Unwrapping Jordan

by Tiana Laveen

  “I’d earned it. And then, there was the fire at my home. In order to stay in school and not miss any days, I moved in with my cousin. I could’ve taken the bus but decided to walk to school because being on the bus caused me anxiety. Thanks to the bullies. On one of my many walks to get to class, I ran into you. Here was this tall, gorgeous, dark-haired, amber-eyed, cleft-chinned Italian superman walking me to school. BY CHOICE. You didn’t think I knew you could have any girl you wanted? You didn’t think that almost every day, I questioned why you were walking with me, why you looked at me the way you did… I heard how girls talked about you. So many of them wanted to be Jordan Antonio DeMarco’s girlfriend. You had it all! But then, everything changed. You kissed me! It was my first kiss ever. And one day, it became more than a kiss. We made out. I had never had an orgasm before until the day you touched me. I’d never been naked in front of a guy, let alone do what we did. I’ll never forget it. How you looked at me, the things you said during and afterwards… I really thought we were a couple then. I felt so used when you were suddenly gone.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I was a virgin.”

  “I know… I know…”

  “No, we didn’t have intercourse, but you damn well know what happened, and that was a big deal for me.”

  His mind immediately zoned in on that day. They were in the library. It was her birthday, and he brought her a present. They sat in the back talking, and they began to kiss. Before long, he had her in a stall in the men’s restroom. He undressed her, kissed her all over, then slid his finger inside of her and made her cum.

  “Then, you just up and leave. How could you?”

  He leaned forward and clasped his hands together.

  “I did it because I was an asshole. A fuckin’ scaredy cat asshole. All right, I’ll tell ya everything from start to finish. Let me explain.” He sighed and flopped back in his seat. “First of all, consider how we grew up, and where we were. Yeah, Dorchester is diverse ’nd all, but you know there are still some problems. Things are kinda segregated as far as who hangs out with who. Think about who I am, Egypt. I come from a family were the N word was dropped every now and again, all right? My parents said it, mainly my father and uncles, cousins, just about everyone. It wasn’t said out of malice, but it wasn’t a good word, either. It’s like it was second nature to speak that way. It was strange when I look back on it, ya know? Like, ‘Geez, that ‘N’ can really throw a ball! He’s great!’ See how strange that sounds? That’s how it was pretty much under my roof, at my family gatherings.

  “I grew up around that shit. It was normal for us. My friends said it, and I said it a few times, too. I’m not gonna sit here and act like I was the golden boy. But all that stopped when I got a little older and started makin’ friends with more Black guys. Not just in passing, but real friendships. I’m glad I started to realize that shit pretty early on, in like the eighth grade, but sometimes, ya know, the damage is already done. You can stop saying the word, but you might be still thinkin’ it in some strange way. Like, thinking you’re better still.” She nodded.

  “My idol, the guy I looked up to the most, would say these things. My father was a good man, but yeah, that shit wasn’t too great.” He shrugged. “And yet, I was baffled ’cause one of his good friends was Black. This guy and his wife even came ova and ate at our house sometimes. Clyde, I think his name was. My dad liked Clyde a hell of a lot. Said he was his buddy. They’d go to the bar, get sloshed occasionally after work, hang out. But then my dad would sit in front of the fuckin’ TV later on, maybe watching the news, see that some Black person had done X, Y, and Z and say, ‘The Ns are fuckin’ up the city.’ This was a man who went to church faithfully, Egypt. He’d tear off his last shirt from his body, give someone his last dime if they were in need. He was strict. Tough as nails, but he didn’t have a hateful bone in his body.

  “He kissed a little Black baby on the forehead, his friend’s kid at her baptism, all right? So, I’m seeing two sides of this guy. It messed me up, confused me. My father wasn’t an anomaly, Egypt. He was like a lot of hard workin’ men in this town. It’s like they were muddled in the brain, and torn, too. They repeated what their fathers said and did, but deep inside, they wrestled with it, knew it was wrong. Still, the programming was so deeply entrenched. I had that same weight on my shoulders. So did my sister. And I think Jennifer might’ve known I liked you, too. I’m not sure. I never told her either way. You knew my sister was like my best friend.”

