enough to create and communicate one branding message; however, many companies try to establish several because they want the “entire” market and are afraid of being niched. “Our computer is for Fortune 500 companies. And, oh yes, it’s also for consumers to use at home.” Face it, Volvo can’t equal safety (not rolling over) and sexiness, and Toyota can’t equal economical and lexuriousness {sic}. So, pick one message, stick with it for at least a year if it appears promising, and then try another. But you can’t try several at once or switch every few months.
Speak English. Not necessarily “English,” but speak in non-jargonese. If your positioning statement uses any acronyms, the odds are that (a) most people won’t understand your branding, and (b) your branding won’t last long. For example, “best MP3decoder” presumes that people understand what “MP3” and “decoder” mean much less the term “MP3” itself. Not to be an ageist, but a good test is to ask your parents if they understand what your positioning means—assuming your parents aren’t computer science professors.
Take the opposite test. How many times have you read a product description like this? “Our software is scalable, secure, easy-to-use, and fast?” Companies use these adjectives as if no other company claims
its product is scalable, secure, easy-to-use, and fast. Unless your competition uses the antonyms of the adjectives that you use, your description is useless. I’ve never seen a company say that its product was limited, vulnerable, hard-to-use, and slow.
Cascade the message. Let’s say that you craft the perfect branding message. As the Jewish say, “Mazel tov.” Now cascade your message up and down your organization. The marketing departments of many companies assume that once they’ve put out the press release or run the ad, the entire world understands the message. It’s unlikely that even the company does. Start with your board of directors and work down to Trixie and Biff at the front desk and make sure every employee understands the branding.
Examine the bounce back. You know what messages you send, but you really don’t know what messages people receive. Here’s a concept: you should ask them to bounce back the message that you sent so that you can learn how your message is truly interpreted. In the end, it’s not so much what you say as much as what people hear.
Focus on social media, not advertising. Many companies waste away millions of dollars trying to establish brands with advertising. Too much money is worse than too little because when you have a lot of money, you spend a lot of money on stupid things like Super Bowl commercials. Brands are built on what people are saying about you on social media, not what you’re saying about yourself. People say good things about you when (a) you have a great product and (b) you get people to spread the word about it.