  She nodded.

  “We never talked about it. Like, she never asked me if I liked ya or anything like that. I treated it like some dirty little secret, but the only dirt was on me, never you. You were pure throughout all of it. I didn’t deserve to lick your fuckin’ shoe, let alone walk next to ya. I’m shitty. I was a fucked up person. I can say I didn’t know any better, but a part of me did. A part of me deep down in my soul knew that I was tainted. I still am a fucked-up person, Egypt, but I’m tryna do better here. I’m tryna figure this shit out. I loved you, all right? Yeah, we were young, but I still knew what love was. And it wasn’t that ‘she’s a nice girl, like a sister sort of love.’ It was the kind where ya heart is dancin’ every time you see her trudging towards ya in the snow… She’s bundled up in a tight coat and she tries to hide herself in layers ’cause she’s not comfortable with herself so now the damn coat doesn’t fit right over her big breasts.

  “It’s the kind of love where you grab her bookbag, carry it for her, and gift her a rap cassette you stole from the music store at the mall. The kind of love that had you give her some cheap fake chain ya got from Filene’s Basement as a token of that love, and ya sneak and hold ’er hand when no one is looking. You’re lusting after the girl, you wanna know what she feels like, tastes like… and you care a hell of a lot about her to the point that it’s a feeling where ya dream about her sometimes, and you want to be her first, but you don’t wanna ruin her life, so you leave her alone. You don’t go all the way with her, no matter what your body tells ya and how she’s now begging you for it.” He looked away, but could feel her stare upon him.

  “It’s the best thing for her ’cause you’re no fuckin’ good, and you still gave a shit what other people thought, so it makes ya a tool. A weasel.” He turned back towards her. She blinked several times, then pushed her plate away. “So yeah, I cared real deep for ya, Egypt. I was in love with you. I think you knew that… if ya didn’t, now you do.”

  Her entire body seemed to draw tight and fold within itself. She wiggled away from his grip and sat back in the chair, moisture in her eyes, yet, no words came. He hated this. The way she could make him feel like shit without saying a word.

  “Jordan, I definitely didn’t expect the conversation to go this route.”

  “Me neither. I hope I didn’t upset you. I was just tryna tell you what you wanted to know. Are you angry?”

  “No.” She shook her head and smiled sadly.

  “I didn’t even ask… but, are you seein’ someone?”

  After a long hesitation, she picked up her drink.

  “Why do you ask?”

  He rolled his eyes and chuckled.

  “No, seriously,” she said between sips. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Come on, don’t mess around with my head, lady.” He waved her off and sucked his teeth, causing her to cackle. “You know why.” He sat there hoping. Praying.

  “I ended a long-term relationship with a man I was engaged to early last year. I’ve been dating on and off ever since then. Nothing serious right now.”

  He outwardly sighed with relief, which made her laugh all the harder.

  “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, ya know that?” All she did was smile and blush… making him want her all the more. “I always thought you were good lookin’, E. Extra pounds ’nd all. A lot of those girls at Dorchester High weren’t even in your league. I didn’t see you the way you saw yourself, and even though you sit here and tell me you were struggling, you hid it well. Y
eah, I knew you were insecure sometimes, but you always kept your head up and always acted classy, never afraid to let people see how damn smart you were.” She bit her lower lip as her cheeks warmed to a deeper hue. “I loved your eyes. You had such a cute nose, and God… your mouth. Real pretty lips. You had a great shape, too, despite what you may have thought. I was attracted to all of you, every bit of you, inside and out.”

  “You must’ve rehearsed this shit.” They burst out laughing.

  “I promise ya I didn’t. It’s just coming naturally because it’s God’s honest truth. So, uh, this has been kinda heavy. The conversation has been great, but all over the place.” She nodded in agreement as she took a final sip of her beverage and shoved the glass aside. “I know you said you had a lot of work obligations, so I’m not going to keep you much longer. But I need ya to tell me, when can I take you out again?”

  “As just friends, right?”

  “No suh! Hell no, not as just friends. Don’t do this to me, Egypt. Seriously. I’m not in the mood.”

  “Do what? I just—”

  “I need you to take me seriously. I poured my fuckin’ heart out to you.”

  “That doesn’t mean I have to give in to your demands. That’s like buying a woman dinner and then expecting to go to a hotel afterwards. We never agreed on this. I never told you that if we meet up for coffee, as you originally propositioned, then we’d be dating afterwards.”

  “Oh my gosh!” He slapped his forehead and laughed mirthlessly. “Ya can’t do this. You’re twisting everything around, makin’ me pay, tryna stick it to me. I’m fuckin’ embarrassed right now because of the confessions I had to make, but I’m tryna make this right.”

  She studied him for what felt like an eternity.

  “And don’t tell me it’s not a good idea, or ya don’t want to. I want to get to know ya again. I got too many friends already, all right? Don’t need any more friends. Friends will fuck your woman. I want a lady… someone I can be with. Just me and her against the damn world. I want someone I can spoil, love, make love to all damn day, laugh with and care for. I tried to do that with the wrong women, and it never worked out because they weren’t you. Once a guy like me meets a woman like you, we’re damaged goods. Once you have the best, you’re never satisfied with mediocre.”

  The woman stroked the side of her face, clearly overwhelmed.

  “What are ya doing, Jay?” He smiled at how she addressed him. That’s what some people at school would call him. He hadn’t heard it in so long. “You’ve got a life in California. You told me on the phone how you’ve got this great job where you do all these cybercrime investigations with this software you and your team created, you train people how to use it. Now your company is working on a special project for the Pentagon. I mean, that’s impressive and wonderful stuff! You have an entire foundation laid out for yourself on the west coast, and I’m not leaving Boston anytime soon. Yeah.” She shrugged. “My city is not for everyone, but it’s for me. It’s my home. I love Massachusetts. I’ve travelled all over the country, and I’m always happy to come right back to The Dot. Also… I don’t do long distance relationships. As tempting as it is to take a peek at what’s behind door number 3, you know that this would be challenging to say the least if we tried to be anything other than friends. So, why even open that door for more contact, only for someone to get hurt?”

  “You mean, for you to get hurt, right?”

  Her lips pursed and she quickly turned away.

  “Jordan, what if we like each other all over again?” Wretchedness swam in her eyes. “It’s obvious the passion, chemistry, and attraction are still there… This is dangerous. It’s like playing with fire, don’t you think?”

  “I’ve already walked through the fire, Egypt. It just so happens that I left California not simply for the Thanksgiving holiday. I left because the lady I was in a relationship with slept with one of my best friends.” The woman gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. “Yeah… so I came here to clear my head. Something made me feel like I just needed to come home. But at that time, I wasn’t exactly sure what it was. And no, before ya say it, I didn’t just get out of a relationship, all right? This incident happened a while back. I just recently addressed in a rather public way, if ya will.” He chuckled at the memory.

  “That’s awful.”

  “Yeah, it is. I love my job, and aspects of California, too, but I can’t just act like you and I never existed, like we never happened. We are. It’s like I never left. You can feel it, and so can I. I’m not a deserter anymore. I’m not walking away from you again. I can’t. I thought I was running away from California, but, I know why I’m back home now. It’s because of you.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  I’ve. Got. Hos.

  “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

  Egypt shook her head as she placed her briefcase on the passenger’s side of her car, then turned on the engine.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “You mean to tell me all of this time the rumors were true, Egypt? You and fuckin’ Jay “The Ram” DeMarco were bangin’? Slappin’ skins? Doing the park and ride? This is unbelievable!”

  “Andre, no. We never had sex, okay? Not that it’s any of your business,” she hissed as she drove out of the garage parking space. “But yes, we had an undefined relationship, if you will. It was more than friends, not quite girlfriend and boyfriend. It was that strange gray area in the middle.” She got behind a long line of cars trying to exit the garage. This was certainty take a while.

  “I talk to you all the time. I was with you practically every day. How did I not see this?”

  She shrugged.

  “He didn’t want anyone to know, and I didn’t, either. For very different reasons, of course.”

  “You didn’t want anyone to know? Why? Because he’s White?”

  “No. Because I knew people would think I didn’t deserve him… and the bullying, teasing, and bullshit would start all over again.”

  Andre drew quiet. This time, when she thought about those years, it didn’t bite as hard. Perhaps it would bring her to her knees later. She never knew in advance.

  “How in the hell have you been able to keep this secret so long?”

  “After he left, it wasn’t a secret I necessarily tried hard to keep. But when you’re trying to forget about something, Andre, you just don’t talk about it.”

  “Yeah, I get it. Here’s what I don’t understand though. I mean, Jordan and I weren’t best friends or anything, but we were cool. Most people liked Jordan and everyone knew who the hell he was. He was loud and crazy, outgoing, a beast on the football field, a damn good quarterback, no doubt, and he made people laugh. I don’t recall him startin’ a lot of shit. I mean, he could be kinda mean sometimes, but I don’t really remember him just fuckin’ with someone for the hell of it. He used to fight a lot, though. Him, that one White guy, Kevin, Aaron, Mitch, Mike, and uh…”

  “Liam.”

  “Yes! Liam! That group would beat tha livin’ shit out of guys. Jordan was my boy, but he really shoulda been expelled.” They both laughed at that.

  “Yeah, in this day and age he probably would’ve, but they needed him on the football team so the teachers and staff put up with more. I remember him telling me about being in the principal’s office quite a few times.” She sighed.

  “They said his entire family was like that – would fuck someone up. And that his mother’s dad was some big mafia guy back in the day, too. Did you know about that?”

  “Oh, shut up, Andre.” She laughed. “That’s a lie. It was just talk.”

  “I don’t know about that, Egypt. I’ve heard some shit about his family. Like, seriously crazy shit. That New England and Boston Mafia shit is real, and it still exists to this day. The DeMarco and Romano men from the 1940s, 50s, and 60s were active. They didn’t play. But Jordan seemed a bit less wound up than that. Hell, even the teachers he drove crazy loved him and I guess it didn’t hurt that he did we
ll academically in school, too.”

  Yeah, he did well in school but he hated English class. I remember helping him with a couple of papers at the library, and he aced them after that. He said he did so well, Mrs. Douglas thought he’d cheated.

  “Did you ever talk to him after he went away to UCLA?” she asked, letting the car crawl a little more in the traffic.

  “Nah, not that I can recall. I heard about his Dad dying soon after he left for college, but never spoke to him personally about it. What really messes me up about this, Egypt, is that this man played it so cool at the gym the other day. He didn’t say anything to me about you, but he knew damn well he was going to call you. He coulda just asked me. Y’all some sneaky, slimy ass people, you know that?”

  “Andre, you are not the gatekeeper of high school companionships!” She chortled. “You act as if we had to get your permission to converse, like all information has to first be fielded through you. You need to stop acting like you’re my father is what you need to do. You are too much sometimes.”

  “Well, all I know is that you should’ve told me. You sat on the other end of that phone acting like you had to jog your memory when I brought him up.” Her face heated and she swallowed a bout of laughter. “That was such damn good acting, Egypt. Is your name even really Egypt?” And the dam burst then. “Don’t laugh. It’s not funny.”

  “Andre, stop it. We were kids back then, okay? He—”

  “He was eighteen, messing with my seventeen-year-old cousin. Well, play cousin, but it still counts. All the football games, all the parties me and this bastard went to, I never had a clue. I used to sneak and drink beer with this fucker and some of the other guys. I used to see him with a bunch of girls, too, Egypt.”

  Here we go.

  “And you were seen with a bunch of girls too, Andre. Aren’t you the same person who lost your virginity at age twelve? Twelve, Andre!”

  “We’re not talking about me, though. We’re talking about ‘The Ram.’” She sighed. “I mean, he definitely was getting it in with other girls. Jay was a ho. I’m sure he slept with half the girls in our school.”